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Master Your People Skills

Lesson 9 of 31

How to Light Up a Room


Master Your People Skills

Lesson 9 of 31

How to Light Up a Room


Lesson Info

How to Light Up a Room

Alright, welcome to day nine. How to be the highlight. So today we have three goals. I want to show you how to light up a room. That is one of the hardest people skills to have and that's what today is all about. We're going to also talk about the art of genuine charm. Charm sometimes gets a negative rap right? Charming, it can sound sort of slimy. So I want to teach you how to genuinely use charm. And lastly, I want to show you how to be socially attractive. What does that mean? To be attractive socially. But first, we have a warm up, as always, to get our juices flowing. So today it is a question. And I want us to talk about-- because we're going to talk a lot about positivity today. What is the moment that you are most proud of? So what's a moment in your life that when you think abut it it just fills you with pride? It can be a small moment. It could be a big moment. I can already see some wheels turning. And we're going to turn to your partner and bring two people up on stage with...

me and I want you to talk about what is your proudest moment. Terry and Erica, would you guys mind popping up here? And you can turn to your partner and you can talk about your proudest moment. Small or big and at home, I want you to listen to our answers up here and I want you to write about your proudest moment, big or small. Get those positive juices flowing. Okay, so do either one of you know right away what your proudest moment is? I don't want you to think about it too much. I was a mentor for at risk youth for high school and about five years into our relationship my student did a speech at a fundraiser and talked about how what an impact I had on her life and-- At a fundraiser? Oh, wow. For the organization so-- That's amazing. Wow. I think-- Because I grew up in Ohio. And in the 80's, there weren't many jobs back there and so I had skills as a tech illustrator, but not so much-- I did some writing and-- But-- I went to California and had a job interview for a tech writer illustrator. And then it went pretty well. Wow. I went back home though, basically lying that I had this tech learning background and so they said, well you know, if you actually move out here you can have the job. So I thought it was cool-- What? That is awesome. Did it totally take you by surprise? The job offer? Pretty much because-- I just thought. What an honor. They would see right through it. No. But actually it worked out really well because I came out here. They believed in you more than you believed in them. Yeah. I love it. I believed in myself. That's always been a problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to work on it. Alright, thank you. Yes, perfect. Alright. So, how did it feel to talk about your proudest moment? I saw a lot of faces that were like, proudest moment? How did it feel once you started talking about it? What did that feel like? To us? Smile. I see nods. The energy is already up, right? We're talking about proudest moment. Now, my trick question is, how many of you used the rock technique while you were listening to them? How many of you validated their proud moment? While you were talking to them? Did anyone try it? I did. Yeah. Yeah, tell me. Lee tell me what was it like? So when you were talking what did she do? She repeated certain words that I used and during that it makes me feel like she was really listening to my story. I hope I was doing the same. I love it. I love it. And Jason you raised your hand as well. Did you use the rock technique? He used it on me while we were-- And how did it go? When I was sharing my proudest moment he immediately had a response and related it to-- Major kiss for you because we were talking about yesterday, about validating and that's like a big one. Ray that's awesome. Kudos to you Ray, kudos right? Everyone kudos. So, this brings us into the next level for fracking. So we've talked about the hook, the first impression. We talked about how to make an emotional deposit with someone. How to feel like were exchanging emotions back and forth and now we're talking about how to dig deeper. And yesterday we talked about vulnerabilities. So today is talking about how to light them up. First I want to tell you a quick story. And this is the story of Benjamin Disraeli and William Gladstone. So Benjamin Disraeli and William Gladstone were running for Prime Minister in the Uk in the 1800's and it was a big race. It was extremely close and extremely competitive. And while they were on the campaign trail, they both decided to take the same young reporter out to lunch. And they took her out to lunch and they had these great discussions and after both of the lunches, all the journalists asked her, "so who are you going to vote for after having lunch with both of these powerful men? Who is the one who should be Prime Minister? And here is what she said, "After sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest person in England. After sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest person in England." Can you guess who won the election? It was Benjamin Disraeli, because