The Power of Happiness

Lesson 12 of 14

Assertivism: Live to Your Fullest Capacity


The Power of Happiness

Lesson 12 of 14

Assertivism: Live to Your Fullest Capacity


Lesson Info

Assertivism: Live to Your Fullest Capacity

And welcome to day number 10. We are on the last day rockin' out. Give me some. Woo! Woo! All right take a seat at home. Take a seat. So, we are on day 10 assertivism. We've learned a lot today and actually I'm going to wait to the end since it's our last day to review what we've learned, and I'm just gonna dive right in to our goals today. Time for some moxie. We're gonna add some spice to some of the happiness we've learned. I've been keepin' it tame for you guys, but today spice up, bring up the heat a little bit. I wanna put some power behind your happiness. This class is after all called The Power of Happiness. Let's put some of that oomph behind it. I'm also gonna be talking about your happiness plan, right? We've been talkin' about a lot of ideas. How are we gonna prioritize? What are we gonna prioritize? How do I want this class to last forever for you? Of course, I have a warm up as always. At home, I'd love you to bring out your workbook. Or, if you don't have the workboo...

k yet, just bring out a blank piece of paper cause the warm up today is a fill in the blank and this is a fill in the blank that I try to ask myself at least once a year. Typically on New Years, actually I ask myself this question. This is a way to kind of access our hidden dreams. So, a lot of the times we talk about big goals. We talk about things we've always wanted, but I think underneath it all, sometimes we get these little seeds of desires, seeds of wants, hidden dreams that drive our decisions, and this is trying to unearth some of those. So, in the audience at home, if I were to say, if you were to say, someday I'll, what just pops into your head for that fill in the blank? In the audience, anything pop into your head? Big or small. Yeah. Someday I'll write a book about me. All right! Yes! Someday I'll write a book about me. So, I actually, this is just my personal opinion, I think everyone has a book in them. I've written a couple books. I have my big one coming out in April. That process of writing a book is one of the most amazing things. I would hope that most people might have, there's three bullets here, right? It doesn't have to be just one thing. Maybe other people have that writing a book. Yes. Someday I'll jump out of a plane. Okay. Can I ask what you're waiting for? The courage to do it, but I have friends who've done it and they say, okay it's off my bucket list, but it was a great experience to do it. So maybe that could be one of your quests. Quests definitely, yeah. You can definitely start to think about that. I like that one. Yes! One day I speak five different language. Wow, how many do you speak right now? Right now I know a little bit of those five that I want. Yeah. So, two of them is kind of good, but the other three is like intermediate and beginners. All right. So someday you'll master all five. These are really good. Any others? Yes. Someday I will be a household name in changing the face of health and wellness. I love it. Okay, and that's a really specific one. Is that your mission statement, or is it a different mission statement? That's like a tangential. Tangential. Okay, perfect. Any others? Yes. Someday I'll go to Iceland and look for elves. Yes! The Icelandic population believes in elves, so I wanna see it. And I think you should go look for them. And that's a really good, I hope that's gonna be your quest cause I think that elf defining mission is really good. Okay, so this warm up is specifically for today cause we're gonna be talking about quests. One of the things, one of the most interesting parts of the research that I found, and this is actually one of the first kind of take away points that I learned was the opposite of happiness is actually not unhappiness. So, the opposite of happiness is also not anger which we talked about last time. Can anyone guess what the opposite of happiness is? Yeah. Indifference? Oh. Hohoho! That was really good because you did not see those slides beforehand. Absolutely right. So, the opposite of happiness is not unhappiness. It's not depression. It's not anger. It's indifference. Timidity, passivity, letting life happen to us. Every single day throughout this course, I've tried to give some new way of telling you, grab life by the hair, and take it where you wanna take it, right? Like it's about having a more assertive lifestyle. It's about telling people what we want and what we need. It's about having people in our life who truly nourish us. It's about asking for the things we need and setting up boundaries that we need. That's where happiness comes from. So, today I'm going to be fighting timidity, passivity and apathy, and I love this quote, happiness begins at the end of our comfort zone, which is also about that strength, that power, and you cannot separate happiness without talking about power. There's also the science behind this is pretty clear. This is called Self-Determination Theory which I don't think is nearly as sexy as assertivism, but we'll go with it. So, Self-Determination Theory, people are happiest when they're able to make their own choices. Very similar to that control day, day four that we talked about. Specifically, we feel most satisfied, remember how we talked about goals for the course, and life fulfillment was one of those goals? That ties in right here. We're the most satisfied when we feel we have great self mastery over our life. So, I titled day number two mastery cause I was just starting to hint at this idea that we wanna have ownership over our skills, and self-mastery is a very specific kind of concept. So, in your workbook, I have a self-mastery questionnaire. Now, at home, I want you to actually sit down and take this right now. I gave the audience a little bit of lead time on this. I had them do this exercise for us. So, while you're doing it at home, we're gonna do a little bit of it together. So, can you get your cards ready for me please? So, a couple of the questions. The lower your score, the more self-mastery you feel in your life. The higher your score, the less control you feel you have. Okay, this was not developed by me. This was developed by the people who looked at Self-Determination Theory. I had difficulty with the control pillar. Anyone in here feel like they had difficulty with that? So, agree? Disagree? Interesting. Okay. I've almost totally flipped. Totally mixed. How 'bout, I have little control over the things that happen to me. How do people feel? Agree? Disagree? Okay, mostly disagree. You guys are in here, right? So, you feel like you brought yourself in here. Sometimes I feel that I am being pushed around in life. Sometimes I feel that I am being pushed around in life. Little bit more mixed. So, before I get into this, how was that self-mastery quiz for you? Anyone surprised by their number? I won't ask you a number. I think that's actually quite personal. Anyone surprised what they got? Yeah. Happily surprised. Happily surprised. So, sometimes taking those quizzes shows you that you actually know what you know, right? Like, you are owning it and you're taking that self-mastery. I like it. Yeah. It's interesting cause I've taken this before and to