Control: Maximize What Makes You Happy
(steady rock music)
Hope you're dancing at home with us, get a little shake out. All right, good job, guys. Always like starting off a day with a little bit of dancing, 'cause that releases our endorphins and gets us out of our seats, and hopefully at home, you danced with us. So today, we are on day number four, which is all about control. Now, when I say control, I'm a recovering control-aholic, so I love control, and what I realize is is this is a really important pillar in success, because it's something that we used to do as kids or people used to do for us, our parents and teachers. We've sort of forgotten this skill. So I cannot wait to go into it. Before we do that, let's talk about what we've learned so far. So on the first day, we did the now-how mindset, where we filled out our chart of happiness. Audience, at home, what was the sort of one thing on your chart of happiness which, the activity that got you most excited? How was it, how did the numbers stack up? Did anyone h...
ave trouble with the 168 number of hours? So, so, tell me about that, yeah.
Well, one there were a lot of activities that I was really excited about, but one thing I realized this morning was I had written shower like, really low, and I was in the shower this morning, and I was like, I really like this. (woman laughs) So, it just brought some awareness to actually like bringing more happiness into my day when I didn't have that awareness.
And now I've like, planned to like maximize my shower, and to like, make it like this really amazing ritual.
Double down on the shower.
Shower palace, like the best nice-smelling bath gels.
And like, a beautiful shower curtain. Like, upgrade your like, nozzle, so it's like a waterfall shower, right? So I do the same thing in bed. We're gonna talk about a sleep palace, right, like I made, I upgraded my bed, 'cause I love, love sleep. So this is a really good point. Remember how I taught the now-how mindset with the Tetris effect, right? The whole point after you filled that exercise was so that you were doing your day-to-day, your shower, which we've done a million times before, and you're like, I really like this, right? Like, that is the Tetris effect in action. So I hope that you will go back and keep updating your happiness chart as you start experiencing the same activities in a new way, or new activities in a different way. So, day number two, we talked about mastery and your skills. So I asked you to fill out your skill chart or take your skill temperature. Was there any skill that surprised you? Were there any skills that you sort of went through and you didn't realize that was a skill for you? Any surprising skills someone wants to share? Yes.
I'm like, I don't consider myself like a musician or anything like that, but I love music, and then when we went forward to the play activities, there was one that was like, develop your singing voice. And I was like, that is terrifying and kind of exciting at the same time.
Yes, that is the perfect play activity.
I was like, hmm.
So are you maybe gonna take some vocal lessons?
At some point, I'm kind of interested in this idea.
And you could always start off with something small, right? So like, if you are like, have this inkling that like, training your voice could be something, it doesn't mean you have to go hire a vocal coach. Maybe it's like buying a book on vocal power, right? Like just like, starting with that, or like, listening to a podcast about musicians and singing, right? So it's not like putting a huge amount of money down or doing something with someone else. So, take like the baby steps of experiments. It doesn't have to be, we don't have to have you sing opera tomorrow, right? We don't have to do that. So, on the third day, we talked about play and playstorming, and this is where I gave you a list of hundreds of activities based on each skill you could possibly do. So I would love to hear, what are some happiness experiments that you guys have already thought you're going to try from your playstorming lists? I would love to hear a couple. At home, hopefully you have yours too. Yes.
I'm going, I have a meetup on the calendar for November second.
For women entrepreneurs.
Oh, nice. So are you gonna go to it?
And you're gonna attend?
I love it. Any others that we have scheduled, or just thinking about for the playstorming list?
I'm thinking about a lot and relating how much attention I'm not giving to this, going through and seeing all of the things I would like to add to that list, but I haven't had a time for or haven't made the time for. So I'm gonna be a really busy girl.
Yes. So actually, I think that's a really good point, is A, we didn't, I think a lot of us, when I say, let's play more as adults, a lot of the time, we draw a complete blank. We're like, play more? Like, what does that even mean? But actually, there's this huge list that's there that we didn't even know was waiting for us. So, it is totally okay to be sort of wondering about it. Today, we're talking about control, and we're gonna be talking about maximizing and minimizing. So, when I talk about maximizing and minimizing, what I'm going to try to have you do is diagnose different parts of your life that you've never given a second thought to. So different things in your life that either we put up with or we sort of do by default, today, we're gonna be talking about, do those actually work for you or not? Do you wanna keep them or not? And this is going to be about taking control of our triggers. And what I mean by triggers are those things that either trigger an upward spiral, whoo, this makes me feel really good and relaxed, or those things that trigger a little downward spiral, where you're like, ugh, such a bad mood now. I wanna start looking at those different triggers. Of course, we start every day out with a warmup, and our warmup today is daydreaming. So I would like to know, what do you daydream about, and at home, if you wanna pull out your workbook, you can actually fill this out for us. When you're sitting in the car or you're zoning out during work, what sort of topic do you tend to drift towards? It can be something fantastical, and it can be something practical. What do you daydream about? Yes.
I often find myself daydreaming and standing in front of TED audience.
Filled with dentists, medical doctors, and small children.
And share a story about the body language, power pose.
And master of people skills.
I love it. Okay, so that is like, such an empowering, standing on a TED Talk stage with all the people you want to have your message reach. I love it. So that's a big one. Any other, they can be small, too. Yeah?
I daydream about what the world would look like if like, everyone, but specifically like our next generation growing up didn't have to worry about, like, body image and bullying and like, what that would look like.
Yeah, what a world, if that problem was either gone or solved.
Yeah, and how to solve that.
Solution-oriented. Yeah, how to do it, how to work it out. Yeah?
Mine is simple. I just love outdoors, so I always imagine myself hiking in like a forest and I can smell the freshness of the air and the leaves and everything.
