Grow Your Happiness Community
they are doing this and it's not really I e I don't know if you just noticed we were making our own Macarena just then because we couldn't actually do it to the market. And I hope you were doing it at home. We danced the beginning of every segment to get our dopamine endorphins flowing, and today we're talking about sang a day number seven. So I kind of have a love hate relationship with this day. And the reason for that is because I spend most of my time in the times people talking about community interpersonal skills, body language, communication, connection. So on the one in one way it's my comfort zone, right? Like I talk about all the time. But on the other hand, this day also makes me the most nervous because it was the hardest skill for me. So I kind of have a love hate relations to stay so patients with me today as we keep going before we move on, I want to talk about what we've done on Pillar number one. We did your now how we figure out exactly what makes you happy in your li...
fe. One day two, we talked about capability. What skills and natural talents do you have in Day three, we talked about your day three play. Been a long day. We talked about play where we play storm to come up with ideas for you to play with set of happiness experiments. Day four. We minimize and maximize with control Day five, we said Wow and try to bring in the five stages of Wow. Yesterday we hit our G spots. We'd get gratitude and giving for real people. And today we're talking about community, how our happiness goes on just us and actually leading in from our cause. Some of you have causes that are with other people, write directly working other people's. There's a reason why I decided to continue that cause champion into this discussion of what is our effect on others. How can we gift happiness to people in our lives? Happiness really is a social beasts. It cannot be done alone. No matter how many of these exercises and activities you do, you really cannot complete this happiness journey without involving other people, the right kind of people in your life. This is also about creating a happiness support system right? Yes. We build your happiness structure, and every pillar makes you more supported. But also, every person you bring into your happiness structure makes that not just a bear building, but a beautiful home. Right? That's the decoration of your building. And lastly, how do we build your happy community beyond just here beyond your Facebook group and Twitter group at home. So, as always, I have a little bit of a warm up, so don't get your cards ready, please. And at home, you can play this along with us. Just raise one of your hands. You can get cards and play with me if you'd like. All right. So are you ready? We're gonna do a couple together user harder, would we're gonna play. Would you rather So would you rather be a dog for a day or be a cat for a day? I want to find someone with your color and give them a high five. Find some with your color. Given a little high five. Find your people. Find your people. All right. Let's try it one more time. Would you rather be able to fly or be able to time travel off road came up high. Five year person high five. Your person. Find your color high five year person. You can wave to them to if they're too far away. Would you rather take a European sightseeing vacation or take a relaxing Caribbean vacation? Go totally mixed. Find your person finder person. Give my five. Find your people. You have a red over there. Yes, high five them. So we like people like us. That exercise both triggered your dopamine because we like to play games and it also had you raise your hand. Look around, see who's my person who's my person. Wear my colors and we tend to like people like us. We like people who look like us. We like people who think similarly to us. We like people who have our values. Why, when we find people like us, we tap into this very, very important feeling of I belong right. Someone is like me. It makes us feel when we see someone else like us. It helps us except ourselves more. It actually helps us with self love, and part of this has to do with oxytocin and serotonin sees the two chemicals that are gonna be at play today. Oxytocin is that chemical that makes us feel bonded to someone it gives us. Actually that calm, everything is okay feeling. So when we have that bond with someone were like, I really like them. That's actually oxytocin coursing. Fear bloodstream. That happens. We find someone who are people who are similar to us. Serotonin also keeps us calm because that nice, easy going feeling and were with people who truly accept us, we feel like we don't want to be anywhere else in the world. That's one of the most beautiful feelings we have. Let's do a couple more. Would you rather go back in time to meet your ancestors or go in the future to meet your grandkids hard one High five Someone high, five year color, high five. Your color. Lots of reds. Got someone who did both. All right, this one is a hard one. Would you rather always have to say everything on your mind or never speak again? What would you rather see? A lot of greens. All right. High five year person, high five year person. You have to air high five each other your reds. So guess what High five secretly is. So I also want to do the high five your person also produce oxytocin. So every time we have physical touch with someone else and I talked about this a lot in my power of Body Language course that also produces the exact chemical we need to bond with them. There was even a 2010 study that looked at basketball teams. They found that the number of fist bumps, high fives, chest