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Build Your Influence, Build Your Business

Lesson 18 of 27

What if My Audience Objects to Me?

Shari Alexander

Build Your Influence, Build Your Business

Shari Alexander

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Lesson Info

18. What if My Audience Objects to Me?

Lesson Info

What if My Audience Objects to Me?

Then the next one is, another one many people miss, what're my audiences objections to me? Sorry, we are all not kings and queens of the universe. Not everybody gets to bow ... I know, I know, it's crazy right, Chris? I agree people should know. Not everybody is going to bow down and say, "You're a genius. "Thank you so much for showing up "and talking with us." Very often, people show up into the meeting because there's a free lunch. (audience laughs) Very often they show up into the meeting because it's mandatory. These are not the ideal scenarios for you as a speaker, however, this is the reality that you have to deal with. In the first session, I mentioned before about how, I sometimes get objections in the minds of my audience of a "communication" or "influential specialist". I always put it into the quotes like that, give me a break. I'm totally fine with that. That doesn't threaten me what so ever because I know that I can bring the value to back up my statement. I am perfectly ...

aware, that this is an objection. I make sure that I structure my presentation in a way, to clarify that yes I do know what I'm talking about. Other objections that could potentially come up, when I first started, I mentioned before, I think was 22 or 23 in this business. I was young, I was inexperienced. I knew that this was potentially an objection for me as a speaker to people who were even twice or older than me. Twice my age or older. So, I had to figure out an angle of why is it, what has earned my right to stand up here, even though I know in your eyes, I'm just a kid. I had to figure out those stories. For me at the time, it was definitely my job from going from an actress to working in PR and landing the largest deal that they had seen in over five years within the first six weeks of me being on the job. That's a very clear, demonstrable way for me to explain, I can do this and I can teach it to you as well. That was one story that I used. Other objections, look I'm just gonna give it to you straight, attractive women tend to be perceived as give me a break. There's no way she's going to be intelligent because ... Statistics back up my statement. I'm sharing you what the studies have shown. Therefore, you need to be able to understand that this is a potential objection and figure out how you're going to come back that. I personally have come up with ways, obviously I've mentioned before, I stand in more alpha, dominant territorial tones. Also, I know my voice plays a role in that. I have a fairly deeper, I guess you could say voice for a woman. If you are a woman that's beautiful and has a higher voice, then you have even more of a challenge to rise up to that people within the first three seconds are potentially going to judge you differently than they would a man in a pinstripe suit who's fit. Okay, same with, we've got a great example with Chris, a man, a white male who comes in with a mustache and an all denim outfit, is going to be perceived in a certain way. Now in his group of adventurers, they're gonna be like, "Yeah, 'cause I look like him too. "Not a problem." If he were to come into, actually Zappos would be cool with it too, but if he were to come into a different corporate arena, he would have to evaluate, "Okay, am I going to mirror my audience "and go ahead and dawn on the suit? "Or, am I going to go ahead "and keep what I have going on right now "and understand that that's going to be an objection "and work that within my presentation?" A great example of this is, a well known speaker and New York Times Best Seller, Jeffery Gitomer, who wrote the 'Little Red Book of Selling'. He is similar to Chris, bald, white guy, I can't remember if he has a mustache, I think he does, or a goatee. At all of speeches, now Jeffery is a real straight shooter, every curse word under the sun it's coming out in his presentation. He wears jeans and red shirt, that looks like a mechanic's shirt that even has the embroidered name Jeffery on it. His first line ... As people are coming into the event and sitting down and everything, he's kinda mingling around or he's walking around making sure everything is working the way it needs to for his presentation. His first line when he gets up on stage is, "Admit it, when you first saw me, "you thought I was the janitor, right?" Instantly with one line, he has endeared them to him and it is no longer an objection. In fact, it's a calling card for him in his brand. He knows that that's potentially an objection and he embraces it. You can either embrace it and then have your back-up, or you can diminish it. There's also a story of ... This isn't from the speaking world, but I know somebody who went onto a very well known network, I won't say the network, for a show, to be interviewed. She's an expert. This is for a network that is geared more towards women and I think she was talking on nutrition, something along those lines. The producers stopped the segment and said, "You know, I think we are "going to go in a different direction. "Thank you so much." Well, from the people that I know, I heard the full story and the producers discussed it and on camera they said, "She's too beautiful. "Our female watchers will feel