Give Yourself Permission
Back back to creative live we just finished lesson nineteen with co founder of creative life craig swanson we learned about taking the time that it takes, which was an amazing far five part process he laid out and now we're going into lesson twenty, which is giving yourself permission before we delve into the meat of lesson twenty I'm going to have a guest come on who is one of the artists who have mentored fairly recently she is a painter she lives on uh the east coast and she watched me on my first course and we've been working together because she is going she actually her last day of her corporate cubicle job was last week so let's welcome krista forrest I you know I've actually never even seen krista's faith I so I meant her artists all around the globe but we actually only talking never talk on the phone I feel like I did stand up. So krista thank you for coming oh you're welcome so I wouldn't celebrate a little milestone for you you quit your jab which I'm not saying that everyo...
ne but for you is a little victory dance, right? Yes, yes actually when I left they said, oh, you have this globe you have this glow on you so I look a lot different my last day I looked happy, I guess right, right and so when we you and I first met you watched my first course here on creative life right in the lab now I'm on the other side I'm usually sitting here watching it like everybody else yeah, you signed up for the mentoring program and we've been working together and krista has been very bravely going through same exercises I've been giving all of you at home she's been looking very deeply into the moat painful times in her life the most joyful times in her life and is really started teo comic get into real focus in terms of your purpose and your mission and your value proposition now t be fair this is new to krista, right? Yes it's a hat have you written a business? But I don't call them business plans I call them making money plans because that's just much more fun to write than a business plan but you've have you ever written and making money plan before not when it comes to my art. Now I've done is his plans for my finance career but not for my own self now, right? So before before this you were working in finance right and broken the brokerage in despair? Yes, twenty years so you're about to embark on a very different chapter in your life yes right okay exciting today's my first day of work e feel good you feeling helpful it does feel good but it's tryingto I have ah book that I have to list everything that I have to do so it's a lot harder been being at work and just kind of you know what you have to do but when you're at home and I have the tv and uh my husband's actually here because he works from home so I get it there's a lot more distraction so I talked about this earlier about the fact that you have to be your own boss you have to be your own employees and so you have to manage those distractions really carefully or your boss is gonna fire you or you're going to quit so yeah, the whole discipline eso now krista, I want you to just share what you're comfortable sharing, okay? I told all of the students in the audience that this is not reality tv its transformational tv so I invite you to just share what you're comfortable sharing, but what I want to focus in on with you is that, um you've got much more clarity around your mission then you did before you and I started talking right? Yes that instead it's still a work in progress, right? Exactly and that's actually one of the reasons I invited you on because I want you to all understand we're all a work in progress like there's no finish line here that you know christa's starting here there's some artists were going to talk to her further along in the process doesn't matter it's just about really tuning into your deeply held values and the vision that you have for yourself. So, um you had some painful experiences in your life and again you just you don't have to give the details you could just give the highlights, but would you be willing to share one of the most painful like the three most painful times in your life and how but deliberately how those painful times in your life illuminated what was important to you and what ultimately determined your creative purpose? Would you be willing to share a bit about that? Sure, sure. Okay, just just go out like we did on our phone call exactly, but I think that you want teo, so you're their first most painful time in your life and is that this is also to demonstrate to you that it's sort you see kristen now, right? And you have you know, some ideas about krista now wait until she shares what some you know what the lessons that she's had to learn and I'm I'm going to guarantee you that your perception and your connection to christa is going to change, so just notice that all right, so crystal, what was the most painful time in your life um about like nineteen years ago nineteen years ago I had to I was living in alabama talladega alabama and I ok and I ran off to you know I was twenty four twenty one I was young piled and I thought I could run off and be with my boyfriend and that was you know that was you know the end and live happily ever after it didn't of course it didn't and I had to call my mother on dh tell her that I needed to come home because we had gotten into an altercation pretty bad altercation so I had to call my mother and tell her because of course she said you shouldn't do it okay so limited part you pause for a minute because it's really not the story that's so important right now is that krista identify us with the emotions so when you had that experience krista and you had to make that dreaded phone call to your mom you felt some emotion right yes and what were the three feelings what was that that I failed you failed so you felt like a failure my mother okay that she was going to be disappoint well she was going to be disappointed in the way that I should have listened to her um I was worried about what everyone was going to think about me andi I was disappointed in myself and really upset and angry that I allowed this to happen so disappointment comes up pretty