Happiness Office Hours
So welcome, we are having a little FAQ session, a little happy office hours with everyone. We have the bear as our supporter here, we're passing him around kind of sort of a big talking stick, although that might be hard to like throw across. (laughing) so if you have questions at home, you're welcome to go on our Power of Happiness Facebook group or my Twitter at vvedwards and ask me any questions that might come up, but hopefully the audience is gonna ask questions maybe you've been wondering at home as well. So, who has a question for me? Yes.
Vanessa, this class has been truly, truly eye-opening and so helpful.
Yes, thank you.
So thank you. So one question I have is I often go to meetings and sometimes meetings, corporate board meetings, can turn into something that you didn't expect and the conversation gets a little intensified and gets a little intense, and how do you center yourself to make sure that you come off as positive even though the conversation that we might be h...
aving is not so positive? Do you have any tips for that?
Yes, so the first thing is is if you know that you're going to go into a high intensity situation, this could be for some people it might be a board meeting, for other people it might be a nightclub or a party. I actually really encourage you to refuel. So you wanna set yourself up for success. The problem is is a lot of us go into these high intensity events and we kind of don't emotionally prepare. So we're busy all day, we're doing our to do list, we'll go I know I have that board meeting and it's in the back of our head. We're kinda dreading it and we're worrying about it. And so we don't take any time beforehand to refuel. The brain, the way the prefrontal cortex works is you can warm up the brain to act in the way that you want it to act. So actually before you even go into the meeting, knowing what nourishing activities you can do, especially what skills you can exercise before you go into the meeting, is better than any kind of confidence I could even give you in the moment. 'cause if you walk into the meeting and you've just like aced your skill that you were exercising beforehand, maybe you, I dunno like for me, one of the things that makes me feel really capable is going through my Feedly. I dunno if anyone has like Pocket or Feedly, so I love research. Research is one of my kinda skill areas, so what I do to refuel from a work perspective is I stay away from email and I'll go through my Feedly and I categorize and I tag all my studies. I go into my Pocket, I'm moving things into folders, I start to color code them, and that kinda gives me this like nice, sort of power, mental power posing before I go in. So I would say it actually happens before you're even in the meeting. From a body language, if you don't mind me saying from like a non-verbal perspective, voice tone is gonna be your biggest giveaway for anxiety in the moment even more than body language or nervous ticks. And so when you hear yourself start to go a little bit higher into your register, you really start to sound really nervous when you're in board meetings. (laughing) yeah, so one of the things you can do is I talk about this in the Power of Body Language class, I think it's day number two. When you hear yourself go up, and I did it this whole course, when I heard myself starting to go up, I would take a deep breath in and speak on the out breath. It's impossible to go into your high range when you're speak, 'cause right now I'm doing it. And so if I heard myself starting to get a little nervous with you guys, I would then take a deep breath and speak on the out breath. That this much more calming. So kinda two, two things for you.
We talked about this a little offline the other day, but I was interested in what you might have to say about the power of happiness in partner relationships?
Yes, okay so Annie and I were talking at lunch about how do you even begin to approach your partner to take it. My husband was here in the back around CreativeLive and we were talking a little bit about the questions, but I haven't even sat down with my own partner to take this course yet. And after my discussion with Annie I said to him, I was like we should maybe sit down and do the workbook together. So if you have a partner who you're thinking I really would like to take this course with them, it's kind of overwhelming to say I would like to sit down for 11 hours (laughing) and take a course with you. (laughs) Like that's a lot to ask someone, especially if they're not as into online learning as you. People learn differently. Some people learn from online courses like CreativeLive, some people are book people. So pick your partner's kind of ideal way of learning. If they're more of like a reader, maybe you just do the workbook with them. Like maybe you print out two copies of the workbook and you reteach it. Don't even use these videos. Go through the workbook and then reteach it to them. So you can say okay, I'm just doing like a random page here. Okay, so learning bucket list. So in this lesson Vanessa was talking about growth versus fixed mindset. So growth mindset is, right? And you start to begin to teach it. A, that really helps you with your retention. And B, it kinda makes it more of an interactive experience. So it could be the videos, it also could be taking the audio from these videos and doing it like a podcast. So yes, it was visual, but you don't have to see me and my amazing makeup and all of us to be able to get it. So maybe it's on a long car ride listening to each section like it's a podcast and then talking about it. So I would think about the way that you and your partner like to do things together and then mimicking that.
When I was thinking about staying in the group community thing, one of the challenges I've run up against is that I'm single in a group with a lot of couples.
What kind of tips do you have? Because sometimes it just feels so natural and you don't feel like a third wheel or a fifth wheel in a group, but other times it's really, really noticeable that I'm the only one without another partner there.
