Why Do We Need People Skills?
Today we're talking about people skills. For the next 30 days we're talking about people skills, how we work, what makes us tick, the mysteries of human behavior. But the question is why do we need people skills and it comes down to one simple fact and that is we have not been given all of the tools that we need to succeed. In school, growing up, we're given technical skills. We're taught math and English and science. Some of us are even given creative technical skills, like photography or graphic design or painting, but the problem is without people skills you can't share these talents with the world, you can't go on interviews, you can't pitch yourself, you can't build a team to help you get it out there and I think that this is fundamentally broken because every single one of you, everyone in this audience I know and everyone watching at home, everyone in the chat rooms has an innate brilliance, a talent, an intelligence, a skill, maybe it's an idea, and my goal in this course is to...
help you share it. I want to show you how to speak so people will listen. I want to show you how to build fulfilling and nourishing relationships and that I cannot wait to see you guys shine. So this all comes down to my favorite quote about people skills. It's how I like to kick off the course. Theodore Roosevelt says "The most important "single ingredient in the formula for success "is knowing how to get along with people." It makes everything easier and people skills touches so many areas of our life. So from getting hired to being in a committed relationship to working on a team to parenting children to talking on the phone to dealing with a boss or client, how many of you have ever had to deal with anything in that column? Yes. And writing an email, leading people, building friendships, acing a meeting, 'cause you should ace all your meetings, attending a party and connecting online. Yes? Yeah. People skills just touches every single area. So now I want to hear exactly what you need in your life. In the chat rooms at home, I want to know what are your people struggles? And here's my little add-on. What's holding you back from sharing your talent, skill or idea? And so I want to meet you guys, my lovely live audience. Tell me just your name, briefly who you are and what brings you here today. Sachit, will you start for us? So my name Sachit. I work as a marketer. I help companies get more customers. I was actually part of your body language course and I loved it so much that I'm back here. I was so excited to see that you were back. I was like yes, I can't wait! Sorry, I'm sorry, I interrupted your intro. No problem. And what I want to learn most about is how do like deal with clients and get better at connecting with them and also how to connect better with people when I'm out at bars at night. Yes, I love it. My name is Erica and I'm transitioning to be a nutritional therapy and eating psychology coach and so I really want to be able to connect with my clients and develop a safe space for them and really that they know that I'm with them and partnering with them and so people skills is gonna really be at the core of that. So I'm really looking forward to this. I love that you're transitioning. Thank you for coming here and letting us support you in that. Yeah. Yes. Hi, I'm Kim Nickel and I'm a meditation teacher here in Silicon Valley and a lot of the people I work with we sometimes don't talk the same language. So I'm wanting to learn how I myself can be better at this and also understand more about the people that I'm working with.
Yeah, I love it, how to reach them. Yeah. Mm hmm. I'm Michael. I'm transitioning from Internet marketing to body language.
Whew and you came all the way from the Netherlands for this course. Yeah, just to be here.
I'm so honored, yes. I always talk better to computers, but now I want to get the confidence to actually talk to people and that's what I'm here for. Yeah, we're gonna get it so you look forward to talking to people as much as computers. Yes. I'm Lacy. I help people launch products and programs online and in physical print and I would like to learn how to better understand what people need but also how to lead in a better way so that they feel heard but also so that I can impart my expertise. I love it, feeling heard and that's a big skill that we're gonna talk about in the course. Hi, my name is Maggie Hudson and I am a wedding, event, and portrait photographer and I'm actually here because I'm transitioning into wanting to teach more of the skills that I already have to other people and I need to know how to teach better to groups and also to be on camera and talk and communicate my ideas clearly. And you might recognize Lacy and Maggie. Lacy is my fabulous model for all my body language pictures and a friend and a supporter of Science of People and Maggie takes all those photos. So you might recognize them from the last course. Hi, I'm Jason. I am a coach that helps people lose weight and get stronger. My goal for this course, actually I met you at a previous course with Ramit. My goal for this course is to connect better with my ideal clients and also be able to teach my other coaches how to connect with people. Yeah, absolutely, teaching and leading. Hi, I'm Terry. Currently I'm doing graphics and animations for kids apps, but the thing is and it's fun, but I work at home and actually I've been working at home for like the last 10 years and so I came here because I just when I do get out, I need to do a better job of talking to people when I am out.
Yeah, absolutely. I'm Arianna. I am a biomedical engineer, a fashion designer and a writer.
