Mastery: Utilize your greatest talents and skills
at home. I ladies, we're all ladies today. So welcome today to and today we're talking about mastery So we're in day two of our happiness structure. Yesterday we talked about the Now how mindset did you do your chart of happiness? Everyone at home did your chart of happiness Perfect. Before we get started, I want to talk about our goals for today. So mastery is really about capability. It's about power. I think it is a missed happiness trigger. Often times when we hear about or think about happiness, we think like happy go Lucky, right? We think kind of like this bubbly, effervescent, you know, painting or cooking in the field with sunshine. But actually a happiness comes from some very serious emotions about feeling talented and capable, and like you, a really own who you are and what you do. So we're gonna be talking about that today. It is also about control, and I think that power makes us feel more in control of our moods and our happiness. And lastly, I want us to feel more power...
ful, more like we can kick butt in whatever we do. But of course, every day we start off with the dance cause that releases some happy chemicals. And we do a warm up ready for a warm up today at home. We've got a piece of paper and a pen on your workbook, if you have it. And I want you to think about when was the last time you lost track of time? When was the last time you were doing in activity? And you looked up and you're like, Whoa, it's been three hours or it's been 30 minutes and I thought it was five minutes. What was that? Activity or place or person you're with? Where the time went? Really, really fast. We can think of one. Awesome. If you could give him two or three or 45 been better and come to your mind here in the audience times. Yes, The last time I was having coffee with a friend tend to just get together, and we think we're gonna hang out for like, an hour. And then it's like, Oh, we've been shooting for three hours. Yes. So the person who triggers that and that's also partially oxy, toasting that feeling of like total calm and serene belonging. I love it any others that come up? Yeah, Finding content for I'm starting a new business. So finding content to put out in the world on social media eso when you are in the searching mode Yes. You tend to sort of lose you get lost in the tunnel. The internet. Is it Internet searching or is it books or Changle? Both Okay, I also huge researcher and I will often lose a whole day in the mountains of my research. I totally have any others. Yes, yes, yes. Writing, writing straight healing. Okay, so the right story telling is that kind of writing to that accident part of the brain? Yeah, when it captivates me well, just totally spend the whole day just devouring and like you just And that that is the greatest feeling when you just cannot put down a book. That feeling when you just are lost in it. I saw one other hand over here. Yes, so I do modeling and data science. So when I want my anger with him, get to work, but just, like like lose track of time. So that is beautiful because it is a specific part of your work that you are finding gets that moment of complete mental bliss where you're totally focused on the task. I love it. So I hope it home that give you enough time to come up with at least 3 to 5 activities to dio. What we're talking about here is the power of capability, and whether you're talking to friends or you're finding an algorithm or you're writing a story, that is a moment that feels like we are so good at this, right? I feel like I am so good at being with this person and connecting with them. I feel like I'm so good at reading this book that is actually a feeling, a capability and let me share some science with you. So 577 volunteers. There's a very large sample size I love sample size like that. 577 volunteers were told to pick one of their natural talents. This could have been anything right, small and big, and they were asked to try to use their natural talent in a new way for a week. So anything they had, they had to try toe exercise that skill in a new way at the end of the week, they became both significantly happier and less depressed in the control group. Here's where I think it gets exciting that lasted six months later. That is an incredible ever, that it could not only make you happier in the moment, but that actually that change days with you, with only one week of using that new activity. And that is because when we feel capable, we're using our natural talent. It has a broadening and building effect, which we're going to learning out today. It broadened the scope of that positive emotion of bleeding other areas of our life and encourage us to build on our are already natural talent. Here's the problem. Happiness, as I mentioned earlier, is built on many emotions, and what I mean by that is happiness is not just one sort of emotion. We sort of listed as one thing, but actually it's sort of this big mountain. It's comprised all these things that build into it. So we talk about happiness. Actually, I should be mentioning a whole bunch of other words that go along with it we're talking about Aw, we're talking about belonging. We're talking about curiosity about gratitude about responsibility, about capability. All of these terms in some way are holding up that word of happiness. So today I'm gonna be focusing on capability. Here's the science and this study kind of my least favorite study. But I'm gonna share today, and it's because it involves some animal testing. So if you're an animal lover, just listen with one ear. So this experiment, what they did it was researcher Martin Seligman is he decided to build this special cage, and what they were trying to test is how we react negative circumstances. So in this cage