3 Kinds of Conversations
As we go through these elements of your productivity portfolio again, I feel like it's building a buffet and as you approach that buffet, you can choose which ones do I want to activate? Which ones do I wantto wait on? I think by now at elements nine ten eleven you're going to have to make some decisions over the next week of actually which ones to ignore? Now I'm gonna add a few more before we end the course today because remember day to the way that I looked at it was all about looking out over that social network, those people that you're spending the most time with that air influencing how you think what you think, what you get done during the day just is a really quick review of where we've come today, although it won't look like we've activated many of the elements well that's a pretty neat discussions and exploring that consistency in that practice looking at your routines, your habits, those things that you are consistent and you know, I was delivering of course last week in eu...
rope and someone said that practice made discipline and I added it to the list. Of course I added to the list and it just seems to me there's many, many things that when I repeat something once and then twice and then a third time not that it becomes a habit but it gives me that option whether I want to activate that as a habit. We also looked into it and kind of dove into this idea of managing time through what I hope was a different lens. I know getting to share this concept. And when we first published it in the book and it seemed to catch people's attention, if they made it all the way to chapter three of your best, just got better. It was a way of looking at time away that I had never looked at it a way that I had never been introduced to it. I think the most important thing about this is to make sure that your number means something to you. So mine I share with you was fifteen minutes. And when I set that timer mentally or physically so I could see that countdown, I know I can give this nine hundred seconds of focus on the tool that I use. I can share with anybody who'd, like exxon, the lunch break. I did get an email from someone in london asking me for the free page. Pdf with the seventy five lines. So if that helps, when that's let's use that as we head into the afternoon, I want tio dive in and between now and the next break, further diving into this idea of your network and collaborating before we leave today, I'm definitely going to share a couple of the tools that I use, but more importantly, what you can look for, what I'll ask you to look for is the process that I use in using those tools. Here's what? I know any collaborative app tool planner is going to change in the next two years, it's going to have a smaller font, it's going pretty, your background there's going to be something they do to try to update that. So while I'll share with you some of the systems that I'm using, what all keep focusing on is the process in which I go through when I use that so element number eleven and this one is going to be a real, I think it's the springboard to really understanding the impact of collaboration on productivity and what I'll ask you to consider for yourself, and I'm gonna walk to the flip chart, you know, as we flipped to a flip chart now, so a new writing medium, but the kinds of conversations that activate you that inspire you that engage you and those of you who like to write to kind of get your thoughts together first go and write those down those of you on the online audience, if you think to yourself, what are the kinds of conversations that you enjoy? The ones that when they show up you find yourself falling and I guess the other way of asking you this is have you ever been in a conversation that you just wanted to get out ofthe that you couldn't wait until it ended that you were looking for that way to make that graceful or not so graceful exit so let's stay on the positive silas they on the plus side what are the kinds of conversations that you enjoy the most and I'm going to ask for some examples from the in studio audience and then if we can all ask you in the alive online audience to share some of yours so I walked to the flip chart grab my pen along the way but if I could get from just a couple of you what what kinds of conversations showed up right away the lead actors that is debatable like we can have more discussions deeply abyan a blog I'm now checking with the audience that right is close to rise like on the first time that I can't debatable tony I like uh to learn a new topic from someone that's very passionate in that field and then you're the qualification of what kind of person you know kind of been around people who seem to talk but it's like are you sure you know what you're sure may so yeah that that knowledgeable piece that passion piece in there a mutual brainstorming like uh conversations about sort of the delve into the nuances off multicultural communication styles and strength and challengers it's like all the dimensions involved in that and then that's your world you know when you walk out into the day it's this howto why look through that lens of having just had five months in tibet and now coming back teo and doing the work that you're doing that even notice headlines of magazine because they jump off the shelf as you're walking and by anyone else do that I'll be running through an airport and out of the corner of my eye a new book on triathlons we'll look at that they wrote a new one like it just grabs my focus joshua I think you had yeah, you know I think it's kind of covered up there but really uh learning about someone and for me conversations that build my confidence so when I'm talking to someone that that person helped me identify my own strength and I can help them identify there's those are some of the best conversations I can have it's and I'm hearing like more than building confidence it almost sets the stage for having a conversation where confidence could be a part of it so I'm going right on confidence because the sentence to go there yeah sure I like the three sixty of its sharing and support so you share I support I share you support you know this afternoon what we're going to end with is a mentoring program that I in partnership with a mentor of mine we looked at the fastest easiest lowest cost mentoring program could be where something could come back of value and what we found was that by doing that in partnership with one another where we took a jiao davitt we took location out of it we took experience out of it and it was clarifying I need to know more about this who in my community is a little bit more experience an expert in it and then tapping into that expertise talking into that development so wait two this afternoon I'm gonna look at you and see how this falls on on fertile soil for you I'm gonna go to jackie and I come back up the tony I love to talk about politics health care it's that not only is it part of what you do every day but if you don't mind and I know you you know much shaking it up a little bit you know and it is is that knowledgeable piece you know I mean to sit down with someone like a jackie is like I know you know you know you know more than I know so we can we can have that conversation I mean the smile that she had I don't know if you saw it happens like I like talking politics yes right next to me I love having fun conversations quoting movies and joking at that's a great conversation these are all pretty deep but on a