Grow Your Happiness Community
(upbeat music) Yes we are doing this and it's not real. Little down and around, yes. I don't know if you just noticed, we were making our own macarena just then. Because we couldn't actually do it to the macarena. I hope you were doing it at home, we dance at the beginning of every segment to get our dopamine endorphins flowing. And today we're talking about Sangha, day number seven. So I kind of have a love/hate relationship with this day and the reason for that is because I spend most of my time at the (mumbles) talking about community. Interpersonal skills, body language, communication, connection. So in one way it's my comfort zone, I talk about it all the time. But on the other hand this day makes me the most nervous because it was the hardest skill for me. So I kind of have a love/hate relationship with this day so patience with me today as we keep going. Before we move on I want to talk about what we've done. On pillar number one we did your now how, we figured out exactly what ...
makes you happy in your life. On day we talked about capability, what skills and natural talents do you have? In day three we talked about your day three play. It's been a long day. We talked about play where we play-stormed to come up with ideas for you to play with, setup happiness experiments. Day four we minimized and maximized with control. Day five we said wow and tried to bring in the five stages of wow. Yesterday we hit our G-spots. Gratitude and giving for real people. And today we're talking about community, how our happiness goes beyond just us. And actually leading in from our cause, some of you have causes that are with other people, directly work from other people. So there's a reason why I decided to continue that cause champion into this discussion of what is our affect on others? How can we gift happiness to people in our lives? Happiness really is a social beast. It cannot be done alone, no matter how many of these exercises and activities you do, you really cannot complete this happiness journey without involving other people, the right kind of people in your life. This is also about creating a happiness support system. Yes, we build your happiness structure and every pillar makes you more supported, but also every person you bring into your happiness structure makes that not just a bare building, but a beautiful home. That's the decoration of your building. And lastly how do we build your happy community beyond just here, beyond your Facebook group and Twitter group at home? So as always I have a little bit of a warmup. So I want you to get your cards ready, please. And at home you can play this along with us, just raise one of your hands. You can get cards and play with me, if you'd like. So are you ready? We're gonna do a couple together. These are harder. We're gonna play would you rather. So would you rather be a dog for a day or be a cat for a day. I want you to find someone with your color and give them a high five. Find someone with your color, give them a high five. Find your people, find your people. Alright let's try it one more time. Would you rather be able to fly or be able to time travel. Red came right up. High five your person. Find your color, high five your person. You can wave to them, too, if they're too far away. Would you rather take a European sight-seeing vacation or take a relaxing Caribbean vacation? Totally mixed, find your person, find your person, give them a high five, find your people. You have a red over there, yes high five them. So we like people like us. That exercise both triggered your dopamine 'cause we like to play games, and it also had you raise your hand and look around and say, "Who's my person, who's my person, "where are my colors?" And we tend to like people like us. We like people who look like us, we like people who think similarly to us, we like people who have our values, why? When we find people like us we tap into this very, very important feeling of, "I belong". "Someone is like me," when we feel, when we someone else like us, it helps us accept ourselves more. It actually helps us with self-love. And part of this has to do with oxytocin and serotonin. So these are the two chemicals that are gonna be at play today. Oxytocin is that chemical that makes us feel bonded to someone. It gives us, actually, that calm, everything is okay feeling. So when we have that bond with someone we're like, "Ah, I really like them." That's actually oxytocin coursing through your bloodstream. That happens when we find people who are similar to us. Serotonin also keeps us calm, gives us that nice easygoing feeling. And when we're with people who truly accept us, we feel like we don't want to be anywhere else in the world. That's one of the most beautiful feelings we have. So let's do a couple more. Would you rather go back in time to meet your ancestors, or go in the future to meet your grandkids? Hard one. High five someone, high five your color, high five your color. Lots of reds, we've got someone who did both. Alright this one, this is a hard one. Would you rather always have to say everything on your mind or never speak again? What would you rather? I see a lot of greens. High five your person, high five your person. You