bumps, leaping shoulder bumps. I don't even know what'll I read that. I was like, What is a leaping? Oh, I think it's like a who write with that noise. That probably sounded terrible. Uh, all right, that's like a leaping shoulder. I've never done that. My life with someone before. Uh, chest punches also never done that. Head slaps had grabs low fives, high tens, half hugs and team huddles correlated significantly with the degree of cooperation among teammates and the number of wins. Right? So now I don't I don't know sports, but what's like the bigs like basketball winning like not the Heisman but like what's like the NB age? No wrong crowd. Okay, so what? I feel like like races anyone? No. No. OK, so whatever you win at the end of like a basketball season, like supposedly, they had the most of those. Yeah, I don't world champions. It's cool. High fives, air. Good. High visor is a lot of hockey dose and and they correlate with number of wins. Oh, my God. I have to work in my sports analogies. Okay, so here's a confession. This was the scariest and hardest skill for me. This was actually that number one pillar number one of my happiness journey. So growing up, I had the feeling were no matter what group I was at with it was a sports team or a club that I was the weird one. I always just felt like when I walked into a group, I was talking weirder. I looked different. I sound weird. I never said the right things. So what happened was is I ended up being very achievement oriented. I would dive into my books, I would dive into things I could do. And that made me even weirder, right? So I didn't rush. I didn't join all the groups other people were doing. I never went to parties and that actually made me feel even weirder. So it was this terrible cycle that I had on myself. So when I finally got out of college on my graduation day, part of that deep sadness that I felt was not only that I had made the wrong academic decisions, but also that I had very few friends, that I hadn't built relationships, that I looked forward to that I feel like I even knew people in my life very well. And I found that that was a huge emptiness in my life. So this skill means a lot to me because this one took me the longest to get right. The science is pretty clear on relationships. So Ed Diener very happy people, great set of research social relationships were the most important factor in differentiating happiest people. So Ed Dinner's research of Happy People that was his biggest differentiator between the happiest on the unhappiest people skills are essential. So when you look at actual people, skills, communication and relationships, people with strong people skills are less likely to perceive situations as stressful. Now this one really hit home for me because I realized that when I was lacking people skills. I would go into a situation incredibly nervous. And that was actually a self fulfilling prophecy because I would go in. I would perceive all of the situation is even more stressful, which would shut down my people skills even more, which would make me feel even weirder, which would make it more trust, like this terrible, terrible cycle, Which is why I broke people skills down into this science because I realized OK, if I can just focus on a little bit better people skills, maybe the social situations will be less stressful for me. So I had to sort of back my way into those people skills. Another interesting study here. I wish I remember the exact author, but it was a study where they had people look at neutral faces and people who are highly neurotic. So in the master people skills, we talked about neuroticism. I'm highly neurotic. Not a bad thing on the personality scale. Highly neurotic people seen neutral faces as negative, so there was times when I would be with people who were totally neutral, but I perceive them as negative. So also how we read people effects, how we feel about ourselves. I was thinking that people didn't like me over angry me when Actually they were totally neutral. So are people. Skills can be a back door into it. And, of course, we are connections or capital. I mentioned this very briefly in day one, when this is a great book connected. Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler. They did mathematical analyses of our networks. They found that a person is 15% more likely to be happy if they're directly connected to a happy person. Happy people tend to cluster together, whereas if you look at the mathematical chains in their book, they have these chains of connections. They're all kind of garbled together. Happy people are in these big clumps. Whereas unhappy people tended to be the end of a long chain, they would have like Sarah knows. Joe Joe knows Mike. Mike knows Dave and Dave knows Rachel and Rachel usually had the lowest happiness rating because she was at the end of a chain. It's a very interesting way to look at happiness and our networks. Another thing about relationships is the number of friendships is a great predictor of income. In their study happen, people made an extra $5000. That's a huge number for just having more friends, almost like coming about being paid to have more friends. It's also about worth. I think that when we talk about worthiness, worthiness, prerequisites, do we deserve to be happy. Do we deserve success? I think for me at least I had this idea that I didn't deserve to have people or I wasn't worthy of having really close connections and good friendships. I think that we are. We are deserving of that feeling of belonging. Yes, it's hard to get. It's hard to get those people who make us feel like the best version of ourselves, but we deserve to find him. Take some work, but