remember the way I felt taking it before to now, it's like I just don't even recognize, I had to like keep guessing, like do I really? Like, yeah, no, yeah. Like it's just liberating. Second guessing your answers. Yeah. So remember that I talked about this before. I built this course to retake. So, at home you have a digital copy of the workbook. So, hopefully you printed it out. If not, you did it online. You can go back in a year and retake all these things and compare them to the first time you took it because your answers will change. In fact, I hope that after you take this course, you'll be able to answer this question, these questions much more easily and have a much lower score. So, this brings me to a, has anyone ever read this book? By Bronnie Ware? So, Bronnie Ware is a nurse who helped people in the last moments of their life. So, right as they're about to pass, and what she did is she realized, after talking to so many patients and their families, that they tended to express regret over their life when they were talking about their life, and after talking to many of these patients, she realized there was patterns, and so she wrote a book which is called, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, it's a beautiful book, and I wanted to read the top five regrets that she found most of us have at the end of our life because I don't want us to have those regrets. If you're taking this course, I don't want you to have a single regret. Number one, I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. So, this is number one. It was also day one. On day one, we talked about the chart of happiness, and I had you rate activities in your life, and the first thing I said was, don't should on me, right? Don't give me the number that you think or hope you should have. Give me your real number, and that is because when you know exactly what makes you happy, you're much more likely to tell people, nope I can't do that, I'm gonna do that for me, right? So, this is about trying to life the life that we want. The purposeful life. Second, I wish I hadn't worked so hard. So, most of the days in the Power of Happiness had to do with play, fun, trying new things, happiness experiments, cause I love work, you know, it provides us with a lot of things. I get a lot of joy from my work as well, but I think play is just as important. Three, I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. The other aspect of this course is I had you express a lot of feelings, right? I hope that you were out of your comfort zone a lot of this course. Maybe at home you were like, ooh, that's a big question, and that is because I do believe happiness begins at the end of our comfort zone, but I also know that's a huge regret, and the more we can get deep and have substantive conversations, the better we feel. Four, I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. So, number seven, when I had you identify those different people in your life for your sangha, and who popped into your head who was supportive, who made you think, who did want to bring happiness into your life? I think that keeping those friendships alive takes a little bit of work, right? It's like with happiness, we assume it that it'll sort of be taken care of. Friendships need tending to. So, I hope that you can also think about tending to those friendships. Lastly, I wish that I had let myself be happier. This is a really interesting one. I wish I had let myself be happier. This ties into that idea that we don't let ourself get excited, right? Where we have a little celebration or something feels good or tastes good or looks good, and we're like, yeah, yeah, stay calm. Keep it together, but I wanna let ourselves get happy. That's also part of it. All of this comes together. Everything we've learned in this course. All five of those regrets come together into this idea. I want you to claim the life you love and live to your fullest capacity, and is letting yourself live to your fullest capacity. So, what is assertivism mean? Basically, it means this. One, being assertive with your happiness. Knowing exactly what makes you happy and asking for it. Knowing is only the first step, right? Asking for it and making time for it in your life, that takes a little bit of assertivism. Second, being assertive with your feelings, right? So, saying to someone, this makes me feel great, let's do more of it, or this makes me feel terrible, I don't wanna do it at all. It is scary to ask for what we truly feel. Assertive with your time and your people and these do go together. I talk a lot about this in Master People Skills about nourishing people, places and things and toxic people, places and things. When you look at your chart of happiness, there are people involved in that, and you spend time during certain things. I wanna make sure that you are assertively claiming spending time with people who feel you, not people who drain you. And the best way to end this course is with a very big idea, and this is the idea of a quest. So, a quest is a life adventure with a clear mission and goal driven by purpose. So, this is not a mission statement. This is not a career goal. It is a life adventure, and I borrow this idea from my good friend, Chris Quillebeau, so he wrote, I don't know if anyone's read the book, The Happiness of Pursuit, but he is a big fan of quest. This is part of your happy reading list, and I'm gonna give you some of the steps for a questing lifestyle. So, quick quote. Courage comes through achievement, but also through the attempt. As I worked my way through country after country, this is Chris Quillebeau talking, regrouping at one of the many stops along the way that felt like second homes, I become more optimistic about my chances of success. In the final year of the journey, I felt unstoppable. One of the things I've been trying to teach in this course is that the means is more important than the end, right? So, when we quest, it's not about achieving that life goal, it's not about writing that book, or finishing that career or retiring. I want us to enjoy the actual process. I think the way that we do that is by having adventure in our daily life, by working towards some kind of goal that fuels just our happiness. Not our career, not our income, not our bank account. Just us. That is the goal of the quest. I also believe that quest creates momentum. So, when I talk about upward spirals, we've been talking about little moments, right? Wow, using your mastery skills. Feeling capable of feeling responsible. I think that everyday when we get up and we know that we're working a little bit towards a bigger goal, it creates momentum in other areas of our life, and that's what I want us to create here. This bigger kind of momentum. All of these things have already happened. Mastery, Small Wins, Experiments, Sangha, Anticipation. I've been leading you up to try and pick this one big goal. So, what kind of quests am I talking about here? This could be anything. Here are just some examples. Learning to cook one meal from every cuisine. Learning how to speak perfectly five different languages is a good one. Reading a different Wikipedia entry every day for a year. That would count as a quest. Photographing 200 different types of birds. Walk every block in New York City. There are 121,000 of those. Take a vow of silence every year. That's my quest actually. So, I