superficial level I love just joking around on that levity that you know you need that kind of thing and for those of us who have been around tony for the past couple of days it's pretty apparent to me that fun is a major committee in your world and although there may be some things business wise as you are rolling toward where you're rolling, I'm going to do everything I can if I'm a mentor to tony, if I were a friend of tony's, if I was a co founder of tony's, I would want to make sure that on some twenty four, forty eight hour interval I'm checking in are you having fun? And then the other thing that I'll add in there is fun will change I found it changes seasonally and it has differently changed decade lee like what I used to think was fun and what I'm going to think it's fun and then there's where I am here in the middle. So really now that we've come from yesterday to today and I love when it kind of just sets itself up for it, but remember how I've been asking you several times to write down what you want more of and what you're more iss the's the things I'm talking about it is so easy. I know for people to grab that copy of my book, to read through the title, to shake their head up and down all the way till they get to the last subtitle and then they start to create this vision of oh, oh, I know what jason's about now he wants to make more but those who have been with me for the past day and a half and we head into this afternoon these are the kinds of things that fit in my more while they fit in your mohr bucket. It was fascinating to me is we get to go through a day a week, a month, a career and look back and go did I make more of what I'm engaged in? Obviously we take that and we move that over this other side of where we're going this afternoon. Does your co founder know, does your partner know? Does that new vendor know how important this more is to you? And one thing after on is the more that I write more that I published, the more that things go out there I wanted to share just yesterday, and it was it was amazing how it was timed. Just yesterday, entrepreneur magazine, they ran an article online about the so that exercise in about five hours before we were discussing it here in the class, people around the world had started sharing this, and the way they titled the article was if you've lost your motivation, read this, and by the way, when I think of motivation, I just threw that out. I made three words out of it. I said, motive for action, and we could probably venture to say if I look at any one of these, of what kinds of conversations you enjoy, I mean by default, I think it's fair to say, if you enjoy it, you want more of it. I mean, I would be ok to have more conversations, tony, where there's fun involved, they'll be okay with you, and then at the end of the day go well what what how is that moving? How is that forward now, out of all of these? What we found is that there are three kinds of conversations that the's will almost book it themselves into. It won't come as any surprise, but I have another triangle for you, so there it is again, I can remember three points, so that's what? We're going to go through here and as I'm touching each one of these if you have someone's name come to mind if you have an event come to mind if you have a product come to mind I'll ask you just to make those notes in the margin of what you're writing on today or make those notes on that keyboard of what you're writing on today and I like to say that these don't come in chronological order when I call someone on the phone or when I get them face to face but what I do know is that they go in order when something is going to move over time so the first kind of conversation that I want to talk about I call them transactions I call these the kinds of conversations where I'm asking you for something you're asking me to do something I may be checking in with you to see the status on something those transactions that go back and forth and my experience with this very very physical emotional all the different levels before I got married before we got married uh I went and did some research on marriage this is how weird I am well, honestly very few people I know make it so my mom didn't make it my dad obviously you know split up my dad didn't make it again so you know, we kind of try that my brother he didn't make it twice and for me and jodie I sat down I said, you know there's gotta be a way to win this game there's got to be a way it's like I do not till later I do I'm all in and uncovered one day and then I I went down this trail for a while, but I uncovered this level of conversation that happens between spouses and what I round up seeing over and over again is and the time was pretty consistent it was after dinner and before bed, so you do the last dish she put that in the cover of the dishwasher and then there's some time that passes and then the light goes out and you're done for the day, and in that time period, what ike kept seeing was between sixty and eighty percent of conversations between spouses were transaction based. If they had kids, it went up, I'm gonna pick up with this, you're gonna pick up that you're gonna get this, we're going to do that, we can schedule this, you do have that, and it was bound by this yes relationship around the transactions and I read this fourteen years ago and I turned to jodi's said, hey, joe, we're not going to get rid of him, I mean, you did you pick up the stuff from the store, will you drop this off it that wherever? But I said, what if we could flip it and I know some of you have studied business in the room, you know, that exercise called the pareto principle where eighty percent of your results come from twenty percent of your activity, or eighty percent of the wealth was handled by twenty percent of the landowners was weird pareto first understood that in italy and with jodi and I found was that by handling twenty percent of our conversation time about the transactions, and then of course, automating or systematize ing, that it opened up this whole entire level of communication that was in the next one that we found in order was relationship building I mean, if you just think about it for a moment, if I'm not talking about picking that thing up from the store, if I'm not talking about calling that person to set the appointment, I got to talk about something else. Now I will say out loud when I just give this example, I've actually had some people get a little scared people have asked me, what am I going to talk about if we don't talk about the transactions? I go, wow, what a fill in the blank to answer you gave me a whole list of things that you enjoy talking about, so it's almost like, how do I go through a twenty four hour period looking for the transactions that I can handle? So that I've got an extra bucket of time I've got an extra bucket of focus I've got an extra bucket of energy to apply to the relationship building conversations now what are those? Well in my world I can talk about the professional world I work in and the relationships that I want to build with my clients with my vendors with my staff, with my people that I work around and then my personal life I could talk about my relation of my friends and my way wife and and my athletes that I spent time with to me the relationship conversations tend to start off with the house how are you? How was the conference? How are things going right now? How are you enjoying that relationship that gets built as we're in discussion