Yeah, so it's almost like a mindfulness practice right there. So, I love these answers. Thank you for that. I actually think that what you daydream about is a little bit of a personal question. But the reason I ask this question is 'cause I think that this is actually remnants from yesterday. Daydreaming is an element of play. It's a mental kind of play, and I think it's a skill that either we've lost or we've been, it's been taught out of us, right? As a kid, if you were sitting and kind of looking off into space, your parents usually would be like, oh, what are you daydreaming about? Stop daydreaming. Get back to work. Get back to homework. Get back to your chore. But I actually think daydreaming is a very beautiful thing our mind does. It's a way that we get ourselves ready for play. Maybe we're imagining a career goal, right, that we wanna work towards. Maybe we're relaxing ourselves or trying to calm ourselves down, or maybe we're trying to get our legacy in order, how we could fix this problem, right? That is actually the warmup to play. So, I bring this one up, because I want you to think about, next time you are driving or you're waiting in line, where does your mind go to? What kind of things do you daydream about? That should be something that you should either add to your playstorming list, right, is it something you can do, or is it some kind of a skill that you wanna learn about? Is it about body language or public speaking? Is it about developing your practice, right? How can you add those little dreams into it? Here is the problem. So, when we're talking about the opposite of daydreaming are these little tiny triggers that I like to call the bad mood monster. So, one thing that we learned from our research is when we got all those audit responses back, we had people who were the happiest people, and we had people who were the unhappiest people. And one of my biggest questions, one of my biggest hypotheses was that really happy people would have less bad moods. But actually, when we started to dig into their results, we found that they didn't have less bad moods, but they knew exactly what caused them. And they also typically knew how to get themselves out of them. So it's not that they had less bad days or less funks or less bad moods; they just felt more in control of them. So when they had a bad mood, they were able to stop it from triggering into a downward spiral, and they knew exactly what they had to do to get out of it. So, today, I wanna talk about, how do we understand our triggers more? So maybe it doesn't prevent any funk, but we at least feel like we know what would, what we have to do to prevent them if we're having a really important day or we know what we have to do to get out of them one of those bad days. Basically, what we're doing today is we're trying to add steps between you and bad habits, and we're trying to remove steps between you and good habits. What I mean by this is let's say that on your playstorming list, you said, oh, I wanna read more, right? That's on my chart of happiness. I wanna read 12 different books every, every, one book a month, right? Maybe that's one on your list. What I would say is, okay, let's remove steps between you and reading. Let's make sure that you buy Whispersync so that when you're cooking, you can listen to the book. Let's add the Kindle app to every one of your devices. Right? That would be removing steps. So let's say that you said, I really wanna floss more. Triangle of wellness is coming. We're talking about taking care of our body. I'm gonna floss more, like, that makes me feel really good. So, instead of just having floss by your bathroom, in your bathroom, maybe you put it in every single drawer. By your bedside table, by your TV, in your car, right, so that the floss is there. It's about thinking about, what are the steps between the good and bad things. Bad habits. Let's say you say to me, I really wanna eat less cookies. Maybe we'll put a padlock on your cookie jar, right? Actually, so all of my food, my treat food, I actually put it at least five minutes away from me. And what I mean by that is, my kitchen is actually too close. It's only about a minute away, right? Barely a minute, like 30 seconds. So, what I've done is I've taken all my favorite foods, and I can still have them if I want, but I've put them in a series of boxes. So like, they're in a box within a box within a box within a box within a box, and then I put the box all the way downstairs in my basement on a top shelf with a lid on it. So I can get it any time I want, right. I don't like food rules for me. I do really bad when someone says to me, no cookies. Well, then, all I want is cookies. Like, that's, that's the way my brain works. So I can have as many cookies as I want, but I have to go all the way downstairs, lift up the huge, get the step ladder, get the huge box, open the box, take off all the lids. So that's what we're gonna try and do today. I'm gonna try to get all those triggers a little further away. So, quick question. How do you predict how happy someone will be in their job? Is it A, amount of income, B, number of friends at work, C, promotion schedule, D, feelings of personal control? What do you think? How many people think it's A? How many think it's B? How many people think it's C? How many think it's D? I know, I just should have put this one first. So like, I kind of gave away the answer, 'cause the day is called control. Very good. So yes, and I find this really surprising. By the way, I didn't wanna put this into just, the greatest predictor of happiness at work is feelings of personal control, 'cause I feel like when we ask the question, it has this question, what would be the best indicator of how happy I am at my job? So, I find this really surprising, right? You would think that when you think about how happy someone is at work, they would wanna know they're on a really great promotion schedule. They would wanna get a really, they would wanna be paid really well for their work. Actually, that is not the greatest indicator of how happy we are. It's how much, how in control we are of the things that we do on a day-to-day basis. So, your inner kid, (Vanessa laughs) those are my dad's sunglasses, so, we're going back to that idea of this inner kid. This is the second to last day on our inner kid. So, when you were little, do you remember that you, your parents and your teachers worked very hard with your schedule? For example, I went over to my niece's house, and I saw a schedule very similar to this taped, this is summer, taped onto her refrigerator. I looked at this schedule, and they were all in pretty colors, you know. It was like, oh, wake up, get dressed. 20 minutes of cartoons. Morning chores. Reading time. Oh, ride bikes, hopscotch. And I'm like, man, that schedule looks really, really good, right? And she had one of these for every day of summer. And I thought to myself that this is actually was done for us when we were little. When we were little, our parents and teachers had conferences, right, about how they could make our days better. They sat down and they were like, Vanessa might be hungry around 10. We better have a snack then. You know, she gets real tired in the afternoon. We better make sure that we have a story time or nap time. And so when we were little, we had all of these, all this control, really, build into our life to make sure that we didn't get into the bad mood monster. Our parents would have a whole bag of snacks, and we'd have all these things scheduled. So I actually wanna do this for us. I want us to be our own parent-teacher conference for a second, and I want us to look at, how can we maximize and minimize things in our own schedule? So this is our pillar number four, maximize the good, minimize the bad. Lemme talk about the science of control. So this is a really interesting study done by Ellen Langer. So, what she did is she took a group of nursing home residents, and she gave them a small plant to take care of. Small little plant. She gave it to them and said, water this plant. Put it on the windowsill. Trim it, make sure that it survives. A second group of nursing home patients were given a plant, but they were told a nurse would come and take care of it. So they put the plant on the windowsill, and they said, just enjoy the plant. Don't worry, the nurse will come and water and trim it and make sure it gets enough sun. Six months later, the group that took care of the plant had double the survival rate. That's like a, I mean, that's a really big implication. And Ellen Langer likes to study control and how we feel we have control over our own environment. Now, taking care of a plant isn't even that much control, but it's having something in your life where you feel like you are, your actions are going to directly affect the survival of this plant. And for some reason, that seems to also help your internal sense of control. And so I want us to add more control into our happiness. We talked about how there's all these different kinds of words and feelings that contribute to happiness. We talked about capability, and now we're talking about responsibility. And we don't often think of responsibility as relating to happiness, but I actually think that responsibility has a huge part to play in our happiness. In the words of Benjamin Franklin, "Happiness consists more in small conveniences "or pleasures that occur every day "than great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom." So, this is another myth about happiness. We tend to attribute happiness to these really big things, right? Big moments, big wins, big achievements, but actually, some of those really small things, taking a great shower, having a really nice nap, right, looking at your plants that you've lovingly taken care of, those small moments of happiness are actually much more important instead of those one big things like a raise or a promotion that happens once a year. We tend to focus all of our energy on those really big things, and we go days and days without enjoying the little tiny things. We're gonna play a game that I call start, stop, continue. So, this is a game that I actually do with my entire team. So the Science People, there's six of us. We are small but robust, and we play start, stop, continue every month together as a team, and I also do this myself once a week. So we're gonna do it together. And at home, I hope you'll pull out your workbook for me where I have a space for you to do this, and you will see that I have a space under pillar number four. So what I want us to do is, in this activity, and you can do this for yourself. You can do it in five minutes; you can do it in three hours. I think it is an incredibly powerful way to diagnose, self-diagnose. So we always start with start, and this is one of those things you wanna brain purge, anything that comes to the top of your head. If I were to ask you, in your life right now, what would you like to start or do more of in your life? What have you been waiting for? What's something new that you wanna start? What are some things that pop into your head? And if you want to make this easier, you can also pick a certain area of your life, right? You can pick health, like that area that we talked about health or career, legacy. So what are some things that pop into your head in the audience for things you wanna start in your life, if you had to pick something? And it can be from your playstorming activity if you would like, as well.