have to air high five each other, you reds. So guess what? High five secretly, as well, that's why I wanted you to high five your person, also produced oxytocin. So every time we have physical touch with someone else, and I talked about this a lot in my power of body language course, that also produces the exact chemical we need to bond with them. There was even a 2010 study that looked at basketball teams. They found the number of fist bumps, high fives, chest bumps, leaping shoulder bumps. I don't even know what, I read that and I was like, "What is a leaping," I think it's like a (grunts). With that noise. That probably sounded terrible. That's like a leaping shoulder, I've never done that in my life with someone before. Chest punches, also never done that, head slaps, head grabs, low fives, high tens, half hugs, and team huddles correlated significantly with the degree of cooperation among team mates and the number of wins. So I don't know sports, but what's the big basketball winning? Not the (mumbles), but the NBA? Wrong crowd. I see like blank faces. Does anyone know? No. So whenever you win at the end of a basketball season, supposedly they had the most of these. World champion, it's cool, high fives are good, high fives produce a lot of oxytocin and they correlate with them for a win. I have to work on my sports analogies. So here's a confession. This was the scariest and hardest skill for me. This was actually pillar number one of my happiness journey. So growing up I had the feeling where, no matter what group I was at, a sport team or a club, that I was the weird one. I always just felt like, when I walked into the group, I was talking weirder, I looked different, I sounded weirder, I never said the right things. So what happened was is I ended up being very achievement oriented. I would dive into my books, I would dive into things I could do and that made me even weirder. I didn't rush, I didn't join all the groups other people were doing, I never went to any parties, and that actually made me feel even weirder. So it was this terrible cycle that I had on myself. So when I finally got out of college, on my graduation day, part of that deep sadness that I felt was not only that I had made the wrong academic decisions, but also that I had very few friends, that I hadn't built relationships that I looked forward to, that I felt like I even knew people in my life very well. And I found that that was a huge emptiness in my life. So this skill means a lot to me because this one took me the longest to get right. The science is pretty clear on relationships. So Ed Diener, Very Happy People, great set of research. "Social relationships were the most important factor "in differentiating happiest people." So Ed Diener was researching happy people, that was his biggest differentiator between the happiest and the unhappiest. People skills are essential. So when you look at actual people skills; communication and relationships people with strong people skills are less likely to perceive situations as stressful. This one really hit home for me. Because I realized that when I was lacking people skills I would go into a situation incredibly nervous. And that was actually a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because I would go in, I would perceive all of the situation as even more stressful, which would shut down my people skills even more, which made me feel even weirder, which would make it more stress. It was like this terrible, terrible cycle. Which is why I broke people skill down into this science. 'Cause I realized, okay if I can just focus on a little bit better people skills, maybe the social situations will be less stressful for me. So I had to sort of back my way into those people skills. Another interesting study here, I wish I could remember the exact author, but it was a study where they had people look at neutral faces and people who are highly neurotic. So in master your people skills we talked about neuroticism, I'm highly neurotic, not a bad thing on the personality scale, highly neurotic people see neutral faces as negative. So there was times when I would be with people who were totally neutral, but I perceived them as negative. So also how we read people affects how we feel about ourselves. I was thinking that people didn't like me or were angry at me, when actually they were totally neutral. So our people skills can be a back door into it. And of course our connections are capital. I mentioned this briefly in day one when, this is a great book, Connected, Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler, they did mathematical analysis of our networks, they found that a person is 15% more likely to be happy if they are directly connected to a happy person. Happy people tend to cluster together. Whereas if you look at the mathematical chains in their book, they have these chains of connections, they're all kind of garbled together. Happy people are in these big clumps, whereas unhappy people tended to be at the end of a long chain. They would have like Sara knows Joe, Joe knows Mike, Mike knows Dave, and Dave knows Rachel, and Rachel usually had the happiness rating 'cause she was at the end of a chain. So very interesting way to look at happiness