do a vow of silence every year. I'm a talker, obviously, so it's very challenging for me to do a vow of silence. That's one of my many quests. In the workbook, I have what I call a questing worksheet. So, if you wanna pull out your workbook for me and turn to the area that says questing worksheet. This is where we're gonna actually start the process of trying to develop your big quest. The very first thing that we're gonna learn is your drive. So, when you're trying to think about this big quest, this big life adventure, we wanna start, just like when we talk about your Cause Champion, and by the way your Cause Champion and your quest can be very similar or tied together. I want to start with those kernels of excitement. That's why we started with someday I'll at the very beginning of this warm up exercise. What have you been waiting to do? What if xyz happened? What if I had all the money in the world? What if I had all the time in the world? I want you to start with those values or those drives. I love this quote by John Shedd, A ship is safe in harbor...but that's not what ships were built for. We were built for much more. Think about your quest everyone. Think about your quest. You can start going to the activities if you want. This is the big question that we're trying to answer for a quest. What are you waiting for? I already asked that question once today during the warm up when he said you wanted to sky dive or jump out of a plane specifically. We are often waiting. I asked this earlier. Are you waiting or are you looking? What have you been waiting for? What have you been tapping off into the future or when I finish school, when I finish, when I have a family, you know all these whens. No more when then mindset. Assertivism is about getting rid of that. So, in your workbook, I have under your drive, we fill in the blanks. So, what excites you? What have you been waiting to do? As well as a couple fill in the blank areas in your workbook for you. This is an intensely personal deep dive by the way. I want you to take some time with these. So, fill in the blank. We're gonna have a couple different verbs here that might spur on some ideas for quests. I have collect, champion, write, read, right? Those are gonna help you get specific about your quests. The second thing I want you to think about is your mission. So, this could be what happens with your Cause Champion. Actually, day number six, when we talked about that, was a warm up for this day. What do you want to accomplish? What's your goal? How will you know when it's achieved? So, I do want you to pick something that's not necessarily career related. Like I think this is different than your mission statement. A quest should be an adventure. However, I think that your quest can have to do with your success, right? So, me taking a vow of silence every year allows me to be more introspective and makes me a better listener and that makes me a better teacher. That makes me a better writer. It's not specifically having to do with my career, but it makes me better at what I do. So, when you think about what are your legacy goals when we talked about eulogy building activities. How does that tie in here? And specifically, the most important part of a quest is it is measurable. So, unlike, so if I were to say, I wanna be successful. That's a pretty good thing, but that is not measurable. Saying, I want to visit 30 different countries in the next year, that is a very measurable thing. So, then step two of this is taking your quest idea and adding numbers to it. What you're gonna do by what date, and I do want to have a time limit on it, right? So, what you're gonna do and by what date? For example, it doesn't have to be huge huge. Read 12 New York Times bestsellers by the New Year, right? That would be a mini-quest. Do every hike in my city in the next six months. Finish every challenge in this course in the next 60 days. Right? That can be a quest. The third thing, now we're gonna get into the action steps. So, the first stage is kind of brainstorming and dreamstorming and you'll see I have a lot of fill ins in the workbook for you. Same with your mission area. Now, we're gonna get into the specifics of, how do we achieve it? So, it's not just a wish, but actually practical. How much time and money will you need for this quest? Is it free? Could you get all library books, you know, all of New York Times sellers from the library? That cost nothing? Or, is it a trip? Part of your quest is gathering the time, money and materials for the quest. So, if your quest is to sail around the world, your quest actually doesn't begin when you step on the boat. Your quest begins the moment you write it down, and researching what kind of boat you're gonna use, and trying to set aside a savings goal and a new savings account in your bank. Your quest actually begins then. What do you need to do first? So, the other thing that I want you to do is once you get into the pursuit section, is you're gonna start to write down action steps. What is the very very first thing you have to do? So, I have this big chart in your workbook. You'll see that I think. For me, it's on page 79, but printed in my book a little different. I have all the steps for this quest, and just like how we did the Russian doll to-do list, so I taught you that earlier, you're gonna do the exact same thing for your quest. So, if it was sail around the world. Maybe the very first thing would be to get a library book on sailing, right? Like that would be a really good first step. Second step would be, finish the library book on sailing, right? So, breaking it down into those little baby steps. Remember that those steps are part of the joy. The happiness is in the pursuit. The happiness is taking that step and crumpling it up and throwing it across the room. So, each of those steps on your pursuit list are part of your happy checklist after this course. At the end of a long day, quests give you a second wind. Netflix does not. So, once I started to incorporate the idea of quests in my life, and I've done a couple of them, I found that at the end of a long day, when I was totally exhausted and I would have said, I have no energy for anything, doing one or two steps on my quest to-do list gave me energy. It was way better than a nap. It was way better than a hike. It was way better than Netflix. And so the reason why I want you to do these is cause I think they're energy creating. They get you out of funks. They are way more productive than naps and they're the best kind of to-do list. Some quest ideas, let's get some of those questing idea juices flowing. Try a week of extreme, fill in the blank. So quests can be short. They can be seven days of something. So, I tried a week of radical honesty. (laughs) Whoo. (audience laughs) Yeah, that was radical. So, try a week of extreme something. Extreme nice, extreme curiosity, doing a vow of silence with me. You're welcome to do a vow of silence with me. I put them on my Twitter every time I do them. So, fill in the blank for extreme. That's only seven days. It's a great little warm up. Happy book list. I gave you a book list. Maybe your quest is reading all the books on that list, or two of the books on that list. Your learning bucket list. So, I already started to get these juices flowing when I was asking you what did you wanna learn? So, maybe it's