Whew whew, I like all those skills. I really am excited about this class 'cause I think it'll help me interact with all of the different people I come across, whether they be engineers or business people or artists. I want to be able to communicate effectively with all of them across any range of topic.
Fabulous, multidimensional communication, yeah. Hi, I'm Allie Erwin and I'm a life coach and I love working with people. So I'm here to level up my people skills and just take everything to the next level.
Yeah. Hi, I'm Vanessa Donnelley. I'm an art director and graphic designer. I'm traveling around the US in my RV right now and I'm meeting new people every day. So I really need to work on my people skills and yeah, just exploring entrepreneurship. What an amazing adventure. I mean I hope that we hear more about that in the course. My name is Joshua and I'm a college student trying to be a social psychologist to help people break their insecurities. I'm taking this class to be able to, what's it called, genuinely connect with people and be able to influence people through body language.
Yeah, cool. Hey, I'm Pratima. I'm a business consultant and I'm kind of transitioning from going from the business side of things to personal side of things for entrepreneurs and I want to be able to connect and also teach that without sounding like an extreme business person.
Yeah, I got it. Yeah, I'm Babar. I am a wedding photographer and a cinematographer. I love people and the purpose for being at this course so I can connect better with my clients, understand their need and I really love people so why not connect better with them and have a bigger group of friends? Yeah, expand that network, I love it. Hi, my name is Lee and I'm a freelance graphic designer as well as a small business owner and I want to learn how to communicate more effectively, but as well as sell myself and for my business. Yeah and in chat rooms, what are some people struggles? Do they relate? I hope that everyone feels like yes, I want that too. They totally do and we've got a truly international audience. As always, you're doing great live. So welcome to everybody. We've got Tunisia, we've got Malaysia, we got Melanie from the Netherlands, she can't believe, Michael, that you've come all this way, so she's very, she may be jealous as well actually, and then we've got the UK on the line and we got a comment in already from Mark and he said "Hi, Vanessa, I'm watching from the UK. "I want to wish you loads of success with this course. "I'm really looking forward to the presentation of content." All right, thank you for that. I can use all the good luck I can get. Going live is rough. So I thought we'd get down to what do I mean when I say people skills. What exactly is that? So people skills, also known as often called interpersonal intelligence, soft skills, social intelligence, social skills, PQ, emotional intelligence. In this course I'm gonna be referring to it a lot as PQ, our people intelligence, the flip side of IQ, the people smarts to book smarts and the real definition of people skills is being able to interact, understand, and communicate effectively with all the people in our lives, whether that's professionally, romantically, or socially. Now, here are the four things that I think that people skills gives you among many things, but it allows us to be likable without having to be people-pleasers. It allows us to be assertive and direct with our opinions without being aggressive. We can be open and candid without creating resentment with the people that we're with and lastly it helps us be influential as opposed to manipulative. We can increase our impact in an authentic way. I like to call this the glue of success, that you can't have high success without people skills. It's what makes success stick. I also like to joke that it's the social lubricant of relationships. It just makes everything a little bit smoother. It makes your interactions glide a little easier. So there are three different aspects to people skills and this is kind of how I'm gonna break up the course. So first you have the self. How do you tick? What makes you work? What is your personality type? Then we're gonna talk about reading others. So what makes them tick? What are their values? What are their motivations? How do they like to communicate? And then we're gonna put them together for the interaction, the building the relationship, us and them and both of us feeling like we're respected and to do this I've created 33 different people skills. So these are the people skills that highly successful people know and use and we have about one a day over the course of 30 days. I'm gonna talk about the science, case studies, stories, my audience is gonna get interactive, you at home are gonna get interactive and this becomes your people encyclopedia. So I built this course so like an encyclopedia you can use it any time as a reference. So what I mean by that is you might be watching this course right now for your business, right, to get clients to sell things, but maybe in a few months you'll want the romantic side, maybe you'll want to level up on one of your relationships or change some romantic interactions. Maybe in two years you'll be doing it for social interactions. I want it to be so that you use this as a reference guide forever, that whatever you're dealing with in your life you can pull out the section of our giant mega 150-page workbook and know exactly where you want to go. So this is all about leveling up. I heard someone mention level up, yes, Allie, that you want to level up your people skills, you want to level up your business, you want to up your income, you want to up your life one, two, three levels. Everything is about leveling up and I'm gonna ask you to level up a lot. We're gonna go deep, I'm gonna challenge you and I can't wait. I'm gonna