he knew a secret. And that secret is that if you want to impress people, you should let them impress you, not try to impress them, which is a very different way of going about interacting with people. We think about all the ways we can be impressive and razzle dazzle people, but actually when you can let them impress you, when you can let them be the highlight, so you are their highlighter, you become more impressive. You become more memorable. And this is skill number 14. So we are learning 33 people skills in this course, and skill number 14 is all about being a highlighter. Help people be the best version of themselves. I love this quote by Abraham Lincoln, which is everything we're talking about today. "Those who look for the bad in people will surely find it." This course is about looking for the good in people. We only have one single day on human vampires, those people who take. Every other day is about how awesome people are. Because most people are awesome. They have so much to give and connecting with them makes us feel better. It makes them feel better. It makes the world a better place. So we are all about looking for the good in people. And the way that we do this is, the first way is starting on a high. It's all about being a highlighter and we're going to start on a high. So let me share a study with you and here is what they did. They had waiters in a hotel, it was a hotel that all the rooms were inside the hotel, so they had no windows to the outside. And they had waiters deliver breakfast to people in the morning. And there was two options, the first side of the hotel, al they did was come in and say "hello," here is your breakfast. On the second side of the hotel they came in and said, "Hello, here is your breakfast, what nice weather we're having outside." They commented on the nice weather. A really simple kind of boring comment, but still positive. Here is what's amazing. That one little tip. That one little comment gave them a 27% higher tip on that side of the hotel. This comment is so, we hear it all the time. But even just starting on a positive. Starting on a high. It kicks into gear different parts of our brain and they get a 27% higher tip, just with that one little piece of good news. So here is what I want us to do. Whenever we're interacting with people that can be on the phone, in emails, with networking events, parties, dates, pitching clients. I want us to avoid starting on the negative. So many times we hear people say things like it's terrible traffic getting here. Bad weather. The food is gross. I'm so stressed. I couldn't find parking. I got lost on the way here, right? We don't even think about it. We start with sort of these negative comments. We don't realize that actually it's starting on a low. So what I want us to do is always think about what is the positive here. What positive can I start on. So, gosh it was so easy getting here. The weather is awesome outside. Did you see how beautiful it was. The food is delicious. What an end to a great day, being at this event. What a cool venue, what a great group of people. What is the positive thing that you can start on. And these work great as conversation starters. They can either be a starter or they can be your second comment, right? Starting on a high. This also trains our brains to go into optimism, which we're going to talk about in a little bit. I want to practice. So I want you to turn to the person next to you, and I want you to tell them one awesome thing about today. At home, you get to write down three different things that are awesome about your day today. Lacie and Michael you guys want to come up with me for this one? Three things at home and I want you guys to tell me one awesome thing that's happened so far today. Michael tell me, what's an awesome thing? My awesome thing was talking to the receptionist this morning and immediately applying the-- Techniques. The techniques and the skills I learned. And having a connection right already? I had a connection right away. Ahh I love it. All sorts of things about American culture that I didn't know. All sorts of things we ended talking about police brutality and marijuana in San Francisco. Do you say marijuana? I smell it everywhere. You're right yes. Yeah. How about you? Lacie. Best thing-- We're staying in the most amazing Airbnb. It's gorgeous. I could have never imagined and it's also six blocks away. Nice. Which is awesome, so convenient. High five. Love it. Love it. Thank you. You guys can sit down. Alright. So, how did it feel to be positive, right? It's like good, right? We're like literally getting a highlight in there today. So I want to give you a little ninja tip here, which is one of my-- It's my ninja tip. It's my favorite thing to do. I told you I'm not a martial artist. But I talk about martial arts a lot in this class. Jason do you know martial arts? Oh man. I thought you could teach me a few moves. Alright so, here is my ninja tip. One awesome way you can start on a high is to always be the introducer. I want you to be a master introducer. It's one of the most overlooked things in people skills. Because when you're the introducer you get to be a raver. You get to rave about the person that you're introducing. Now of course, you only want to do this when it's