learning how to speak a different language. Maybe it's learning how to make the perfect sushi rice. Right? A la hero dreams of sushi. So maybe it's something on your learning bucket list that you can master, and remember the more specific the better. So, it's not just, I wanna learn to speak French, it's I wanna learn to speak French and pass the French fluency test within a year, right? You want that. Or maybe it's, I wanna be able to have five dinner conversations with five people in each language. Right? That would be a really specific one to prove what does, speak really well, mean? Right? We're adding that measurement on there. Your Cause Champion and your gratitude totem, or doing a gratitude trip. So, maybe there's something you can do. A big project you can do by raising a certain amount of money for your Cause Champion. By starting a new project for your Cause Champion and those make amazing quests. This course and workbook. Here's the good news. You're on day 10. You already finished your first quest. Right? Whoo! Yeah. You finished it. Yeah. So, your first quest was coming here every day and finishing all 10 days. You did it. That was your first quest. It's already done. That is how easy and hopefully fun it is. So, you can also do courses as little mini-quests as well. Brian Williams, a person starts dying when they stop dreaming. The goal of questing is just to get you dreaming bigger. That's it. I think we sometimes only dream in those four minute miles. We don't realize we can go so much further and so much faster. Quests brings control which we know is great for happiness. Quests give us identity. So, here's the interesting part about questing. So, I've had a couple of students now finish their quests from beta version, a lot of them are still in them, and what they've told me is that when you have a quest, yes it gives you purpose, but it's amazing how other people see you. So, when you go to a party and you're like, yeah, my goal is to visit all 50 states by the time I'm 40. People get excited for you, right? They're like, ooh, what states have you done so far? Oh, you know what, if you go to Idaho, I have a cousin there, he owns a brewery, you should try to stay in his upstairs loft. So, actually questing is kind of secret people skill. I talk about how hard it is to come up with conversations, how hard it is to have really interesting conversations with new people you meet. Quests is the best conversation starter you could possibly imagine. People get excited for you. They text you ideas for your quests. When you see them, they check in with you. It's another way of asking the world, remind me about my quest. So, I also want you to use it as a way of creating your own identity. Telling people what you're standing for, what you're working towards, and quests bring hope. As we remember from that science study, that hope and curiosity are two of the biggest contributor emotions for happiness, and when we are hopeful about a quest, a vacation, learning something, it gives us so much happiness. I have a ton of quest ideas in our virtual toolbox. I have videos of other people's quests they have completed. So, if you sign up at you can get some more quest ideas as well. So, I'm curious. Let's take some temperature in the crowd. So, who's gonna do a quest and who's still a little nervous? Who still needs a little bit of convincing from me. Oh yay, okay. I see a lot of greens. Yeah! I like it. That's good. I feel like, I had a lot more convincing slides, but I can go over those quickly. I've already convinced you. So, a couple of things here. I built this course to be re-watched. I've said that almost everyday, and the reason for this is because a lot of people think of happiness like a one time shot, right? They're like, oh yeah, I did that course. Done. Done for 10 years. That's like going to the gym, doing a really intense weight-lifting session and being like, buff forever. (laughs) Right, if you wanna stay in shape, you continue to go to the gym. If you want to keep your happiness in check, you keep doing happiness exercises. So, here's how I want you to reuse this course over and over again. My recommendations. On your birthday, I would highly recommend re-watching day six or and/or day two. The reason for this is because if you're looking for birthday or gift ideas, day six, renewing your pledge, seeing if you can ask for Cause Champion things instead of birthday gifts. The best way to start a birthday. There is no better way than opening up your birthday and thinking about gratitude and giving back. There is just no better way to start the year. It's also great for getting those gifts. You also might wanna re-watch day two. So, I feel like birthdays are kind of new beginnings, you know, you're like, I'm gonna take that class. I'm gonna sign up for that thing. I'm gonna ask for help in people buying me this class. So, day two on mastery might be a good time to reassess your skills, right? Checking in on that skill chart and seeing, did I go from three to four? Did I go from four to five? It's wonderful to check progress on your birthday. Feels good. New Year's. I highly suggest you watch day one on New Year's. Day one, new beginnings, this is when you re-look at that chart of happiness in your workbook, and you're like, do these things still make me happy? Starting January first, do I wanna continue having these people or these activities in my life. New Year's resolutions, I feel like building your New Year's resolutions off of this chart is the best way to start the year. I will also be doing on Science People, New Year's posts, talking about your chart of happiness. You're also welcome to check us out, and I can give you some new ideas for your chart of happiness on New Year's. You also might wanna consider watching day four, right? Starting new routines and new habits. Everyone on New Year's day says to themselves, I'm gonna start a new diet, right? I'm gonna start a new exercise plan. So, day four and/or day nine. What can you minimize? What can you maximize? What rituals do you wanna set up for the new year? The nice thing about that, by the way, for the New Year's day, is other people are willing to start new things too. So, if you wanna minimize something at work, or you wanna maximize something in your home, you can say, hey you know, new year, let's try this new thing I've been thinking. You know, you go to your boss. You say, you know I was sitting down, reviewing my year, and I realized it would make me much more productive if we could try this. Everyone else is also much more willing to work through your new ideas in that time as well. On a bad day. Please bookmark and save or download, re-watch day three, play. Pull out your playstorming chart, you're in a funk, you're having a bad day. You're look, uh, this is not working for me. Play day is the best day for that cause it reminds you of your options. On bad days, I don't know about you, but I feel like I am hopeless. Right? I'm like nothing will make me feel better. I like become a witch, you know? And so, when I look at that playstorming list, I'm like oh yeah, oh I really wanted to do that, I wanted to go to that aromatherapy thing. I wanted to go do that restaurant thing. Right? It reminds me of all the choices that I have, and/or re-watching day five. Reminding us of that gratitude. That awe. Doing things that make