we deserve to have them. So I came across this concept of a Sangha and saying Is this beautiful term lots of different variations of different languages? Ah, Sangha is a small community of like minded people who help you be yourself best self, actually a Buddhist term, and they talk about these saying Gaza's very small communities, where you can support each other in learning and growth. I think that all of us should have a single and this takes a lot of different forms as I started to research the happiest people and I asked them about this idea. Do you have a group of people or a single person who feels like they're your tribe? That the people who, whenever you're with them, you can say anything? You can do anything and they know you and your values better than anyone else. Do you have those people? And typically the happiest people could immediately tell me who that was and it looked different for everyone. Wasn't like they all had the perfect friends group, right? Wasn't like they all had this the perfect sex in the city. Four group of women, right? That's sort of Ah, I think I think all wound feel guilty if they don't have it, Not the TV kind of sangha. I mean, like a real sang, and it was different for each of them. They all could tell me who those people were. So let's talk about how to create your Singa whether or not you have one already, or you think that you can start toe work on getting one part of this. Actually, the very beginning of the course asked you to find your partner. Enjoy. We are a little sangha in here as we grow and have this momentum together with your partner. Enjoy. Part of the reason I gave you discussion questions and ask you to take it with someone was because I wanted you to have someone where you could have the same lexicon. You could talk about gratitude, totems together, you could talk about, cause champions together and use the same kind of words this one also I love life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. So creating a sangha is not only about finding the people who nourish you. It's also about detoxing, the people who don't nourish you. Now I'm not gonna talk a lot about detoxing in this course. I talk a lot about it and master people skills. But I also want you to think about kind of clearing the way right. There is, ah, metaphor that's used a lot where farmers often have to burn all their crops to make room for the new ones you might not be ready to create. You're saying it. You might have to do a little bit of cleaning first, and that's okay, depending on where you are in that phase, this is what we're going for that I belong. I want to take a moment in your workbook and I want you to think about when is a moment that you felt this with a single person with many people. When was a moment where you felt like like, this is my group? These are my people. This is my time away to think about those two words because I think but I belong is the most powerful phrase. I think it's even more powerful than I love you. I think I belong is actually a deeper way of saying love because it's total self and other acceptance. First question on, I belong for your Sangha. Do you think this has to be new people? Or do you think that you already have kernels nuggets of a sangha? Seeds of a single with existing people? That's the big question you have to start with. So are these formalizing or leveraging increasing existing relationships? Or is it about cultivating existing connections? Maybe you have, ah, soft connection with someone, but you want to make it stronger. Last choice is it about finding new people. These are three very different ways of creating singles, right? One is, um, leveling up a current relationship. Second is taking existing relationship, actually, making it something that matters to the both of you. And lastly is about searching or exploring. So three different things. None of these air, right or wrong, I want you to pick the one that's right for you. So I was curious in the audience What feels more right, How much do you think they're gonna be finding new connections? How many will there gonna be finding honing existing connections? A little bit of both. Okay. Totally. Totally spread throughout. Okay. So I'm glad you kind of have an inkling of it if you don't Both her up. That's okay. Have some exercises in the workbook to help you clarify. Yes, please. So is it like a group where they all sort of know each other too? Or is it So when we did this happiness research, they were all a little bit different. I will not define that for you. Like for example, someone said, Oh, yes. It's my best friend. It's me, my best friend. We are like a unit. That was her single. Just the two of them, right? Other people. It was like a formalized group of high school friends. They get together every month for pizza night, so, I don't know, wanted to find it for you. That's why I think that the litmus test for everything is Do I feel like I belong, right? And if that is a formalized group off somewhere everyone's involved in knows about it. Great. If it's a group where you just go there and you're like, this is my jam so I won't define it for you. I think you have to find yours. Here's step one. So if you're not quite sure where you're gonna find Assange up here is where I want you to start. I actually want you to start with a common interest, and this has to do with the science. So science says common interests are the best way to connect. Studies show that each common interest between people boosts chances of a lasting relationship. So every time you're with someone, that common interest that you land on increases your chances of having lasting relationship each common