genuine and authentic, but hopefully you're hanging around people who are authentic. Here is how introductions usually go. John meet Ash. Ash meet John. Right, that's how they usually go. Kind of boring. What I like to do, is I like to rave about the people who am with, especially because I usually have amazing people around me. So instead you could say John, meet the wonderful Ash. He's a very talented, in-demand architect, I feel lucky to know, or, Ash meet John. John is an amazing pastry chef, his cakes are to die for. I want you to excel at introducing people. And this is a very authentic way to start on a high because you're A, you're bragging about someone you love and it gives them a framework for knowing this person. So you're actually giving them more information, so it helps them as well. It's a really easy little ninja tip on how to start on a high. Let's practice. I want you to introduce me to the person sitting next to you, okay? And I know that you don't know each other that well yet, but we are nine days in. So I'm going to have, who wants to introduce Sajeed I think it's your turn. Yeah, when you introduce you or me, introduce either person next to you to me. He's one of the best photographers in the Virginia area and he takes really cool drone videos for events I love it. I love it. Okay, introduce Sajeed to me please. I'm introducing Sajeed to you. Yeah, rave about him, give me like, what do you love about him? Rameez Ahmed Sajeet, he is wonderful. Yesterday we met and he is such an awesome software developer that I'm also very seriously considering getting his services. Ah. And then yesterday we had a chance to drive-- because I was going to drop him to the radio station there and I got to know about his family. So I think we're going to end up being really good friends. What? I love it. Okay, so what I love about that is-- You guys just met right? Luckily you already knew about each other's businesses but let's say that you are like at a really new event. You're at a conference, whenever he met and you've literally just met this person. You can still use this art by saying. Hey, let's say that I just met Lacie. Hey I just met Lacie she's awesome, I'm loving talking to her. Lacie you are, right, so you can just say, it's just been great talking to her. I'm so glad that we can bring you into the fold. Even just that says, it's social proof, right? I love talking to her. Come on, come up and meet us. It makes you more memorable, it starts you on a high. Second, keeping it high. So we've started on a high. How do you keep that interaction with those positive dopamine triggers flowing right? Creating that pleasure neurochemical in the brain. The way that we do this is by avoiding spontaneous trait transference. So spontaneous trait transference is a very interesting thing that happens when you talk about other people. So we've all heard from mothers and from school they say don't gossip. Don't gossip. Don't criticize. There is actually a very interesting and important scientific principle about why this is so important. So spontaneous trait transference happens when you talk about someone no matter what you say about them automatically comes back on to you. So they found over and over again, that when someone is sitting in a lab and saying, oh my competitor terrible to work with. Lazy, they have terrible pictures, even though the other person consciously knows you're talking about the other person. They put bad to work with, lazy, terrible photos, on to you. They cannot help but associate what comes out of your mouth with what you say. Sorry, what comes out of your mouth with who you are. We just cannot help it. It's the way our brains work. So even though consciously it doesn't happen. Later when we're recalling you we can usually remember what you said about someone else. And it happens totally unconsciously. So, we want to avoid at all cost, no gossip, no criticizing, no judging, especially when we're talking about competitives or other colleagues. At work, this is hugely important. Saying how someone else's work on a job was, if you didn't like it very much or another partner. I always wills say, you know I plead the fifth, or I'm just not sure. Just saying that, that's honest right? You're being transparent. You're like, you know, I still have to make up my mind. I'd rather plead the fifth. That is much better than getting into the nitty gritty with them. You can say, if you really want to talk to them you should go talk to them yourself about it. Leo Aikman says, "You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him." And that is absolutely true. We judge character, not by what other people say about them but about what you say, what you say about others. And that's one of the reasons, another reason why introducing people being a raver is so important, because if you're talking in honest authentic way about all the awesome qualities that you friends have, you share those qualities with them. Harnessing optimism. So today is all about harnessing optimism. And I want to talk a little bit about what it does in the brain. So when we go into optimism and typically when you look at the brain there is like negative, neutral, afraid, and optimistic or happy. If you had to simplify it, that's sort of how the brain