us feel the five stages of wow. So, this is how I would recommend doing some of those re-watching things. So, let's go through some of the old pillars, and talk about how they work for assertivism. Pillar number one, oh I forgot to mention, so my goal for you is to pick two to three pillars that you wanna really focus on. So, now that you've learned all of them, I'm sure people had favorites and least favorites. I want you to pick two or three as I'm gonna go through all of them and I'm gonna ask you in the audience if that was one of your favorites. Those are the ones I want you to start with. It's hard to do all 10 at once. So, we're gonna pick the two to three priories. You guys kinda have an idea of which ones were your favorite? Okay, so pillar number one. Assertivist take is that you deserve to be happy right now. No more when/then. No more pushing it off into the future. This is about looking at what makes you happy and claiming it. Was this anyone's kind of priority day? Now how? All right. Okay, interesting. Pillar number two, mastery. So, this is about, I want you to be amazing at what you do. I don't want you just to be good. I don't even want you just to be great. I want you to be the best at what you do. Utilizing all those skills. How many felt like this was a priority day? Okay, very interesting. All right. Pillar number three, play. Assertively, play is not optional. We have to make the time. If we don't make the time for play, we will not have time for play. So, if you want to make sure that is in your life, you have to claim it. How many people feel like playstorming was a big one for them? Cool, all right. Playstorming. This is also your happy checklist, I forgot to mention. So, that big long list of pluses and checks and minuses, if you want to tear that out or just print that out in your workbook, you can actually use that as your checklist. Right? You can just go down it and make sure that you're checking off all of your pluses and question marks. So, you can print that out if you want. Pillar number four, minimizing the bad, maximizing the good. This takes energy, right? This means looking at your life, diagnosing the problems, and saying, I am going to change it. Right? I'm not gonna wait for them to change. I'm not gonna just tolerate it. I'm actually gonna do something about it. How many people feel like this was one of their priority days? Hmm, not as many. Interesting. Okay. Pillar number five, wow. The five stages of wow. Capitalizing on our happiness. Savoring a little bit more. This is about claiming moment to moment happiness. Making sure that we're saying, I am going to savor every second of this delicious Olive Garden's breadstick. Right? All of those different things that make us savor. How many feel like this was your big one? Ooh, great. Okay, that surprises me. Pillar number six, gratitude totems, Cause Champions. This is about giving what matters. It's about making our life and our legacies start right now. I think that when we give back, we know that our time on this earth is contributing to more than just our happiness, but other people's happiness as well. How many people have a Cause Champion or a gratitude totem they're gonna focus on? All right. This is gonna be a big one for some of you. Pillar number seven, finding your people. So, one thing I forgot to mention when I taught this lesson, is if you are having trouble finding people, yes you can use this course, right? The happiness Facebook group. Also, Science People, we are trying to do more in-person events. So, we have 70 different trainers all over the world, and they are starting Science People live events in all of their cities. So, we actually just rolled out the first 20 in October, and we're gonna be doing more and more every month. So, you're welcome to go to our website and search to see if there's a local tribe in your city. Science People are awesome. So, hopefully you can find your people. I'm happy to help. We do anti-networking events. So, I hate networking events. So, we created anti-networking events, and it means you come, you play games with us, and it's a totally different kind of networking experiment. So, hopefully you can join us for that. How many people feel like this is one you're gonna focus on? Okay, a lot. All right. Pillar number eight, your lucky jack. Lock opportunity in your basement, right? No more waiting, but actually searching and doing. Does anyone feel like this one is a big one? This is a hard one to make a priority. That's my reason for picking all of them. Yeah. Okay. (laughs) You can totally do that. So, lucky jack is a hard one to make a priority cause actually the good news about number eight, is once you know it, there's not much you have to actually physically do for it, right? It's a mindset shift. Triangle Theory, so leveraging your physiology for total wellness. How many people feel like they're gonna try to tackle a side of their triangle? Nice. Okay, a lot of people. Last one. Claim the life you love. Live to your fullest capacity. So, I already asked you if people were gonna start a quest. How many people have a quest that ties into a previous day? Or thinking about a quest that ties into a previous day? Like a Cause Champion? Maybe, okay. All right. I'll give you some time to think about it. Don't worry. One thing I wanted to mention here is work place. So, specifically some of the skills that can help you with your colleagues. Couple things that we do, sorry this is a long list, so there's a couple things that we do at the Science People that I thought might inspire you and your teams. Is how I try to utilize happy principles with my happy team. One is for learning, at Science People, we have a book fund. So, when any employee wants a book, all they have to do is email me why they want the book and I will send it to them as my gift. So, if you can give the gift of learning, I highly encourage using books as gifts, right? Especially if you ask someone, hey what's on your learning bucket list, and they say, oh I've always wanted to learn to grow a succulent garden, you can then for their birthday remember that, go get an amazing book on succulents for them. So, I love the idea of trying to gift learning to others. We do monthly, as I mentioned, start shop continues, and this is also where we look at our progress scoreboard and also we have ownership of metrics, right? So, I try to give people control, or self-mastery in their position. I also also highly encourage job craftings. We mentioned about job crafting at Google. So, one thing that we do is I try to ask my teammates about their skills. A concept here is that my B work is someone else's A work. When I mentioned video editing, that's my B work, right? I'm kind of unproductive about it. I don't do very well. I kind of get a B in that class of video editing. However, video editing is Robby's A work. So, me giving it away is not a guilty thing. It doesn't make me feel bad. I'm actually gifting Robby a mastery area for him. So, job crafting or job swapping, thinking about how you can hone what you do to make sure that it's only your A work allows other people to find their A work too. It's not a selfish activity. And lastly, stating your quests. So, I try even in my workplace, to make our questing support group. For example, Danielle, one of my colleagues is going, her quest when she took this