I'd like to start a group, like, I'd like to start a community myself.
So maybe going to the meetups is actually a way to see would I like to do one of these myself? Would it be a meetup? Would it be something else?
Okay. Make sure to write it down.
And anything that comes along with that, right? Like, what does it look like? What does it feel like? Does it start with two or three people? Does it start with paper invitations? How about someone else? What comes to your head of what you wanna start? Something fresh, yeah.
Oh, career, so, is this any kind of finding a job, or starting off your, 'cause you are studying right now, right?
Yeah, this is my last semester, so.
So what are you gonna do to start? Let's break it down a little bit further.
So, I like, applied for a couple of jobs, so I should do like interviews.
Yeah, perfect. So even as small as like, making a list of your dream companies, right? That would be a great way to start, or like, making a, writing down what you think your idea day would look like. Like, if you had to walk into a company and start at that company, how would you like to start your day every day? Writing those kinds of things down, even just picturing what that ideal day would be is perfect. So what I want you to do is spend a few minutes. Any other starts? Yeah, oh, yes, yes, yes.
I wanna start doing more things that scare me.
Stretch out my comfort zone.
Yes. I think actually later today we're gonna hear a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt on doing something every day that scares you. So, perfect, yes.
Making some new friends. Lots of my friends move away from this area, so just working...
Is your main area for happiness social or friendships?
Yeah, I love it. Okay, so that is gonna be a big one. So what I want you to do is take that initial idea, and I want you to break it down into two or three smaller steps. So if you're saying making new friends, like, what would that look like? And I'm gonna help you with that in day seven, too. Like, what are the first things? If you're talking about a new job, what are the things you can start either writing about or applying to or doing interviews or filling out your LinkedIn profile? Break those start things into two or three smaller action steps. Next one is stop. I think this one's actually a little harder. So, in your life right now, what would you like to do less of in your life? What would you like to remove or minimize? We don't, by the way, often stop and think about this, right, in our life. Usually we just kind of carry on. But all the time, parents and teachers and kids are reevaluating activities, things their kids are eating, things their kids are doing, so we should do that for ourselves. Yes.
Stop saying maybe later.
Oh, and do it right now.
Yeah, stop pushing it off. So I want you to take that idea, and I want you to break it down even further. Like, gimme three or four specific times when you frequently say maybe later. Like, is it to a fun activity? Is it to a work activity? Is it to a health activity? When are you, what's your pattern for when you're doing that maybe later most? I'd be very curious. Yeah.
So I wanna stop focusing on myself and personal growth and reaching out to the larger community.
I spend so much time just working on my personal goals, would be like health, fitness, education, career, but just wanna stop at this point and reach out to other people.
Great point. So, I actually think that sometimes, and I love self help, I love personal growth, but sometimes, it is the cleverest form of procrastination, right? We always could read another book, right? We could always take another course. So, if you need to stop doing personal growth to actually start doing other things, I love it. I love it. And being able to recognize that, like, kudos. Yeah.
I have a game on my phone that I at the very least need to minimize, if not stop.
Do you have it on your phone right now?
No, I don't have my phone.
Well, after today, I might have you uninstall it.
I know, I know.
Or at least we could put it in a folder within a folder within a folder within a folder, right, so like afterwards, we can take it and like move it really far off your home screen, and maybe we could like, make it harder to get into.
That's really good.
Like maybe we un, like, we log you out.
I think that for a while, I just need to take it off of my phone.
So maybe we can uninstall it together after this.
Let's do it.
Yes, okay, we are gonna uninstall it afterwards. (both laugh) I'm your partner in joy.
I love it, I love it.
Okay, good, we're uninstalling it. Yes.
Probably Netflix. I have a few shows that I've been following, and it's just not a good use of my time. But they're so good sometimes, and I wanna keep watching them.
Okay, so let's talk about Netflix. Let's talk about media, okay? So, especially like, consuming content. So, I also have this problem, where there are shows that give me great joy, right? Like, I laugh, like, I really like them, but there's also times where I watch them and like, I really probably don't need to or shouldn't be watching them. So what I've done is I have what I call exercise pairing. So I'm only allowed to watch those shows when I'm walking on the treadmill or when I'm on the elliptical. So what you could do is you could try to pair watching with something else, so maybe like you turn it on when you're cleaning the house, or you turn it on when you're folding laundry, so like you get to make an unpleasant activity actually more enjoyable, and then you're not just, just watching Netflix. Maybe think about, don't take it away completely. Maybe think about exercise pairing. Any other stops? Yes.
Stop collecting and gathering clutter, stuff.
Oh, whew. Yeah, so stuff makes us feel really comfortable, right? Stuff makes us feel like.
Yeah, absolutely right. So, let's break that down into a couple smaller action steps. So what does that mean? What's one thing you could do to even like, more immediately to stop?
There's a lot I need to get rid of. I made a goal to have a party at my house in October, which meant I needed to have space to have people come.