works. When the brain is on optimism, a couple of different things happen. First, it changes our cognitive abilities. So when we are negative or we are in fear mode, and we're going to learn about this in segment 13, our cognitive abilities cannot function and fire properly. So when were in optimisim, at networking events when were high, when we're in a client meeting and we're starting on a high and being really positive we actually are thinking more quickly because we have more of our brain, our neural pathways are free for us to use them. It also spurs open mindedness. This is a great way for ourselves to get ourselves more of an open mind. It's also a great way for our colleagues and our clients to get into the yes mentality which is exactly what we want. And it also of course, we talked about it releases more dopamine which makes us feel pleasure, reward, and happiness. The third way to use, to embrace our, be a highlighter is to use the Pygmalion effect. So the Pygmalion effect is based on a myth, it's named after a myth, of a man named Pygmalion who made a beautiful statue of a woman. And he started to fall in love with his statue. It was so beautiful what he made that he fell in love with it. And in the need of the myth, the statue comes to life, they fall in love and they get married. So the Pygmalion effect is when you expect good things, good things come to life. Let me explain how this works. Si the Pygmalion effect they repeated over and over again is that if you tell students that they are top performers, at random. You pick a bunch of random students, you say, you're a top performer, you're a top performer, those students will actually start becoming top performers. They will perform better when you tell them they are top students. You tell donors they are top givers and they will start to give more. You tell hotel maids they burn a lot of calories and they end up burning more calories. They actually did this, they brought hotel maids and they gave them a lecture, on how many calories they burn when they're vacuuming and pushing those carts. They said you have one of the most physically fit jobs in the industry. And they had them wear little calorie counters, and calorie counters on their wrist. The following days after that, they burned more calories than they ever had before, and that sustained. Because mentally, they were like, yeah! I'm burning more calories. And they actually then owned burning more calories. It changed our behavior. Even when, and this is crazy, a computer gives automated compliments, we perform better. So they had people at computers and a little screen would pop up and say, great job. You're doing great. And it was so obviously canned, but it still triggered people's dopamine and they still made them happier and they began to play better. After each and every compliment, they were like oh yeah, I'm doing great. Even though they were automated compliments. Even though they knew they were automated compliments. This is the power of the Pygmalion effect. So, the way that we use the Pygmalion effect is we need to expect the best from people. When we expect the best, they act even better. Giving genuine compliments, is a great way to use the Pygmalion effect. When you introduce someone, you give them a genuine compliment. They actually live up to that. And using positive labels. So, I want us to explore together some of the ways that we can use the Pygmalion effect. For example, do you have an awesome client that you love working with. If you tell them, you're one of my favorite clients I look forward to talking to you. You are so responsive. You're so reliable and I love working with you. What do you think is going to happen? Yeah, Maggie? They'll be more responsive. Yeah. They're like oh yeah I'm a great client. I'm responsive. I'm loyal, and they show up. So what are some ways. And this is going to be also with colleagues, saying I love working with you on projects. You are so punctual. You always make sure you have details covered. Yeah. I wanted to say that as a photographer this is such an incredible thing that I tapped into years ago with working with people. Tell me. The more difficult a client can be, I can actually give them more like, you look amazing, this is gorgeous, like-- Genuine. You guys are so in love. Genuine. When they're nervous and your like, no you're doing it. You're really doing it. It kind of cracks, that nervousness for them and they start to be like more relaxed and easy to photograph. Cracks that nervousness. We are in the fracking section. Right? Emotional fracking is about breaking through people's boundaries. It's about getting a little bit deeper. And the Pygmalion effect is an amazing way. If you have a difficult person or an awesome person giving them a genuine compliment so they can live up to it. It fracks them. It breaks down that difficulty. Who else thinks they can use this with clients or colleagues or friends or partners. If you want to stay anonymous you can too. That's okay. Yeah. I'm in a certification program and I was just introduced over email to a peer coach. Yeah. And, I just thought that she wrote me a really awesome introduction email. And so, I think I'll acknowledge just how friendly and likable. Actually easy to connect over six sentences, it