How to Be Memorable
welcome everyone today eight, which is how to be memorable. So my goals for today are three folds one I want O build your social superpower. Unleash that inner superhero. Second, I want to increase your likability. Memorability is about likability and we just started learning about likeability in the last segment with surprise. And third, I want to start to fight your nerves. Take out that anxiety, that nervousness that can come around around certain people interactions. We're talking about getting emotionally naked, not just physically naked. And the reason for this is because so many of us have our protective layers on. We have the shield that we put up because we're afraid to show our inner vulnerability. So this is what gets us to the Nevil next level on the path to connection. So we have our hook. We have our deposit that we did what we learned our first impression, and we learned how we can make emotional deposits in people's bank accounts. Now we're into emotional fracking, tapp...
ing in a little deeper and seeing what kind of connection we can make on a deeper level. And that is all about showing vulnerabilities. So I want to talk about something that's called the iceberg illusion. So the iceberg illusion is that we only see the very, very top off someone when you're looking at an iceberg. 9/10 of the iceberg is underwater. We don't actually see it. So what we see when we're interacting with people, it's on Lee, the very top. We don't get to see all of their inner layers. We don't get to see their inner strength or their goodies. So there's a myth about people skills, which is that memorable People are perfect, that confidence has to be effortless and that charisma has to be weakness free. And today I want to show you that that is not the case at all. In fact, one quote by Ash Beckham, which I love, is that everyone is in a closet of some kind, that all of us feel like we're hiding something or we don't want something to come out during a person interaction with that's nerves or being rejected or ah, memory, or that we don't feel like we're credible enough. We all have something that's holding us back. So what? I asked the audience to do. You know what I want you to do at home is I want you to write down the answer to this question. When I interact with people, I am afraid that we only see someone when they're, you know, full guns go in. Oh, yeah, I love this networking event, but we don't see what's under. And so today I'm hoping to talk about what's under and then bring that out and say that show that it's okay. The reason that we hold some of these fears so close to our heart is because we're afraid that people will find us unworthy if it's revealed. It's about worth that we're afraid if we're nerdy or for geeky or for low, confident for un interesting. All those things that we brought up that we would be unworthy of their business, of their connection of their love. It's about inner worth. Here's the thing, though, and this is the good part. Our mistakes are what make us beautiful are complexity, our vulnerability. That's what makes us human. That's what makes us memorable. When you open up to someone and you share a vulnerability that makes you more memorable. I know that's like a little terrifying right you're like, Oh my God, Is she gonna make me talk about more vulnerabilities in public? And I want to talk about a safe way to share those vulnerabilities. I also have the science to prove that this is worth it. It is worth looking at some of our mistakes and showcasing some of Laura vulnerabilities. So one study that was done by Dr Richard Wiseman and he wanted to know does perfect make us charismatic. This myth that you have to be perfect have everything with a night nice little bow that makes you memorable and charismatic. Does that actually work? So what he did is he hired two actresses. One actress went into a mall and there's a whole bunch he will walking around, and she had to demonstrate a blender. She walked up to the table and she was perfect. She offers the table, said, Here is our amazing blender and today I'm going to make a smoothie for you. And she put in the fruit and she pressed the button and it blended and she poured everyone drinks and it was the perfect presentation. Then the second actress had the exact same presentation, the same smoothing the same set up the same script, but when she came on, she came up and she pressed the button. She didn't. But when she was pouring the drinks, she spilled the smoothie all over the table. Now this was actually rehearsed ahead of time, but she spilled it so that the smoothie got all over the table and she kind of had to, like, fix it a little bit. And she passed out the drinks afterwards. A little bit of sticky glasses. Every single person in the audience who watch rated her is more likable and more memorable, and she doubled the amount of blunders that were sold, which is crazy, right? We think that we have to go into a pitch or a networking event or a date with the perfect answers. The perfect pitch. Nothing can go wrong when I'm preparing this course, I run through my slides at night. I'm like, I can't make a mistake. I can't make a mistake and I'm like Day eight, it's OK if I make a mistake. People still think that you are human if you make a mistake. In fact, they think that you're more human, so even in songs. We hear about mistakes, right? The top songs admit vulnerabilities, and those are the songs that resonate most most with us. Bruno Mars I gave you all I Had You tossed in the trash, You tossed it and trash you Did Taylor Swift been here all along? So why can't you see you belong with me? Amy Winehouse They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said, No, no, no. Rick Springfield's You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl. Even the songs that are in pop culture, it's the vulnerable ones that get us. It's not the one that's like, I'm awesome. Here's my name. I can't even sing right? But like it's not the songs that were thinking. I was thinking about how awesome they are. It's not those songs that get us. It's the ones where they sing about vulnerability. So this is Skill number 13. So we were learning people skills in this course. These are the skills that make highly successful people successful, and number three is embracing our imperfections. It's the vulnerability makes us human. It makes us relatable and it makes us authentic. How do we use this in a way that's comfortable. How do we do this without showing up to a networking event or a day and just blurting out all of our secrets and vulnerabilities? Right, cause I don't think that's a good idea. So the way that I recommend doing it is with something that's called the Franklin Effect. So Benjamin Franklin is one of the greatest thinkers of our time. And he, in his autobiography, wrote about something that he called the Franklin Effect, which is the idea that asking for a favor actually wins you friends. That admitting vulnerability and asking for help makes people like you and want to help you more, which is a little bit counterintuitive. We usually don't think that asking for help makes someone like us more so when you use the Franklin effect, it does three different things. It admits vulnerability. It helps people feel useful rights. You actually get them to tap into what they can do, how they can help