there was two different parts of the cage. The 1st 1 they had a dog and there was a small matt that was very, very lightly electrified so they could send small electric pulses through it. And on the other side, there was a normal Matt, so it didn't get electrified, and they had this little barrier that dogs could easily jump over. So, in phase one of the experiment, they turned on this very, very light shock, and immediately the jog would jump to the other side to get away from the shock. In phase two of the experiment they added a barrier in the cage so that the dogs could not jump to the non electrified side of the cage. What they found was, is that when they electrified it the first few times the dog would try to jump over, but after a while it would just stay on the map because it couldn't go anywhere. In Phase three. They removed the barrier again, and they sent an electric shot on that. This time, the dog didn't even try to jump over. So even though the barrier was gone, the dog stayed on the mat. They found This is something that happens with both humans and animals, and they call it learned helplessness. So learned helplessness is this idea that we once had a power, capability or freedom. It was taken away from us, or we couldn't access it for a short period of time, and then when we get it back, we forget to use it. We don't think we can use it. The most classic example of learned helplessness they give is with math students. So let's say, for example, a child takes a geometry class and geometry just not how their brain thinks. Maybe they didn't get along with the teacher. They're doing bad in the class. They get bad grades and on their math tests the next year they take algebra. But they did so bad in geometry that they just figure I'm just bad at math. And so they stopped trying on the math test. They stopped studying to try to get out of all their math test abilities. So, in other words, a temporary label. They make it a permanent prescription. So when you think for just a second, so we're talking about today, is there something that you believe you cannot do or is impossible for you? And how did you learn that? When did you assign yourself that temporary label or what? When did someone give you that temporary label? What they found with learned helplessness? There's a lot of really robust research on this topic is it's actually associated with lots of different kinds of anxiety, phobias and loneliness that even in social situations, social anxiety actually comes from an area of learned helplessness. Like for example, let's say that you went to a high school dance and it was horrible, really awkward. No one asked you to dance is could even talk to anyone. You felt awful. Next time. Later in life, you go into a nightclub for a friend's birthday party, and it instantly reminds you I'm bad at dancing right. But actually you had a horrible high school dance. No one likes those high school dances, and so you get horrible anxiety standing in the nightclub. That is a way that that learned helplessness that, labeled, we gave us ourselves in eighth grade stays with us. The other example here that I wanted to give them a little bit later, if you haven't thought of one in your own life is the movie Money Ball. So morning movie Moneyball with Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill. There's a scene in that movie where they're talking about a baseball player who always hit singles. He's always getting just to first base, and one day the baseball players like Okay, today I'm gonna hit a double. I'm gonna get to second base so it gets up to bat. He swings the bat, he hits it and he runs his fastest. He can differ space, and right as he's turning the corner to run to second, he wipes out and he's so embarrassing. He crawls back to first base, ashamed, and he realizes his entire team is yelling, Run, run! Because he hit a home run. This is this idea of learned helplessness that a lot of us, I think, have been swing for singles, right? And we forget that we have the capability to hit a home run. And so even when we have that opportunity right in front of us, we sometimes miss it, right, cause we're so used to swinging for singles. So I wanted to talk about how can we swing for more home runs? Are you hitting singles when you have the power to hit home? Runs very quickly in your workbook. You can if this reminds you of something. Is there anything that you have been swinging for? For singles that you feel like you consume a little bigger? You're shaking your head? Yes. You grab your microphone. Tell me what? Maybe Pops into your head if you wouldn't mind sharing. Well, I don't. I think I know, like so there's there's general things, but I'm not quite sure I haven't articulated specifically, um so I think a lot of mind cast to do with community and, um, getting myself out there in community. Yeah. So I have not immune disease. I was six. I pulled back That served me well for a little bit. But now I don't need that anymore. And so I think that I'm hitting singles in that way. And you're trying to remove the temporary label of what happened when that worked for you for a little bit. Just realize is not working now. So as you go through the skill temperature exercise later, I want you to mark off. If that single metaphor is popping up for you for a specific area of your life. In the words of Jason, calmly your comfort zone maybe more like a cage you can't escape from than a safe place you can retreat to. And that is ah, perfect. Follow up to the example we were talking about that our comfort zone is a beautiful place that makes us feel safe. But sometimes it also feels like it traps us in. Yes, Sounds familiar. It's a little less specific. I got some greens. Yes. All right. So here's my big idea is I want us to swing a little bit