and our networks. The other thing about relationships is the number of friendships is a great predictor of income. In their study happy people made an extra $5,000. That's a huge number for just having more friends. Almost like something about being paid to have more friends. This is also about worth. I think that when we talk about worthiness, worthiness prerequisites, do we deserve to be happy? Do we deserve success? I think for me, at least, I had this idea that I didn't deserve to have people or I wasn't worthy or having really close connections and good friendships. I think that we are deserving of that feeling of belonging. Yes it's hard to get, it's hard to get those people who make us feel like the best version of ourselves, but we deserve to find it. And it takes some work, but we deserve to have them. So I came across this concept of a sangha. And sangha is this beautiful term, lots of different variations, different languages. A sangha is a small community of like-minded people who help you be your best self. It's actually a Buddhist term and they talk about these sanghas as very small communities where you can support each other in learning and growth. I think that all of us should have a sangha. And this takes a lot of different forms. And as I started to research the happiest people and I asked them about this idea, do you have a group of people or a single person who feels like they're your tribe? Are there people who, whenever you're with them, you can say anything you can do anything and they know you and your values better than anyone else? Do you have those people? And typically the happiest people could immediately tell me who that was. And it looked different for everyone. It wasn't like they all had the perfect friends group. It wasn't like they all had this perfect Sex in the City four group of women. That's sort of a thing I think that all women feel guilty if they don't have it. Not the TV kind of sangha, I mean like a real sangha, and it was different for each of them, but they all could tell me who those people were. So let's talk about how to create your sangha. Whether or not you have one already, or you think that you can start to work on getting one. Part of this, I actually at the very beginning of the course asked you to find your partner in joy. We are a little sangha in here as we grow and have this momentum together. With your partner in joy part of the reason I gave you discussion questions and asked you to take it with someone was because I wanted you to have someone where you could have the same lexicon. You could talk about gratitude totems together, you could talk about cause champions together and use the same kinds of words. This one, also, I love. "Life is too short to spend time with people "who suck the happiness out of you." So creating a sangha is not only about finding the people who nourish you, it's also about detoxing the people who don't nourish you. Now I'm not gonna talk a lot about detoxing in this course, I talk a lot about it in master your people skills. But I also want you to think about kind of clearing the way. There's a metaphor that's used a lot where farmers often have to burn all their crops to make room for the new ones. You might not be ready to create your sangha yet, you might have to do a little bit of cleaning first, and that's okay depending on where you are in that phase. This is what we're going for, the I belong. I want you to take a moment in your workbook and I want you to think about when is a moment that you felt this? With a single person, with many people, when was a moment where you felt like, "This is my group, these are my people, this is my time"? I want you to think about those two words because I think that I belong is the most powerful phrase. I think it's even more powerful than I love you. I think I belong is actually a deeper way of saying love. It's totally self and other acceptance. First question on I belong for your sangha. Do you think this has to be new people or do you think that you already have kernels, nuggets of a sangha, seeds of a sangha with existing people? That's the big question you have to start with. So are these formalizing or leveraging, increasing existing relationships, or is it about cultivating existing connections? Maybe you have a soft connection with someone, but you want to make it stronger. Last choice, is it about finding new people? These are three very different ways of creating sanghas. One is leveling up a current relationships, second is taking an existing relationship, but actually making it something that matters to the both of you, and lastly is about searching or exploring. So three different things. None of these are right are wrong, I just want you to pick the one that's right for you. So I'm just curious, in the audience, what feels more right? How many people think that they're gonna be finding new connections, how many people are gonna be honing existing connections? Little bit of both. Totally spread throughout. So I'm glad you kind of have an inkling of it. And if you don't, if both are up, that's okay. I have some exercises in the workbook to help you clarify. Yes, please.
So is it like a group where they all sort of know each other too, or is it--?