you. And the last one is it encourages teamwork were in it together. Now I don't want you to go and asking, Go ask for favors from a bunch of people That's not what I'm at, somewhat I'm encouraging. What I want us to do is get in the habit of asking for advice. Advice is the best way to authentically use the Franklin effect. Here's why one it gets people talking about themselves, which we learned triggers dopamine when you asked one for their opinion, their advice. Bacon. Then explore with how they think they can help you. Second, it stimulates very interesting conversation. If you bring up a vulnerability of something you genuinely want their opinion on, you get to talk about what they think, what you think, what struggles you've had. What what The problem is all the details of the problem. And lastly, it admits an authentic way, vulnerability and the need for guidance. So right now I want us to think about what, in our lives, personal or professional, Do we need help with what in your life? Because you use a little bit of advice on So what I want you to do is in your workbook. I want you to write down our only what you need help with, but who you can ask for help in this area who you can ask for guidance on and it can be emotional guidance. It could be a logistical guidance. It could be advice. Guidance could be any kind of guidance as long as you're asking for help. Is an authentic way that we can use the Franklin Effect couple Really easy transition ideas for you. If you're in conversation, I want you to pre think about how you can ask for help. But this also works great on the spot at networking events at pitch meetings. If you get a big coffee with a big V I. P. Ah, couple of a transition ideas you can use in conversation or an email, so I would love your advice on something right. That's a very easy way that you could bring up what you need help with. Hey, can I brainstorm some ideas with you about this new I'm working on right? Or speaking of which, do you have any thoughts on how to fix, change? Solve? You can use it on the phone, crazies and email, and you can use them on the spot. If you're with someone, you go. Wow, they're talking about, You know, I know that Maggie singing about building an online course. You're talking to someone, you find out. Wow. This person has their own online course. I might want to transition and ask them. How did you launch it or how did you film it? Yeah, all right. The second thing is to be transparent. The second way that we harness imperfections we embrace our imperfections is to always be transparent. And studies show that the more transparent we are and the earlier we do it, the better. So the second part of being transparent is using them three most powerful words in the English language. And it is not. I love you. It is, I don't know. Especially if you're in a career where you need to be seen as the expert. It is scary to say we don't know if you're in a job with your boss, asks you something and you don't know the answer. Pretending to know the answer is not only has a lack of transparency, but you lose the opportunity to embrace an honest imperfection, saying, I don't know, but following up with an action step by saying But I'm gonna find out for you. And here's how I'm gonna find out. That is a way that you build credibility, that you build likability that is having a social superpower. When you don't know the answer and you admit it up front like that, people are like, all right, I can trust what you're gonna say because I know that you'll tell me the truth. And this works extremely well with clients. I don't really answer that, but I'm going to follow up with you and I'll get back to you in two days. The third way to harness our imperfections is the power of the apology. So studies have found that even when you're wrong, apologizing makes people trust you. Even when you've made a mistake coming up front and apologizing makes people want to believe you. They go Wow, they're transparent about their apology. Here is how to apologize. It is rough. Apologizing is hard, so I want you to You can mark this off in your in your workbook. I have directions on this in your workbook. Here's what you do. If you make a mistake, do it early. I do it up front. If you make a mistake with a client or the boss, here's what you do. One I did wrong I admit the mistake right away to I'm sorry and acknowledge the damage. One of the biggest problems we will say. Sorry. That's just a bunch of excuses. They say, Here's why it happened. But they don't actually acknowledge. I know this probably made your life really hard. I know that you were counting on me for this. I am sorry I did wrong. And the 3rd 1 is how can I fix it? And that might be a question. What can I do to make this better? Or it could be a suggestion. Let me go into solution mode with you here. The ideas I have to solve it when you apologize. This way, it makes people understand they can trust you. They can believe what you say builds your credibility. I gotta have this in your workbook. So if that happens, you're never gonna make mistakes. I know it. You're never gonna make any mistakes. But in case you do, you have in your workbooks you can open that page and follow those instructions I had to it email phone in person. Here's some of the side effects of sharing vulnerability, So studies have found and I love this study. It's called eavesdropping on Happiness that's of the study is called. What they found was that in conversations in small talk, when people admitted a vulnerability, a couple of things happened. First of all, they both raided each other is more likable. Second, they both read each other is more authentic, and both of them came away feeling happier. So they found that one of the keys to happiness is admitting all of our vulnerabilities and examining our problems with others. I love this quote by Socrates. The unexamined life is not worth living. We're here to examine our complexities. What's the point of interacting with people if we're not gonna go deep with them? So I want you to think about in your workbook in at home what you can do in your business or your social life to be more transparent or admit vulnerabilities. I want you journal about that to see what could you dio to reach out to someone to increase your likability. So your challenges for today we end every lesson on challenge. You can take your learning and put it into action one. I want you to reach out for advice. I want to ask one person for just a little bit of help on what we talked about, where it could be a new thing. I also want you to do what's called the Stranger Challenge. And this is a big one I'm gonna do with you. The stranger challenge when you walk up to a stranger and you ask for a favor and here's what you're gonna ask them for you. We're gonna take three pictures with strangers, power posing. And I want you to tweet them to me because I want to see you asking strangers for help. Now the whole point is that people are going to say no, this is me. I asked Amy Cuddy, who's the original power poser. I asked her if she would power pose with me, and she did. People are going to say no, that's the point. The point is to just getting in the habit of asking for a favor. And I want you to share the power pose, love, give them a little bit of a confidence boost, and I want to take a picture, and I want you to tweet it to me.