seems to me that she came across. I love it. I would have never done that before this. I love it. So that is actually tying the Pygmalion effect into a thank you note. Which is the best, easiest way to do it so. If you have someone in your life, that actually is my next prompt who has done something that you admire, or who's done something that's helped you, one thing you can do in the thank you is say hey, you've been an awesome client. Thank you so much for the introduction. To a partner or a spouse, thank you so much for supporting me in this. Or thank you so much for being there for me. Thanking them and saying, here is the specific reasons why it helped me. Here is why you're awesomeness is helping me so much. You're actually tying in the Pygmalion effect with gratitude. Yeah. I find when I coach in classes. It's actually a great way to coach people. I notice sometimes, when you're coaching people they're looking for some sort of negative feedback, oh did I do that right? Whereas if I have five people in front of me, and one of them is doing a great job, and I'll say hey, great job doing that one thing. And everybody else hears that and they go, oh I want to do that as well. Yeah. And they're reinforced as well. That works in my work out classes for sure. If see someone else that's like doing awesome I'm like I want to do that awesome too. Because our brains crave. We crave that dopamine. What you did to that person is you triggered their dopamine. You made them feel happy. You increased their optimism. And our brains love it. Dopamine is like our brain's crack, right? We want it. And so we will also work harder to be able to do it. I love it. It helps if you use their name as well. Because, because that's a double dose of dopamine. We learn, in segment three, that using someone's name triggers dopamine. So if you use their name and give them a compliment it's a double dose. I love it. Okay, so. I want you to go tell them. In your workbook, I want you to write down I have space for you to write down, who is doing something awesome. It could be business. Professional or social. And I want you to find a way to tell them. Tell them how awesome they are. And tell them here is why. Listing out those specific things. Let just remind our online audience Vanessa, what part of the workbook they'll find this in. Yes, so we are in segment nine, be the highlight. And you can start on the second page of segment nine. That is where we are at. I love it. What are some ways you can offer. What are some ways you can use the Pygmalion effect. Great. It's one of the best from people when they give genuine compliments and use positive labels. Alright, so. Number four. How to be a highlighter is use the offer mentality. So most of us, when we approach interactions with people, we think what can you do for me. We can't help it. Right? We want to fulfill our needs, we want to go up Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which we learned. We want to see, what can you do for me. How can you help me. How can you meet all my needs. What I want to suggest is something different which is not what you can do for me, it's what can I do for you. Now I learned this three years ago when I was in my mentality of conferences suck. Networking events suck. Augh. I just dreaded them. They were in my survive category for sure. And I happen to be, and it's so lucky. I just happen to be doing a feature on my blog called cool find month. I decided to do a month where all I was doing was looking at cool finds. Cool blogs, cool people. Cool interviews. Cool videos. I was just looking at cool finds. And so I had a conference, a couple of networking events that I was going to. And unlike usual, where I would go be like what can people do for me? How much business can I get? Who can I give my business card to? I happen to be in the mindset of who is cool? Who can I feature? And so I was going around and I was talking to people and I was like, so what are you working on? Oh wow your Twitter feed. Tell me about your blog. And I was in my mind, I was thinking, secretly actually was something for me. But I was looking for ways, that I could feature them. It completely changed the way I experienced the networking event and the conferences. So I no longer think conferences and networking events suck because I have the offer mentality. It switched me from scarcity into abundance. When we think about what can people do for me. There is not enough to go around. These are my competitors. What do I need? How can they help? It's all scarcity, because your fighting for resources. Your brain is like, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need. That's a scarcity mentality because it means, it implies that you don't have enough. By thinking about how can you offer, you have plenty. In fact you have so much that you want to help others. It's switches you into the abundant mentality, which is a much better way to connect. So I want to talk about a couple of ways that we can use the offer mentality. And this works in business. This also works in social situations as well. Advice is one of the best ways you can give the offer mentality. But if you need someone who is struggling in some way. Advice, just saying I'm here for you. I've got it as opposed to, yeah I