Aha, so the first step is purging.
All right, and that feels really good, right? Every time you clear physical space, you get mental space back. So, if it's enough stuff, you might want to even call and schedule like a Goodwill or a, like a truck to come and pick it up, because if they're coming on eight a.m. on a Wednesday morning and you know you have to clean up, that can really help. So maybe it's finding the day that you're gonna purge, like maybe this weekend, maybe this weekend.
It's on the books.
Okay, it's on the books. And we should actually make that a happiness experiment, because it could be really hard, right? It could be really hard, but it also could be really freeing. That is the perfect example of a happiness experiment, 'cause you don't quite know how you're gonna, it's gonna make you feel. So maybe that's one of your first happiness experiments, is having a big purge day. Any other stops? That was a really good one. Yeah.
I have a question about just that concept of happiness experiments, because I can resonate with that, and while the action of it may be, might be not as, on the happy side or not, the other side of it is the happy. So, so we take into account both the actual experience and like, the result, the outcome?
I think that a happiness experiment is really when you have a question. So it's like, purging, it could be, it could be too hard. I might not be able to do it alone. That's a question, right? It also could be, this could change my life. It also could be, I might have to do this every few months. So I think that a happiness experiment is, there could be a nugget or a kernel of capability or relief or joy, either during or after, but you're not quite sure. It might kind of get you out of your comfort zone, make you a little bit more afraid. That is the, that's how we play, I think as adults. It brings up questions, and kids are constantly asking questions, right? Like, that's the biggest thing, is they're always asking, why do we do that? We never usually ask like, we'll be doing an activity that we do every day, and it's like, why do I do this? That's I think where start, stop, continue comes in, and it really tied in with those experiments. Great clarification. Any other stops, before I move onto... All right. This is actually, so, continue is a diagnosis of something that you already do, but you think is working for you. So it's actually the opposite of the negativity bias. Now we're looking for things you are doing that serve you well. They make you more capable. They make you better. And we will probably continue doing them. The reason why I add continue to this game is because it actually turns that into more of a happiness-making activity. If you know that you, making it up, like let's say that you say you wanna continue doing extended learning. You wanna take more learning on the job. You're like, you know, I really like that. I think that's really working for me. We have just added that to your happiness chart, right? It almost like, turns it into a happiness activity, because you've identified, I am purposely continuing with this. Again, the more feelings of personal control we have, the happier we are. So if we feel that we're doing our activity purposefully, it makes us have more personal control. So, what's working for you? What do you wanna continue to do in your life or even ramp up? Is there anything you wanna dial up in your life that you're already doing that's working? Yes.
I recently started taking a cooking class, and that was really a big step for me, because it used to be really tough for me, and taking the cooking class, I've gotten remarkably better, but I'm still not at that point of really enjoying it yet.
So I know that I'm making progress and I can see the benefits of it, but I'm just not there. It doesn't make me happy. It's not something that I'm doing that makes me happy quite yet, but I can see that that might in the future.
There's like a kernel there of something. So do you have to re-up your cooking class, or just keep going?
I just have to do a, do it more often, and make sure that I make time to do grocery shopping and figure out which meals I'm going to make and plan to do that.
Is there someone you know who really enjoys cooking who could give you like, who could like, you could cook with on a Sunday afternoon?
Okay, so maybe like a really small extra step here is to text your sister and be like, have a free Sunday coming up? Can we cook together?
She and I actually live together, so.
Ah, well that's even easier. Maybe you can text her later and ask if she wants to cook dinner tomorrow night or something like that, right? Really small. So I want you to think about what those things are and what are the really small steps. I love it. That's the perfect continue one. Any other continues? What's working for you? Yes.
Continue to write more in my blog. So I like to write, and I have great feedback from friends so that I can edit it, but something stops me. So I need to be more persistent.
Okay, so can I ask you, when is your favorite time of day to write? Do you know?
Like, the first part of the day?
Morning, so I, that's also my favorite time of the day. So, I like to, by the way, look at your rhythms, right? So if you know that you write best in the morning, is there a day coming up where you have a little bit of a later day where you can block off, like, an hour or two before doing anything in your day? Okay, so my challenge for you for your happy calendar is to think about, what's a day that you have kind of a late day that you can block out on your calendar for writing, and always go with your rhythms. It's really, really hard if you wanna continue doing things to try to force yourself to write at night if you're not a night writer. So I'm gonna challenge you to try to schedule in one of those morning writing sessions, and then send me your blog after you write it? Yes, tweet me your blog after you write it.
I love it. Someone else had their hand up. Yes.
I'd like to continue to lap swim more.
Oh, swimming is wonderful.
Yeah, I love it, but it's just getting there.
So I need to start removing...
So what's the little baby action steps for that?
Well, I already have my bag already like packed when I need to go.
So that's done.
Is there an easy day of the week that like, it's always swimming Fridays?
Well, I do swim once a week, at least once a week now, and I wanna bring that in.
One more day.
Yeah. So, I guess just scheduling it out whatever the other days are.
And also like, I find that when I say like, every Thursday, I do x, it's so much easier than like, I'm gonna do it twice a week, 'cause by Wednesday, you're like, oh, like, it's already Wednesday, like, out the window. So I would actually pick like the two days.
That's really good.
Like, you swim every Monday and every Thursday.
That's really good, 'cause I take other fitness classes, and that's the, that's the mentality that I have, that I do this every, you know, these certain days, these certain times. So make that more of a thing.
It will always get pushed. So pretend that it's a class, right? Pretend that it's like a dance class or a fitness class and make it like, always every day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like it.
Great, thank you.