intimidated "or not connect with her because they will think, " 'Oh, she's got it easy. She's so beautiful.' " They pulled her and found somebody else. Now, she was then informed by a friend that she had on staff and she said, "Thank you for telling me. "Now that I know that's a consideration, "all I need to do is make a few adjustments." Instead of having her hair down, she probably would pull it back. She may not go as glammed up, with the makeup. Simple, easy adjustments that can be fixed. Again these are the objections that she was walking in to. Now, that's a Hollywood example and Hollywood is a crazy freaking place. I just want you to understand that, it's not just your message, people are still looking at the messenger. It's sometimes not a great reality, but it is the one that we have. Okay, yes. I have a question. When you're trying to prove or demonstrate your creditability or authority to the group, like the example you gave at the PR firm, how do you make sure you don't come off as bragging or sorta self-congratulatory? Right. Again, I'll lean towards stories and anytime I can give an example of something great that have done for somebody else, then I use my client's words or I use my friend's words. And then he told me and then she said to me. It's a way to incorporate, and this is social proof, and this is using testimonials in your presentation. You are using somebody else's words. Just as I shared the story, the best testimonial I received was, an objection from somebody in the audience that said, "You wouldn't have met a more skeptical person "than me in the room when I heard "we were bringing in a 'communication specialist', "like Cherie Alexander. "After five minutes of her presentation, I was converted." I have told that many times and not once have I gotten the sense from people that I'm coming off as bragging. It's just simply, this is what happened and I am relaying this story to you. I am just speaking their words through me. That's why stories are just so very helpful. Yes. Well, I'm thinking back to yesterday when you did give the PR example of how you landed the deal. I got no sorta self-congratulatory or anything, and I'm thinking back to my experience of when you said it. I think you had a very natural segway and it didn't come out of nowhere, it was basically you giving us how you got to be in your role. Like you said, it's saying objectively and you also say it in like a ... To me it comes across as a very warm way and it's not a Da ta da here I am delivering it. (audience laughs) Right. Which I like to amylate that instead of, I think if I maybe for the first time say that story, I'm gonna be delivering it and it's not coming across as, "Hey, I'm just telling you my value." Right. Right. You definitely need to be able to own those stories. Yeah. This is just simply what happened verus the other two polar opposites of that is, "Hey look at me, am I awesome?" verus the "And then, I helped them out "and she was happy." (audience laughs) It's not going to have the same affect. You definitely need to be able to sit in your own power with that and share the story of what is truth. It is truth. You're just telling it like it is. I will say where people tend to go wrong with that is, in their stories they tell, here's a story of how this happened, and they were happy and I was amazing. Here's a story, here's what happened, they were happy and I was amazing. I was amazing again. I was amazing again. I was amazing again. This is when you come across a jerk. If you are the hero in every single one of your stories, I am no longer connected with you. If you are the savior of every situation, then it's as if you don't understand my situation 'cause you haven't experienced it. You may have helped other people, but I'm not relating to you because you're swooping in like Superman with a cape every time and very few people can relate to Superman 'cause we aren't all born on Krypton. Come on, that was funnier than you guys gave it. (audience laughs) Alright. (laughs) What you want it do is mix your stories up between being Mr. Miyagi and then being the Karate Kid. Sometimes you are the mentor of the story and you are the one that leads happy results for somebody else and other times your stories need the mentor. You are the Karate Kid and you found a Mr. Miyagi who helped you learned this valuable lesson and thank you so much to him and now it presents me with opportunity to teach it to you. Don't be the hero in all of stories, sometimes you're the student as well. Okay. The next question that I turn to is, what are my audience's objections to the changes needed to getting their desired results? We've figured out their objections to us and we've crafted our opening to have the credibility and how to endear them to us. We have described the pain point in a nonjudgmental way, we just simply have communicated, "Look, I get where you're coming from." We have used their phrases and then we touch on the positive points just to make sure that they aren't completely in the abyss of the pain. Then I am going to assume that you have laid out your five step formula, your seven step solution, whatever that may be. Then instantly, what will happen is people will start to think, "Yeah, but... "Yeah, buuuttt..." They're going to have resistance towards these changes. This is your opportunity to answer those objections in that moment, which will increase their chance of success when they leave the presentation. After you go through, if you notice, if you play back your on demand version and see previous sessions, I have at some