Lessons

Lesson Info

Building Confidence: Your Self Worth

I didn't have a lot of self value when I started being a photographer, so I valued the shoot. I valued the process. I would take the photographs and then I based myself value on how they re bought the how they reacted to the photograph. So if they're over the moon and they spend lots of money, I was the best thing. And since sliced bread. If they went over the moon and they spent $700 it was a low sale or a bad sale, I felt rejected. And all of myself hate around rejection would come up. So it wasn't that I was losing enthusiasm for sales. I was just so afraid that when they didn't by myself, hate was so strong that it would actually color the experience that I just had. So I started to acknowledge This is where myself hate comes up. It comes up when I sell because I am still validating myself based on what they're buying now. The other day I walked into a shop, I say it over and over again, tried on a dress, didn't buy it, didn't like it, didn't buy it next day, walked into Nordstrom ...

rack use today bought four dresses. Okay, Now the sales assistant is not crying, right? She's just doing her job. Some days you spend a lot, sometimes some days she died, but there was so much personal attached to how I was doing that and validating it. I've seen it a 1,000,000 times. I would I would like to say creatives, not photographers, because I hate to pigeonhole photographers, but creative seem to be the most dramatic bunch off narcissistic, ego IQ people I have ever met in my life. And I didn't understand why that would make such a difference, because I made this image. So they're rejecting my work. But the truth is, is they're not rejecting my work. They're bringing out the self hate in the lack of self value in the unsure Ignace that I carry with me as a human being. So if you have lots of self esteem and somebody calls you ugly or fat and you have lots of good self esteem, you're like, Wow, that was, you know, pretty out there. But you recover. If you have bad, low value and self esteem, and somebody calls you ugly. In fact, you'll repeat that comment for the rest of your life. I mean, I hear people say to me one day they'll go. Oh, you know, when I was seven, this woman said to May, You've got back teeth. I'm like, How do you know? Like city eight? Yes. Don't telling that story. You remembered something somebody said to you when you were Sieben, because it who you so much It's interesting. We carry stuff from being kids, little kids, and not just from appearance. But, you know, I maintain this at around 37. 38 you have to consider that in two years you're going to be 40. You need to forgive your appearance and take responsibility for your life. And you could no longer tell that story. Okay, once you hit 40 come on. 46. Kind of limit that you can tell your kids stories. You know, my parents really screwed me up. It's like dude. Really? Yeah. You're 40. Your 40. You should have done the therapy by now. Come on, 40. You go. Let it go. All right. Recap. I bounced ahead. Reek of need. Reek of desperation. Reek of non belief. Somebody just tweeted your little skunk, you are a little skunk. Your smell is transmuting like energy out of you in the same way positive energy does in the same way negative energy does in the same way fear does. It's an every part of your pitch. Every part of your belief system is the energy that's around you. I just remembered what at the end of the slide that that that person needed to hear what you're going through right now. What is it teaching you? Because you're meant to go through this? What you're seeing right now what you are being right now? What is it teaching you? Because for many years, my reflection off myself keep showing me that I didn't value myself enough. It was reflected in my income. It was reflected in my job. It was reflected in my business. It was reflected in my boyfriends. I simply select my own self value. I made it my life's mission to work on that. I was like, right my whole life, it's reflecting bag that I don't think I'm good enough to have a good boyfriend and a good house and a good car and a good job and a good business like there's something in my belief system clearly that says she can't have any of that. You're not good enough to have it. So it's like surely if I change my belief system, If I changed my value, if somebody disrespects me and I say Stop, you just disrespected me and then I act with respect towards them and myself. Surely that will change what I'm getting, and it did so all of a sudden I shift my idea of my value, my value and everything's that shifting with me, my income gets higher. Then I want more income. Am I with going up another step? Because it's not like that. It's like that, Okay? And then you Plato and then you go and then you, Plato and they up. And then you play toned and it doesn't stop New ceiling, new ceiling, new selling every time. All you need is one person to think you're popular. The reason I wrote the slide is because I was watching. I'm not Josie Grossi anymore. Oh, I love that movie. Never been kissed. Drew Barrymore love Drew Barrymore and her brother David, our kid sister. Here, all you need to do is for one person to think you're popular. Now. I consider this in pitching because the one thing that I find now is I no longer pitch. People introduced me with with my pitch. This is the coolest thing. I used to be that nervous, awkward girl that couldn't say what she does now. People are like, Have you met? So Bryce, she's incredible photographer. She photographs woman, Show them your IPhone and I'm always like Sometimes I don't even need to talk. Um, I feel like the more people that believe in you, the more people sell you. So one of the best pictures is the evangelist. Because you're not pitching. The evangelist is pitching you. The evangelist