about what's important to you? No, I'm going to pause here between these two because one of things that I found especially if you really want to complicate your life, start a business with your spouse that that really that really shakes things up and all of a sudden now it's like, well, what do we talk about? You know jodi and I have a deal when we leave the house to go for a walk we actually decide as the front door closes worker life and if we decide to do a life talk, then we keep that walking as much as possible now two things come to my mind all the time and that's where something I'll show you later this afternoon really kicks in what I found is that on the transactional side many times that one transaction that I have to go interrupt you with it I have to text you with that I have to email with you right now because I just thought of it right now wasn't the first time I thought of it, so I won't be very conscious of when does that transaction show up? Did you do this? Can you do that? Will you do this so that I've got a little bit of extra time for that relationship building and awesome demands that I'm in tune with my partner with my friend with my co worker with my colleague? I know when I've put the transactional queries off to the side, I'm more available to the people that I've worked with I've even found it just in the past two days when I've had some of you come up here trying to get out of the transaction of leading the activity and actually listening. So what you're saying is that is that instant of focus right before we took the break and I got the question about the sales and that, you know, I had a choice that I had to make on stage do I answer this question from a transactional perspective or a relationship building perspective. And I went through that math quickly in my head. No. You might be asking great what's the third one. Well, I would ask you if you give me something at the transactional level. Hey, jason, will you sign this and get it back to me where you were? Look at this report and give me your feedback. Will you sign this contract and return it to me? And if I do that when I get back to you in the time that I promised that the quality that I know I can give at away, that you actually can go use, then we run the possibility of trust increasing in that relationship. I say run the possibility because it's not a one to one. I mean, on the flip side, have you ever asked someone for something? They said they would get it back to you by friday and friday afternoon? You called them to remind them, and they said, oh, I totally forgot, you know, like, darn it, I said on tuesday you said you get it to me, it's bright afternoon and you actually forgot what happens to the relationship with someone forgets of the transaction a level compromise at best on distrust erupts at most. I actually said to folks if there's someone that you want to stop hanging out with as much we're gonna look at your team before we go on the next break if there's someone on your team that you want to stop spending as much time with as you are to start dropping the transactions promise when you get something and don't do it do that twice and there you go yeah I'm going to stop spending time with you I say that a little bit in jest but I think you see where I'm going why would I want to develop a relationship with somebody? Why would I want to develop with tow lied to some new opportunity I think back over the past several weeks skosh several months of developing the creative live program for you when we initially looked into this together there was that dance between creative live and jason womack and your best just got better and think bigger make more and we had to come to some transactional agreement but who's going to do what by when and how flew to new york I was in new york for extra day and a half and I met with one of the leaders from creative life and we had that break bread together experience which you all know is a different experience and that led to us creating this opportunity now twenty four hours seventy two hours six months from now we're going to have a really neat interesting this group and this group together experience remember when and what showed up from that so typically what I do right now as I ask all of my participants to start thinking about brainstorming on paper at least in their minds where some areas that you need to button up some of the transactional conversations now we could start with the list that you gave us earlier and there may be someone that you need to call to invite toe lunch so they can share what they know all the transaction. So those things that come to your mind and I'll ask the student the online audience what are some transactions that you know you need to handle in the next day the next week next month so that you start attracting those deals that information, those experiences that you're looking for? So what I'm going to ask is the in studio audience just give yourself a little a little short list these could be topics that you need to button up the transaction around they might be people that you need to button up the transaction around and I'm going to turn to that online audience and ask what are the things that show it for you when you think of that experience of handling some of those transactions, those things that are important at that level of well you did you can you if I can turn to my hosts and just get a kind of ah finger on the pulse of any discussions or comments out an internet land what kind of conversations do you enjoy most? We actually got a few comments come in which were really great jennifer saying I enjoy personal conversations about I'm sorry about what that person I'm talking to is interested in what is important to them and sonja says thie environment organic clothing sustainability that engages sonia and yes, I'm going to say I love to dig deep to have debate actually kind of what jackie always saying stuff there's over my head pushed my thought capacity and I will love you forever rough says which or enough maybe it is witty exchanges and banter yeah so that's kind of the pulse of what's going on thank you thank you that transactional level the next piece of that for me is as we were kind of talking about yesterday the tools now come into play so later this afternoon when I'm discussing the collaborative tools that I use having the back your mind which tool and how could I use that for these kinds of conversations the best tomorrow morning jodi now I'll get on an airplane will fly from here to dallas to atlanta and derive to savannah that's our trip for tomorrow anybody along the way I'll say hi and I know that on the airplane I I can push and get a lot of things done at this level. I do it via email to this day. I have not gone online on my computer on an airplane, so two point eight million miles of flying and I've opened up that laptop have stayed off the internet, and my goal in that time period is to push out when I land one hundred or more transactional messages. And that to me is going through my database, going through my sent items going through some fold there's going through my address book, going through my mind and asking who do I need to check in with what do I owe to someone? What would I like to get from someone who do I need to interview because I haven't talked to them in a little while, but how things are going now, I'll talk about jodi because she's not in the room right now, so I'm sure she's watching this online somewhere. Jodi on