point said, "Now, I know some of you might be thinking ..." and I answer those objections. We had a few Jedi moments of, "Yeah, people are asking that in the chat room." That's because first of all I know my content and I get some more questions regularly, but second of all, it's because I taken the time to consider if something somebody who is completely new in this is taking these first steps, what is their experience going to be like? Emotionally? Physically? Time management? What is going to potentially going to block their way? What are the easy traps for them to fall into and go, "Ugh. I tried it, but that didn't work." ? I want to answer those objections in my presentation, right then and there. I know that I've laid out seven steps for you to overcome this problem and issue. Now, I know some of you may be thinking, "But who has the time?" I know that your day looks like this and you get up and you have to deal with the kids and you have to send out the emails and time slips away. That's why I have created this app that reminds you or whatever it is. You come up with a solution, for even the objections at the mid-point in your presentation. You can mute out those yeah buts that they're thinking. Let me move onto the next one. Yes, question. Do you think that that also works if you're talking to someone one-on-one? Absolutely. One-on-one I would tend to try to elicit them to tell me because I want them to tell me in their words and it gives me the chance to gather the influential intelligence of the VAK and the values of whatever that is. Because when I hear in their words, then I can combat that objection, incorporating their words and saying, "I get the objection. "It's okay. "This is a safe place. "This is how we're going to fix it." Would you advertly sorta ask that or would you covertly try to get it out of them? I will look at their body language and if I'm getting negative significant shifts, I'll just turned to what I mentioned before of calling it out. "I feel like that didn't land" or "I feel like I'm getting resistance. "I feel like I'm getting pushed back. "I feel like you're shying away from this." Any of those ... Obviously I turn towards kinesthetic of I feel, but you could say, "Oh, I see you leaning back on that one. "What am I missing? "Tell me what's going through your mind right now. "What's your thought process?" Any of those prompting questions is what I'll turn to spark that conversation. Okay. Very good point. That is the difference between the one-on-one conversations verus the speaking from the stage. Most people when they have the influential intention in one-on-one conversations, again the tendency is to bulldoze through and they think that they have to have all the answers and that's why I really wanted to get rid of the mystery behind those one-on-one conversations is to impower you to know, it's okay to ask. It's okay not to have all the answers because then when you admit this is a gap in my influential intelligence, then you can go get it and make an even more powerful message. In fact if you recall, that's what we did before this presentation on speeches or what I mentioned before, is talking to your meeting planner, talking to your audience. Very few people even think of, "Oh yeah, I could reach out and say hi. "They don't just have to see me come up from backstage. "I can reach out to them." And social media. Many events, many associations have groups or have an event page. I love to engage my audience before I step on stage because first of all, when I step on stage it's like they're friends. It's like, "Oh yeah, I know ..." I can create examples from what I've learned from them in social media. I'll sometimes post on a Facebook page, "Hey you guys, I'm so looking forward "to speaking at your event." Ask them a prompting question. What is it that they hope to learn? I'm totally going to create my presentation based off your questions. Anything that gets that engagement going. Plus there's the benefit of they chat with you and then they friend you and you're building your list. The spinoff potential is great. Don't be afraid to engage with them. That's my philosophy. Personally, or I know that there are people in my industry who, they're like, "That's extra work "and I don't wanna interact with the plebes." (audience laughs) That's their perspective and fine, but I got into this business because I love the human interaction. Such as, one way you can continue that conversation. Yes. We've talked about the objections mid presentation, then after you have your content and you know all of these pain points and positive points, the next question that I ask myself is, "Okay now that I see this structure of the speech, "what is the overall theme of the presentation? "What is through line metaphor that I can refer to? "What is a story that ties this all together?" If your presentation is just seven steps, it's only going to register with that left part of the brain. Okay, this is the process, this is the procedure. The stories will help you engage them on the right part of the brain, but with the theme of the presentation or the metaphor, it gives a cohesiveness to the presentation. Many times throughout this workshop, I have referred to and I keep referring to, your influential message and the wrapping paper around it, right? That continuously is the visual and I even add the kinesthetic of heres the message, heres the wrapping paper . I continuously refer to this because ultimately that's how I want you to view all of your influential opportunities. Your message is the same, this is just