is the person who believes in you so much. They telling everybody at the end of this slide it says, Tell me what you would rather do. Code cool. We'll sponsor an evangelist. Think about it. Would you rather walk into a business and cold call and say Hi, I am supervising. I'm a portrait photographer and I would really like to work with you, or would you rather seemed the owner of that business $1000 voucher and get them to come be photographed by you. Get free prints. What's just gonna be the hottest thing for you today? So when I told people about that to give away $ voucher, If I almost like you're gonna get that away for free, I don't. You get it. This person has a network of 1800 women, and if they like me, she's going to give me to all of her friends. There's always another Christian in there, and people are always saying I'm not getting any referrals. So I do go back to the pitch list at the end of this segment. So don't worry. I'm coming back. I'm coming a full circle. I feel a little bit discombobulated today because I feel like I'm always run kind of linear with my timeline. But the irony is, as I wanted to talk about all of the different pictures and how they affect you emotionally, but I have to sort of intersperse them. They feels to me very much like one story, the elevator pitch being you're trying to sell something. I need you to work on your conversation skills. So to me the elevator pictures I'm a photographer. You need to lock it down. You need to lock down your very short spiel about price. You need to lock down your very short spiel about why and I need you to practice it in the mirror. I need you to practice it while you were out walking Pregnancy it with a friend with a trusted friend pregnant with your spouse, your partner. Practice it with your assistant with anybody until you feel so good saying it you could just click it out. The act with urine interviewed or an extra bit This is what I do. This is what I charged. This is my why you know so much so that it becomes conversational, that it becomes natural and that it's a very easy, easy thing to do, because I got to say when I listen to people talk about a business, they can't do it with enthusiasm because of the way they speaking. So I'll I always say to Susan, you gotta tell me what you're doing and make me believe that you are excited about it, not trying to get validation from it. It's just address there because I think it's really important. The difference is this. Tiff and I are doing a new workshop called Everything that's going to get in your way, something bridging that get between your personal value system and money and but having a successful business. Um, I don't need to tell you that it's something we're going to do because it's already happening, which means I am doing it. So I hear a lot of people when they become photographers, saying, I want to leave my job and go like and try and do the full time photography thing. And people are like Everybody's a photographer. My cousin did that. She can't make it our and you get the naysayers and next minute you lose all faith in your belief system instead off. I'm still working full time and running my photographic business in the weekend. It's become so big I have to cut back on my job in order to run my photographic business, and I'm absolutely loving it. These two differences in those pictures one of them is you're asking for permission and the other one is you're telling people excitedly what you doing, and they both sound distinctly different. So I just when people tell me that they people tell them they'll never make it. You're asking those people for permission. So one of the biggest problems I have as an instructor special on creative life cause it's live and people are watching you is often the students. Tell me something in the kitchen and I'll say, Bring that onto live stage because I need people to hear this question and I want to answer authentically I don't want to repeat the answer. I wanna tell them for the first time so they can hear it. And often when I get them in, he alive, they change this story and it really starts to upset me. I'm like, That's not what you just told me in the kitchen. You just told May us you're not gonna make it. You can't pay your rent and then a kid to May that to stand up here, I have to be really honest about my business, my income, it I can't tell 1/2 truth because the end of the day you can smell it. This bullshit distinct smell a bullshit. And I realized that Why do people lie to me when they live? And then I thought because they have husbands and wives appearance, watching, and maybe they haven't been completely honest with them. Maybe there's a whole lot of emotional baggage or expectation or emotional dishonesty, but you're not quite being honest with. So I think I thought maybe they're not so much lying there, just being very careful about what they saying, because they're gonna hurt some feelings. And that never occurred to me like I'm quite happy to stand up and say This is where I fail Um, but I dont rely on anybody, so I'm seek weighing back to. So when you have a partner that supporting you or if you have appearance that lean you money or anything like that, in order to get that money, you have to ask for it. And there's a certain victim role in being needy and needing help. Somebody's always playing out. I really need your help if you leave me this money and then the person lending money is in power because they're lending you the money so they kind of like okay, they somehow have a stake and what you're doing, and so all of a sudden, if somebody's got that control over you, you can't do what you want because it's the money in the power. So we feel very all of a sudden restrained by somebody else's money and somebody else's. Palin somebody's else's idea of our success. When I wanted to become a speaker for