course last year, was to try to go to Europe with her husband and take a long European vacation, and she has it on the calendar for March. So, I'm so so excited. She told us that she got to put that on the calendar. So, we try to follow up on each other's quests. I highly encourage you to ask your colleagues, what are you working towards? What are some passion projects that you're trying to accomplish? And then supporting them on those quests as well. Remember, you are not alone with all these pillars. We have the Facebook group. We also have Science People forums, so if you want a little bit more private, we have a whole forum discussion section on our website, and of course I'm always on Twitter. We have a big party on there. I check it very frequently. Other option is, maybe be alone. Right? I talk a lot about community and that's great, but I also encourage you to make a date with yourself, right? Take yourself to a coffee shop, and sit down and talk about your quest with yourself, right? Treat yourself to dinner. Take a solo weekend trip with this workbook, right? Say it like, I spent the whole week or the whole 10 days learning about happiness. I'm gonna really dig deep. Take yourself to a little B&B retreat, right? Sometimes we actually need to be alone to make progress. I think this is a quest lifestyle. Most of Science People students, or happiness students, have joined a quest lifestyle, and I wanna support you as much as I can. So, as you are embarking on this journey and these adventures, tell me how they are going, right? Living purposefully. Living with adventure and saying yes to things that fulfill us. I think that is a kind of radical honesty in itself, and I highly encourage you to join it. Helen Keller, be happy with what you have, while working for what you want. So, what you have right now is enough. It is totally enough, but every day that you work towards some of these pillars, every pillar you add to your happiness structure, brings a little bit more of that dopamine, that serotonin into your life. Your time is now. So, this is the end of the course. You have choices now to go and run with this adventure. All the different tools that I've given you, and you'll remember the Chinese Proverb I shared on day one. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now. I would like to know Who is planting their tree? Who is plating a tree? Well, you're all planting your tree because I'm gifting you trees. (laughs) So, we have little tiny trees for you, for everyone here. A little tiny tree for you. Please name your tree. I feel like they all deserve a little name. So, you all planted trees. Thank you. Yay. Yeah perfect. If you take these two, I'll take two over here, and I have like little fun thank you cards, little postcards for you guys too. Here's your little tree. Here little tree. (audience laughs) See, everyone planted a tree. You didn't even know. Names? Do you have names yet? Vanessa. Vanessa, oh. (audience laughs) Looks like me. Let me see, does it look like me? Let me see. (audience laughs) I like it. Or Nessa, like the mini me? Yeah. So, your happiness remember is a gift. So, I know that sometimes it can feel like we don't wanna focus on our happiness. That's not enough. That's not giving back enough. 87% of adults said they would prefer a society with the greatest overall happiness and well-being. Only eight percent preferred one with the greatest overall wealth. When you are happy, that contributes to everyone around you. We also have this gift that's been giving us dopamine this entire time. So, I actually wanna give this gift to someone who has been on this journey a long time with me. So, Jennifer, you actually know I think what's in this gift, but I wanna give it to you because Jennifer was actually in a little tiny version of this course that I did a few months ago. Then, you came all the way here to take it again. So, I want you to come up and I wanna give this gift to you. I have to help you with scissors. Yay! So, you wanna open it? Does anyone have any guesses what's in this box? Guess. I think it's a purple teddy bear. Maybe. Oh! Try opening it. Oh, oh my gosh thank you. Well, you haven't even opened it yet. I don't care. It's so cool. I have scissors in case it's hard to open. I'll just rip it up then. That's so, okay, maybe for the bottom part we might. Mm-hmm. They'll edit this out. Don't worry. Okay. It doesn't wanna come open. Here, hold on, watch your hands. Needs scissors. Okay, try that. Ready? (laughs) What is it? (laughs) Oh my gosh. Ah! (audience cheers) Yeah. I'll hug you. All right that is all yours. You can cuddle with it. It's really soft. Yay. Do I need to make another seat on the airplane for this? Yes, I think you should. You could wear it as like a little, you could hold it on your lap as your comfort animal. Yay. So cool. So, I told a story at the beginning of this course about a bear, right? And I think that all of us have the purple bear. It's just about putting in the work, right? It's about taking a little extra time and making sure that we're utilizing every tool and every skill I've given you in this course. I have more skills to give and more gifts to give. So, in your workbook, I also have an extra section for you on happy at work. So, I have an entire section in your workbook where I want you to be able to take some of the skills we learn, and I've posed some questions about how you can use these at work in different ways. A little chart that you can fill out. Some things to remember, to keep in mind for happiness at work. What's working for you at work, right? Can you play start, stop, continue with yourself, with your work tasks? Capability brings happiness. The more you can job craft and add mastery, the happier you're gonna be, and lastly, you give yourself an immediate competitive advantage by amping up your professional happiness. The best, the way you're most likely to get a raise or promotion, just like we saw in that Google study, is by increasing your happiness at work. You deserve to be happy and that also makes you more successful. I also have, in your workbook, a happiness check-up. This is what I encourage you to do. With five questions, once a month. You don't have to do it once a month. You could do it once a quarter, or once every six months. These are the five questions I ask myself every month. So, every month I do a big, like kind of personal growth day on a Sunday. I get my favorite tea. I make a whole big thing of it. These are the five questions I ask myself. These are the five questions I want you to ask yourself after this course as sort of a check-in. It also helps you, if you focus, if you've nailed through your four pillars, it helps you add a couple of more even afterwards. The final challenge of the course. Just start. There is no last challenge. It's just to pick one of those things that I've already given you. Start your quest. Start your happiness experiments. Start your sangha. Start minimizing. Start maximizing. Start your Cause Champion. The very last thing, bigger question is, what was the most important thing you learned in this entire course? Not just today, what was the biggest aha moment you had over all 10 days? We'd love to hear from you guys. I know I haven't, didn't warn you this was coming. Yes. For me, it's celebrating my accomplishments. I usually, I do a lot of things, but I don't