don't care what's going on with you. Let me tell you what's going on with me. You're stressed? Let me tell you how stressed I am. Right? But instead, saying I'm here. I got you. The rock technique, which we learned two segments ago, segment six, is one of the best ways that you can be in the offer mentality. Because you're saying I want to rephrase your ideas I want to use your words and I want to check in with you. You can also do it if you're in business with Tweets, or posts, or free councils. Right? If you're like-- I would love to work with you. Let's sit down I'll give you a call, give you a bunch of free advice and if you take it great, if not, no worries. That's a great way to be in the offer mentality. It can also be just offering emotional support. Give and say ah, I'm here for you. I got you. So Michael doesn't know that I'm doing this but-- So I get a lot of emails from people who want to work with us which is awesome, we have the best students in the world. I got this email from Michael and it really stood out. And it's because his entire email embodied the offer mentality. Again, he doesn't know that I'm doing this so-- I copied, and pasted your email and I put it up here on the slide. So I want to show you the email that he sent me. So, the subject was, let me help you with your blog. Okay, offer. Hi Vanessa, my name is Michael and I'm a big fan of your work. Starting on a high, right? Starting on a high right away. Beautiful authentic nice compliment. I hope it was authentic. Okay. Next, a few weeks ago you announced your program on how to become a body language trainer. You also wrote that you're extremely busy, rock technique, and it's hard to find time to serve all the clients and run Science of People. That's where I want to help you. I was like. Validated, validated, validated. Oh my God he is going to help me. I'm an internet marketer with a specialty of writing blogs. Seeing you are so busy, I would love to help you by writing articles for the Science of People. Which was like, it was like highlight. Genuine compliment. Pygmalion effect. Offer mentality. Validation. All in one email. I instantly replied to you. And I was like great! How can we do it? Let's start. Were you surprised when I wrote back? When I was like, yeah, let's do it. Or no, maybe you were like yeah, it's awesome. It was a big high for me. Oh yeah. I was validated by you. I felt such a high from you. So I'm so grateful to that. You've written some amazing articles for the Science of People. Because I know that you're hearing me and therefore I want to hear you. That's why I wanted you to come to this course. Because I want to make sure you get your needs met too. Alright, so what are some ways in your business that you can offer? Now I want you to pull out your calendar, that we talked about. So the next 30 days-- And I want you to look at events you have coming up. What is something that you can offer at a specific meeting, event, pitch meeting, client meeting, job interview. What is a way that you can offer and it might just be emotional support. Or it could be offering, hey I want to feature you. What is a way that you can offer emotional support? So I want you to turn to your partner, and write in your calendar. And you have at home, I want you to pull out your calendar and I want you to write in below each of your events coming up, what you have to offer. What is your abundant mentality before you go into that event. I'm going to bring two people up onstage with me to talk it through. So Van, who is your partner? Dajeed Okay, come on up. Turn to your partner. You guys can go ahead and start. At home I want you to start writing in your calendar all the ways that you want to be an offer. You guys can brin up your calendar or not. Whatever you guys want. Do you have your mic? I'm mic'ed. Oh perfect. Mike, Jess, come on up. Come on, come on. Come to my blessed stage. Yes. Alright so. Do you have an event or something coming up that you want to offer at? No, but I'm looking for work. You're looking for work. I'm talking to a lot of recruiters and talking to-- Ok, I love it. So you're meeting a recruiter so you need. So you need work. Right. What's a way that you can offer to at a recruiter meeting. Often what I do is offer to give a referral if I'm not right for the job. I love it. I love it. So you have a list of referrals if you're not-- which is-- By the way that recruiter. They're going to keep you top of mind for other thing. I love that. I love that. Okay, yes. So for me I have like two calls coming up on Friday. Kind of I get extraction calls, which is like I'm trying to learn about someone's history. Yes. So I can work with them. And so, you're offering just free advice, right? Right? Yeah. So they're giving you your ideas and you are just offering it to them. So here is my challenge for you. I want you to make sure they know that. I want to make sure, that they know that that call is all about them. I say I'm not here to sell anything to you, I'm here to learn about your industry. Yeah. And potentially make something to solve the pain other people experience. Perfect. And even more specifically in the call. When you're confirming it, you can say, this call is all about you. I'm going to give you as much free brainpower as I can. Right? You're