bigger. Specifically, I think that we have for gotten some of the happiness skills we actually had his kids. So date 23 and four and a little bit of five to is about harnessing some of those skills that we might have had back in the day that we've for gotten to use or for gotten to utilize. In fact, I think we forget how capable we are and how much happiness that can produce. We often a sign, were like, Oh, I want to be happier were like, I don't have time to do nature walk so I don't need to take more vacations. Nature walks in vacations, produce a lot about happiness. Don't get me wrong, but they're not the only thing. In fact, sometimes finding an algorithm for your job or finding a really good book actually contribute that happiness. That is a much easier thing to grasp. So we're gonna be harnessing some new talents and figuring out new ways to use them in your bonus material. Um, you have an exercise about what motivates us if you want to find that in your bonus material. I also believe that it is in some of it is in the workbook as well. So you can use that if you have that already too. I want you to think about what are the different things that motivate you. Because when we talk about action, we have to talk about the things that spur action. Right? What are those things that drive us? I believe there are four different motivations. So I want you to think about the biggest decisions you've made in your life. Some of the big choices when you took a different path or you decided to engage in a different career. What were those big choice moments? And there are four different types of motivations. The 1st 1 is by default. So a lot of the times we make decisions based on the default settings. The example I'm gonna give you actually is a very personal one to me where my high school choice of classes I made choices based on default things, what everyone else took. I took the same classes that my older brother took a lot of the time because I felt like, Oh, that's just what you do. The second way that we make decisions is by should so This is when someone says you should take all four lab classes, right? Or you should take a foreign language that will get you into college. So also began to pick classes based on what I should do to get me into a good college. The third way is by the system. So this is when something is prescribed to you. So, for example, there was General Ed requirements in my high school in my college that I said, Oh, I got to take all of these because the system tells me that's my need to graduate. The last one is by design, So these are the very, very few classes that I took because I genuinely had an interest in those classes. The problem is, is that when you think about the 1st 3 there's some things that can come up? Not always, but sometimes when you pick when you make decisions based on those top three, you can often have those feelings of less fulfillment. You are less successful because they don't necessarily come natural to you or they don't feel like they were your choice. It takes control away from you. This is a great source of unhappiness. And lastly, I believe this is where imposter syndrome comes from. We talk about imposture syndrome. It's one things that research in my lab. And when I dig deep in the very base reason why some, Sometimes we show up to something, we feel like we don't belong over a total fraud. That's the definition Imposter syndrome. I think it comes from original motivations that were not designed by us that felt out of our control. The last one is where I want to focus. I want to start turning some of your day to day decisions into by design decisions. And this is why, when we ignore our natural talents, let's take my example when I ignored. So, for example, when I was in high school, I really, really wanted to take AP Art history and AP Psychology. I love psychology, and I loved art. But my college counselor for like, Oh, no, no, no, you shouldn't take those because they're they don't look as good on transcripts. What's gonna look way better is a pecan. Now I love science, but I do not like balancing formulas, so I signed up for eight become purely because I thought I should. So what happened is I ignored the things that I was naturally good at. So the default was also that you AP psychology and a beer history kind of weird classes. Now a lot of people took them either. This caused me to have a very small downward spiral. First it was much less exciting, right? I kind of dreaded AP. Kim Oh, baby came after lunch. I don't want to do it. I don't want to. Maybe cam homework. I was much slower to learn, right When they pulled out those lessons, I just did not get them as quickly. I made way less progress on their students. I was barely getting B minuses. This was harder for me. I felt like left. I was left out in class, They were answering questions and I was barely getting by in the classes, which then made me feel totally unfulfilled. I hated that class by the end of the semester. And of course, that made me feel like I was a total impostor, right? He will be like, Ooh, ap kem. And I'd be like, No, no, I have, like a peer tutor. I'm getting a B minus like it's terrible, right? And that made me feel terrible all year long. The same thing happens in much bigger examples. Let's take, for example, someone who is a photographer had natural talent to be a photographer and then decided to be an accountant. Why? Because photographers don't make a lot of money. You know you could do that on the side because he will say, you should have accounting as a backup degree. So someone begins to take accounting classes because they feel like they should, ah, lot less exciting. They don't like their accounting classes as much. They finally graduate, and they have a really hard time getting a job