there, the hand loves this is her movie catch up time. When we flying across the countries who got four and then two hours that's going to be at least two and a half, maybe three movies and with jodi it's always the best if we can finish a movie before we land because she has this thing about incompletion. So for me, there I am. I'm going to be working on the airplane. There she is. I know she's going to be watching a movie? We had several discussions about how to manage this over our career together, and what we did is we said it is ok if during the flying I'm just emailing jodee she's sitting next to me and during the flight, she can interrupt me at any time because here's, what I know she gets to catch up on those couple of movies, I get to talk to her about this stuff that I neither look at later, but when we land and we checked into the hotel because that's, when I'll get my workout in, I'll go downstairs for a forty five or sixty minutes, then she can catch up with the what the transactions. Now I know I'm giving a personal example, but because we work together, I think it could be carried over into the professional side now when jodi and I go out to dinner now, when I meet that client now when I sit down with that whoever it is I'm sitting down with we almost automatically start going toward the relationship building so the exercise here is by taking a look at what you've just written down by taking a look at those transactional top but that came up I can put a star next to a check next to like of circle or maybe even add now that I think about it wow where do I need to have a relationship building conversation and when I say where I mean all of those so what location do I need to be in what's conducive to those kinds of conversations much like my work is done a little bit differently if I'm sitting in front of two monitors my conversations air different if I'm in my backyard what what are the topics that as I think about those now nse that I'm focused on what the topics that I had to look out and figure where can I develop a relationship where can I look into someone who knows more than that more than I do about that and thinking to myself as I'm in a conversation did we just jump from a transaction to a relationship building topic joshua you I think we were talking about it feels or it seems that that kinesthetic feedback that you're getting sometimes that sits on the side of the subjective and sometimes this sits on the side of the subjective like, wow, do we have a stronger relationship now? Do I trust them more now? And I'm or involved in what they're doing now and then how do I somehow measure just a little bit of that leads me to? And I hope that when you start to build your team you this afternoon or if you've already started doing that, taking a look at where can I create those opportunities? Where can I develop that that chance of something greater happening? I'm thinking back to some of the folks who have called in or have written into the forum over the past day and a half of what they're mohr is more time with their family, more time learning more time, creating that environment, more gratitude, the gratitude strategy and then watching myself and asking what kind of a conversation is gratitude? Is that a transaction? Is that a relationship building that opportunity development? You know, some of the things that I didn't get a chance to talk about, what the thank you card exercise is what I don't put in the thank you cards. Sometimes people ask me, hold jason, you know, do you put a business card or an offer for a product in a gratitude card? Do you put in a way to contact you or an offer in your gratitude card? And I'll leave that for you to figure out offline, I can share with you what I put in there, actually a three part almost a form off when I write a thank you card because that makes me think through these three different areas. Now I'll share with you a story about a client that I worked with that took this and ran with it all the way home and back to work. And then what I love to do is tap into and just get a little commentary from the audience. Where might you be able to use all three of these conversations? Could be thinking about that. I'm gonna come back to you. But when it comes to these, I was working with a client. This was in new york. I spent a day and a half with him. The morning of the second day we went towards this topic, and as I was talking hey was kind of taken notes often side. He was kind of listening. Well, it was kind of doing his email. I got to this three kinds of conversations. He grabbed a post it and he turned it sideways so that the sticky was this way. And he drew a triangle. Then he put t r o transaction relationship building. Opportunity development and he put that on his computer monitor and for the rest of the day when he got a phone call he put the phone call on speaker phone and what we did together was as I was listening to the conversation we're making a tally through the conversation of how many kinds of conversations he was cycling through the experiment we decided to run was what would happen if over a conversation that he initiated he stayed in that line of why he initiated the receiving phone calls those were open, those could bounce those could jump, he said but the phone calls he was going to make out what if they were a relationship building he was going to see what he could do to keep it there if it was a transaction he was going to see what it could do to keep it there so this went on I checked in with him a couple of weeks later a couple weeks later the story he told me which shifted the way that I looked at it was this one. He brought this home a couple of days and I've been practicing with it work he would call someone to ask them a transactional question during the conversation that person would broker an opportunity and he would say, you know what? I was just calling to get this let's plan a phone call to do the opportunity stuff he'd be calling someone is to check in to see how that other person was doing the other person would start to broker the transaction he say you know what I just wanted to call the fight about that is there a way I can call you this afternoon or something like that? He brought this home he his wife and his two kids in their teens and their experiment and he ran this for several weeks I checked in with them and to this day as far as I know it's still working this was quite a while he and his family have transaction conversation nights tuesdays and thursdays they combined it and so that t day is t day and that's where they do did you will you can you how about this? We pick up that can you get this here's the errands list here is the schedule here's the calendar and what he told me later on he says jason our lives had become so complicated with sports and after school activities and the volunteering that every day was transaction day now in full disclosure he did share there were a couple of times when something came upon a wednesday or a sunday but when he made that the activation it's leaving here what if you had a day where you had a focus on our or oh let the transaction show up as they do but the focus is our or oh just to see what would happen I know for me personally it's changed radically as I outbound call people I'm going through my mind which kind of a conversation of my initiating and sometimes I've picked up the phone to initiate one of those kinds of conversations and before I dialogue before those digits I hang up