strongly you felt this yeah, this experience of this emotional experience of feeling disappointed in yourself but it was really in relationship to what your mother or what other people would think about you yes. Okay. All right. So just tune in because this is part of the exercises that I gave you initially when you r s v p d there is a method to the madness here. Okay, so right, christa the so the second most painful time in your life when was that? Uh it was about three months later I came home my mother we worked things out and I had to tell her that I was pregnant. Um okay, so so stop there they think their first feeling was he felt what, um disappointed in myself disappointment again failure failure uh uh and I was I knew she would be disappointed in me and I didn't want her today. Okay, I was worried about what she was going to think of may okay, so that this comes up again so she's just she's feeling disappointed and she's specifically concerned about the disappointment that her mother would have in her that you wouldn't have loved up to some expectations she has of you, right yeah that you felt like a failure again again? Yes okay, so we're starting to see a pattern right okay? And then no one wants to obviously disappoint their mother, right? But this is this is all about krista and her human experience and what's important to christa so then the third most painful experience christa was what they're the third wass um because we're taking a little back but I had a best friend in high school, you know, we spent four years together and she left me for my ex boyfriend and that was heartbreaking because this was my best friend I loved her to death and you know, we were never able to rekindle that relationship, so it was upset, eh? Two may I felt like I lost almost felt like a death or I, you know, divorce? Oh, no, because she was like a sister to you anyways. Yeah, right, so we're not going to delve into the entire story that is krista, but I wanted to share, which is a big story she's but what I'm trying to do is show you look, we're all human and we all suffer everyone suffers and everyone has an op tune it e to learn from that suffering and fast forward krista I won't go into all the process, but you came to another standing that you have a tendency to be a perfectionist and that's that perfect motivation to be a perfectionist has been some of the most crippling um uh, crippling dynamic in your life and the and the urge to be a perfectionist or to be perfect was to gain the approval of your mom and other people. I'm not a psychotherapist. I'm not trying to play one on tv thes however, things that kristen came teo on her own by going through these exercises. So, um, really quickly? I'm gonna give an overview of your value proposition as it stands today. Now krista still flushing it out. But christa is not only a painter she's, actually a really strong teacher art teacher, and one of the things that dawned on christa during our work together is that she is particularly good at being an art teacher, not because she went to pratt or teo, you know, but, you know, in a steam school, but her students make a lot of progress because she urges them to fail. She urges them not to be perfect. Aa lot of your time is spent actually helping people get over their perfection. Itis which shows up really, really strongly when it comes to art, people make are oh, it's, not good that's the first thing they say, oh, don't look at it, I don't look at its no good, right, so all the time, the time and you yourself actually, this awareness started to change in a positive direction, your own teaching, right? Because there was one moment where you were teaching and you thought you made this big flub and you, you know, so I had this whole song and dance in your head about a big mistake that you made and your students were loving it. Yes, I mean me myself, I know I screwed up, I know I screwed it up, but no one else knew right? But it was it was devastating, and going through the exercises have helped me kind of talk it through myself and not not upset myself when I do screw up right and not care, I don't no one cares no one has care, they're all there are are all cared about they're screwing up, so all right, nobody care no one's watching that closely, they're moving on to the next topic, so suffice it to say christa's going, teo obviously going to be making art for herself. But she's also going to be teaching art and her value proposition around teaching art is remember what I've always said it's about creating value above and beyond the art itself or beyond teaching art, so the underlying our fundamental value proposition that christa is going to focus on is challenging the debilitating aspects of perfection itis when making art and it comes out in spades when you're making art, she already does this this kind of beautiful about this whole process as we go through this process and all you're doing is finding out who you really are like jonathan fueled, said it's, just you're just finding out who you already are, what you've already value, and these are lessons you've already learned. You have this, matt, you have mounds of experience with this, see if they had perfection, I just for how long now I'll tell you how old way I don't know I all right that's right? We don't we don't say those things, but so does this make sense to you guys in the studio audience like you get it? You get how this really these painful lessons that krista has had to experience has given her deep insight into this human condition called perfection itis as it relates to creativity, it's a huge flippen problem that should probably do a whole course on it on creative live how perfection itis kills creativity, it literally kills it. So uh, christa's flushing out, you know what her pricing structure will be, what venue shall teach and have a studio mia all that's coming, come it all that starting to blossom, but she understands who she is and she understands what she stands for. And she understands that I'm speaking for you you can disagree with me so I ask you this crystal when you before you did these exercises with me when you reflected on the