because they have a lower G p A. Than all the other accounting students to get into their job. They make less progress. It's a lot harder. They get less raises, they become behind in their work. That leaves them unfulfilled, and it makes them feel like they're an impostor at work. You have people who are like, Why am I even in this job? This is the power of a never of a downward spiral. He wants this sound familiar to anyone. Anyone ignoring some natural talents Yeah, and this could happen in most small and big things right where we ignore things that came naturally. Thus, because wasn't good shouldn't do that. Default was different. The system said. Don't try that. I think the solution here is mastery. This doesn't necessarily mean a huge career change, but it does mean trying to find small kernels of capability and everything that you already do, because that broadens and builds so utilizing your greatest talents and skills to feel accomplished, capable and powerful. Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, as I mentioned, created this broaden and build theory very specifically. It's actually a very simple theory, which she found is that single, very small, positive emotions, especially like pride, efficiency and capability. Those the ones that really get us going tend to spur on broader thinking. So focusing on these single kernels of when do I feel pride? When did I lose track of time? That actually brings even in a job you don't like or doing a bigger activity don't like it makes that activity a lot better, and it makes you feel more fulfilled before and after you do it. So if you flip it according to Dr Barbara Fredrickson. We get upward spiral, we get, we start with a natural talent that makes us feel really capable. Were like, Yeah, I'm a rock star this then it makes us feel more efficient, right? If we're good at something, were faster at it. We do it better than everyone else. Then what comes next is we become successful people notice how she's really good at that. Wow. He gets that done way fast in someone else. And then you begin to get more races, you begin to get more promotions, and you feel really proud. You're like, Yeah, like I do this. I feel great. It I'm being recognized for it. And of course, this leads to more fulfillment and greater happiness. It is the opposite of that downward spiral. When you focus on those small capabilities. I call this the design life. Once I sat down and I started cataloguing my decisions, I realized were making dozens of decisions in a single day. Everything to my gonna cook dinner, my gun order dinner, right? Am I gonna drive or am I gonna take an uber right? Am I gonna say yes to this project or minus a notice? project. Um, I'm gonna ask for help on this farm in ah could ask for help on this. We're making dozens of decisions every day. And the question is, what is motivating those decisions? How can we make the right ones and make us feel capable and give away the ones that don't make us feel like we're using our natural talent? In the words of Abraham Maslow, if you plan on being anything less than you're capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all of the days of your life. I also think this is about utilizing our full potential. All right? Ah, yes, Regrets. Regret is one of those emotions that I think it's the kind of root of a lot of sadness where it makes us question our past. Um, some people say that it's not ah, very productive emotion, right? I actually think that when we focus on designing our decisions, when we think about the moment before we make that decision, how it's going to fix or contribute to our fulfillment, it is the antidote to having regret later. And I want us to live a life where we are regret free. We've also heard about positive psychology, Right flow? How many have heard of the flow concept? OK, good. So I don't want to spend a lot of time on this, but I had to mention it. The other thing that happens when you focus on capability is this beautiful concept that comes from positive psychology called flow. Which is that now, when you are fully immersed in a feeling of intense focus, you get energized, you are fully involved and you have more enjoyment in that activity. This in turn, of course, part of design life makes you feel more productive, more fulfilled and more effective. So capability is also very tied in with that concept of flow. Now I've been talking about careers, right. Big things, you know, being an accountant or making these big decisions. But capability is even the smallest things. Your seat of capability can be anything. For example, has anyone seen that movie hero Dreams of sushi? Great documentary. He spent 10 years perfecting the perfect sushi rice, right, And this gives him an intense amount of fulfillment and pleasure. So it doesn't have to be a huge, life changing thing when you feel really good at something, even making the perfect sushi rice that seed, broaden and build in other areas. By the way, I have a ton of mastery heroes in our 21 day follow up. So if you are getting those emails before to sign up at science people dot com slash 21 on day two, we will send you examples off other mastery heroes who have really unique talents. It's not just the big ones you've heard of, so let's go into activity. You guys ready? So at home, I want you to pull out your workbook and go through this activity with us. We're gonna try to identify some of your capability areas. So if you turn to the what is mastery section, I have a couple of blank questions for you in the workbook. First question. What do people ask you for help with in the audience? What do people come to you for when they ask you for help with things? By the way, take your modesty for a second. Your humility. I love it and just like put it to the side just