the phone because I asked myself there might be a better way to initiate this those of us who work in interruptive environment someone comes in and asks you a question and leave someone comes and asks you a question and leaves they text you and ask you a question and leave the email you ask you a question and leave what I would encourage you to do for about a week is do the tally exercise earlier I talked about the client that I worked with where he had measured that people on his team and how many times they interrupted him you now know the next level we went two of those interruptions that came in, how many were t hominy are are how many were oh jason's one better than the world then the other is one more quality than the other is one more timely than the other and I don't know but I know if with a little bit of forethought can I think to myself what is that kind of conversation that I'm having anybody in the world of education, of public speaking of sharing information you probably now have seen over the past day and a half everything that I've every trickle I've tried to do the transaction here's some information to do the relationship howto build that and create the opportunity. And so even in this one, too many even into one toe, one tony behind that email list that you're sending out to people right before I click, send on one of those e mails and asked, am I asking them to do something by asking them to build something with me? Um, I asked them to create an opportunity, I think sometimes of miscommunication when I'm doing all three plus you at one time as far as the three kinds of conversations I'd love to hear from a couple folks, your experience with that your ideas about that or your questions about that, tony, as I look to build this company as I look to onboard vendors, right, how doe eye? Or is it even possible to rapidly take someone from transaction to relationship, signed contracts and have all these things that have to happen in a short runway happened? Uh, what I like about that question is it sets you up to go do that research. So as you're thinking about getting the vendors to go through that process, what I would say a simultaneous when you step out into the world after this class even here at creative live watch how creative live is getting you from transaction here's a class relationship building enroll in an opportunity fly out from new york to attend the two day class because that was a pretty rapid a decision I think you made that in like forty eight hours now my question to you two go debrief and processes what were the things that happened that made that happen and how do I apply here's what created trust here's what created the relation appears that created the opportunity for me the easiest way to speak my own truth is to do what I like done speak that loud enough because it just kind of attracts people like that by default tony you will not attract based on your personality you will not attract people that you don't trust pretty much on the out on the you know on lee because I have a little bit of knowledge about your career in training and personal development personal training you know pretty soon if you're gonna be able to serve that client there's something about that that you know it's your kinesthetic your sensory you can read that person says you're thinking about those vendors that you're looking out to can you speed up the process I'm not sure if you could speed up the process any faster than it can go there are things you could do that could slow it down the best one that I know of is don't respond in a timely manner that I mean that's that's the fastest one for me I shared with you yesterday a little bit of the tracking that aiken do where I'll email someone in all bcc myself and my system kind of helps me out it kicks that over into a place called follow up and then that way I can look in one place to see what's outstanding I know pretty quick when I start working with someone what their response time is yes e I have a question ana can be black with me with my clients I have an opportunity to meet with them and then build a relationship and then and go for transaction I don't go jumping tio so we're in wording and semantics right now what created the opportunity to meet with them tow build the relationship was an initial email yeah it was an initial referral that's what I'm saying about the transaction okay the vocabulary you and I use I actually consider the check that they write me for my service the opportunity now when they send me that check and by the way if someone who I charge descended on voice too if they send me the check in my net thirty they go into a different bucket of future transactions if I have to follow up a forty five and ninety they're going to a different bucket of transactions so I think the important thing is that as you make that triangle of those three kinds of conversations label them appropriate to you because for you it sounds like the opportunity is what's leading to the relationship that's built on trust that leads to you do the work for them and then you get the compensation for that absolutely t r o wait actually legally boots is really good at identifying the transactions pick up the dry cleaning dropped the kids off clean the kitchen but also says I can now see that in past endeavors I've failed to capitalize on the opportunities that my transactions and relationship building provided because they felt like they were burning the other person so on dh that's just a different perspective yes and emily barani is saying the examples of that jason's been talked about have bean about marriage and she's saying that's where her brain has gone right now when she was dating her husband nearly all of their interactions were relationship building and opportunity development but now they're married it's mostly transactional one place to be in a marriage it's it's it's a necessary place but once I name it then I could start to unpack it the other thing jamari that showed up for me and the first comment was it's around influence it's around that aspect of how we influence each other, how we influence ourselves and one of the things that I found about influence to be true in my experiences, people love to help they love to what they are always very aware of his how they were being asked and there's been people who I've asked for help, that when I re evaluated how I made the ask or when I made the ask or what I used to make the ask it wasn't that they didn't want to help me, it was I didn't set it up the right way and, you know, I mean, jodi and I, we I left education in two thousand, we had an experience where we learned a ton about the world that eventually in two thousand seven we started our own company. I talked about lifestyle, business, one of the things that we committed, jodi and I was a a day a month I would donate to a nonprofit to a growing company to a start up. All they have to do is call and I will give them a day of time and it's it's amazing to me, but we don't get asked, and what I know is that the offer still comes across as there's something in it for me that I haven't found that way to offer that transaction. In a relationship building or an opportunity development way now because I just said this live on creative live I know what's about to happen to my email in box so we can see what we could do together but but I've played with that over the years that this is a personal comment in the past my husband I have done a lot of work together a ton