photography speaker, I was at WPP I in 2000 teen. I watched this talk and I was like, I want to teach the glamour photography. I want to bring glamour photography back to the world. I want to educate photographers and I want to tell my story and empower people. I walked out of there. I walk straight down, sit down with a friend of mine who knew me well, and I said, I want to be a speaker And she looked at me and she said, Everybody wants that. And I think, Oh, do they? She was saying, Yeah and road arise at me. And then I was thought, Wait a minute. You want that? And she was like, Well, yeah, I said, it doesn't mean we can't have it. And so you just told me your limits. They're not my limits. And she was like, Oh, so sorry. I just hit my father's voice. I just who did it. And I said, Well, just cause you don't think you can do it doesn't mean I can't. She run may a year ago, and she goes, I guess gotta tell you something. I said yes. You did it. I said I did want you guys. You did it. You really did it that you see doing gonna do. And he did it. That's like, Yeah, yeah. Okay. Nick and I were talking about this. She was Nikki can like everyone here out in this boss because you have a business, not a job. So if you're spells has a job, there is a chance you can out in them, right? I can. I can out in just about my salaries. So I said to Nikki, you could out in your husband Should think Really? No. Oh, yes. Suppose I could. Anyway, she went and told him that they were talking about it, and she said she heard herself saying it, and it didn't sound like the truth. It sounded like I could we know. What if I could? What if I could? And I said, I tell you what to energy around and instead of telling him you can. Why don't you just show him like just do it and then you can go? Honey, I'm out eating you now And it's not a case of Oh my God, you're any more money than may. It's a case off when I'm saying it and it's not true, it's not happening. But now that you're doing it, I'm like, Whoa, you know, action. So pitching from action is opposed to pitching from I hope one day I could What if I can? When I pitch, my confidence is about what I know to be true. How do you know that your plans are coming to fruition? They are congruent with what is actually happening. It feels like the now, not the future, and that single energy is what makes it happen Now. It's not going to happen one day, but there's a whole lot of fear between it is happening now. This is what is happening now, so you know when they do say on the secret, speak like you already have the Ferrari. I didn't understand that. I was like What do you say? I'm going to go up the street in my Ferrari and go shopping. And then you get a new Corolla and it's like I don't get that energy. But now I understand it means it's happening now. It means you having it now. Not something you hope not. Validation. Not looking for somebody else to validate. You could trust May. If you were looking developed yourself. You will never find it because what you're looking for is to validate yourself and only when people stop. Only when people undervalue over and over again we find your own self. So the confidence to walk up to a stranger. I think we've kind of talked about that enough. I feel like we If the boys want to pitch from a boy perspective, they can introduce the makeup artist, the wife or whoever into the talk. Always. Look, I when you compliment somebody, practice your compliments to complete strangers. Um, I went home recently to New Zealand than I was with my best friend for a couple of days together, and we were went into a coffee shop and I said to this woman, I love your dress and she was like things and I said, You know, we said it'll militaries, she's like, Where did you get it? I see. Where did you get it? She told me. And we're talking about another. Awesome. And my best friend said to me afterwards, You always have been like that. And I said, Want to guess? You just talk to people. I said, isn't it? What if we human being wants was to be seen? Isn't it just so nice to live in a culture where you can speak to someone on the straight? I love that. Practice it. Please make it so much easier to walk up to a stranger confidence in approaching a business. All right. I wrote a letter to my face businesses because I had no confidence to go on approach them. My letter said, My name is supervised. I'm a portrait photographer in your area. I would love to give your entire database a complimentary photo shoot End makeover with $190. I would not expect you to give that to your database until you had tried me for yourself. So I am giving you a $500 voucher to experience a photo shoot. A makeover in a portrait by May. If you were interested please call me. That was the woods I used, but I feel like the energy that got them in the door waas that I was prepared to give them a shoot and money in order to get them on my side, to build a relationship, to be able to pitch to them, about giving to the database, this single thing I have taught there on my first creative life. So 2.5 years ago, I said that on my first glamour glamour photography workshop, I cannot believe how many people don't understand this concept. Still to this day, is it clear what I am saying to you right now that it costs me a day of shooting in retouching in the cost of a makeup artist who sometimes you can get to work for free because you tell them it's a test and you want to try them out or whatever to give away a free shoot that potentially can bring you $100, a week? You've got to find those evangelists. They pitch for you, they doing the whole pitch. All they got to do is believe in you. You get a couple of evangelists I have a few. I've got this one woman I photographed. She spent $3000 every two or three months. She just post the photograph from who shoot. And it's been two years and just