Lessons from Your Deepest Pain
Welcome back, teo lesson number eleven we just finished lesson number ten where's your pain lesson number eleven is the lessons from your deepest pain we covered a bit of that we're going to go deeper so again, I'm going to advise everyone who's watching to take a carrier self. These are intense exercises, they require a lot of self care and a lot of self love. You want to do that when you're not distracted or interrupted by anyone and you're in a safe environment and I really encourage you if you could do him now like you're not at work or driving in your car or wherever do them now because there's no better time than the present and frankly, a lot of you're gonna want to avoid this exercise because who wants to actually feel their pain? Not many, right? But I am only doing this because I've seen it time and time again, that actually yields tremendous healing and it actually defines who you are is a person what your deepest values are and it guides you towards your greater purpose and...
your greatest purpose is not just to take photographs. You're greater purpose is not just to make crafts or greater purpose is not just to write those are the vehicles that you may use, but they're not your purpose your purpose is much more profound, it is much more important than that okay, does that you guys are starting to understand that thesis you're starting to understand how the dots connect, okay? So I went to admit everything that, uh I was actually getting pretty emotional myself before this break it because I've had to read everyone's homework and this shit is hard all of our viewers that are actually at home and just really acknowledge that I think this week in particular forms a huge part of it it's really the main core of how it is that you come to that result and you find that creative purpose that you're meaning to find and it really does take time, and it does take digging deeper and going beyond, you know, the obvious that's on the table, so I think it's great to have you and really set up on stage and be able to share some of your stories and insight because I know for me as someone who's just sitting here, I already feel, you know, the connection, so everyone in this classroom has been very brave and, um, I'm gonna just acknowledge that because it takes a lot of bravery to get up in front of this camera and start talking about some of these things, but as an artist, as a creator, that is what you are charged to dio you don't get to exist unless you have an audience so that means we're gonna have to be vulnerable in front of that audience. This means we're going to go deeper into dl essence, so buckle your seat belt this's hard, and I think I would just emphasize again, I have a great deal of respect for everybody in this audience here and everyone watching who's willing to do this exercise, it takes a lot of bravery, it takes a lot of emotional maturity to do this, so pat yourself on the back since I can't pat you on the back, make sure you do that for yourself, okay? So we, um we're just going to go home or into lessons learned, and we started within the last lesson, but we want to look for patterns because what happens is you can look at three lessons you can look a ten lessons I'm suggesting you just start with three, but then what you're going to discover is an overarching lesson. You're going to see a completely common theme that actually you're suffering has helped shape there's a reason for their so purpose in my madness, I promise. So who is willing to talk about a painful lesson or a painful moment? And then the lesson who's willing to go to you, go to the next one if you've already volunteered or if you haven't, you know, whatever, wherever you're at whoever wants to go okay. All right, look here's just if you can't see this what they're doing here like a sort of one of the oh I don't want teo alright um kathy let's start with you I'm actually you know what? I'm just gonna go down I'm going to go in order okay let's start with you to go to you so you know I'm coming I'm coming cathy what was the second most painful time in your life you were brave enough to share the first instance what was the second instance? What was the second moment exact moment we had been my husband and I with his family had been in tahoe for the weekend and um we came home there's a lot of you know, flashing on the answering machine and one after the other were very cryptic messages than I know. Cathy call me cathy need to call you mom cathy call your sister cat you know and then the last one clarified that my oldest sister had died and of her drug overdose I mean, that wasn't what the message was but ultimately that's what it wass a moment was when you found out that your sister died of a drug overdose do you remember where you were standing in that moment? Oh yeah well actually I fell to the ground you fell to the ground what room were you in the living okay and what was the first emotion that we would describe that um you felt and that well disbelief disbelief okay you're being brave keep coming close is devastated devastated she had three children she had three children none of which had a father in the in the picture the whole the whole thing was just completely dead devastating and when you just talked about the first most painful