So when we did this happiness research, they were all a little bit different. So I will not define that for you. For example, someone said, "Yes, it's my best friend. "It's me and my best friend, we are a unit." That was her sangha, just the two of them. Other people it was like a formalized group of high school friends, they get together every month for pizza night. So I don't want to define it for you, that's why I think that the litmus test for everything is do I feel like I belong? And if that is a formalized group, awesome, where everyone's involved and knows about it, great. If it's a group where you just go there and you're like, "Yeah, this is my jam." So I won't define it for you, I think you have to find yours. Here's step one, if you're not quite sure where you're gonna find a sangha, here's where I want you to start; I actually want you to start with a common interest. And this has to do with the science. So science says common interests are the best way to connect. Studies show that each common interest between people boosts chances of a lasting relationship. So every time you're with someone, that common interest that you land on, increases your chances of having a lasting relationship. Each common interest brings about a 2% increase in life satisfaction. So our relationships and how alike we feel with people in our life, have a direct effect on that legacy, on that fulfillment that I talked about as a goal at the beginning of the course. In my book I talk about this idea of ties. That when you meet someone, say we're like, "Oh yeah, I also am from Los Angeles." I was talking with someone who was also from Los Angeles earlier tody, we were talking about just being fro Los Angeles, I was like, "Ah, me too." That was a tie. That both boosted our percent of life satisfaction by 2%. So every time you meet someone you're trying to create these ties that tie you together with someone. The more ties you have, the more likely you are to both enjoy the relationship and feel better about it yourself. Ideas. There are tons of ideas for common interests. Sports, hobbies, books, news, being in alumni groups, religion, TV shows, geography, your profession, meaning other people in your profession, common goals, like being in this course, political causes, and then we get into some of the ones that we've already talked about in this course. I've given you a couple of common interests that you might not have thought about before. Is there someone you can do happy experiments with? Maybe has your same skill levels. Is there someone who has the same skills who wants to exercise those skills in a new way? Is there someone who has a very similar (mumbles) of happiness and would be willing to go on happy adventures with you? And lastly is there someone in your cause champion or is your cause champion your sangha? That in itself can be your sangha. Of course, the power of happiness Facebook group. So at home you have the lucky benefit of meeting all these other happiness students that might be your sangha. Finding someone in your local area who's also taking this happiness course, that could be a great way to sort of start off that sangha. Number two, so once you pick a common interest you're like, "Yeah, I think there's something here "in this area," I want you to focus on qualitative not quantitative. So this is not about the amount of people. It's not about the amount of times you meet, it's about the depth of those relationships and having really high quality. Even if you have a friend who doesn't live in the same city as you, they don't have to be next door, you might see them once or twice a year, but that time fills you so much. So it's not about the quantity, it's about the quality. And of course the science backs this up, as well. So Simin Vazire says well being is real-- This is actually the name of her study, which I love, it's Eavesdropping on Happiness. Well-being is related to having less small talk and more substantive conversations. So she actually found that what we talk about with people in our life has everything to do with quality not quantity. You are better off having one really deep conversation once a month than a bunch of really surface conversations three times a week. Those do not last for us, they don't give us enough dopamine or serotonin. So I'm curious in the audience and at home, when I shared that list what common interests do you want to try? What area are you thinking might work for you and your sangha, any ideas? Any inkling?
Love of outdoors.
Yes and you were talking about how you bring the outdoor inside. That could be anything, right? Any kind of love outdoor, outdoor groups, I love it. Or even an outdoor partner, doesn't have to be a group. Other ones?
I like the professional, goals, and mastermind sort of grouping.
Yeah, so a lot of my students know that I do awesome clubs. So awesome clubs are my version of mastermind where I find people who are very like-minded in different careers, but similar goals, and we meet once a month and have really deep goal-oriented accountability conversations, I call them awesome clubs. So yes, I agree with you.
I rescue dogs.
Ah, yes. I love it, I never heard that one before. Pets and rescue animals. Is that, maybe, your cause too do you think, or no?
I recently rescued a dog and the person who helped us go through how to adopt a dog said, "You just rescued two dogs," and I was thinking, "What two dogs? Just one dog." And he said, "You allowed room, by rescuing one dog, "you allowed room for another dog to come in."