interest brings about a 2% increase in life satisfaction. So our relationships and how alike we field with people in our life has a direct effect on that legacy on that fulfillment that I talked about as a goal in the beginning of the course. Now, in my book, I talk about this idea of ties that when you meet someone and, like, say that we're like, Oh, yeah, you know what I also in from Los Angeles? I was talking to someone who is also from Los Angeles. Earlier today. We were talking about the spring from Los Angeles. I was like, Ah, me, too. That was a tie that both boosted our percent of life satisfaction by 2%. So every time you meet someone you're trying to create these ties that tie you together with someone, the more ties you have, the more likely you are to both enjoy their relationship and feel better about it yourself. Ideas there. Tons of ideas for common interests, sports, hobbies, books, news being an alumni groups, religion, TV shows, geography, your profession, right. Many other people in your profession, common goals like being in this course political causes, and then we get into some of the ones that we've already talked about? This course I've given you a couple of common interests that you might not have thought about before. Is there someone you could do happy experiments with? Maybe has your same skill levels. Is there someone who has the same skills who want exercise those skills in a new way? Is there someone who has a very similar to our happiness and we willing to go on happy adventures with you? And lastly, is there someone in your cause, champion, or is your cause champion? Your Sangha? Right? Is that in itself can be your Sangha, of course. The power happiness Facebook group. So at home you have the lucky benefit of meeting all these other happiness students. That might be your Singa, right? Finding someone in your local area who's also taking the happiness course. That could be a great way to sort of start off that Sanga number two. So once you pick a common interest, you're like, Yeah, I think there's something here in this area. I want you to focus on qualitative, not quantitative. So this is not about the amount of people it's not about the amount of times you meet. It's about the death of those relationships and having really high quality. Like even if you have ah, friend who doesn't live in the same city as you, they don't have to be next door. You might see them once or twice a year, but that time fills you so much, right? So it's not about the quantity. It's about the quality. And, of course, the science backs is up a swell. So Simon Baz Ear says, Well being is really this is actually named her study, which I love is eavesdropping on happiness. Well being is related to a having less small talk and more substantial conversations. So she actually found that what we talk about with people in our life has everything to do with quality, not quantity. You are betting better off having one really deep conversation once a month, then a bunch of really surfaced conversations three times a week. Those not last for us. They don't give us enough dopamine or serotonin. I'm curious in the audience and at home. When I showed up that list, what common interest do you want to try? What's sort of What area are you thinking Might work for you and your single. Any ideas? Any inklings? Love off outdoor? Yes. And you were talking about how you bring the outer inside. And that could be anything, right? Any kind of love outdoor outdoor groups. I love it. Or even outdoor partner. You have to be a group. Other ones? Yes. I like profession, goals and mastermind sort of grouping. Yes. So a lot of my students know that I do awesome clubs. So awesome clubs are my version of mastermind where I find people who are very like minded in different careers but similar goals. And we meet once a month and have really deep goal oriented accountability conversations that I call them awesome clubs. So, yes, I agree with you. Yeah. Rescue. Yes. Oh, I love it. Never heard that one before. Pets and rescue animals Is that maybe your cause to do you think or no recently rescued a dog and the person who helped us go through how toe adapt a dog. He said You just rescue two dogs. And I was thinking, What, two dogs? I just one just one dog. And he said, You allow the room by risking $1 you allow room for another doctor, Come in. Yes. Yes. Also a person who would rescue a dog. They're going to have similar values to you. So the reason why I have you focused in a common interest is not only because you have a lot to talk about. Yeah, you have things that you can share. But it's also because you're gonna attract in other ways people who have the same values as you. The perfect example of this is I studied abroad in China. And so China is not a typical destination for most study abroad students. And when I got to China, I was the first time really in college where I was like, Oh, my gosh, I actually feel that little hint of belonging. It's where I met my husband, eso I got there and I was like, Oh, look, all these people were attracted to this very specific program. They were out of their comfort zone. They came from the United States, had picked some interest in China. They either were majoring in China, and so it had attracted people with very similar values. And I met my husband on that trip as a junior in college, and it was purely based on the fact that I started with a very single kernel of interest, and it grew into something better. So you attract the same kind of values when you focus on that common interest. The good news is also people make us healthy. So if there isn't reason enough to want to have really good relationships