simply what changes. The icing on the cake, the dressing on the turkey. (audience laughs) Then sometimes, you can open and close your presentation with that theme. A story around that or an example. Especially when you can mirror your opening and closing, then it gives a perfect book end to that. If you open up with a story about Sally and Sally's wonderful journey and Sally's amazing experience, then you go through the process and then at the end you can say, "Just like Sally, I hope that you guys, "X, Y, and Z and get these benefits." It's just a really nice book end for people to go, "This is when I clap." It's a very clear indicator that once we've gone full circle, they know this is the end. The next one is, profile hot buttons for your presentations. We've talked about this before in the building of the influential map with the white board up here. But, I want you to be able to go to your field guide, and those of you have also purchased the on demand program, you have the Covert Profiler Handbook, this section is in there as well. I want you to go through the different personality types and think, "Okay, how can I incorporate specific "detail into my presentation? "How can I incorporate the sense of creating harmony "or feelings and emotions in this presentation? "How can I add visuals to this? "How can I add auditory or kinesthetic?" All those different take aways of how to influence this personality type. How can I give them a clear path? How can I give them options? That way if you're speaking to a group of people, then you're hitting all those influential profile hot buttons. You take a look at the structure and you say, "Oh okay. "That's how I influenced Jay. "Oh, there's an opportunity." This is a chance for them to ... You're speaking that profiles language for that moment. Those are the influential hot buttons. Questions from over in the chat room. What's going on over there, Chris? Well we have a lot of people here who are just enjoying everything that you're doing and we have some as we are coming to the end here that we can touch on. Peggy just wanted to know, this is kinda a comment, but I honestly want to know your real answer to this. Peggy posted the question and a few people voted on it, but right here in this webinar, Cheire how are you employing all of these tactics, with all of these different people? You have all of these different profiles here in the studio audience, as well as all the people online. How are you putting in all these tactics into play as you live appear doing this? You're aware of all this. You can't turn it off, right? Right. The difference between what we're doing here verus a speech, first of all, that's a clear distinction. A speech is kind of like a one man show, that's a key note where you have created, the opening, the middle, and the closing. There isn't interaction with your audience. What we're doing right now is a workshop setting. A lot of it does come up on the fly. I have been able to learn about the in studio audience, about your values and all of those profiling things and I've been able to use you as examples in the presentation. In regards to, I think we've already touched a few in the discussions of how I created the credibility through story telling about myself without coming across as pompous. And the through line metaphor that I keep referring back to. Then also, certain things ... I will say, here's one thing I added for CreativeLive was, influential vibes. I used to teach that in a different way, I used to call them influential keywords, but I found there was confusion around the term keywords because people thought it was a specific word that they were looking for rather than a phrase. I would have the heading of keywords and I would describe values, beliefs, emotions, all of those things. I just found there was confusion with an influence HQ, went through the coaching that I have with them. I finally decided, alright well what else can I call this? Personally, for whatever reason about my personality type, I hate acronyms. (audience laughs) I hate acronyms. Maybe it's because I've been in the speaking world for so long, I feel like I've seen so many speakers say, "Your plan to success..." and success is an acronym for something. I feel like I've seen that everywhere. I have always avoided acronyms, but I know that it can be valuable hook for people. I took a long look at it, and actually influential vibes. I looked the values, the words. I was like, this actually could be vibes and it worked for me. 'Cause one, I'm kinesthetic, and I referred to vibes in my personal life all time. I say, "I'm sending you good vibes. "Sending you healing vibes. "I got a god vibe from him." It's still aligned with me, but I did make that adjustment for my audience because something clearly wasn't working. I had to suck it up and go, "Alright, I have an acronym." But, I'm happy I did because I think it works really well. Alright, well we have a question here from RC, and he said, "We're looking at a number "of differences amongst people, "but isn't it true that we have more similarities rather than differences across all of humanity?" They want to know what the are common elements that most people will relate to? How can we apply to the majority? Yeah. We talked about that in the previous section of the common tendencies and triggers. That we all have this inner desire to be apart of something significant, desire to be apart of something bigger than ourselves. Personally, I think that that's a very strong trigger for when you have the opportunity to be up on the platform