totally pumps me up. Look at this. Another shot for my super I share. God, I love this woman. I want to do it again and just totally just advertises me. She paid me. Now this. People like the everywhere those the one should grab onto, and you just want them like the your sales representatives and treat them and give them free shoots and plump them up. Because that's marketing. That's pitching, all right, so the confidence to approach of business really comes down to that. Um, you can write the leader, but it's just too easy to throw away. You can see in the email it's just too easy to delay to get three minutes. But if you can a shop at the business become a client of Theis because if you're spending money with May, you get OK, here's a good run. I lost my Facebook page last year. Be careful doing business on your portrait page on your personal page. even if it's just being general business, like not selling anything but just being a photographer, because if somebody reports you, they take your page away. I lost my page that day and I lost 5000 frames. 17,000 subscribe is gone and 1000 photographs 999 photographs gone. They said they import them, but they don't And I reopened a personal page, and I decided, because I have a business page, I would leave this personal page personal. And every day I get teens of hundreds of emails from people on my business page because people would rather be friends with you than be a fan. And I say no to them because I decided that I would keep this page for close friends and family. And I've got 100 and 60 friends, and I don't need to boost my numbers to look good, cause I don't key. I want people on the that. I love that I know that I would go out to dinner with so if I photographed you I friend of Christianity, onto my personal page because I have spent time with you. I like you and I want you on my personal page. So to me, it's like, you know, you're you have my time. You spent money with May I like you. You have my time. That's all business. It's very hard to cold. Call a hiss alone. But if you're in there getting you here blown out and you do the pitch, I'm a photographer. This is my work. Then we should work together. I should give you a shoot. You should come and see what I do. How easy is it to pitch when you're in the cheer paying the money. So if you can build that relationship by paying for a service, then you get their time. When your client, you get the time and you're not a cold caller, All right, when you first mate, someone you're selling you because how you dress, how you feel about yourself, how you present yourself very, very important. You need to consider this if your business are now how you're presenting yourself. All right. So I remember doing the Fear section at Creative Live in Vegas, and so many people were like, I ask people what they were afraid off, and they were like, I'm too old I'm not attractive enough. I don't dress nice enough. I'm overweight. I'm there all listing all the personal attributes. What? You don't dislike somebody because they carrying £10 they're not wearing the right top, do you? I mean, it's not like that Somebody how nice somebody is, isn't determined by what they were ing. But you do need to consider that if you're in business that you need to dress for your job. At least if you're going to an event at least dress like a photographer or dress like a business owner or somebody that's dressed well dressed. Nicely dressed. Consider how you're presenting yourself. I don't need to be in here and make up every day. But if I'm going to approach somebody, I pretty much think that the bitter I look, the more confident I'm gonna feel in doing it. You know, do consider that, by all means, But the truth is, is when you start talking, it's not about how you look. It's the experience that you have been selling so instantly. Switch it away from what they think of me into what it is that I'm giving you. So I ask people all the time and we laughed about this. After somebody tries to sell us something, I'll say to one of the girls Wouldn't What were we getting again? You know, so many people try and sell to you or pitched you without telling you what you're going to get. I'm the one spending the money. What am I kidding? What am I getting out of this? You know, you're so busy pitching to me about yourself. What am I getting? Uh, it's just not about you. And that's the bottom line. The pitch is not about you. What they think of you is not about you. How they respond to you is not about you. How they respond to paying fuel. Priceless. It's not about you. How they respond to money is not about you. It's all about them. I've seen this a 1,000,000 times. We start building this experience. So we go, we're gonna do a pam petition. We're gonna do a styling position. We're gonna do a manicure. We're gonna do a facial. I'm gonna offer bikini waxing. I'm gonna offer this. I'm gonna get your nails done. I'm gonna offer this that and the other. And you're gonna bring in all these people I'm gonna offer Bo talks. I'm gonna do that and I go stop. What are you selling? And they go a photo shoot, You know, where was the photo sharing that? Because you're selling everybody but yourself. Ah, isn't that easy? You start selling everybody but yourself because we find it easier to sell someone else than we do selling ourselves. Make no mistake about it. The photo shoot is part of my experience. But it is not what I'm selling when I sell the photo shoot. So I remember in 28 days we had a woman right in the chat room. I went to an event. I had the makeup artist there. She was doing demonstrations. It was all about the makeup artist, lovable. I we didn't sell any shoots. And I was like, Did you spend the whole time pitching? How wonderful it was to get your makeup done like she was on? Yeah. I was selling the makeup, not the shoot. What you're selling