take the time to celebrate them, and I do a lot of things that, like even my husband doesn't necessarily even know about because I'm always on to the next thing. Like how can that be? Oh good. Make him your partner in joy in that. Force him to make you celebrate together. Oh, I love that. Yes. Another hand, did you raise your hand? Yes? I think the most important thing was that the idea that the happiness is contagious. Like, just being a part of this class, with like a group of people that are really interested in you know, learning happiness. It's like a paradigm shift. Yeah. Yeah, it's a skill and being around the right people it actually brings everyone up. We float together. As the water rises, we all go up. I'm actually going to ask everyone, so get your answers ready. (laughs) I am, this has been really good to claim my happiness. So, I think that I've sort of like dampened my excitement about things along the way, and then specifically sharing my happiness and letting it sort of be known out to the world more than just like the select couple of people that I do. That's right, that's right. Well, two things. Happiness is always in me, It's just that I thought it's always out there and I was always waiting for when is the happiness coming to me? But, I will take control of my happiness, and also the second thing I learned is that happiness is a journey. Enjoy the process of being there. The destination is there, wonderful once I get there, but also enjoy the process of getting there. So, I've given you a lot of checklists, right? I've given you a lot of lists, but you'll notice that like, be happy, is not on any of the lists, and that is because happiness is not something you can check off, right? It's not something that you would achieve and then you're done with it. It's sort of a state of being, so I love that. Yeah? So much it's hard to say one thing. I mean, I've always felt that you choose happiness. Like everyday, you wake up and you get to decide, am I gonna be happy or not? Am I on or am I off? Exactly, but I loved that statistic that you shared about just stating that you're excited can totally change your perspective and your results, your performance. I love all the statistics that you share on how it improves your life and real results that you can measure. So, I'm excited to go back and really dive deeper into that, and the structure around it. I really appreciated the structure because like, you promised us it wasn't just going to be soft. We actually have tactical skills and a way to organize it that seems very digestible. I think that there are like 15 charts in that, right? I love charts. I love tables. (laughs) Yes? I loved the whole, the whole part of it being a mindset. That it's really a mindset of how you take that mindset and utilize it the best you can and to think about it and exactly the tools are what's gonna make it and I think after a while, those tools are just gonna come very natural, and I won't need to look at them anymore. I'll just be able to be in that present moment all the time. Absolutely right. Once you train your brain, it's like muscle memory, right? The first few squats are really hard. You're thinking about your posture and your positioning, and then after a while, you just fall into that muscle memory. And secondly, that I really wanna pay it forward to everybody that I know. Yeah, and maybe skydive. It's on the list. It's an expensive one, but it's definitely on the list. Even just starting to save for it is part of your quest. That's true. Yes? I'm excited about the quest, especially haveing so break down to the parts that I need to be starting right now, and then have a completion date for it. So, that make sure that I'm Do you have one? Yeah, I have a quest. Do you mind sharing it? So, I always wanted to climb Kilimanjaro. Yeah. And I went like there, like hiking which was like difficult, but this one is just a quest that I want to do and I should start training. Right? Oh yes. And the training for that is part of pillar number nine. Right? Like, the wellness. It actually all fits together. Ooh, I like it. That's a big one. Yes. I love the idea of happiness experiments. Especially those with question marks which on edge between like it will be disaster or success. (laughing) So, I think I usually postpone these experiences, but now I'm like eager to try them. Those come first. Right. You told us your favorite part, right? Yes? So, I guess the most thing that I really like was that Russian doll thing. So, the thing that you said, sometimes you wake up you do some stuff that at the end you say, okay I'm not done with that. So, it feels like you didn't do anything that day. So, it happens to me all the time. Some days I finish everything. I don't think that, okay I did all of that last day because of them I can't finish it today. So, I guess doing that like, Getting that sense of completion. Right. The joy that comes from completion. Completely. My purple bear. This reaffirmed a lot of things for me. Yeah. I feel like I'm on a really unbelievable journey that I didn't expect. A year ago I wouldn't have seen me here doing any of this, and so I guess my biggest takeaway is to take all this and keep going. That's it. That's right, and you can. That's why I gave you the purple bear. You took the step to come back. So, I'm really excited about that. Ah, yes. Are we full circle. I have one. You have one left, yes. Okay, perfect. I really liked doing the skill temperature quiz. I think that sometimes I thought, oh well, I know what I'm good at, but actually having it laid out and taking the time, it seemed like some of them overlapped, but I realized afterwards that they didn't really, and that the things that I find come naturally to me, aren't necessarily what comes naturally to other people and I can help share with that. So, I thought that was really good. And that is why I outlined those skills like that. It took a while to figure out what skills were there, so there wasn't overlap and to let you know like, you are special in those areas, right? Like, not everyone is as creative or as socially intelligent or is open as you and you should like own those skills. Thank you guys for sharing those aha moments. I also had aha moments as I taught this course. So, I cannot wait to go back and tweak some of the science and do more research. So, remember at home, please tweet me your happy aha moments from the entire course. I cannot wait to read them and I will gift out a copy of my book, Captivate, when it comes out, and we are at the final end of the course. I'm gonna have everyone stand up, and this final hurrah I also wanna thank all of you guys here who showed up and shared. I also wanna thank my happiness crew here at Creative Lives, so I have thank you card for the entire crew, and we're gonna dance, play some music, and you can come on up if you can. I know the camera operators are operating the cameras, but can Joseph, Mikala, Matt, Lauren, Daniel, Matt, M and H both, Chris, Kasey, Kris with a K, John, Ken is not here, we're gonna save it for her, Kate, Chris, Eliza, and Kim. That's how many people are behind the scenes at Creative Lives. So, we're gonna dance. We're gonna have a big hoorah. (clapping) If you can get everyone who's free. You have to come to come, Chris. (laughs) He's hiding up there. We can play some music. (upbeat music) (laughs)