in our life, when you when you spend as much time with people that you are like these air the couple things that happen one in one study, people who receive emotional support during the six months after a heart attack were three times more likely to survive hasn't incredible wait a. I mean talk about prescribing, healing. Right to say, I want you to take these medications, and I also want you to spend three hours of people who you love every day, right, like that's a prescription to keep us heart healthy. Participating in a breast cancer support group doubled a woman's life expectancy post surgery doubled, just joining a support group. Researchers have found that social support has as much effect on life expectancy as smoking high blood pressure, obesity and regular physical activity. So we don't list a Sangha or a social group on our health and well being list, right? We flaws, we work out, we go to the gym, we walk for 20 minutes. But actually, the thing that can affect us the most is having his relationships that fill us. That is because they think so. When oxytocin is produced, actually repairs micro tears in the heart. So you think that oxytocin is actually a restorative kind of a chemical, so it doesn't really make us feel good. It also makes us heal faster. Third step. So focusing on a common interest thinking about qualitative, not quantitative three. How can you thrive a with them? So I think that when you think about the people or the kind of people that you want to meet, what is away? Where things that you can do what? How, when and why. What are things you can do with them that would help you thrive? That would help you have those subsidence conversations that would help you look forward to seeing them. Not all kind of experiences are created equal so very quickly. I want to know who pops into your head. When I asked some of these questions, you ready? And you can actually write these down at home, I know that who, you know, calling them out on camera is a little bit intimating. So have you write them down as I call him out, who makes you better So in your life, when you hang out with them or you see them or you talk to them, who makes you feel like a better person? And also, who do you think you make better? Who do you contribute to their well being? Second, who challenges you in a good way? Who pushes you a little bit out of your comfort zone? Just a little nudge out of your comfort zone. And who do you challenge in a good way? Who do you push out of their comfort zone? Because the saying is not just about what you receive. It's also about what you give and, lastly, who makes you think Who makes you think about topics that you usually don't consider who brings up questions and ideas that challenge your way of thinking, And when you are talking to people, who do you give Ah ha. Moments too, right? So when you're with, have you ever had someone say to you never thought about it that way or, Gosh, I never, never, never occurred to me. Who have you done that for? Those people I want you to think about either specifically to approach for your Singa or also just the kind of people, like maybe when I was doing this course in the beta version, someone said, you know, I was at a conference two years ago and I realized that I was having so many of these thought conversations. I think I noted me to go to that conference again because somehow that conference attracts the people who fall into this. So it's also can be what was there a time in your life or a place where some of these things came up? If it's not just a specific person, last thing, how can you think about structure? So this is kind of an optional step, because sometimes you're with the best friend. You're not gonna always bring in structure into your best friendship, right? You're going to like now we're gonna do an ice breaker. I mean, you could I do that with my friends, but it doesn't work for everyone s. So here's what I want you to think about for structure. Here's a couple things to consider. When do you do it? So, is it a kind of thing where you decide to do every Friday or every last Sunday or once a year? We do a big camping trip. Where do you do it? Maybe sometimes in your comfort zone in your hometown, is not it? Maybe it actually is going away somewhere. Maybe it is trying new restaurants, tying it with a mastery area and saying, Oh, I'm really high open. I want a partner to go and try the best taco places around town, right? And I'm gonna find that person to be a taco adventurer with me, right? Making it up. What do you do? So when you're actually together, I love free flowing conversations. But I found that awesome clubs. Why did these masterminds with creative professionals, if we didn't have a structure, we didn't go deep. We tended to kind of stick toe like house work. How's the wife has everything going? Lovely conversations, but we weren't going the substance. So what I did is I added five questions to those awesome clubs that we ask every time. Of course, we have free flow conversation before and after. But I found that that structure helped me go a little deeper and my best kind of Oh, I love this group. Moments come usually during those questions. Lastly, how many people could be one can be his biggest 10. Right? This is something for you to decide how Maney is in that group. I also want you to consider some of the exercises in tool I have already given you. Look at your chart of skills. Can you find some mastery areas to go with? Is there something in your happiness chart? You either want to continue doing stop or start doing that Could maybe contribute to a Sangha. Your place storming list? Of course. Is there partner enjoy that