Yes. Also, a person who would rescue a dog, they're going to have similar values to you. So the reason why I have you focus on a common interest is not only because you'll have a lot to talk about. You have things that you can share, but it's also because you're gonna attract, in other ways, people who have the same values as you. So a perfect example of this is I studied abroad in China, and so China is not a typical destination for most study abroad students. And when I got to China I, it was the first time, really, in college where I was like, "Oh my gosh, I actually feel that little hint "of belonging." It's where I met my husband. So I got there and I was like, "Oh." All these people were attracted to this very specific program. They were out of their comfort zone, they came from the United States, they had picked some interest in China. They either were majoring in China. So it attracted with very similar values and I met my husband on that trip as a junior in college. And that was purely based on the fact that I started with a very single kernel of interest and it grew into something better. So you attract the same kind of values when you focus on that common interest. The good news is also people make us healthy. So if there isn't reason enough to want to have really good relationships in our life, when you spend as much time with people that you are like, these are a couple things that happen. One, in one study people who receive emotional support during the six months after a heart attack were three times more likely to survive. That is an incredible way to, talk about prescribing healing. To say, "I want you to take these medications "and I also want you to spend three hours with "people who you love every day." Like that's a prescription to keep us heart healthy. Participating in a breast cancer support group doubles a woman's life expectancy post-surgery. Doubled. Just joining a support group. Researchers have found that social support has as much effect on life expectancy as smoking, high blood pressure, obesity, and regular physical activity. So we don't list a sangha, or a social group, on our health and well-being list. We floss, we workout, we go to the gym, we walk for 20 minutes. But actually the thing that can affect us the most is having these relationships that fill us. That is because, they think, when oxytocin is produced it actually repairs microtears in the heart. So they think that oxytocin is actually a restorative kind of a chemical. So it doesn't only make us feel good, it also makes us heal faster. Third step. So focusing on a common interest, thinking about qualitative not quantitative. Three, how can you thrive with them? So I think that when you think about the people or the kind of people that you want to meet, what is a way, what are things that you can do, what, how, when, and why? What are things you can do with them that can help you thrive, that would help you have those substantive conversations, that would help you look forward to seeing them? Not all kind of experiences are created equal. So very quickly I want to know who pops into your head when I ask some of your questions. You can actually write these down at home. I know that who you know, calling that on camera is a little bit intimidating so I'll have you write them down as I call them out. Who makes you better? In your life, when you hang out with them, when you see them or you talk to them, who makes you feel like a better person? And also, who do you think you make better? Who do you contribute to their well-being. Second, who challenges you in a good way? Who pushes you a little bit out of your comfort zone? Just a little judge out of your comfort zone. And who do you challenge, in a good way? Who do you push out of their comfort zone. 'Cause the saying goes it's not just about what you receive, it's also about what you give. And lastly, who makes you think? Who makes you think about topics you usually don't consider? Who brings up questions and ideas that challenge your way of thinking? And when you are talking to people, who do you give ah-ha moments to? So when you're with, have you ever had someone say to you, "Huh, never thought about it that way." Or, "Gosh that never occurred to me." Who have you done that for? Those are the people I want you to think about, either specifically to approach for your sangha, or also just the kind of people. When I was doing this course in the beta version someone said, "I was at a conference two years ago "and I realized that I was having so many of these "thought conversations. "I think I need to go to that conference again "'cause somehow that conference attracts the people "who fall into this." So it also can be when was there a time in your life or a place where some of these things came up. If it's not just a specific person. Last thing, how can you think about structure? So this is kind of an optional step because sometimes you're with a best friend, you're not gonna always bring in structure into your best friendship. You're not gonna be like, "Now we're gonna do an ice breaker." You could, I do that with my friends, but that doesn't work for everyone. So heres what I want you to think about for structure. Here a couple things to consider. When do you do it? So is it a kind of thing where you decided to do every Friday or every last Sunday or once a year we do a big camping trip? Where do you do it? Maybe sometimes in your comfort zone, in your hometown is not it. Maybe it actually is going away somewhere, maybe it is trying new restaurants, tying it with a mastery area and saying, "I'm really high open, I want a partner to go "and try the best taco places around town." And I'm gonna find that person to be a taco adventurer with me. Making it up. What do you do? So when you're actually together, and I love free-flowing conversations, but I found that in awesome clubs, when I did these masterminds with creative professionals, if we didn't have a structure we didn't go deep. We tended to kind of stick