of traveling together and maybe our transactions or the ways that we asked for things were different at one time and now we've slowly had tio adapt to a new way of being and and just realizing that I guess it's an overtime thing the new ask the new offer right on it's interesting what enough is saying online on tend to say enough said but enough will do personally I think I need a high percentage of our to be comfortable working on t and a and it's a perfect segue way I keep on saying that I know this afternoon just keeps on building toward once we have the more are we get the more tea in the oh but where we get the are from is that network so that's where we're heading? Yes quickly I thought a lot would come up about marriage and I know some people are thinking living separately is is a key to success partly probably because you handle your own transactions and it would come less into relationships that also made me think that's why being a consultant is more fun for me that an employee because you have fewer meetings, fewer status reports, fewer transactions and more content the other little piece and this is just based on limited interaction with you, but I'm going to throw this out and see what the facial does is our stakes are higher as a consultant as an adviser, the stakes are very high because I'm not an employee meaning if they don't like can't use or don't agree with that advice that I'm giving they don't fire me they don't know that we don't have a talk they don't they just don't call back and it's a that amazing thing where no news is not good news when it's someone that I've been working with in that in that capacity yeah, I mean you mentioned a little something I know you know jodi and I we travel together quite a bit and we're separate quite a bit and and you know, that adds the element on both sides there's been too many times when I've been halfway across the country in the world and I'm walking down going back to the hotel check I go inside the door, I flip the light on in the main room and I think, oh yeah, the back get the bedroom guest light is out I should call jodi and ask her to fix that thinking to myself if I call jodi from chicago and I have ten minutes on the phone with her do I really want to ask her if she can handle the back bedroom guest flight both and just that conversation was huge for me didn't win with myself and so I started taking a look at how do I set myself up to be successful so okay we're going to keep on moving through their intricately connected when I think about the kinds of conversations and the kinds of learning styles so a lot of research over the past decade or two on the ways that people learn as an educator my life changed I can tell you that when I I can date my life before this moment and after this moment and the moment was the moment I was introduced to tony bouziane twenty lausanne is an educator out of the u k and he coined the term brainstorm but that was his mind mapping he's the author on mind mapping and what I learned that as a teacher I had kids out in my classroom that were brilliant brilliant but because they're learning style mismatched my teaching style I wasn't able to get it out of this changed my life now the things that I'll show you right now I can apply these two business I comply these two relationships I can apply these two education I can apply these to a start up your job or your job is to ask yourself as you're going through when you're sitting in that meeting when you're sitting in that class when you're reading that book, how are you bringing in the information that you've been given? I truly believe that everyone can learn and it's up to me as the present a facilitator educator teacher to set that up for folks I just wanna get in just before we move on case believes it but you're welcome to put this to one side if you like six kids mom is asking, um I understanding correctly that it's most effective to stay in one kind of conversation rather than moving from one to another and if so could you explain why or why it's not okay to mix them? Sure so six kids mom and we established that she really does have sixty haven't actually so so let us know because I doubt that's a team I mean that's like a team with someone on the sideline, so I know I'm not saying that it's most affected to stay in one. What I am saying is it's most effective to know which one I'm in now some of the things that I've set up like when I was talking about my client in new york where he and his wife had a t night on t so they had transactions tuesdays and thursdays that does not mean that they did not talk about the relationship in the opportunities in the upcoming sports camp in the last vacation, it just meant that they worked bucket those at that time, so I want to be very aware what I want to be aware of is when a my jumping from one to the other window, my blending from one of the other, I could give you a little bit of management theory. For those of you who are into management books and business school and those kinds of things, there was a feedback methodology, and I'm I'm going to say, sometime between the sixties in the nineties, that just kind of makes it safe for me to say, but there was a feedback methodology that was hugely popular. Some of you remember, it was called the sandwich method of feedback and one remember this the sandwich method of feedback, and that would be you had an employee at a staff member, you had someone that you're working with, that you had to give them some negative feedback, by the way, negative feedback is generally the transactional stuff you didn't do what you were supposed to dio you were a little bit sloppy in the work that you did, and for some reason they wrote about this and it lasted for a while, and the theory wass if the manager could come in and sandwich the negative feedback that would somehow help out that employees that staff member and what they sandwich the negative feedback between two good feedbacks hey great job on that client three weeks ago you're really blew it today if you need anything if I could help you out because I know you're a great employee and all of a sudden was started happening was the re research while the re researches the research done on the research that lets you know whether or not it worked or not and the re research was people would see that manager coming who used the sandwich method and they would just wait and they weren't hearing the first one and they weren't hearing the last one because that middle one was loud so I would say not that one is better or that I should stay in one on lee it's just to know which one I'm in I'll share with you a little bit later how ice I like to set aside as much of the transactional conversations in some tool or system or automation you know I'll give you a quick example I I wrote the article years ago called no more procrastination it's one of the most popular articles I talked about it all the time people email me jason will you send me the no more procrastination article so it's not going to surprise anybody who watched yesterday or any of you here today who were here yesterday I have on my on my mobile device. One misspelled word nmp that activates a seven hundred word article of the six keys to stop procrastinating in my email system. I have a signature that's, the seven hundred word article. So when someone e mails me for the nmp article, I can respond immediately. No, watch this. The transaction. Jason, can you send this to me immediately? Here? It isthe I