for a second. Just so Take that modesty. Militant Yes. Recommendations, book recommendations. Oh, That is such a good mastery area. Okay, I love it. Any other ones? Yes. Recommendation. Rest. Okay. Because you like cooking to see your foodie. I like Yes. Planning event planning, wedding birthday, bridal shower, baby Shar. Anything These air? Good? Yes. How? They should deal with difficult situations rule. And that's a deeper one. I like it. I said I did. You raise your hands. I miss you. Okay, so these air I mean, that was, like, the perfect broad example. This is how we're going to start to identify some of your natural talents, right? Ah, lot of the times when I ask people, What are you good at? You know what your natural talents people are like? I don't know. They start listening to resume skills. I like resume skills, but let's put those aside for a second book. Recommendations help people through difficult things, helping plan a backyard party or bridal shower, those air, the smaller natural talents I actually wants to focus on. All right, now, harder one. What's special talents have brought you toe where you are in your life. So when you think about the decisions decisions, you've made some the forks right. What special talents cause you to make some of those decisions to bring you right here, even in this room. And this is a bigger one. Yes. Something around. Like my drive for self growth. Okay, um, that's not a skill, That skill. Oh, that's a skill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm so glad you said that's on a scale. So I believe that almost everything there's a kernel of a skill there. Right. So I would say the kernel of that skill is curiosity, right? That you are highly open or your fast learner. That would be a skill that I would add in there. So if you have something rear like, well, I'm really good at that or that's a town. But that's not a skill. There is a skill lurking in there. We got to find it. Any others? Yes, I'm listening and observation. Any voting. Okay. So listening is a really good one to have. I am not as good at listening. I get really nervous. Those you might ask my master people skills, class an interrupter. So if I interrupt anyone today or the next two days, tell me so. Listening is an amazing natural talent. Any others? Oh, it's like mental endurance or physical endurance. I say for me specifically, I've had a lot of rough things happen that I've had two just last through and involved physical things is, well side an injury, but definitely just lasting through continuing on keep fighting. It was almost like psychic endurance, right? Like emotional endurance, right? Like, you know, that you pushed through. I like it. I like I labeled it, But you can label whatever you want, but I love endurance. So when you think about these three or four of these ones next one, what would your friends say? You're very good at, So a couple your answers earlier. Like planning things if you're If I asked your best friend right now, if I talk to them and I say, give me one thing. You are very, very good at What would they give for you? Sometimes it for feeling blocked. This exercise could help. What would your friends say? You're really good at any here. Mannone's? Yeah. Listening. Listening? Yeah, yeah, yes. Writing, writing. And that was different than your 1st 1 reading. Yeah, it's kind of funny, right? Like arithmetic, But Yeah. Any others? Yes. Good company, Ojo, being you have being good to be around. I love it. So that's a great interpersonal talent or skill. So when you think about these, and by the way, at home, you have the benefit. If you can't think of any, you can text your friends and ask them, right? Given the opportunity to compliment you. Now let's formalize this. Okay? That was kind of the warm up to this in your workbook. I have a big chart. This is the complimentary chart to your happiness, your chart of happiness. So you're skilled temperature chart. This is a big one. And I think we have over 40 different skills that I have listed here. So this is a very specific chart of skills. And I think that most the ones that you guys brought up would fall into one of these categories. But I also have blank wins at the end. Here's what I want you to do. I wanna pull your workbook, pull out this skill chart, and I want you to do three different things with it again. There are three columns. Same with your chart of happiness. First look at the skills underneath each area. I want to actually write down specific examples for you, right. So kind of customized that skill specifically for you. Then I want you to give it a rating. This time we're doing 1 to 51 being like I am not good at this at all. Five being a master at its ok, And then the last column This is your most important column is How are you currently exercising this skill, right? What are you doing in your life? To exercise it and it might be nothing, right? If you you might identify a skill that you realize Oh, my gosh, learned helplessness. I have not been using this skill at all. I used to do this in college, but I'm not doing it at all now, Like one of my previous beta students. One of her skills was like spontaneity was like, you know, being really open, but with a spontaneous flair, that in college she was always the one that people would pop by her room and they'd hang out and do something. But ever since, cause she left college, she's no longer in a dorm. She realized she loves being spontaneous, but she never uses. Everything is like planned weeks in advance with friends, and that is something that she missed. So I want you to think about how are you using it and if you're using it at all, So here in three different areas, here's an example. So here's one of the skills it's in here. One of the skills is conscientiousness. By