to, "How's work? How's the wife? How's everything going?" lovely conversation, but we weren't going the substance. So what I did is I added five questions to those awesome clubs that we ask every time. Of course we have free flow conversation before and after, but I found that that structure helped me go a little deeper and my best kind of, "I love this group" moment come usually during those questions. Lastly how many people? Can be one, can be as big as 10. This is something for you to decide, how many is in that group. I also want you to consider some of the exercises and tools I've already given you. Look at your chart of skills, can you find some mastery areas to go with? Is there something in your happiness chart that you want to continue doing or start doing that could maybe contribute to a sangha? Your playstorming list, of course. Is there a partner in joy that can do them? And lastly, with your cause champions. Couple case studies I want to give you from previous happiness students. So one of them, common interest was firefighters blowing off steam. I love that. Pun, is that pun? Okay, pun. Yeah! See I thought of you as soon as I thought of that, it works already. So firefighters blowing off steam, that after work time. Qualitative, they decided it was 10 volunteer firefighters and they all lived near each other. So his kind of thrive thing was geography and they used the happiness chart where he's very competitive and he loves playing pool, but he never got to play. He didn't have a pool table. So they actually setup pool tournaments to do this every, I want to say it was like once a month or once every three weeks, something like that, they setup these big pool tournaments. So he was able to increase the number of hours in his happiness chart for pool and also hanging out with people. I will say other thing abour formalizing. So I have a really wonderful group of friends in Portland, we are whacky and crazy. If you follow me on Instagram, we're always in costume. One of my favorite things is to dress up, so we have like toga Christmas parties and random Grecian goddess eastern parties. Any excuse to dress up. And we figured out that if we didn't formalized when we got together it often went a couple weeks without getting together. So every third Thursday is epic friend group mealtime. That's what it's called. And we actually named our text group epic friend group mealtime. And so every Thursday we rotate who gets to pick a restaurant and we do these kind of separate clubs and we always have a discussion question. So this is a casual group of friends, or couples, that I see but adding just a little bit of structure, it made it so that we didn't let the time go. And then having a discussion question is also really fun 'cause we rotate who picks it. And so it always produces very intense discussions with everyone. Then a case study. So adult young adult book club. So adults who like to read YA fiction, but don't want to feel silly reading YA fiction get together. Qualitative, it's five passionate readers. Five readers who read avidly and quickly all the time. They thrive, actually GoodReads, we were talking about GoodReads earlier today, the GoodReads forum, they actually share book lists and reading lists and actually you create a book list for the happiness course on GoodReads. I'm gonna share that, I'll tweet it out. So if you want to follow our GoodReads forum you can. And their structure was to do one book per month and they do five questions. So they assign someone a book and they have to come with five questions for the group to have a really cool discussion question. Real easy way to add structure. Other ones, so retired teachers. These were all retired teachers in their (mumbles) retiring and they decided, there's only three of them and they called themselves the happy hunters, they took the course together. They wanted to base it on their cause champion. So I mentioned the librarian earlier, they decided their cause champion together, the three of them, focused on literacy. And so they actually do an after school reading group with students. And so this has been, like it's the best part of their afternoon. I think they do it three times a week and they have this amazing reading group together, and then also with students. Wonderful way to combine the two. Remember here, this is an experimental mindset. So what I caution you in creating a sangha is don't jump in too fast. If you have an idea of someone in mind, you have a topic that you're kind of like, "I think that could work," you don't have to send out a formalized email telling people that you are going to now create a sangha with them. Get together kind of casually, see how it feels. See, as you're talking, bring up the idea of a book club or doing a cause champion. That experimental mindset goes a long way here so you don't have to feel like you have to sing up for a sangha right away. This is actually one of the few lessons that I will not be giving you aligned homework. 'Cause I would much rather you play around with this idea over the next few months than tell me tomorrow you have your sangha and you've already sent out an evite. You can do that, you know that, but I want you to play around with the people a little bit. Another thing to think about here is your team. So a lot of us work with people. You might have an existing team in your life that you want to dial up the I belong. Maybe they're not your only sangha, maybe you want to have a little bit of that belonging with an existing team. First thing you can do to utilize this team, kind of, I belong, the oxytocin, is do, start, stop, continue with your group. So in my team, my (mumbles) team we do, start, stop, continue. I learned so much about my team from that exercise. I learned about their values, I learned about their skills. I asked them, "If you were going to start something "for the company, what would you do?" Someone tells me, "I love Instagram and I love building "graphics, I would love to build graphics