have established a lot more than just replying to your email. I've established I could get back to you in time. I could get back to you with a complete answer. I can get back to you with the information you requested. Now we can move to the relationship building. I mean, can you think about it if someone email listen, hey, jason, will you send me the article on procrastination? And I pulled out my phone and I typed in yeah, I'll do it later. Procrastination later doubly hard. So what I wanted to do is I want to take a look at what are those things that come in? And I guess the last thing I would say to six kids, mom donit eyes is I think what you're already doing because of this conversation is to do just a little bit of tracking to do just a little bit of tracking I mean, one easy way to do it for me. As I go, I'll sit down with a client, and one of my favorite activities is we open up their scent items in their email system and we make we open up their made calls on their mobile device and we write down names and we come up with are you sitting down the twenty percent of the e mails that they send the people and the twenty percent of the phone calls the people and we say, how do we maximize that return on attention and over eighty, ninety, one hundred twenty days ago, I can tell you who I was e mailing one hundred twenty twenty days ago that I haven't email the last fifteen, twenty days. Wait a minute. We were in some serious conversations. What happened? Did I drop a transaction? Did I misread a relationship? Then I moved too fast toward the opportunity. And how do I reverse engineer that mistake or move that I may have made? So I know that was a little bit longer of unanswered, but I figure we have john on the subject s so, thanks so much for taking the time out there, jason. So as we head into this idea of learning styles, I share with you, there's a lot of information out there, a lot of books, the my mentor in this I told you one of them was tony bouziane, another mentor of mine, ken robinson. Now I use the word mentor and planting a seed for this afternoon remember a mentor to me as someone who's, experienced and willing to teach me what they know. I never got a chance to meet tony bouziane, but he wrote books for me. I did get a conversation in with ken robinson, by the way, I was walking around the creative live offices and this quote is hanging in the office, so I feel like I'm in a good place and what can if you haven't come across ken robinson yet, please jump online, do a quick google search he's got some very popular videos where he talks about the future of education, and when I heard him say that creativity is is important as literacy. It was one of those changers there's one talk that can robinson gave that I downloaded to my itunes and I counted because accounts for you, but I watched that presentation eighty two times in ninety days. I wanted to do ninety and yes, some days it was kind of on in the background, but I listened and watched that talk eighty two times it is twenty two minutes long in ninety days and over and over again, deepening this understanding we're all different now when it comes to learning styles and I know that the online audience we're going to get a little bit of eruption from you on this one we all use all three that I'm about to introduce and we all lean toward a preference one's not right ones not wrong ones not better ones not worse but what I know is that there are people I work with who prefer to listen to here to to get that sound wave of understanding now I share with you there's three learning styles instead of introducing all three at once I'm actually gonna dive into one at a time and give you a little bit of information that I can around it as far as what I've found and then if I have any questions you will let me know pretty much immediately but things that I'm listening for so let's say I'm on the phone with someone it's the first or maybe the second time that we've ever had a conversation what I'm listening for our their cues because just in a conversation I've even able to read this through email I've been able to read this I walk into someone's office if they're not they're just in their cube news I can start to gain an understanding of how they prefer to get information so let's say I'm on the phone with someone and over the phone line she says oh jason it sounds like what you're saying is, and then she says she tells me what she heard someone will say, I hear you or I hear what you're saying someone says, jason, we're thinking having you come in, we talked to someone that you worked with before. Will you tell me an example of someone you've worked with like us? Now I'm gonna throw this out there, and I'm going to let this store around a little bit if I identify that the person that I'm working with prefers their strength is an audio I look for opportunities to get them to talk by the way, when I say that sometimes it flips it for people, because on the front side you might be thinking away two majors, and if they prefer to listen, wouldn't you just keep on talking and here's what I found? People who are audio learn when they produce the story so all quickly, if they say, would you tell me about a client that you're working with? That is more like us? I may say something first. Will you tell me the challenges you're facing right now and in them sharing the challenges they're facing, which they always have a story? They always want to tell him it was going on and wasn't tell me how unique and different they are, they actually start answering the question for themselves. On my side, I'm listening to write down what it is that the key words they use, the phrasing they used the example of the books that they mentioned that I can write down in use to my advantage later on now let's say it's the end of the day I had a great conversation with someone earlier that morning I'm doing my follow up my clothes of the day it's easiest when it's on the east coast because that's like two three o'clock for me if not all wait, I will call someone who I talked to that day that gave me these cues I'll leave him a voice mail even if they say great jason, once you send me some information, I'm going to send in the information, but if their audio at the end of the day I'm going to call and just drop in a hey it's, jason just wanted to make sure you know, there were three things we talked about today if you want to write these down, you can otherwise I'll send them to I'll say this voicemail the next time I talked to him, I always will get from them wow, jaycee no thanks, your voicemail really cleared things up like of course it did you're an audio lerner now obviously in no particular order, although I am going in my education order went to school in the state of california went to college in santa barbara and in mexico city my education was pretty much wrapped around audio first later on visual seconds and now we get into the visual and those of you who are sitting here you've been looking around the room I've been watching you every time I switch slides there's a few of you whose eyes immediately go towards the screen my visual people those of you who are much more audio I've been watching you because all switches slide and you'll stay looking at me you're getting the story you're listening to those words cues that I'm going to listen for so when I hear someone when I'm working with someone and I'm trying to facilitate or tony I'm trying to get to that relationship we're handling transactions