most painful times in your life versus now did you feel more of a pang of pain when you when you before I don't think I even try to reflect you didn't know I didn't wantto think about it you want to go there was painful now so I've erased it for decades because I don't want to deal with it but now that you faced it, you've stirred it down you could see it's actually a gift it's actually a source of inspiration that's the point it is it's powerful and I don't when I don't have to show like I've sold two pieces of art in the past week right now you gotta commit it wasn't her perfect I did I got two commissions because I asked for it and I was bold enough to ask for it and I didn't care what they said I don't care what anybody thought. Congratulations, by the way, so let me ask you krista, about six months ago would you be so bold and ask for those commissions? No, because I wouldn't have been ready I'm not I wasn't ready I wasn't at that level where I could ask for that and what changed between the person now who could ask for a commission and the person let's say six months ago what's the big difference um I've learned how to think differently um and I've been training my mind through and I know you haven't through the coal code to joy book I don't we haven't you know done that yeah doctor that's coming on tomorrow yeah that it has been a guide and help me teaching me to think differently and take away the perfection and take away the fear because that's what's been holding me back and I have twenty unfinished painting sitting right in front of me that I haven't been able to finish because I didn't know howto perfect them but now you can just do him right I can do them and I'm going to do it and I don't care I mean I I have an sitting on my shoulder saying who cares I too heavy and my e I know all right this well that's brilliant I love it so you don't hear me listening to this I thought she was speaking to may so yoni are instantly evidence do we have a student in studio who also has left her perfection itself in the past? Right? I hope so you can resonate with some of the yes definitely yeah all right, well krista I really appreciate you coming on and being willing to share your story and be so open and um remember what I said when you first saw christa on the screen wait until you hear her story about the three most painful times in her life do you have a different regard for her now? Yes they're not a car all nodding why is uh what anyone willing to volunteer? What what's the difference? Yoni well, I feel like I identify with her first of all but also she's more human you know, I know who she is a little bit, so um I have more compassion for her is an artist before I didn't really understand her right? And so our job, as I've said before our job is artist is to connect people or connect it, kidnapped ourselves and connect others with our humanity. So we've learned a bit about christa's humanity and it makes us feel like we have a certain amount of, you know, connection with her and we're leaning we're a little more interested in what she's up to this is how it works it's like truth is the best marketing strategy there is nothing you have to manufacture I'm not saying you have to tell everyone your deepest dark it's darkest secrets, but you do have to know who you are and what you stand for in order to inspire yourself and in order to inspire others because that's fundamentally our job is to inspire others so krista, I want to thank you so much again for coming on. I'll be talking to you soon. Yes on dh go paints and bad paintings well, I know thank you so much. Thank you. So wow, that was great! That's christa! So christie is in the beginning of her journey she's worked in the financial industry for twenty years. She was told that being an artist was not practical can't do that. And then she finally found the courage to go for it. So she's actually teaching part time now and she's such a successful teacher that she is clear that you can do it on her own. She doesn't need to work for someone else. So that's what that's her aim at the moment and I'm sure it will take different forms as time passes and she'll you know, discover new insights. But if you really think about it I mean, if you thought what what opportunity do we have? Like when you draw something or when you paint something it's the perfect opportunity to confront your perfectionism like no like no other and I know you only you identify with this you understand this and we're here on creative life, right? This is about creativity and there's no room for perfection it cules creativity, so we got to eradicate it and the way to eradicate it is just a make a bunch of crappy paintings much a crappy photographs right? A bunch of crappy paragraphs alright, so lesson twenty if you're following along in the discovery journal um great if you're if you're not, I'll just give you what the lesson is the lesson is really going back to lesson number three where we purged all those projects and I'm actually going to ask you to go back to those projects that air remaining and take a second look are they really do they really belong on your list now that you've got much more clarity about your mission, your values um like jonathan was saying, do you really need to do it? Does it give you energy? Does it light you up? You know, um is it really that important? So um go back to that list and revisit it or you can start fresh if you like, whatever process works for you and then I want to ask yourself he's following four questions so you can write these down if you don't have the discovery journal but all the details are in here um do I really have to do this? Who says like who said was it your mother, your father, your school teacher or was it really you who said you have to do this and then it's a great part do I really want to do this? I mean, I really want to and why? So obviously if it's about paying the rent I'm not a big you know, it's not something I really want to do, but I do want to have a roof over my head, so this isn't black and white, right? Um, but go back over this list because we only have a certain amount of time to invest in what brings us