moment which I will share again because you've already shared its when you had a child who was stillborn and what was the first emotion you'd use to describe that painful moment that was shock shock complete shock I mean sitting in an office with techno the the doctor explaining you're going to have a girl okay, but she's not going to survive so or there's some similar emotions in the second most painful incident and the first most painful incident and what were they devastation, devastation okay and a lesson you learned in the first most painful moment in your life wass you said it before but just say it again probably strength that you had the strength to survive. Yeah, I think that's more specifically what you said that you discovered the lesson you learned was that you actually had the strength to survive it and at the moment it didn't seem possible no, I actually didn't think I would you didn't think you would and you pretty flat line for a year right yeah, so the second instance happens and you learned a lesson from it what was that lesson when you found out that you're sister was gone and she had three kids with no father will it put me in it kind of triggered action because we adopted her youngest okay? And so I think the strength to bring another person to our lives I had no plans of having more children I surgically made sure I wasn't gonna have more children I knew where I wass life was good, we had everything figured out and now I'm going to raise a stranger because we didn't know her and how old was she was five we'd met her once you matter what it is that they lived in a different state hurt her siblings were much older so she was the youngest so you found the strength again yeah, well obviously a lot of support from my family, my husband, this family but do you see a pattern already? We only look we've only gone with too but can you feel the pattern? Yeah can you guys recognize do you recognize the pattern? So it was interesting one of things that you said during the interview was, you know, do you, you know, take craft seriously as seriously as the other I don't know superior expressions of creativity or that's that you were concerned about that was the perception right, right but you've used your creativity and you've channeled it you've channeled a lot of your emotion through it yeah so um like you're very strong caffee thank you there's nothing weak wishy washy about who you are at all so I wouldn't be concerned about any general perception around craft you are a strong woman you had the strength to survive the first incident and you had to strength to survive and adopt a little girl who didn't even know at the age of five and you raised her and I believe she's going off to college yeah next year she's been accepted to a few schools, so okay, so why am I doing this? I'm gonna ask you why might why am I leaning into cathy and describing her strength and lesson she learned what do you guys getting out of it? How are you feeling right now? How do you feel you did know cathy before now what do you think about her? I think kathy's amazing like I think kathy so strong and I wouldn't know that if I came down here those stories in here like I think you're the kind of person where anything could happen to you and you would not only be okay but be able to thrive and take care of others like that's crazy that's so huge big feet does anybody disagree with john's assessment of kathy thanks john so kathy all we're doing here is you're just telling the truth when I say the truth is the best marketing strategy I'm not kidding I'm not I'm not being sarcastic I'm not being I'm not that's not a trite statement that is it I mean it that's the truth the truth of your story is so much more compelling now we know it we only know a piece of it and you didn't have to tell us any gory details right the truth of your story kathy is powerful and what your I'm more interested in what you do and where you're gonna go next because you revealed something of yourself that was very powerful and truthful and I have great respect for you because you have demonstrated strength time and time again where other people would be devastated and would not pick themselves up do you see that yeah and I'm gonna go back to the book I mean I know I didn't need it then but it's putting so much of this into perspective for me yes doesn't it? Yeah, there is reason I'm asking you to read that book. Okay it's not for extra homework assignment I'm not giving you busywork. That book has had a profound impact on millions of lives but what I want you to do is that I want you to read it it's a great book but it's so much more powerful if you can relate your own from your own experience right? Because I think somebody here said didn't you say you would read it before yes, I read it in high school you read it in high school and when I read in high school was more shocked by the experience of the concentration camps because I didn't know much about that and I hadn't had too many life experiences that were incredibly painful yet right doesn't it put her pain and perspective? Yes so then when I read it now, you know, fast forward thirty years or more having lived and been hurt and so hubbard and had joys and lows and highs the book had such a much more profound experience that was really touching