Yeah, so that's a really good question. I actually was talking to one of my best friends in Portland about this, Brennan, shout out Brennan. So we were talking about the difference between couples versus singles. And if you're in like a mixed group, what that's like. So the very first thing I would try to think about is are there any patterns? So are there certain couples that make you feel more welcome or less welcome? Like is are there certain people that help those kind of mixed times feel better or worse? And are there a certain kind of activities that make you feel better or worse? Like are group dinners, I'm saying for example, great? You feel that sense of belonging, no problem. But like activities or road trips or concerts don't feel as good for whatever reason. So try to pick the people and the times that work best and that way you're kind of fitting in your chart of happiness so that when you do see that group, you're saying yes to the right ones or at least you're preparing yourself mentally for those right ones where you know that's working. Second is I think that that could be kind of a quest is finding people where coupling up doesn't really matter. You're finding those people whether they're individuals or their friends or their family members, where you can feel that sense of belonging and the coupleness doesn't come into play for it. That ones a little bit harder, so that might take a little bit longer. Do you have a quest?
Well my Iceland--
Aha, Iceland. And is that a solo trip?
Well, probably. I've kind of given myself the permission to go on solo trips whenever I want, because other times if you wait until somebody else is ready to go, they just never go and you don't go either.
Okay, so I love this. So I think solo-tripping is great, but it doesn't mean the planning process has to be solo. So maybe it's, I have no idea, but maybe there is some kind of a meetup group where either it's a travel-related meeting group, it's a travel hacking group, I know that CreativeLive has a travel hacking class, maybe there's a Facebook group for people who are local in your community 'cause you're in Vancouver, right? I wonder if there's a travel hacking group where you could find people based on your quest. So maybe they're not gonna quest with you, but they could at least be your people, they value travel or they value doing solo trips. I wonder if you could find those people around that in addition to that group of couples and sort of mixed singles.
I'm starting to from a lot of the people that I'm learning from and respecting and gathering nuggets of wisdom from, I'm asking them to tell me a one thing. Now you've given us a lot of many things and I'm just curious if you can give us one treasure, one gold nugget, what would be your one thing?
(sighs) Okay, okay, okay. That's a good question. I would say probably job crafting. So a lot of you raised your hand at the beginning when I brought up career with that five when I asked like health, career, friendships, a lot of you did raise your hand at career. I think that job crafting is one of the most powerful things we can do, because it's a lever for professional success and professional happiness. You know it's like really powerful for both. So really sitting down and listing the sills you use every day. So not what you do every day, but like sitting down and being like okay. I'll do my day for example. So when I get up in the morning, typically I read first thing in the mornings. So learning would be the skill there. The next thing I usually do is email and I'm pretty efficient at email, but it would maybe be communicating. I'm okay with it, but not great with it. That would be one of the skills I use next. Researching, like doing all the different researching or developing a study would be the next skill. And seeing what skills are coming up throughout the day and then crafting those skills and being like whoa, I'm spending four hours a day on email communication, which is like not one of my strongest skills. How can I give more of this away? How can I make someone's A-job, where their email communication is their thing, and then take more time for my actual A-work. So I would say job crafting specifically would be the one nugget that I encourage really strongly. Yeah?
Just to build on that for maybe some of your previous students who are an entrepreneur or have their own business, if they're in a more corporate environment, do you have an success stories to share of how after taking this course they may have been able to pitch a way to tailor their existing role or add on something differently that would be more suitable to their skills and help their happiness?
Yes, so I don't remember her name. So I'm sorry if you're watching and I don't get your name right. So what she was saying is that what they do at her company or at least a lot of corporate companies is you have projects, you have different clients, and when you're on a project you kinda use those set of skills and that's it. But every time you start a new project with a new client you do have a little bit of wiggle room about what you volunteer to do or how you divvy up the job. And so what she did is she sat down with the client right after the course or the work she was doing, and she was like okay, I'm doing a lot of onsite communication with this client, interpersonal interfacing, she loves that, she loves going on site, but she really, really didn't like sort of the backend office stuff, the numbers. Not huge into accounting, not huge into statistics, I guess in her job there's a lot of making graphs, things like that. And she realized that it was pretty equal and she thought you know what, maybe next time I sit down, before I start the project, I could go into it saying hey, I analyzed what I did in this last project and I realized I'm spending all these hours on doing mathematical analysis and this could be done faster. So she pitched it in a way that was like you will get more, company, big corporate company, you will get more bang for your buck if you don't have me doing this. I love interfacing with clients, I love talking to them, we need to get a finance person or someone who's better with this, give them that, they'll get it done what I get done in fours hours done in two hours. So her big thing was trying to pitch it to the company in a way that was actually a win-win and it worked really well for her. So I would say it doesn't have to be tomorrow, but on your next project I think that that's a way that you could pitch it to your big corporate company. And I think that actually job crafting as that example on Google showed, is even more flexible in entrepreneurship. For example, in my job I have to do a lot. I have to do everything. I don't like accounting, but I have do it because it's only me. So my team of six, they're not accountants. They're wonderful, they do marketing, communications, content writing, researching, but I'm the one who has to do payroll, I'm the one who has to do taxes. And so in some ways I'm more limited in my choices, in some ways. So it's not always better for entrepreneurs, I promise. (laughs) Anyone else, other questions? No other questions, okay. Well, at home if you have questions, if any of these questions brought up questions for you, go on our Facebook group, go on my Twitter at vvanedwards and ask us any questions you want. And I cannot wait to hear from you. I hope you enjoyed this class and I will see you for our next CreativeLive class. Bye. (group applauds)