So what I'm doing with the audience here is I'm hoping that at home, what you're hearing is, as you pick your start, stop, continue, is you're breaking down some of the bigger ideas into really small action steps, as simple as a text to your sister or picking a day for swimming. Those little tiny action steps is actually how we begin to start them, right? Otherwise, they're just a grand idea. I'm gonna give you some examples from my life and from a good friend of mine's life. So, this weekend, this past weekend, so the weekend before CreativeLive is always very stressful. So this is my third CreativeLive class, and whoo, leading up to it, I am like a big ball of nerves. And the weekend before, it's, I always have this sort of crisis, which is like, do I spend all weekend memorizing over a thousand slides, or do I try to relax to come in sort of nice and calm for my students? So this weekend, I knew that I had to really start memorizing slides. Like, I knew that I had to actually finish up memorizing my slides. So I decided, okay, gotta sleep a little bit less, gotta get rid of some of my fun activities, right? Gotta make this a priority. But then I realized that actually, these things fuel me to do those better. So part of start, stop, continue is also thinking about what activities fuel you and what activities take away from you, right? So instead of stopping these, this actually fuels me to memorize better. I decided, no, instead, what I'm gonna do this weekend is I'm not gonna do any errands. I'm not gonna go to the grocery store. I'm not gonna pick up the stuff I need for my trip. I'm gonna pay a little extra and use Amazon Now, right? I don't usually do that. I usually go out and do it. I said, nope, I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna have someone else do it this weekend. You know what? Laundry's just gonna have to, I'm just gonna have to make it work, right? I'm not, I'm okay wearing bathing suit bottoms instead of underwear. Like, that's totally okay with me, right? Gotta pick your priorities, 'cause I knew that errands and laundry were not going to help me in any way memorizing slides, and it certainly wasn't gonna relax me. Those are two activities that I did not need to continue. However, I did know that having lots of sleep and having fun time would fuel me to both memorize better and be more energized for you. So, sleep time, I decided no Netflix. So I got rid of Netflix this past weekend, 'cause I swapped out Netflix time with sleep time, and then I also was like, okay, if I'm gonna do fun time, it has to be recharging. So, what I did is I actually pulled out my paints. Painting is like a very, very relaxing activity for me. Normally, I would never paint, that's not productive, right, before a big week, but I was like, actually, it's a way for me the synthesize what I memorized. So in between slide decks, I would do a little bit of painting. That's a way that you can think about start, stop, continue of what activities are fueling your starts, right? Your starts are the most important thing, things you have to get a lot of energy for. It's hard to start new things, right? So what's gonna fuel you in that start and what can you continue that's going to keep boosting you to try to have the bravery and the courage to try new things. I have another example for you. So my good, good friend Anna Lauren, I think she's watching, and I did ask her permission to use this example, and I adore her. This summer, she was finishing up her dissertation. And her dissertation was a huge deal. And she is, she's a little bit of a procrastinator, and she's actually writing her dissertation on procrastination, which is... (audience laughs) a funny thing. And so she's writing the dissertation on procrastination. She's procrastinating. And so she's telling me that she's very stressed. She's like, oh, I gotta, I really gotta start writing. I really gotta start doing my dissertation. I really gotta sit down and do it. So she's like, so what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna make my dissertation a total priority this summer. I'm gonna stop. I'm not gonna see you a lot this summer. I'm really sorry. You know, I'll see you back in September. And, you know, I'm not gonna read. I'm gonna take all my fiction books, I'm gonna stop reading them, and also, like, I'm just gonna, you know, I'm gonna gain a little weight this summer. It's gonna be fine. I'm not gonna have any gym time. And I was like, AL, we call her AL, I'm like AL, those are actually things that will help you do better with your dissertation, right? Like, if you have friend time that you can recharge, you're gonna be much more motivated to get up earlier and plow through that dissertation. If you have reading time, fiction reading time, that gives your mind a break. Like, you can't think about your dissertation constantly, and the gym is a great way to process. You love going to the gym, right? That's a fun way for you to process. I said, what if instead we took things that don't fuel you. So I talked about, what, what do you dread? What are some activities that you hate? She's like, well, I do spend a lot of time on Facebook and Instagram. And I was like, we're uninstalling them for the summer. All right, let's take them totally off your phone. Even those five minutes of time you're checking, you're gonna get those minutes back. Let's also, I said, cleaning time. She's like, oh, I hate cleaning. I'm like, well, like, does your house really have to be spotless all summer? Like, no one's really gonna see it. Like, just make it work, right? Like, don't do any cleaning this summer. Just tell yourself it's gonna be a little bit of a dirty house. And last one, you know, do you have to cook this summer? Why don't, I know you don't like ordering out, but how about just for this summer, you order your favorite meals on Postmates? Saves the cooking time, and you have a really yummy dinner to look forward to, either before or after you work on your dissertation, right? So we decided to, we stopped these, and we continue the friend time in moderation, reading time, but only books that were fun to read, right, not business books, not non-fiction books. And gym time, real quick 20-minute workouts. So I want you to start playing start, stop, continue with yourself so that you are prioritizing these starts and not putting some of the things that fuel you in the stop time. As adults, we have this tendency to say no to the activities that we like most. When we have to get done, the first thing to go are the activities that fuel us, typically. So I want us to start framing it into this game where you can start swapping it out. The best thing I like to do, by the way, is I take Post-its, and I write a bunch of the things I have to do on Post-its, and I actually put them into start, stop, and continue, and I shuffle them around until it looks good to me. So if you're a physical kind of visual learner, you can do that with Post-its. So let's do an activity. So this is in your workbook for you, and this is called a life pebble activity. So you wanna turn to that page, right in your pillar number four. So, you know pebbles. If you're hiking or running, and you get a pebble in your shoe, it ruins your entire run. Even like the smallest little pebble. The silly thing would be to try to keep running on it. Every single step you would take would just like, be so annoying, and it really is annoying. It's not like a pain. It's really annoying. So, of course, you stop, you untie your shoelace, you like balance, you know, and you like, you dump it out, and then you put it back on. I think that there are life pebbles. I feel like there are things that we have in our life that like, annoy us a little bit, but not enough to take off our shoe, and so we end up having these things in our life that like, just every day, we kind of put up with it, tolerate it. And so I wanna sit down, and I wanna actually look at the pebbles in our life and try to take them out of our shoes, our emotional shoes. We're gonna do this with something I call your minimizer chart. So I actually have a whole bunch of activities for your life pebble in your workbook. I decided that instead of doing this together, it was actually quite personal, so I decided that I would let you kind of do it on your own. So I have seven questions for your life pebble activity in your workbook that are gonna help you fill out your chart. So once you fill out those pebble questions, I want you to fill out your minimizer chart. And in your minimizer chart, we have four different columns. First is the pebble, all