it was like I didn't get any of this when I was in high school great, so if you've already read it, please don't write it off, read it again or listen to it again um it will be you will read it differently. You will hear it differently this time because you're going to actually have this exercise you've completed so you can actually use this to put it in context it's going to make a huge huge difference all right? And so one of the other things that I noticed about you, kathy, is that even though you have been devastated by a number of very painful incidents like john said, you still have the ability to nurture other people and when I think of of craft and general, it feels to me, like, on the whole it's a very nurturing expression, it's, a very caring and thoughtful individual expression, whether it's, quilting or some of the other aspects of craft, I have a great deal of respect for craft was not to think of it as the therapy. I mean, I find that if I were to do a timeline and all these things that happened, I would see these I see the spikes and creativity and and not just busy work, but so I symbolize best things have come during those moments that I after I've suffered yeah, so I will I want to share something with you about this whole thing of r r r the whole myth about suffering and artists must suffer so there's some element of truth to it and there's some elements that are misguided it's actually true that suffering and emote deep, deeply felt emotion inspire great art. Now, I know if you hadn't offered if you've watched my episode on the good life project with jonathan fields, he asked me about this whole thing about suffering, and I said, well, it may it's, right, art and he almost fell off his chair he couldn't believe I said that I think he was a bit appalled. Um, no, we're gonna we're gonna talk to him later, I can ask him if he was actually appalled. He was definitely shocked that I said that, but he said, hell, I'm not I'm not done, I'm not saying suffer and then that's it it's just suffering or emotion can actually fuel creativity and the creativity is an opportunity to transform that energy transformed that pain into something beautiful or something interesting or something creative. If you look at if you like just think about the saddest song right here often the most beautiful songs are like really sad symphonies actually are beautiful and you wind up like feel you don't actually feel sad have you ever noticed that? So again, the currency we deal in as artists is emotion, so this is why we're stirring up the emotion, not just to stir it up just to cause drama or two I don't know whatever we're doing it for a reason because this is the core. This is where all our energy comes from. This is not a logical exercise, this is an emotional exercise and your specific emotions our what are going to drive your most profound creative expression doesn't make sense? I mean, it sounds like kind of understand that in theory, but it's really different when you actually feel it versus think about it because we can think about what I just said and all agree oh yeah art has to do with emotions but well well what emotions are you channeling what are they are you clear on that do you know what that is? How are you connecting with other people that's our function as artists so thank you very much for being brave I have a great delivery respect for everybody who's doing this everyone at home everyone in the studio who is doing this that everyone who's supporting it because tough stuff felix alright I'll go to you and then I'll go to gen alright so what what what was next most painful time in your life or was the or right well when I was eight years old my grandfather was sick and I would I would ride the bus to my grandparent's house where they would watch me here he was being looked after and I would go up give him a kiss and talk to him every day for for three weeks and one day I got off the bus and my uncle stop me in front of the bus and he said grandpa went to heaven today and I looked at him one over you again what? Eight years old years old okay that's the moment but okay I want to say can I say by the hammer can I get a kiss again but no they wouldn't let me in the room okay it was an ambulance there and I was so confused like I don't ok he died and try and figure out what this death mean and I pretty much it was like my world was shattered okay, so I'm gonna stop you there. What was the exact moment that pops into your head? Was it in front of the bus when you get off the bus hey my uncle your uncle standing in front of you tall guy okay stopped me and wouldn't let me go run into the house like I always did the last three weeks okay so you're standing in front of your uncle he's told you that your grandfather is past and you're not allowed in the house what's the first emotion that you feel what I do wrong why can't I go see him? What did I do wrong? Why can't I go see him ok number too so we talked about the self blame like some felix's fault these eight so you don't know number two I don't understand where is he? So you're confused is the emotion confused? I want to see him okay, so you're so was the first emotion you're feeling a little self blame? Yes okay, so first emotion is you're feeling little guilty second emotion is you're feeling