offering your brainpower. That is a lot for someone because they know that you have a lot of experience and creativity to give. It' all about you. I want to offer my brain. Set the intention. Yeah, set the intentions offer. I love it. Thank you guys. Yeah. Alright. So, hopefully we have some good ideas. I just wanted to point out. Van was saying that she's going on some job interviews and I said what's a way that you can offer to a recruiter? And she had the best idea, she said, if the job is not right for me, I give them referrals that I know are great that would be right for them. For a recruiter, how awesome is that. You meet with someone who is not the right fit, but they're going to keep Van top of mind because they're like wow, she gave me really good referrals. That's a very confident offer mentality thing to do. I love it. Okay, In action, you can use these in emails, right? Having an offer mentality on the phone. Dates, it's great to have to offer mentality, abundant mentality as opposed to the scarcity mentality. Client meetings. Parenting and family. Sometimes we forget that there is enough to go around with family. And sometimes the best way to disengage a difficult person is to offer. We're going to talk specifically about difficult people in the human vampires section segment 25 and of course, networking. So coming up, we are diving into the personality matrix. We're about to go up a step guys. Cheer for that. So we are about to go into, we're about to go into bonding. Okay? The next level in the path to connection. We're getting really close to be able to read that whole human matrix. So the personality matrix is about finding out how other people see you. It's about understanding how people work and learning the secrets of personality. Optimizing interaction, we are going to learn what makes people tick. That's day two of bonding. We're going to design your personality to what you want it to be. And I'm going to show you how to be your best self, that is authentically you. Alright, the challenge for today. I want you to go tell someone how awesome they are, right? Go tell them how much they rock. That is part of the offer mentality. I also want you to see how and where you can offer in the next 30 days. So I want you to finish your calendars not just the next two or three events. Go through the next 30 days, look at your events and write in, what is your offer mentality before your people interactions. Alright, we're going to talk about what was the most important thing you learned today. What was your little aha moment. At home, I want to make sure you write this in your notebook because writing it down solidifies learning, and I also want you to tell me on Twitter @VvanEdwards use the #peopleskills. People who do it for all 30 days, and the best answers are going to win my dating and entrepreneur course. Which I'm particularly excited about. Yes. I've been to it twice already. But Vanessa, I'm going to tell you how awesome you are. Ahh. You really are. This has been an amazing nine days so far and we've got 21, my math is never good. 21. 21, 21. I don't know. It's okay. I'm not a mathodologist either. We're good. You talked about moving from scarcity to abundance and I think that we have. I realized we have so much access to everything in the world. Like it's at out fingertips all the time. But I think what's setting people apart is how much you care, and how much you give, and how present you are. And so in thinking about the people that I admire most It's those people that are like there is plenty like, what can I do for you? Yeah. How can I give? Those are the memorable ones. Are the people who you want to hang with. Yeah. Yeah. Along the same lines. Maggie gave an example of a client that she works with that is always offering to what can I do to help you? That kind of thing. And to me it's the same thing. You remember the people that are making you those offers and those are the ones that really stick out for you. What's amazing is. I found this over and over again, that no matter how busy I am, if I offer, I actually feel better about the work I'm doing and the time is made. Right? The time is made. Because it makes you feel more fulfilled, and so you're happy with what you're doing anyway. So no matter how busy we are, there is always time to help. One more, yeah. The Pygmalion effect, I think that often I don't tell people how much I really think they're cool. Sometimes I think I'm like relinquishing my own cool by telling someone I think they're cool. There is enough cool to go around. Yeah. Yeah but I know I don't do it enough and I should so. I love it. So I hope you're going to tell me your most important thing you learned today because I cannot wait to hear it. It's been great. It's interesting what Lacie said because I think human nature we do want to help but we don't ask. And if we ask for help, we often get it. So don't ever be afraid tor reach out and don't forget Pygmalion became a musical and though Stacy was with us yesterday. She's writing Keanu Reeves in the musical. I know, we're going to learn more about Stacy in the next segment. Exactly so just stayed tune for that. Thank you for being wit us. We've got a lot more to come, we're onto day ten next. Yeah, day ten. That is right.