because this is your opportunity to really speak to their higher selves. They may look at all these five step articles online and get into the minutiae of things about how to manage your day, how to become more of a morning person, how to have a morning routine. All of these things that you see online that are helpful, but it never is push or a nudge into, "Hey, I know that dream that you have for yourself, "and I can actually help you get there." That's the beauty of the platform. That's definitely a significant trigger. Also, some universal things across the board, is smiling like we talked about before, mirroring and body language. In fact, I love that he asked that question, he or she, I don't know which. RC RC, it's both. (audience laughs) It's an acronym for something. (audience laughs) Exactly. I love that he asked that question because it actually does speak to one of the deepest passions that I have about this subject is, I got into this world of influential communications for probably the same reasons many of you have as well, is it just sounds cool. You get people to do stuff. That's awesome. Also I find, you get the sense of power and more control in situations. I'm all about more power and control, lets go for that. One of the side fringe benefits that I got from learning all of this is, "Oh my gosh, we are so freaking similar." That connection with your fellow human being is first of all, it's the connective tissue in the influential process, observe connect influence. If you skip the connection, you're chances of influences just fall to the way side. I love that being influential means that you are consciously forcing yourself to one, evaluate yourself and then two, find different aspects of yourself so that you can connect with the people next to you. As a perfect segway into our next slide. We've talked a lot about the different personality types and all these different techniques and tactics that we can use. Which means, that we as human beings need to be very flexible in our behavior and one of the best ways that I have found to help me think about this is a Bruce Lee quote about being like water and I have it here and he says, "Be like water making it's way through cracks. "Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object "and you shall find a way around or through it." You can even say adjust to the person, instead of the object. "If nothing within you stays rigid, "outward things will disclose themselves. "Empty you mind, be formless, shapeless like water. "If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup." I think that speaks to your reality versus somebody else's reality. You're stepping into their reality. "You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle. "You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. "Now, water can flow or it can crash. "Be like water my friend." That speaks so poignantly to how I think influential communications needs to be approached. We are malleable creatures with many levels with inside of us, but if we choose to be rigid, then we come up against resistance with our fellow human beings. If we choose to be flexible, if we choose to open our minds, if we choose to find different aspects of ourselves and different language aspects that we can use, then we connect. We even become the teapot, we become the bottle, we become the cup, and there's no stronger connection than understanding somebody else's reality. That leads to our last lesson of the day, which I've referenced it before and that's being an authentic chameleon. I wish to the heavens above that I had come up with this phrase, I did not. This comes from the world of hostage negotiation. We've talked about them before, about how they are able to connect with somebody who is in state of crisis. When you are like water, you can become this authentic chameleon. It means that you understand that you have many states of your human beingness. Again, another word I made up, put in the dictionary. You can be silly and you can playful when you walk home and you see your puppy dog and you're just like, "Yes, I'm home now. "It's so good to see you. "It's so good to see you too." That's within you. You have the ability to feel powerful and knowledgeable in your area of expertise, that's within you. You have the ability to share your passion about what you love. You have the ability to love and be loved. There are so many states that we have, it's just are we consciously making the decision to choose that state strategically to build a connection for a goal and purpose? Be what you want to see, that's the last one of the day. We talked about mirror neurons before and how our presence influences others. If you want collaboration from somebody, don't walk in stressed out and rigid and upset and frustrated from your last meeting. If you want openness, then you need to exemplify openness. You need to find your water state, that authentic chameleon within you to tap into what it is that you want from the other person. If you want excitement, then baby you gotta be excited. If you want contemplation and deep thought, then you need to bring that energy to the table. You cannot expect your mark to take on a form or shape that you, yourself, are not willing to take on. It's leading by example and leading with your words following that example. As we leave for today, I want you to consider what state are you going to be? Who are you going to influence today? What conscious decision are you going to make about yourself, your energy, your language? Who are you going to focus on connecting with today?