confused, oozed and the third emotion is, uh heartbroken, heartbroken okay, so stop there you'll get it following along. What was the lesson that you learned from that most painful experience? The lesson that I learned you kind of live in the lesson that you write well, because he came to me right and held me and told me he was okay. So you had your first experience like medium at age eight absolute visitation from your grandfather? I was yes, and you realised you had this ability changed everything. I now wanted to know where he was because he was clearly talking to me when everyone was telling me no mi ho he's in heaven. But why is he still talking to me? No, he's not talking to you. I was told this by certain people and I was confused that led me to want to know where he is, because if he can still talk to me, that means he's not just dead he's somewhere else, right? And I won't know where that is. So you are a little farther along in the journey of understanding your purpose. I think of a lot of, you know, like maybe some people out her watching so again, this is a member is not a contest for not doing comparison, but you understand your purpose and, um, your next steps are toe get clinton more clear about your value proposition in your target market, but you can you see how his pain most painful incident is immediately you can see how it ties to his purpose he's a psychic medium whether you believe it or not I don't really care and I don't think felix cares this is what he does he is fulfilling his purpose and he has dedicated his life to it see I wonder I mean have you you may have made the connection at this point I'm curious did you make the connection I started doing lots of reading on books a great books on no did you make the connection of the purge your you know your purpose did you ever make the connection between your purpose and that moment with your with your grandfather is passing and your grandfather's visitation you didn't at the time no no I mean like like when you before you started this class okay did you say oh, I know what my purpose is and it has to do with this one incident kind of did you kind of did you say you're a little further along then in this process you have some other things to focus on all right but you could everyone can see the connection right it's immediate we know all right so jen would you please describe um another incident um just the moment actually the exact moment there's a moment where I'm sitting in a breakfast room of my mom's friends house and I'm in seventh grade and I'm with my mom and her friend and I'm gonna be I'm getting kicked out of my school that I've been in since kindergarten and my mom is having her friend talked to me about it about my grades in about what they're going to do and am I willing to study more and you know, so we were just so and you're in the kitchen you're with your mom's friend and she has told you you're getting kicked out of school, right? What's the first emotion, painful emotion I'm ashamed to am ashamed you're ashamed and humiliated too. You're humiliated and number three um I feel totally abandoned, abandoned. And how does this link with the first incident where there's some similar emotions in the first incident when you were twenty four years old? So my connection yes, because this was sort of the first realization inside that my mom couldn't take care of me the emotions that you experienced in the second most painful moment and there you go abandonment, abandonment yeah, this is it. So this is this keeps coming up is the same. This is a pattern so and feeling abandoned, unloved, great and ashamed and shamed. Okay, all right, so let's go to that little girl who's sitting at the table with the mom's friend and she's upset, obviously but you're the wiser or more mature woman now and you sit down next to her and put your arm around her and you say I'm sorry this is devastating it's painful but there's a lesson in it for you? What would you say to that little girl is the lesson oh that this is not your fault there's a it's a bit there's a much bigger picture going on this is not your fault. This is not your fault, right? And the reason it's not your fault is because how old are you? I mean seventh grade you're in seventh grade, but you've felt abandoned because you've actually been abandoned and in seventh grade you don't do well when you're abandoned, so it in truth is not your fault. Ok? And so you're compassionate to this to this seventh grader who's already feeling like a geek because everybody in seventh grade does right it's all right, it's like even more intense when you're in seventh grade everything right? But do you see that you see the pattern of emotion? Yeah, and you see how the your pattern is different from johns and different from yanni's and different you see it it's unique to your human experience and it's an opportunity for you to express your unique perspective when you stay true to yourself, does that make sense? Maintain your truth and maintain your honor and serve way heard that we heard that from dr e see how this all coming background this ancient wisdom is all come background okay so uh you ready? I'm ready. Okay, what was the second most painful incident? Um I was it was thanksgiving okay? And my college age son who was a sophomore at the time