can do them. And lastly, with your cause champions. Couple case studies I want to give you from previous happiness students. So one of them common interests was firefighters blowing off steam. I love that pun given. Yeah, see, I thought of you. Isn't that out of that? Yes, it works already. Eso fire buyers willing off steam that extra after work time. Qualitative! They decided it was 10 volunteer firefighters, and they all lived near each other. So his kind of thrived thing was geography, and they used the happiness chart where he's very competitive and he loves playing pool. But he never got to play right. He didn't have a pool table, so they actually set up pool tournaments to do this every I think I want to say it was like once a month or once every three weeks and like that, they set up these big pool tournaments. So he was able toe increase the number of hours and his happiness chart for pool and also hanging out with people. I will say one other thing about formalising. So I have a really wonderful group of friends in Portland were wacky and crazy. If you follow me on instagram, we're always in costume on my favorite things is to dress up. So we have, like toga Christmas parties and, like, you know, random like Grecian goddess Easter parties. You know, we have all we any excuse to dress up, and we just we figured out that if we didn't formalize. When we got together, it often went a couple weeks that getting together. So every third Thursday is epic friend group meal Time that we got. We actually named our text group Epic Friend group Meal Time. And so every Thursday, we rotate. Who gets to pick a restaurant, and we do these kind of supper clubs, and we always have a discussion question. So this is a casual group of friends of couples that I see, but adding just a little bit of structure, it made it so that we didn't let the time go and then having a discussion question is also really fun because we rotate who picks it. And so it's always produces a very intense discussions of everyone. Another case studies so adult young adult book club. So adults who like to read why a fiction but don't want to feel silly reading Why a fiction get together? Qualitative. It's five passionate readers, five readers who read avidly and quickly all the time. They thrive. Actually, good reads you're talking about good reads earlier today. The good reads for him. They actually share book lists and reading lists, and I'm actually you created a Booklist for the happiness course on Good reads. I'm gonna share that. I'll tweet it out. So if you want to follow our good read for him, you can. On their structure was to do one book per month, and they do five questions. They assign someone a book, and they have to come with five questions to the group to have a really cool discussion. Question. Right? Easy wayto add structure. Another one. So retired teachers, These are all retired teachers in their swan song, retiring, and they decided it's only three of them. They call themselves The Happy Hunters. They took the course together. They wanted to base it on their cause. Champions. I mentioned those the library in earlier. They decided there cause champion it together. The three of them focused on literacy. And so they actually do an after school reading group with students. And so this has been like this, the best part of the afternoon. I think they do it like three times a week, and they have this amazing reading group together and then also with students Wonderful way to combine the two. Remember here this is an experimental mindset. So what I caution you. And creating a Sangha is Don't jump in too fast, right? Like if you have an idea of someone in mind, you have a topic that you're kind of like. I think that could work. You don't have to send out a formalized email telling people that you are going to now create a single with them, get together, kind of casually see how it feels. CIA's you're talking. Bring up the idea of a book club or doing cause champion. That experimental mindset goes a long way here, so you have to feel like you have to sign up for a singer right away. This is actually one of the few lessons that I will not be giving you deadline homework. I'd much rather you play around with the idea over the next few months. Then tell me tomorrow you have. You're saying you already sent out invites. You can do that, you know that. But I want you to play around with the people a little bit. Something to think about. Here is your teams. So a lot of us work with people. You might have an existing team in your life that you want to Diallo up the I belong, right? Maybe they're not your only saying about. Maybe you wanna have a little bit that belonging within existing team. First thing you can do to utilize this team kind of I belong in the oxytocin is Do start, stop, Continue with your group. So in my team, my sizeable team, we do start, stop, continue. I learned so much about my team from that exercise I learned about their values. I learned about their skills. I asked them, You know, if you want to start something for the company, what would you dio? Someone tells me? Oh, I love Instagram and I love building graphics. I would love to build graphics for signs of people. Great. Alright. I learned that one of my team members makes amazing infographics like incredible infographics. She's like, Can I go back and adds new infographics to like our old posts? Yes, right. So how can you utilize everyone's skills? Make them do them the chart, print out a copy of the mastery chart for them and have them do it second, Can you generate a little anticipation? So is there something you could do in your group? Your existing team. This could be a