the way, I spent a lot of time combing and combining these skills into the rights categories. So conscientiousness, are you organized, thoughtful, efficient and good with routine and details. Are you a planner? If this doesn't sound like you at all, you'd be a one. If this sounds a lot like you would be a five, let's say, for example, you're a five and conscientiousness, I want you to get really specific with those activities. For example, let's say that someone says, Oh, I'm conscientious in all areas of my life at home. I'm typically the one planning weekend adventurers, right? I'm the one planning the trips. I'm the one Googling and researching things to do. Oh, I also do it at work. I always volunteered to coordinate the office parties. I love it I love being the one. The orders, the food or decorations and assigns rules. And I love doing it for fun. I'm big scrap. Booker have lots of keepsakes and photo albums, right? Get as specific as you possibly can. Bonus challenge for you at home, especially, is think about what are the three different ways you use it home, work and play. Do you use that skill in three different areas? Hopefully, you can find ones for all three. And if not, I'm gonna give you lots of ideas for that tomorrow and during place. Storming here is the biggest thing, the next step. So once you feel that your deal of temperature after your chart of happiness is, I want you to look specifically at the fours and fives. Okay? Those are the skills that are like, Yeah, I'm really good at this. And then I want you to start to identify the gaps where the skills that you feel really good at there's no activity for them or you use it a lot at work and not at home or use a little out of home, but not at work. Where are those gaps? Those the specific areas that we're going to be focusing on for the next few days. Here's some really cool symptoms of mastery. So when you find these areas and you find new ways to utilize your talent, it typically sparks all these other really cool emotions. Right? Pride, excitement, accomplishment. Also, we're playing Tetris or playing Happy Tetris, where I'm asked me to explore these skills. Every time you think of a skill, it's going to stimulate new ways for you to use it, right? I have a lot of people who tell me, You know, sometimes when I have the day off, I don't know what to do with myself. But I have the night off and I'm like, What do I do it? So I just heard on Netflix. I watch Netflix or I have 20 minutes and I want to do so. I turn on Facebook. These are for those moments you to think about. What are some things you can do when you have a full day off for a 20 minute free time? How can you use those in different ways? I believe they're much more invigorating the Netflix or Facebook, right? Sometimes we are low on energy. We typically go to our lowest common denominator. Activities are fives are neutrals, but those do not give us energy. I wanted to be focusing on designed choices that actually spur action. And lastly, of course, they create upward spirals. This is really helpful in work as well. This is not just a personal a personal thing that we dio. So at Google they actually use this research and designed a study called Job Crafting. So what they did is they had Google employees and they gave them happiness spot. It's very similar to what you took it be any of the course. Then they asked a certain group in Google to use some of their natural talents on the job. Now they didn't help them find these natural talents. He just said, Hey, if you have a natural talent, I want you to spend some time trying to craft your job, to use them. Six weeks later, this is crazy me. The job crafting group was 70% more likely than their peers toe lend a promotion or transition 70%. Now let me just break this down compared to the control group. They were not given a prescription they were not told. We're gonna change your job. We're going to meet with your supervisor and change your role. All they were told is, Hey, if you can use some of your natural talent next few weeks, please try. What happened was is when those employees began to think about their skills and use them in new ways. They became more efficient. They became more capable. They were happier work. And that was noticed by their colleagues and their bosses. So they were 70% more likely to those control groups toe land, a rate, a promotion or a transition to a role. This is an incredibly powerful study that this doesn't have to be. You're gonna go quit your job where you're gonna go talk to her boss supervisor and say I'm gonna have more happiness. These are very, very small things that we can do. Of course, that group was also significantly happier and felt more effective. So even if that 70% a promotion didn't happen, they also felt better in their role. Special note. You might be surprised. So again, when you're doing this skill kept temperature, Do not give me aspirational answers. Give me answers that you would even answer for your 10 or 12 year old self. Sometimes adults we're so used to what we're good at And what we're bad at, what we say. Oh, I'm so bad at singing Oh, I'm so bad at organization or routine. I want you to think about what would your younger self answer when you were a little bit more open? A little bit more experimental? What could possibly be an answer for you? Oh, you're already on tomorrow. So tomorrow we're going into Day three, and Day three is about play. So remember how I asked you to fill out the activities they're using to exercise this skill? If you have a lot of gaps, that is okay. You have a lot of four or five activities there. Like I don't use thes. Tomorrow, I'm going to give you a place storming chart, which is literally hundreds of ways to exercise each skill. We're gonna play with some of those