All right. Welcome to Day 10. The personality matrix. I am so excited teaching I that the percentage is gonna take us three days because we're going to dive into how others see you. We're also gonna talk about the secrets of personality, what really makes someone who they are and understanding how people work. So, as always, we start with a warm up just to get our juices flowing and get our first learning in for the day. And today I'm asking the question, What TV movie or book character is most similar to you? And by similar, I mean pick three shared traits or goals on notice. I didn't say What character do you aspire to be? I want you to think about what character best embodies you so at home, only to write about that character in your book and list the three traits in your workbook. So the reason why I start with this warm up today is because this is a value solicitation exercise. What I mean by that is, if I ask you, what's your personality? What are your traits and characteristics?
You look at me near. Like what? I don't even know where to begin. I don't know how to answer that, but if I ask you to pick someone who is similar to you, a character that you relate to its ah, hard question. But we can answer it. We can think of who we resident with, who we relate to. It helps us start to explore who we are in our own personalities. That's exactly we're gonna be talking about. Stay. So it's just getting that that creative juices flowing to figure out who you are, what makes you tick. So we are in bonding. So we have learned our first impression through intention, triggering dopamine, the power of a captivating story and confidence. We learned how to make emotional deposits had exchange with someone with harnessing our curiosity, being a the art of listening, being nonverbally, attuned and the art of surprise. We also learned how to dig a little bit deeper, how to frack into people's emotional wells with vulnerability and how being and how you have to be the highlight. And today we're talking about bonding, which is all about personality. So one of the things the science behind personality is something that we're fighting. We are fighting something that our brain does called lensing. Now, typically, in this course, I'm talking about how to use our brain, right? I'm highlighting parts of that we don't think about. This is one of the few areas in the entire course that I'm talking to you about something that our brain does that doesn't always serve us. It's a leftover from the evolutionary cave man days, and in today's society it doesn't always help us. And it's called lensing. Yes, so our brain does this because there's so many things are brain has to do, has to keep track of the environment, has see if we're safe. If think about, we have to do next what we have for breakfast that we actually take these mental snapshots. We don't truly see the person who is in front of us, and this happens all the time or with people, and we think that we're seeing them. But actually we engage in is wishful seeing. So we learned about wishful hearing over here. We want to hear we also engaged in wishful seeing. We don't truly see the person is in front of us. So today is all about stopping lensing and making sure we're genuinely seeing the person who's in front of us that were not assuming what we see that we tap into their real emotional needs. And my team media lab has found conclusively we also don't know how we come across. So not only do we have trouble seeing who someone really is, we also don't know how people see us. So I haven't exercise that I want us to do to help us figure this out in your workbook. I have a chart for you. And in this chart I've split it up into three different columns. I have the rial column. This is who you really are. Then I have the projected column. This is what you project out into the world could be the same. It could be different. And then I have how you think you are perceived. So how you think people perceive you now? The goal of this course is to make thes congruent is to make them all the same so that you are warm. Really, You project warmth and you're perceived as warm. But the problem is, is sometimes is not always the case. What we actually are is different than what we project, and that's different than what's actually perceived. So I want to start with our strengths. But really, what we feel is valuable about us. Now, in your column at home, I want you to fill out the entire column here. We're only going to do one. I want you to fill out one of your strengths, something that you feel really proud of. Then I want you to figure out, think about do you project that strength? Didn't that other people see it? And the last column I wanted to see is that perceived correctly at home, I want to think about what are three different limits. I like limits, but the weaknesses cause a weakness implies you can change it, a limited something that we can leverage that we can break through that we can change. What are three limits that you have? What are they really? How do you project them or try to cover them up? And then how are they perceived? I want you to try to work the exercise on your own. The reason we do this is because it brings us into skill Number 15 which is the personality matrix it was one the most important skill. That's exactly halfway Mark personality Matrix Learn had a leverage to learn. How do you learn how to use the personality, matrix, toe leverage, strengths and limits? So this is tapping into personalities science, to make sure that we're seeing people for who they are and that we're taking advantage of their best Selves as well as our own best self. This is all about the Matrix. So as we learned, every human has five parts at our core. We have our intelligence, our talent. Then we also have our values, our motivation, what gets us going and the next layer we have our love languages or appreciation languages. This is how we show our talents and our values, how we feel appreciated and loved for our talents and values. And on the very outer ring we have the five aspects of our personality, which were about to learn. So five factor model model is a way that researchers have found to reliably analyze personality, so this has taken decades of research. It is now confirmed as one of the best ways to analyze