right? What is that little thing that you've been tolerating or putting up with? Second, what can you control about this? So, certain things, you can't control everything, right, like you can't control the bills you get. Can't control that you have to eat, right. We're humans. But there are things you can control, and a lot of the time, when it comes to negative things, we forget that, right. We forget, we have some level of control here. I want you to get really specific about what that level is. So what you can and can't control, and then lastly, we're gonna break it down into action steps, as we've been doing. What I wanna do is I wanna give us some examples. As I'm going through these examples, here in the audience, you guys wouldn't mind thinking about one or two of your pebbles, 'cause I'm gonna ask for examples at the end as I go through mine. Here are the four things that I'm gonna fill out for you, and I'm gonna use really personal examples in my life. Partner tasks. So when I sat down, I was thinking about my little pebbles, and by the way, I got this idea from one of the happiest people in our audits. When I asked her, you know, do you ever get into bad moods? Tell me about your bad moods. She was the one who brought up the pebble metaphor. She's like, well, I have pebbles, and I've done everything I do, everything I can do to minimize them or remove them as quickly as possible. I was like, hmm, interesting. So I realized that one of my pebbles was what I call partner tasks. Partner tasks are those things you have to do with your partner like bills or putting up that painting you wanted to put up or asking about this weird like nail that you wanna put in the wall. There's all these little things that can kind of gather, and we have this big bowl in our kitchen with all the partner tasks. And every single day after work, I'd be like, ugh, are we gonna do that tonight? Ugh, are we gonna do that tonight? Every day. And so every day after work, I realized I felt this like, little bit of dread, and then we'd like, eat dinner, and I'd be like, eh, it's seven, like, well, one show. One show, just one show, and then we'll do the partner task. Just one show. And we'd watch a show, and then we're like, aw, like, do we really have to hang the painting now? Like, we don't need, it's eight o'clock. Okay, let's just, let's just read. And every day, it was like this, where we kind of have this back and forth of if we're gonna do it or not. So what I realized is, I cannot control that we're gonna have deadlines and tasks and bills, especially for tax reason, right. You can't control that on April 15, you have a lot of stuff you've gotta get done. However, I could control the timing and perspective of it. What I realized, the pebble was not necessarily the actual bills. Like, once we actually sat down to do things, that wasn't a problem. The problem was the waiting and wondering and being like, should we or shouldn't we? So what we decided is that every Thursday night is task night. Every Thursday night is task night, but we get to order our favorite Indian food that night, or whatever other food we want, right? And like, Indian food, the place we get it, it's like, really spicy, and like, makes the whole house smell like garlic. It's amazing. So we're like, that is gonna be the night. Like, we just know it. We know that we get our favorite food. We do whatever tasks are in the bowl. And whatever extra time we have left, we can watch our favorite show. That turned something that was like this nagging kind of activity into something I actually kind of looked forward to, right? Thursday night, we crack open a bottle of wine, we have great Indian food, and that's it. So, it took a pebble, and it turned it into something neutral, maybe even slightly positive, but really, just a neutral night. Another example. So, one of my pebbles used to be video editing. So, a huge part of my business is videos. You know, we have eight million people on YouTube, so we put out a lot of YouTube videos. And so I love doing videos. I love writing scripts. I love filming. I do not like editing. I am bad at it. It is not my favorite thing. And so, every time we'd have a shoot, I would know that I had like, days of editing. And I would dread the shoots, even though I like shoots, because I knew that I had video editing afterwards. And so, it made me do less videos, 'cause I didn't wanna do it. It made me do shorter videos, simply because of this video editing. So I was like, look, like, how can I delete this part of the task? I cannot control that video courses require video, right? If I I'm gonna make a video course, it's gonna have video. Can't control that. However, I can control who and, who does it and how we edit. So what I decided to do, a couple different action steps, is I wanted to try either hiring a part-time editor and seeing how expensive it would be, like how much it would eat into our revenue, or training a current employee to do video editing, paying for them to take a video editing class and, you know, he would take two or three days to edit, to learn video editing, and then he could do it for us fully. So, I did this in the beginning, and that was fine, but it actually ended up taking a lot longer, and so I asked our employees, we did start, stop, continue, and I was like, anyone wanna start learning video editing? Is that a thing that anyone's like, interested in starting? And Robbie, one of our employees, was like, yes, I actually know a little bit of video editing from my last job, and I can totally do it. I was like, great. I'm gonna get you some CreativeLive courses on video editing and on Photoshop, and I'm gonna train you how to do it. I will pay for your classes and your hours. And now we have a video editor. He does all of our video editing, and he's amazing. Robbie, I hope you're watching, right? So this was something that A, he actually does it way better than me, so not only do I get rid of the task I don't like, but he now is doing it better. I also began to write my scripts to be more easily edited. So before, I was writing my scripts and I'd be like, oh, I'll deal with that in post. I'll deal with that in edit. But I was like, wait, let's cut down on the editing time for everyone, and let's rewrite my scripts, right? So this was a task that I changed around or took differently. Another pebble for me, hopefully you guys are writing your pebbles down, is getting in a workout on busy days. So my downward spirals, those little moments where I just, ugh, like I have a bad day and then I had bad sleep typically happen when I was expecting to get a workout and didn't get one in. Business crisis, too many emails, longer phone call. So I realized, I cannot control busy schedule, right? Like, part of my job is, media happens, and they call you, and they're like, be ready in, media ready at seven a.m.. Like, I have to be. But what I can do is change how I workout on certain days. I can build in workouts into my work schedule. So what I do is I actually do exercise pairing. I mentioned talking about Netflix pairing. I also, whenever someone asks me to go to coffee, I always counter them. So I always say, I would be happy to go to coffee, but would you like to go to coffee and go on a hike? 'Cause in Portland, we live in like a beautiful park, and there's a coffee shop right by a trail. So I ask people, I don't know if you're open to it, but would you mind throwing on some tennis shoes, we'll grab coffee, and we'll go on a hike. So I knew that even in my business meetings, I was getting some kind of a nice workout. I also tend to do like, casual walking meetings with my team. We do hike brainstorms instead of just sitting, and we also, I also do friend workout classes, so when friends will hang out, I'll be like, let's go grab, do a class, and then we'll go to dinner. So just a way for me to build it into my schedule so that I wasn't missing them as much. What's popping into your head? Anyone think of some pebbles that we can break down together into this? Yes.
Mailing pretty much anything is a pebble for me. (woman laughs)
Okay, all right. That's a good one.
And so, I think there are like, two different facets, and I actually realize that I was thinking about this in the shower today, that, so like, even just a rent check, mailing the rent check is, like, I don't mind paying the rent. It's no big deal. It's just getting it in the mail.
And so I was thinking that, for the rent check, I think there's a service that, through my bank, that I can just have them mail the rent check so that I don't have to worry about that.
Love it, yes.