Class Description

Learn the art and science of influence from Sharí Alexander. In Build Your Influence, Build Your Business, you’ll learn observation and communication techniques that will make you more persuasive and influential, in work and in life.

Influence is not coercion or manipulation – it is skillful communication that conveys ideas and elicits action in the most effective way possible. In this class, you’ll learn conversational persuasive techniques that forge strong business connections that are essential for persuasive communication. Sharí will help you develop effective ways to assert your authority and ensure you are heard and understood without losing the admiration and respect of your listeners. You’ll learn eye opening observational techniques that will help you decode influential signals that you have missed in the past. Then, she will walk you through the essential influential process that will help you close more deals, motivate groups, and build stronger relationships. Sharí will also help you hone your observation skills and more accurately read and assess others.

Watch Build Your Influence, Build Your Business and forever change the way you communicate.


Stephanie Platero

The course is really great! Shari does an excellent job expressing some of the complexities by providing examples. Super knowledgeable, articulate and her presentation is very interesting. If you are using the Creative live "live, on air" while watching this, the ads for creative live are really distracting. I used to watch a lot of the courses by RSVPing and investing my time to watch the presenters in its entirety (the benefit of RSVP'ing and being a user) but the ads have gotten worse and actually skip to various parts of the presentation and you lose out on some of the content. I assume this is to encourage buying the course but makes it so difficult to follow and be engaged.

a Creativelive Student

I was not prepared for all the wonderful information that was taught. It has helped me in business and then a surprise... helped me with family as well. Fantastic class. Love Shari! Roxanne

Mahna Mahna

Excellent excellent course. Highly recommend Shari and the content she presents. I’ve gone from influence Newbie to Ninja-ish. Lots of practical information that you can use in professional situations, personal situations, and everything in between. In the workplace - develop more effective relationships and influence people up & down the org chart. As a business owner – generate more revenue per sale and develop closer relationships with customers. On a personal level - iron out the bumps in the road (or the outright disasters) with your family and friends. Shari makes the topic of ‘Influence’ appealing, approachable, and easy to understand. And the workshopped ‘hands-on’ examples are PRICELESS – they go a long way towards getting you to implement these concepts for yourself. Spend the time and do the Influence Profile - you will see/feel/experience immediate results. And I do mean IMMEDIATE.