for "Science and People." Great, right? I learned that one of my team members makes amazing infographics, like incredible infographics. She's like, "Can I go back and add some new infographics "to our old posts?" Yes, right? So how can you utilize everyone's skills? Make them do the chart. Print out a copy of the mastery chart for them and have them do it. Second, can you generate a little anticipation? So is there something you can do in your group, your existing team, this could be a family or a professional team, what is coming up that the group itself can get excited for? For example, I was just talking to my team members on Tuesday about Creative Live and I was like, "I think that after Creative Live we are all gonna "need a spa day." And they were like, "Oh, yes." And I was like, we are gonna go to this spa that I know, we're all gonna get foot baths and massages and we're gonna do it as soon as Creative Live is over. I'm excited about it, I'm also generating a little bit of anticipation for them 'cause they do so much work when Creative Live is live every day. So that's a way to try and generate a little bit of anticipation. Adding a cause champion. So think about, with your professional team, is there a cause that you can add to your professional goals? Can your business give back to something or donate to something? Can you ask about the team's nonprofit angle? I think that can also bring some of that altruism into our team. And lastly, how can you experiment with new ideas? That start area, if you can playstorm with them a little bit I think it also adds a little bit of that hope and curiosity to your teams. Pep talk! I think that this is kind of an anxiety provoking day for some people. Is anyone sort of worried about finding their group? I will not make you raise your hands. I was worried about this when I first got it, so my pep talk for you is you do not have to rush this. I think it can take a while to find those relationships that truly nourish us. So be kind to yourself, be gentle to yourself at home, don't push yourself to go too fast. If you are like me and you are a recovering awkward person and you feel like, "I don't know how to "talk to people, I need a little more help with "the people skill side," I asked Creative Live if I could have a discount coupon and they said yes. Thank you Creative Live. So in your workbook and even if you didn't get the workbook, if you use VANESSA15 you'll get 15% off my master people skills course or my power of body language course. If you feel like you need a bit of extra help on this lesson. So what's coming tomorrow? So tomorrow is day eight. We're gonna go very much into mindset. So this is going to be about your lucky jack. How do we leverage perspective to help us be happier? Here are our challenges, all I want you to do today is pick a common interest. What's one or two areas you think could possibly generate some of those connections? Two, I want you to reach out to one person. And this doesn't have to be official, like, "I'm contacting you about a sangha that I'm starting." I just want you to reach out to one person and see if they would be willing to dabble in that common interest with you. And then just begin experimenting. Maybe schedule a dinner on the calendar, maybe join a meet up group that you're interested in, maybe sit and listen to a group that you were curious about or a cause you were curious about. So extra credit prompts in your workbook to help you figure out what that common interest might be. And let's talk about the most important thing you learned today. So what was your happy ah-ha today? What clicked for you guys in the audience?
I'm really excited to not take myself too seriously when finding a sangha. Because it has been in the back of my head to look at community. But I looked at it with a very, that adult approach, that very--
Right or wrong.
Yeah, you've got to do this. So to come at it with the experimental mindset and the play and the let's see what works. It doesn't have to be just right the first time. That's a relief and it's exciting.
Play approach, not adult approach. For sure. Alright, what else? Yes?
I found myself really challenged because I think I found a sangha back in August. But that was on a much bigger scale and a lot farther away and a lot more global. So now I want to take from everything you've given us, and take what I stumbled onto sort of accidentally and actually create it where I'm at on a smaller more local level.
And that's great.
That's a really easy, easy process. But to say I don't have to wait 'til every August to have that experience. I want to take those kernels of feelings and have them every day, yes. Yes?
My ah-ha moment was when I realized that someone from an online business group that I'm a part of actually was one of your beta testers. So you never know what kind of groups you're already in that might have overlapping common interests.
So this is the smallest world ever. Last night you go to a business networking group and you say that you're doing the power of happiness course and you met one of my beta students from the first time around. What are the chances of that? Alice, right?
I have a small, not a small, a medium sized sangha group that I did not put together, but other people did. And we meet women once a month for dinner, as well. And I think that I looked at it as just more high level and that I need to approach people in that group a little different and take those kernels, like you said, and find who they really are, what they enjoy, and find those relationships that are common. And I haven't done that yet, this opened my eyes.
Yeah, dialing up something existing, this gift that you have just waiting to be opened. Not yet. (laughter) Not yet. So at home I want you to tweet me what your most important thing you learned was. I'm gonna be giving away Captivate to everyone who tweets all 10 days, the best of those tweets. And let's have us dance everyone out. At home, stand up, stretch it out. (upbeat music)