ideas so you have gaps. Do not worry. So challenges for today. Your homework before starting tomorrow is please take your skill temperature. Fill out that chart. Second, what are your top skills what, your fours and fives and which one do you exercise most? Some of usually we have, like one skill that we're exercising all the time, and then a couple others that don't get any love or attention. Bonus if you can. If you are so mathematically inclined, please sit down with your chart of happiness and your skill temperature and figure out where you spending your time. How many hours are you spending on 89 and 10 activities? How many hours are you spayed? Spending on 12 and three activities and how many hours you spending in your skills? Right? Those charts are meant to go together. If you want. You might even come with a cool pie chart for yourself, right? Spending more time on negative or positive neutral or skill base. It's kind of interesting to see where where our time tends to go. So it is that time to do some of our what did you learn most today? Remember that in the workbook I have extra credit prompts for you, so you will notice in the workbook. I have a bunch of extra exercises for you to do at home, so when you have time. Please go through and kind of do these exercises, Their mental warmups. They're all in the workbook for you. I didn't have time to cover everything and every day. And I am ready to ask you guys What is the most important thing you learn today? So what? Any hot happy Ah ha's And at home if you could tweet me or happy Ah ha's I'm at Vivant Edwards on Twitter. I love toe. Learn what you learned. Yes. I really like how you framed the idea of cape ability and the upward spiral to me. I was thinking like it's that idea of, like, do what you love all your dreams, follow your passions But that's kind of really vague. Yes, And I really like how you broke it down and it kind of makes sense. So I thank you for saying that, um you will notice. I will not say in this course ever. Except right now find your passion. What are you passionate about? Just do that. I was given that advice for years, and it always either angered me, confused me or made me feel worse. So we're not gonna be talking about finding passion. We're gonna be talking about skills, so thank you. Yes, yes. I loved the, um, the part that you brought up about, um, building your by design. Um, and using your strengths, too. Follow everything else that you do in life. I think as a as a control freak were recovering control freak. But oftentimes this makes me feel more in control, right? Like if I'm making decisions by design, I don't feel like life is happening to me. I feel like I'm designing it even in those really small decisions. One more happy thing. Yes, I love it. Really connected what she said And what you confirmed about the learn happy, helpless is about having a temporary label, the permanent prescription, those things that served us at one point in our life. And they don't service any longer. Yeah, and moving on from that and jumping over the barrier and okay, so I actually went Assign an additional bonus homework right now for everyone if you're watching. So if you had a little trouble with that temporary label to permanent prescription after you're done with your chart of your your skill chart, I want you to go back and look at each of those skills and ask yourself where any of these given to me or is there a moment where I thought I wasn't good at this? Especially for your ones twos and threes. Just give them a little extra thought, right? We were gonna focus a lot on the fours and fives are things were good at. But give those one twos and threes a second. A second shot, right? So if you think that you're really not conscientious, think about was I ever told that I was unorganized? Was I ever told that I was a bad planner, that I have a moment where I felt like I failed at this? I want you to question your ones twos and three. So don't just focus on the gaps, fours and fives. I think it's really important to look at how those ones twos and threes came about. Yes, So they follow up on that for, like, the ones twos and threes. If you know that, that was get like, If you're questioning that, you know that that was sort of given to you at as part of your downward downward spiral, and you are now on, up, up. So the for example, my case. I was on a downward spiral. I'm now on the upward spiral and most of me no is better that these air, my natural talents or that kind of thing. But then that little inner critic, right on some of the negative bias or something, A little voice, you know, sort of a little bit. Do you have any insight into how to deal with? Okay, so if you have those things that you're like Look, I'm not sure about this or like, I feel guilty about it. I want you to put a little star next to this in your chart of happiness, because those are going to be your happiness experiments. So tomorrow in play day, I'm gonna give you a list of hundreds of activities for each skill, and we're gonna code those activities with pluses, minuses and question marks. The question marks the ones that are exactly that were like, Maybe I'm not sure. So those will be We will turn into your happiness experiments. I'm someone to put a little star note next. Those that will make actually play tomorrow a lot easier at home, please. Please, please tweet me. What you learned today I will be giving the best tweets people who tweet all 10 days a copy of my book captivate. And tomorrow we will be playing together. So bring your best play overalls and I can't wait. So we're gonna stand up to a little dancing Outro can shake it out. You want to give us that that nest music solid? Yeah, I like it. Take which do high school dance moves, right? Like Bill? Well, stopping.