how do we get to building the trust to create the opportunity what I'll be listening for are things like it looks like immediately if I'm on the phone all the way across the country or now with skype I could talk all the way across the world when I hear someone on the phone say oh jason I see what you're saying I almost I was laugh like huh not showing you anything oh you're seeing it in your head by the way quick pause when someone says to me I see what you're saying I stop and I'll say well you tell me what you see because I run the risk if I keep on talking audio guy if I keep on talking, I may fuzz up blur that picture they saw I've worked with teams where they'll bring a team together and not only will we talk about the noun and the verb interaction, then we blend in the audiovisual wait for it, I'll get to the third one and I'll have someone telling me they'll say jason, I have someone on my team that they talk and they talk and they talk and they talk and I already have seen what they're saying and again once not ryan ones not wrong when someone says something like, oh, it looks so are I can't picture it that's a great cue to me to full stop and say, well, hold on before before I went down that route what were you picturing? Did you did you have a picture in your head before we started and often times people will say things like, oh, jason, I saw I saw you were going to have the room set up in a big you, but you're asking for a classroom. Of course on my side I'm thinking, why didn't you just tell me that you wanted a you so that when we started we could have been but it was it wasn't until we had the conversation that that showed up so that visual cue hang up the phone a few hours go by. I'm closing up the day getting ready to head off out of the office for a bike ride or meet up with a friend's. What will I send that client all usually send them some kind of a slide deck with just two or three slides. Why? Because if it's a slide deck their visual, they have to open it. They have to those who? Well, he sent me a thing, you know? And they'll double click it and they'll open it up and I always get an email back to go. Jason, I got your slide deck it on. Lee had two slides. Why? Because guess what their entire team has accustomed themselves to giving these people huge slide dex, I say, yep. I just need you to see to things that wrapped up what we talked about. Did I miss anything? No, no, you got it all into two. Yes. Now, before I get into this next one kinesthetic or you can just write down sensory it's a little easier to spell before I get in this third one. What I want to do is I want quick pause and I want to ask you for the last time you had to learn how to use or do something easiest example I get of this is ah, who's gotten a new e reader or tablet computer in the last three years? Three years? Anybody? I'm just trying include the group here. So hopefully you remember when you got that new technology, that new thing, that new, whatever and you got it home or got shipped to you, he opened up the box, you unwrapped it. And there was a siri's of things that you went through tow. Learn how it works. You started with your preference. I start with my preference. What is it that I conduce? That I can I can learn how this thing work. So there's got to be someone in the room and I'm just gonna look because I'll get a big smile or a nod there asked me so in the room who you got that box, you open up the product, you took the thing out of the space that it was in and you just started hitting buttons playing, sliding, trying to figure out what it debs I'm seeing smiles over here, right? My kin, esthetic learners, you're the ones that you have to move it to figure it out. You have to be in it. In education we used to call these manipulative tze jodi would would volunteer at the library she's in a brilliant mathematician and she could help kids not just learned but really appreciate math and one of the things that she would do it she would always show up to the math tutoring sessions for these second, third, fourth fifth graders and she would just bring a whole bucket of coins I mean, when I grew up, the piece of paper had printed coins jodi's bringing money I might have been a better math student if I could actually touch the stuff that was there and they would move things around so when someone on the phone that I'm speaking with they say oh jason, it feels like I can pretty much be a safe bet that the way they figure out how things work is they move it around, they touch it, let me back up one with that same pull the thing out you have that piece of technology it's sitting there on the box you put it off to the side very gently and you open up the instruction manual toe look through the manual to see what that thing could possibly do for you. I've got a couple of nods across the audience those of you online if you like to read those instructions to see how that thing works, I'm going to call you more visual and then of course there's the third group and the third group, I meet him all the time. I love talking with him because sometimes I can say something that helps about immediately they're the ones that they ordered that thing and they were the first ones to order it. They went online think either thing I've got shipped and then it stayed on the counter. It's it's stayed there in the kitchen, and then when the right guest came over sometime after about an hour or two, where the guest was over, they said, hey, I got this thing. Would you tell me how it works? Because once they hear it, they get it. Now can you imagine the potential for conflict if someone of a audio preference is meeting with him, learning from some with a visual preference? If that audio lerner is not getting it, the visual learner is frustrated. What all here are things like the audio person saying, gosh, what you're saying, it just I don't hear it what you're saying, it doesn't, and they go, let me draw you a picture, let me show you, why can't you just see what I'm saying? And they don't do it on purpose. They're just coming from their preference the audio person trying to explain something to a visual visual person, but I just don't see it, I can't picture it it's not here. Can you show me what you mean? And the audio person says what? How many times do I have to tell you then I miss communicating about the content I mentioned this yesterday it's usually the context in which they're communicating when someone on the phone says, jason it's not coming together, it's it's is something off here that to me is an indicator that they need things to come together. I've gotten to do several of these kinds of classes over the last thirteen years of figure I'm in the twelve to thirteen hundred range of walking on stage and getting to see how we get along over a couple of day long period, and one of the things that I know is I'm reading an audience is there are people in the audience who need to know where we're going, they need to know where we've been. We got it right before we left for the lunch break, where someone asked, are you going to do a recap of all the elements, right? Where were we and how far have we come? The's air indicators to me that someone is on that kinesthetic side so, as I think about these three again, I'm not going to ignore any. I'm not going to say up. This is mine, and I can't do those other two. Well, how I use this is to see how I can blend and how I kenbrell alan pse and move through working with the people that I'm working with.