energy and gives us joy and to be of service. And if it's filled up with clutter or tasks or dreams or aspirations that really are not part of the overall plan there's no point just drop it, just scratch it off the list, burn it if you want make a ceremony out of it, give yourself a big, fresh white canvas to start a new painting you don't have to rework what's already there I'm not a big fan of that, actually, and big like literally when I'm painting by these cheap canvas boards is when I'm doing the studies so that I can toss them without any feeling as if oh, I'm wasting money, I just want to be able to start fresh if it's not working out, so I'm gonna have surveys and people in the audience here and I'm gonna ask you to think of one pressing item that was on your list of projects that's not on your list anymore and I know everyone here has atleast one or you didn't do your homework right so and everybody at home do this exercise I've done this with artists who have done phone consultations within it's just freed them up like just freed their energy freed their attention and they didn't they could stop feeling guilty about stuff they hadn't completed because they just let it go so john what's one thing that was on your list and and it's not on your list anymore um to redesign my consulting company website I do not need to do that and I'm not going to do that it was on my list for a long time great okay so you're gonna let that one go because you don't really need to do it it really don't what you really need to do is what um focus all my time and attention on monthly experiments project and on improving the consulting business to a point where it can run without me okay fantastic so everybody at home ask yourself the same question what can you let go of you need to let go of something for something else to come in so yoni what's one thing you are dropping now um does it have to be something related to my business to make it whatever you want but it's all about it's all about time right so you I know that you do a lot of volunteering and you also do a lot of things that people want you to dio because you're nice one thing that I dropped was uh, related to entertaining and you know, last couple of weeks we're very busy and instead of hosting I went to other people's homes so that freed up a lot of time that I normally would spend doing all the preparing and hostessing okay and cleaning up and everything like that so it gave me more time to relax and reflect and enjoy and not be so stressed out ok, well it was stressing you out it's not very entertaining, is it all right, so you're committing to that you've dropped that off your project list so no it's not directly related to business but it's the primary resource you have is your time and it was taking up your time yes and you're not getting energy out of it gotta go just and what's one thing you're going to give up um I was going to redesign and reformat my blawg and I decided I don't need to do that okay all right let's let good gonna start you're going to start a fresh one uh no, I'm just going to use it the way it is and just start interviewing people and just start working with that and not worry about not worry about it yeah great. It works. That is an excellent executive decision. Does it make you feel better to let that one go here? Okay, kathy, what do you letting go of? What do you know what's on your project list that you need a nudge off, something that keeps seeping into my project list. And I have trouble saying no to I happen to be very good at is logo design, because it's, I always spend what I was best at in graphic design. So it's hard for me to say no, but I'm done. Hello, how glad to hear that we got is hard to be done with something you're so good at and you really enjoyed doing. But I don't think I enjoyed as much as what I want to enjoy doing. Well, you know, in our one on one that we had about your purpose and your mission, um, maybe you could design a logo for that new venture always did it for myself. I always still do design, but I won't take on the tasks of other people other people's logo, because you're not a design firm, you're going to start something much bigger. I am and much more impactful. I'm sure your logo's were impactful and vibrant designs before, but what you're headed towards, its much bigger you're right, great. Okay, felix what's one thing that you are letting go of another project purge, giving yourself permission before it was all the pressure of writing the book, I still want to do it, but instead of that pressure of writing the book, which is huge and big and seems like a lot of work and I'd never make time for it, I have now, like what craig said, I now have cut it down to like every few days, right? Two hundred fifty, five hundred words or write about my experience every day at the end of my day, so are recorded and have someone transcribe it darn think into recorder, yeah, let's someone else edit it and takes off a lot of pressure from and I can introduce you to grammy dan, you could talk to him about that was his for the remembering process was his first book, so he wrote it with joe vitality, but he did a lot of the heavy lifting and he had never done it before and he doesn't like to write by vicky isn't like toe you're listening right now, it's what was not natural for him? He's, a singer and a musician and producer, and so it was a new task, all right, so that is lesson twenty, which is giving yourself permissions of anything that's on your list and whether it's, you know, you really do need to write this down so that you could make a conscious decision about letting it go or delegating it. Where that's, the let's not forget that you know you got it. You got to give your spell itself, space and time, not just for this new effort, but also to give yourself that time. We're not doing anything that fertile void, where you meditate, where you go hang out with friends and have a cup of tea, or you just chill, you've got to build that in, because otherwise your employees will quit, and we don't want that right. I've had that with artists. I've worked where they worked so hard, and then they're exhausted.