But then, like, mailing packages, like, that I have to return, I've got, I need to think of better steps for that.
First of all, I love the can and can't control on having your bank set up that kind of auto payment. The second thing that I do, so I also have to mail sometimes a lot of packages, so we have a body language trainer programmer where people come to Science People, and we train them in our techniques. So we mail them like, gifts. We mail them certificates. And so it was a big deal, every time I had to mail them something, 'cause I had to put their certificate in an envelope. So I actually set up like a little tiny home mail station. So I got a bunch of different stamps. I bought postcard stamps, regular stamps, and I actually got what I usually, like, how much it usually weighs, and I got a bunch of pre-paid stamps. I bought all the envelopes. So, I usually can do it all at home and then shove it in the mail. So I don't know if there's any part of it that would be the same, but.
Yes, I love that. I think that having like, that all at the ready would be really good. But, sometimes, this is, I'll even have like a card that is, like a card to someone that I really want to send them this card, and it's like, addressed and has a stamp, and I don't get myself to like even just put it in our lobby. I could probably just put it on our lobby and go.
Even that part is hard. So maybe you should have a mail day, right? Like, so that's one of those tasks that like, it's even just like knowing the envelope is on your desk. It was the same thing about knowing I had this bowl of stuff. Maybe, like, you don't do any mailing ever, except on the last Friday of the month. So like, returns don't happen until that day. Envelopes, actually, make it your rent day. Right, like, make, whatever your bill, like if you have a bill that you regularly have due, that's your entire mail day for everything. So like, yeah, you're gonna have a little bit of irritation on that day, but it's only that one day, and it's one trip.
Yeah, and then it will be like, this amazing feeling.
Yeah, then it's like all mailed, and it's all done.
And then I get to send all my loved one all these thoughts that I've wanted to send them and haven't done it.
So it's one day a month, and I would pair it with when you typically do returns or typically have a bill. So that is the perfect example of a pebble. There's some things you can't control. You're gonna have to mail stuff, but we can minimize that effecting, having you have, 'cause like, the problem is you see that letter on your desk, and you're like, ugh, right? And every time you see it, it actually triggers you to feel like, ugh, right? So let's get rid of those little moments of unhappiness into like, one kind of thing. Any other pebble issues? Yeah.
I have two boys, and they're young, and so, each boy has 20 friends in the class, and they always have birthdays. So it's 40 birthdays a year.
So I always run to Target or some place to get present, 40 times, and pack it. So, I can't control that they're, there's a birthday party to go to, but what I can control and what I can do is buy them in bulk when they're on sale.
Okay, yes, my mom actually had, growing up, what we called a gift closet. I'm not even joking. So, in like the back part of our house, she had birthday cards, anniversary cards, holiday cards. She had a bunch of gifts for a bunch of different ages. She had housewarming gifts, like candles, things like that, and most of the time, we could, and she would buy them in bulk, or she'd be out, she'd be like, what a beautiful candle. Someone's gonna enjoy that this holiday season, and she would buy it, knowing she would give it away to someone. And she did it about once every three to five months, and she would just restock the closet. And if it, you know, heaven forbid, there's like, not something in there that would work for someone, you can go out to Amazon Now or go to Target, but that gift closet was like, and all the cards were in there. All the wrapping paper was in there. So me and my siblings, if we had to get a gift, we knew we had to go, we knew where we had to go, and we knew we had to wrap it, and there was always cards in there. So I would try doing that, a gift closet or like a gift cabinet. So, couple more examples. This is actually from our beta class. So, cooking on weeknights was someone's pebble. She loves cooking, but she did not like cooking after work when everyone was starving and hungry and going to the grocery store. She knew she can't control the kids had to eat, but she knew that she could control what to eat and when to cook it. So what she decided to do is she didn't wanna do a lot of ordering out 'cause of budget, so what she decided to do is to make Sunday a really big cooking day. So she would usually do four or five different meals in big crock pots and pans. That would be dinner for, dinner and lunches for Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and then she would freeze stuff, and then Wednesday and Thursday were usually freezer stuff coming out of the freezer, and Friday was their pizza night, right? So she was doing all of her cooking in one day. And by the way, she would often assign her kids that, assign her kids to help on some of those things, so actually, it became a family activity. Other things to think about. So another pebble that I had was packing before business trips. So, I travel like two or three weeks out of the month, so I'm gone a lot. I'm constantly unpacking and repacking, and I realized that that was such a headache for me that I was like, I just need to buy doubled of things and just have a suitcase packed, and that felt ridiculous at first, but I actually realized I had a lot of doubles anyway lying around. I had an extra, you know, tank top. I had extra toothbrushes. So I have a fully-packed, ready-to-go suitcase that is always totally packed for myself. And that was like a huge pebble that I got rid of. Checking email before bed, I want you to think about your digital life, what are some digital pebbles that maybe cause a little bit of headache. When do you check your email, and does that change your mood? And can you hire a professional? Like, yes, there are so many ways you can remove pebbles on your own, but is there a way that an accountant or an organizer or a cleaner or a task rabbit can do it, go and do that for you, right? Sometimes hiring a professional can be a very easy way to get rid of a pebble. As I mentioned, digital life and social media. I want you to think very carefully if that is a pebble in your life. One study that looked at Facebook found, the study was called Everything We Know About Facebook's Secret Mood Manipulation Experiment, which found that when we look at our Facebook feed, it affects our mood. If there's a lot of negative things in our feed, it makes us feel negative. If there's a lot of positive things in our feed, it makes us feel positive. So, I want you to be in control of your moods. I don't want Facebook to dictate them. So, think about, Facebook is not just an idle activity. Checking your feed is actually a very emotional activity, and I want you to pay attention. The next time you check, how do you feel afterwards? Right, that's something that I want you to think about. "It's by setting little things that we attain "the great art of having as little misery "and as much happiness as possible." Study your little things. And we need to take your life right now, and only look at the little things, those little tiny pebbles, the good and the bad, and figure out what are causing upward spirals. Big question here for this minimizer chart that I want you to think about is, what do you tolerate or put up with that drains you? What drains happiness? What drain energy? What makes you feel tired when you think about it? Pebbles are these slightly draining things. So that's the question that I really want you to dig deep and think of everything in your life that you're just tolerating. You're gonna do it for yourself, pebble, can't control, can control, and action steps in your minimizer chart, and I also talk very briefly about maximizing the good. So we talked about minimizing the bad, but I also want you to maximize the good, and luckily, we've already started this. So, researchers Kubzansky and Richman found that optimism and happiness source from two main emotions. Any guesses? What two main emotions do you think are the biggest source of happiness and optimism? Any guesses?