Class Description

Short on time? This class is available HERE as a Fast Class, exclusively for Creator Pass subscribers.

Learn how to inspire, influence, and engage people in this life-changing program with Vanessa Van Edwards.

If you want to succeed in business, life, and love you need to master the science of interpersonal intelligence. Master Your People Skills will show you how to effectively communicate with partners, clients, and colleagues so you can flourish in all aspects of your life.

In Master Your People Skills, Vanessa will teach you the communication methods and relationship-building strategies that will transform your interactions. You will learn how to increase your likability, deal with difficult people, be a master conversationalist, and quickly identify personality types.

This is class has 30 lessons each 45-60 minutes that are comprehensive lessons, activities, and challenges to assess and improve your people skills.

You’ll also develop techniques for overcoming awkward interactions, avoiding toxic people, and building rewarding relationships. Not only will Vanessa show you how to be proud of your in-person interactions, but you will also learn how to communicate more effectively online — via email, text, and social media.

Here’s how Vanessa will help you increase your impact:

  • You will be able to command respect and supercharge your first impression.
  • You will know exactly how to win more deals and attract more clients.By the end of week three you will have learned the art of speed-reading people.
  • You will have mastered your presence to be more persuasive, likable and influential.

Vanessa transformed lives in her previous CreativeLive class, The Power of Body Language. In Master Your People Skills, Vanessa will go beyond non-verbal communication, showing you how to boost your emotional and social intelligence.  



This is the best course I have ever taken on anything, anywhere, ever. As an adult with Asperger’s, I have been studying social skills and nonverbal communication for a long time. All the books I’ve read and other courses like these I’ve watched prior to this one, didn’t even teach me half of what Vanessa has taught me in this course. Master Your People Skills has provided me with literally everything I have ever wanted to learn from inner confidence, charisma, making conversation, making a great first impression, being memorable, etc. Vanessa is such a charismatic, passionate, and knowledgable mentor, who has a real gift of taking her many years of research and hard work, and teaching it in a way that is easy and fun to learn. This course is the real deal, you will be a master after you are finished with it, and I would recommend it to anyone.


I have just finished day 13 and so far the course has been amazing every single day. Vanessa is a great teacher and I love how her work is down-to-earth, practical, very applicable and rooted in scientific research. It's not the usual "ra ra ra, I can turn you into a master people schmoozer-type courses" found elsewhere. Anyone that wants to improve themselves and have better relationships in all aspects of their lives, both professional and personal, should get this course. There is so much quality material in this course, I look forward to going over the videos and the workbook more than once in order to improve my own people skills. The course is worth every penny and much more! Thank you Vanessa!