personality, and it's called the five factor model. Another word for it is the Big Five are big five personality traits. And here the five extra version conscientiousness, agreeableness, openness and neuroticism. So we're going to do today is we're gonna explore our own personalities at home. You are lucky you get to fill out in your workbook a complete chart of your personality traits. Now, we're going to start with guessing just what feels right to us at the end of today. I'm gonna have you confirm your personality with an official test. It's called the 44 Factor Tester and taken, and you're gonna know exactly how right or wrong you were on your guesses, which is also kind of fun activity to see how well you know yourself. You guys ready? All right. Extra version is the 1st 1 So people who are high and extra version, they tend to be outgoing, assertive, sociable and talkative. They always seek out the company of people they love being around people and what they appreciate most is enthusiasm. They tend to be very optimistic and they love to celebrate, have that camaraderie with people. People who are lower and extroversion tend to be more shy, more reserved. They are private. They hold things close, their more inhibited what they seek. What they love is space and quiet. What they appreciate is solitude. All right, Number two things know about conscientious. This is very hard to spell. So by Miss Melanie Slides, please forgive me. It's a really hard word to spell anyway. Conscientiousness so people who are high in conscientiousness. They tend to be efficient, organized, dutiful and industrious. They get it done, they seek achievement. They love completing things and getting them off their list. And they appreciate self discipline and focus. Whoa, conscientiousness. This is spontaneous, easy going laid back Flexible people who are low consciences they seek go with the flow we don't need it to do is we don't need a schedule. Let's just hang out and talk about it. They appreciate ease. They want everything to be easy. All right. Agreeableness. So people who are high and agreeableness tend to be very accepting their compassionate, their cooperative. They trust very easily there compliant. They seek being nurtured and nurturing. They love teamwork, and they love working with team players. They appreciate politeness. They appreciate working together low agreeableness. They tend to be much more analytical. They're more detached. They don't want to get into the motions. They want to look at it logically. There a little bit suspicious at times. They're a little bit there, more prudent with their decisions. They take more time and care before they make a decision. And they're very direct with their ideas. They seek caution. They want to make sure they have enough time to analyze everything before they have to make a decision. And they appreciate straightforwardness, neuroticism, eroticism. So neuroticism. If you're high in neuroticism, think like, um, Woody Allen behind erotic extreme character. Okay, so you're very sensitive. You tend to be much more nervous. You're more reactive. Two situations. You're also constantly feel vulnerable, so you often feel like you're vulnerabilities air out for the world to see. Because of this, you seek emotional stability. You want to calm yourself, and so you always want to find things that are gonna bring down your anxiety in your nerves. You appreciate reliability that helps take down your nerves. Because if people are reliable, you know what to expect. People who are lone erotic, they're very secure. They typically have high confidence, high stability and I typically are very balanced with their emotions. This is the only one, by the way, where there is more of a positive or negative Onley because it's very hard to live with a lot of nerves. Now. I am high neurotic, so I know that it is very, very hard to be worrying all the time. The very sensitive and reactive. So on the secure, confident, stable balance. They seek camaraderie. They love to be around other people and make sure they're celebrating together because they have a very secure sense of self. And they appreciate rationality break. Since they're not emotionally reactive, they like to stay in rationality. All right, let's go to the last one. So there's been a lot of argument over the title of this personality trait, so I gave the really long title, which is openness to experience and intellect. It's also called curiosity for the duration of the course brands called openness, but I know that some researchers will get really upset with me. So here's the long title. I'm just using a short, short name. People who are high and openness are very inventive. They're curious. They're adventurous, their dreamers and their creative, high creativity. They seek fun and novelty, anything to get their creative juices simulated. They appreciate independence because I love to be able to explore on the low side, people who are low and openness are very consistent. Practical. They're cautious. They're careful. They tend to be a little bit more conventional, cause they're not so sure how much I like the new things. They seek predictability. They want to predict what's going to happen, and they appreciate routine and habits. So the easy way to remember this is ocean openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, neuroticism that we're gonna keep talking about ocean. That's how you remember on the five on. What I want you to do is I want you to fill out who your intimate are.
Vanessa Van Edwards is lead investigator at the <a rel="noopener noreferrer" href="http://www.scienceofpeople.com/" target="_blank">Science of People</a>. She is the national bestselling author of <a rel="noopener noreferrer" href="http://www.scienceofpeople.com/captivate" target="_blank">Captivate: The Science of Succeeding With People</a>, which has been translated into 14 languages. Her innovative work on behavior, communication and relationships have been featured on CNN, NPR and Fast Company and Entrepreneur Magazine. Her YouTube videos have been seen by over 24 million people.
I enjoyed this Fast Class version and am interested in taking the longer course. Vanessa provided a lot of handouts, which I greatly appreciate and found helpful. I feel more informed and empowered as I make a career change.