Engaged, good guess. Other ones?
A sense of purpose?
Purpose? So they found that the biggest source of happiness and optimism, the first one is hope. Hope is this beautiful anticipatory state where you feel like you're gonna get something good. So actually the pre feeling of happiness is the biggest cause of happiness, and curiosity. Curiosity is one of the best forms of optimism and happiness. So, you'll notice that on this list, there's all these moments of hope and curiosity, right? If you brush your teeth, remember how your parents used to do this, if you brush your teeth, you can watch 20 minute so far cartoons, right? If you read, you can have outside play time for half an hour. If you make sure that you do your schoolwork time, you'll get a story time and maybe a nap. So we have to also do that for ourselves. I want us to have activities that we look forward to for that hope and that curiosity, and this is where those happiness experiments come in. That was my secret way of getting you to be hopeful and curious and things. All of the, that coding that you did or that process on playstorming was figuring out what would make me feel most hopeful and curious. So, in your bonuses, these are in your free bonus materials, I have for everyone, so all I have to do is click the RSVP button for that, I have a happy calendar. And in your calendar, you can use this calendar, but you can also use your regular calendar. My challenge for you today is to think about hope. What playstorming activity do you wanna try? Specifically when do you wanna try it? And for curiosity, what happiness experiment do you wanna try? And what I want you to do is take your calendar, oh, and of course, what can you minimize, which hopefully, you're gonna start doing right away with your action steps. I have below your little bonus calendar happy makers and happy experiments. These are your pluses and your question marks. What can you schedule in in the next 30 days in your calendar, right? So in my calendar, I typically have at least six. I know that's a lot. I'm high open, right, so I mean, so also, it's my job to be hopeful and curious, so I have a lot, even if it's just one in each category. I want you to start scheduling those in. You might actually already have one. Open up your calendar. See what you have coming in the next 30 to 60 days and see, are any of those experiments? Are any of those things that could possibly make me happy? So I will have, you know, popup dining night, tango class, wine tasting night, bamboo, plant bamboo I decided might be kind of an exciting thing, all these different things I want you to schedule into your calendar. And do one thing everyone day that scares you. I think that's a lot. So I put parentheses in Eleanor Roosevelt's quote. I don't know if I'm allowed to do that. But I was like, every day? Like, that sounds so scary. So do one thing every month, okay? Every month, depends how open you are, every week, that scares you. I like to do these happiness check-ins, start, stop, continue, sometimes on the last Sunday of the month, every Monday, once per quarter. I want you to also think about, when are you going to do these check-ins? When are you gonna look for these diagnoses in your life? There is nothing wrong with a failed experiment. So, one of my happiness experiments was riding a bike. I don't know how to ride a bike. And I thought, well, maybe that's something, you know, I love being outdoors. So I rented a bike, and I got myself on the bike, and it was not fun. (audience laughs) It was not fun. I really it to be wanted fun. It was not fun. And so like, I'm like, you know, weaving, and Portland's a bike city, so like, I'm in the bike line, and I get like, you know, seven or eight blocks, and I'm like, done, call my friend, do you wanna get pastries? And I realized, like, I'm so glad I tried it, and now I've never appreciated my own two feet so much. (audience laughs) But that was, that happiness experiment didn't work for me. However, I was very hopeful about it, and I have a funny story to tell about my failed bike lane experience. So, there's nothing wrong if you try something and it's not happy-making. That's okay. It's the great story for the book. So you can tweet me for it. So, tomorrow, we are going to talk about wow, the five stages of wow, which is the last section of your inner kid. And your challenges, which you already talked about, is to fill in your minimizer chart, schedule one to three, one to three happiness experiments, and find one thing each week that you can be hopefully curious about. By the way, this can be as small as watching a recommended documentary, right, or as big as taking road trip by yourself, right? These don't have to be huge things. One of mine was planting bamboo, a little tiny little bamboo plant. That was one of my experiments. So, they can be small and big. They don't have to be major. Let's talk about the most important thing you learned today. Remember that I have some extra credit prompts in your workbook. So, here, what was your happy aha moment? At home, please tweet me your happy aha moment so I can hear what your happy aha was. What aha moments did you have? Yes.
I loved when you shared the examples of the start, stop, continue, specifically, when you challenged your friends on what they thought they should be stopping and, you know, really just said let's get real for a minute. Those are the things that are paying attention to what gives you energy and what will help you have the energy to get the stuff done and really look at the things that are the time sucks, and you had some really creative ways to do like life hacks and how to adapt them and change them. So I thought that was brilliant. And the pebbles, you know. I don't even think that they're little. Those things that gnaw away at you every day, it's what keeps you up at night, it's really a huge drain. They might seem like the little things, but they really are the big things. And so, I love that process and all the examples you've shared and I took away from really great ideas.
Thank you. So this is the perfect, remember how I said earlier, your happiness is a gift to the world? So, I would not have been able to help Anna Lauren if I had not done that for myself. But like, I had to actually be like, this is a pebble. How do I fix this? What can I control? So that when she was telling me things, before, I might have been like, oh, yeah, that's so hard, I guess I won't see you all summer, bye, but like, I wouldn't have known that. I was like, no, like AL, I can help this. I can make this better for you, right? So when you do this for yourself, you learn the skill, and then you teach it to your children. You teach it to your spouse. You teach it to your friends. It is a gift, and we have to learn it first. Yes.
I like the idea for the parent-teacher conference.
I thought that was really great, because it is somebody who's planning your schedule and I know that when I was a kid, sometimes I would go through, I had Brownies and pottery, and I had swimming and dance, and I would do all of the activities, and then I would just get burned out of it and think, you know what? This time I'm gonna have one activity this week for a little while, and I'd go back and forth between them, because I didn't have that balance, but I wanted to try all the things.
Yeah, so, you are going to have on your happiness check-ins your own parent-teacher conference, right? You're gonna be your parent and your teacher. So, I want you at home to tweet me your favorite, your biggest aha, happy aha moment. I will be giving away copies of my book Captivate at the end of it, and I will see all of you tomorrow. We're gonna do a little dancing outro. Everyone stand up. At home, stand up. Shake it out and dance with me. (steady rock music)