is the finished product. The finished product is the beautiful photographs. It's the experience of being photographed. It's the experience of seeing yourself being photographed. The Pam position is just part of it. Soon you talk about, are we going to get into competition? Are we going to get into that topic? Because I have a question here from my GF would like to know. How do you fix your block when you compare the quality of your work to others and I'm wondering you're talking about, It's easier to sell other people's work, yes, but it's also easy to just blame other people on your on what you're not doing right and say it's because you know it's this other photographer that's making me feel coming, indicate. Come and stand up here. It's human nature. We do this. She's younger than may. She slimmer than may. She's prettier than may. I find it amazing that we compete so often with everything we do. He's told them A. He's stronger than May. He's, you know, got more money than May. Here's a harder girlfriend that may, you know she's pretty, She younger, she's gonna she smarter. She's there is always going to be a bit of people in your but what you're doing is you're focusing on that. Okay, so you're making that. Nikki's attractiveness is what's stopping me from getting what I want. Now Nikki's married and happy, happily married. So when we go out, I don't think Nikki, smaller than May and 10 years younger than me and prettier than may I just think about my friendship with Nikki. And if a guy is attracted to both of us, then he will go look at these gorgeous girls or not. If the guys attracted to Nikki and not may. I don't think I wish he was attracted to May. He hates. I will say that, Nikki, he was cracking on you. He thought you were really hot because I like that he was looking at Nikki. It happened to us. We went to sushi. We ate too much sushi. We're standing on the side of the road. This is This really happened, like, two months ago and these two guys were looking at us in the car and Nikki tunes and systematic, I hate so much. Soucy. Look at this. And she's rubbing, like really? And these guys were looking at Nikki, obviously looking, checking her out. And I looked at right as they both win. She was rubbing your belly way, laughing like it was so funny because they probably thought she was way still Don't know what they said that they would so, like, put up by. And that's like they thought you were really hard until you did that. But you know what you can use? That is as much competition as you want. There is competition if everywhere. Okay, I can only focus on what I've got. Okay, what I've got I cannot look at Nikki and wish I was 10 years younger and wished that I was £20 slimmer. And wish that I can't. If you feel yourself think it or say it. Acknowledge it. Thank you. Acknowledge it. But you know what? At the end of the day, you are not that they say when you envy someone, you want something they've got. So last time I envied somebody I did instead of envying them and hating them what you do, I went home. I poured a glass of wine. I said on my balcony I watched the sunset and I said out loud, What does that person have that I want? And then it is just a kid to me. What it waas what they have that I want and I thought I want that. So I'm gonna go after it. But instead of hating on them and getting stuck in it, I acknowledged it. Now there are better shooters. The May. How's this for this? I'll be so honest with you. The other day I was looking at Larry Jade and Emily Sato's Facebook page, and they've got 450,000 likes. And I was like, Wow, that girl's a kicking butt. Most like I've got 100,000. There's so much better than me. And then I was like my instant ego when they photographed models, I photographed real woman and I heard myself say it, and I was like, Um, okay, I'm gonna photograph a model. I'm gonna do it and show everyone how good I am. I photographed a model, put it on Facebook, and I got criticized, criticized, criticize and criticized. And I think I thought I thought I was just as good as everybody else. Then I photograph Arena, 63 founder in a cafe 13,000 likes on one image, and as a kid to May I the first ship I did for the wrong reason be you guys could smell it because it was skunky. See, it's not what my audience wants. What they want this for. May to photograph real beauty. No, that models out real beauty. Not that they're not re a women because they are. Everybody's a real woman, but my power. And then that I'm not the model photographer That's not my superpower, that via superpower and I invade it. And I wanted it and I did it and it just went smack. And then I went up to reconnect toe What I do cause I stood here 2.5 years ago and I said, I don't want to photograph celebrities. I want a photograph Mup wanna from Hawaii and T Y from Nigeria and Sandra from Canada and Amanda from Florida and any woman that has even looked in America and no felt good enough about herself. And I said it because same way I'm saying it now still makes me bloody cry. That is my superpower. I can pitch that because when I picture that is the truth. Everybody believes it. Everybody's drawn to it. Everybody's attracted to it. That's my superpower. What's yours? And tell May and stop getting lost in what other people are doing. Because I still dough 25 years later and I just get lost. And I would love to lie and say that there's another way there isn't. If you find it, you can tell May then I'll tell everybody else. But the truth is, is there is in you gotta do it. Got to feel it, Acknowledge it, Say it out loud. Your failings as a human bein a perfect they will make you a better person. They will show you the way every time, every time. Your failings are just another opportunity to learn something you. So don't be afraid of them. Don't be afraid of having an ego. Don't be afraid of it.