I came home from his break okay? And when I saw him I almost didn't recognize him because so many things had happened to him in just a short amount of time that, um I knew something was terribly wrong and it took all that I could mustard not to fall apart in front of him. I literally had to leave the room to express what I was feeling, which course I'm feeling again now so you know, long story short he was, um very depressed from several things that had happened to him and I knew what I knew he needed help. Okay, so I'm going to stop you here because we're not we don't have to go into the entire story. All right? So respecting care I just want you to pause for a moment and I want to describe the three feelings one what's the most intense emotion that you felt when you saw your son concern concern what was the second fear fear in the third disappointment and disappointment okay do did any of these emotions appear is a pattern and you when you reflected on your most painful times in your life did you see a pattern um definitely disappointment disappointment came up again okay alright because other people's behavior didn't yet not meet your expectations and you were hurt and disappointed exactly okay the lesson that came out of this so I'm gonna go you go back to that younger mother and you're gonna you're wiser and you're all knowing and you put your arm around her and you're going to comfort her and tell her there's this is awful but there's a lesson in it what is the lesson? Um it's first of all not my fault it's not your fault uh to trust my instincts trust your instincts and to take each moment as it comes and would that apply to the first most painful incident left center or incident those like saint similar lesson trust my instincts definitely trust your instincts that keeps coming up okay all right so this is an exploration to again just to understand your unique human experience which other people not everybody but other people some other people will be able teo connect with and identify with and you can serve them by the lessons that you've learned you're already serving them by the lessons that you've learned felix right now it's just a matter of you want to serve more you would have a greater impact rate john you're just starting to connect the dots and it's now I think hopefully feeling a little bit more supported around um what you have in mind and that you may not have the whole blueprint and that's okay, you can still move forward you just have to be consistent and use all the skills you have in your back pocket, right? Alright and cathy, you're I think hopefully just by using us is a mirror starting to understand how strong you are do you see it? Remember ahead you all stand you know, like in front of you this has been a whole mirror exercise do you see it? I'm absorbing it, right? You're absorbing it so we're all in different places. Jenna you starting to see a pc patterns too strong patterns of some of the lessons that you've learned yes, and this whole theme around abandonment? Yeah and lack of love and wanting it deeply and just like how do we cope with that? How do we cope with it if we're living in a world where we don't feel loved, how do we cope with it? Because you are not the only one yeah I'm gonna guess not what we've all felt it at some point some of us are feeling it right now some of it have felt it all our lives it's a big, deep need and question to help answer do you see that? Yes, it's an opportunity for you to be of service. Yeah, I see it. I have to just sit with it. All right, well, we're not we're just getting started. You've all you're all getting exposed to this for the first time. Yeah, so but probably I'm going I must say you've got some more insights into yourself and you did one week ago. So you're starting to see a pattern too, right? And janni, I think one of things that's coming up is this whole thing about, you know, trusting yourself and you're trusting your instincts and other people, you know, other people's expectations as they relate to when hurt, when they're not met and how it's hurt you in the past. How does that we've itself into a business venture? I don't know yet but isn't interesting how it always does if you keep with it, it always does. I mean, I haven't worked with an artist who it didn't eventually work out now there's other things, they have to do it after that, but it does work out. So I'm gonna wrap up this lesson, which is lessons from our deepest pain, and we're going to move on to our next blessing, which is less than twelve, which is dissolving your fears I'm going to be three action items. What I want you to do is if you feel like you need to take care of yourself, please do that. First and foremost, if you feel like you need support, reach out to someone that you trust or go to join dot artist who thrive dot com and asked to join the mastermind group. Make sure you mark your calendar and you make time to take the rest of this course. Finish it like, just finish it. I promise. If you finish it, you will gain. And, um, take a look at your workbook if you made some progress, and even if you haven't done the assignments, just check off the ones that you've done and get ready to do the next one. So I'm looking forward to seeing your next lesson. Lesson number twelve. Thank you very much.