Class Description

“Vanessa is the BEST!  She changed my life and I'm convinced if everyone did this course, the world would be a better place in which to live.” -Angela, CreativeLive Student
The search for happiness is your key to greater success. Do you know what makes you happy and how to get more of it? Most of us have no idea what drives our internal joy triggers. In this course you will learn that happiness is concrete and achievable. More importantly, happiness has tremendous benefits for every area of our life.

Vanessa Van Edwards has cracked the code on happiness. She runs the Science of People, a human behavior research lab. After studying the underlying patterns that drive our behavior for 4 years, Vanessa has come up with a framework for happiness - and a system for applying the latest scientifically backed happiness principles to your own life.

This class is designed to be watched over time. Just one lesson a day will keep you on track. Or feel free to binge watch all the lessons in one day! Rewatch the lessons whenever you need a refresher.

Vanessa’s methods are based on exhaustive research and solid science. This course is based on a literature review of 246 happiness studies, an audit of happiness data from over 12,000 people, and 4 years of research. The metrics that justify her research are just as compelling. Research has found that 50% of our happiness is genetic and 10% is the result of our environment. That means 40% of our happiness is influenced by behavior and mindset. Vanessa will focus on the 40% that you can address, so you can get back on track with your life and your goals.

Don’t be a passive learner! Students who purchase the class will also receive Vanessa’s comprehensive workbook with over 90 pages of exercises, charts, graphs and challenges to keep you on track to becoming a happier person.

Need an extra boost of positive motivation? Join The Power of Happiness Facebook Group to stay connected to people like you, who are retraining their brains and learning the true power of happiness.


Naomi Leila

I am so grateful for this course and for Vanessa. I took this course a few weeks ago and my happiness audit was at 100 neither happy nor unhappy. Now i feel so much happier and everything in my life has improved as a ripple effect and i am 134 on the happiness audit. This course really pays off if you put the work in and follow Vanessa's amazing guidance. It is such a fun, uplifting and brilliant course, i highly recommend it to everyone.

Jennifer Lee

Do you want to find happiness? And take control of your life, and ignite happiness in others? Are you looking to boost your self confidence or looking for ways to make your world a better place? If you said YES to these questions and are curious about the power of happiness, please check out The Power Of Happiness course with Vanessa Van Edwards! This course will awaken you and empower you with practical steps. Check it out. I guarantee you will be glad that you made the investment! Jennifer Lee A student of The Power Of Happiness

Andrea Magee

This course gave me actionable ways to think about my mindset and take some manageable steps toward improving my happiness. My cheeks were really feeling how much smiling and laughter (as well as dancing!) is included in each of the 10 days. Accepting that my own happiness is an ongoing skill to be exercised, as well as one that can encourage contagious happiness for my friends and family too.