family or professional team. What is coming up that the group itself could get excited for? For example, I was just talking to my team members on Tuesday about Creative Live, and I was like, I think that after creativelive, we're all gonna need a spa day. They're like, Oh, yes, and I was like, We're going to go to this spot that I know we're all gonna get foot baths and massages and we're going to do it as soon as creative life is over, I'm excited about it. I'm also generating a little bit of anticipation for them because they do so much work when creativelive is live every day. So that's a way that trying to generate a little bit of anticipation, adding to cause champions. So think about with your professional team. Is there a cause you can add to your professional goals? Can your business give back to something or doing to something? Can you ask about the team's nonprofit angle that can also bring some that altruism and toward teams? And lastly, how can you experiment with new ideas that start area if you can play storm with them a little bit. I think it also adds little bit that hoping curiosity to your teams pep talk. I think that this is kind of an anxiety provoking day for some people. Don't knows anyone sort of like worried about finding their group. I will not make you raise your hands. I was worried about this when I first got it. So my pep talk for you is you do not have to rush this. I think it can take a while to find those relationships that truly nourish us. So be kind to yourself. Be gentle to yourself at home. Don't push yourself to go too fast if you are like me and you are recovering awkward person and you feel like I don't know how to talk to people and a little more help with the people skills Science. I asked Creativelive if I could have a discount coupon, and they said Yes, thank you. Creative Live so in your workbook. And even if you didn't get the workbook, if you use Vanessa 15 you'll get 15% off my master people skills course or my power body language Course. If you feel like you need a little bit of extra help on this lesson. So what's coming tomorrow? So tomorrow is day eight. We're gonna go very much into mindset. So this is going to be about your lucky Jack. How do we leverage perspective to help us be happier? Here are challenges. All I wanted to do today is pick a common interest, right? Whatever. What's one or two areas you think could possibly generate some of those connections to? I want you to reach out toe. One person on this doesn't have to be official like I'm contacting you about a sango that I'm starting. I just want you to reach out to one person and see if they would be willing to dabble in that common interest with you and then just begin experimenting, maybe schedule a dinner on the calendar, maybe join a meet up group that you're interested. Maybe sit in and listen to ah ah group that you were curious about or cause you were curious about. So extra credit prompts in your workbook to help you figure out what that common interests might be. And let's talk about the most important thing you learned today. So what was your happy. Ah ha. Today what clicked for you guys in the audience? Any Yes. I'm really excited to not take myself too seriously when finding a Sango because it has been in the back of my head, you know, look at community. And But, like, I looked at it with, like, a very like, that adult approach that very like right arrive, I gotta do this. And so to come at it with the experimental mindset and the play and the let's see what works and like, it's that doesn't have to be, you know, just right the first time. Or that's like a relief. And it's exciting. Yeah. Play approach time, adult approach for sure. All right. What else? Yes. I, um I've found myself really challenged because I think I found a single back in August. Yes, but that was on a much bigger scale. Yeah, and a lot farther away in a lot more global. So now what I want to take, um, from everything you've given us suit and take what I stumbled on to sort of accidentally Yeah, and actually create it where I'm a smaller, more local level. I'm s great, right? That inspired That's a really easy, easy process. But I should say I don't have to wait till every August. Yes, to have that experience. I want to take those kernels of feelings and have them every day. Yes, yes. My ah ha moment was when I realized that somebody from a online business group that I'm a part of actually was one of your beta testers. So you never know what kind of groups you're already in that I might have overlapping common interests. So this is a small world, ever. Last night, you go to, ah, business networking group and you say that you're doing that power happiness course. And you met one of my beta students from the first time around for the gym mats Alice, Right, Alice? Yes, I have a small well, no small medium sized sang a group that I did not put together. But other people did fabulous and they meet. We meet women once a month for dinner as well, and I think that I've looked at it is just more high level and that I need to approach people in that group a little different And take those kernels like you said and fine tune. Really who they are, what they enjoy and find, Um, find those relationships that are common. Yeah, and I haven't done that yet. So this opened my eyes dialing up Something existed. It's this gift that you have just waiting to be opened. Not yet. Uh, not yet. All right. So at home, I want you to tweet me. What? Your most important thing you learned. Waas Under be giving away captivate to everyone who tweets all 10 days the best of those tweets and we'll have us dance everyone out at home. Stand up, stretch it out