challenge myself as well. A little bit about me and what makes us different. So I'm Vanessa. I run the Science of People. It's a human behavior research lab in Portland, Oregon and we study science-based people skills, what makes people do what they do and we have a very unique way of teaching people skills and I think that one of the reasons why this resonates with so many people around the world, we have the most incredible students, is because of a secret sauce. Whenever I say secret sauce I like want to say it with an Italian accent. I'm like a secret sauce. I've like offended every Italian watching. I won't do that anymore. I'm done with the horrible Italian accent. So my secret sauce, the first ingredient is that everything we teach is science based. I believe that if we are going to actually make behavior change, we have to know it works and it has to be backed up in research-backed, peer-review journaled, academic-institution science. So a little bit about what went into this course. So this course is eight years in the making. We've been collecting research on this for eight years. We have over 1400 studies that make up this course. I counted last night, we have over 2,000 slides, if you get to the end of the course, all 30 days, over 286 books and we've gone back through 200 years of people research. So looking back to see over the decades what have we found, what have been proven wrong, what has been proven right and we've had four amazing research interns at Science of People helping me gather this data. The second aspect of what makes our special sauce is that it's applicable. There are tons of people skills courses and books out there and I've read all of them, I need all the help I can get, and I found that a lot of them were very interesting, well written, informative. But after a few days, nothing really changed or I would read it and not know how to use it, not know how to apply it in my life. So the second most important part of our course is making sure that it's actionable and applicable for you, that everything we teach you know exactly how to use it and you can use it right a way. Here's the first way that we're gonna do it. In your free bonus materials, I want you to take out your calendar. I have a 30-day calendar. Everyone in the audience, you guys should have those printed out. This is the first way that we make this course applicable is we're gonna talk about real events that you have coming up in your calendar. We're gonna actually address things. So it's not just theoretical. We're gonna get ready for the next 30 days and hopefully the next three months and the next three years. So what I want you to do is go to your calendar and transfer what you have coming up in the next 30 days with people, meetings, coffees, dates, parties, 'cause that's what we're gonna address directly as we're learning. The second way that we make this course applicable is I talk about real people in your life who you're dealing with and I want to share the hierarchy of relationships, how we break down the level of relationships and people in our life. So at the very top, ourselves. At the next level is what we call our intimates. This is one, maybe two people who are incredibly close to you. It could be a partner, it could be a best friend. It's someone who knows you incredibly well and you know them incredibly well and as we're filling this out, in your workbook, I have a blank one for you, I want you to fill out the people in your life who fall on each level. The next level we have our personal group, our personal relationships. These are our close friends, siblings, family members, people who are part of our support system that we see on a regular basis that we enjoy spending time with. Next are our social connections. So these are people who we see on a regular basis, we see them out. They could be colleagues. They're in your calendar a lot. You might have mutual friends. Then we get to the two bottom levels, acquaintances and strangers, people that we don't know as well. So what I want you to do is fill out at least one person for each category to really think about the real people in your life. These are the reason that you're taking this course, yourself and all of those relationships with you and then I want you to do one more thing. I want you to pick a riser. A riser is someone in your life who you want to level up. You want to build a deeper connection. It could be a client that you want to go deeper with, could be a spouse that you just want to really build that relationship, could be a friend or a friend of a friend or an old friend. It's someone who you really want to go deeper with. This course we're gonna be keeping them top of mind 'cause I want to give you the skills to be able to connect with them in that way. So I'd love to ask our audience at home and here, who is your riser? Who are you here to connect with, to learn how to connect with? Erica, would you mind sharing, yeah? Yeah, I have a college roommate that we lived together for several years, but it's been about 10 since we've really been in touch and we're now just starting to reconnect and so I'm really excited to keep her top of mind to get our connection back and then get a level up from there. And all 30 days you can practice reaching out to her with some of the techniques. You can tell her I'm a 30-day course. If I start emailing you weird questions, that's why. Give her the warning or you can just totally surprise her.
Yes. (laughs) Who else has a riser that you want to share? Someone who they want to really step it up with? Yeah, Lace. A prospective client. So I've worked with him in several other capacities and I want to work directly with him in what he's doing. I believe in what he's doing, it's really interesting. Okay, cool and you've already started that relationship and you just want to make it official. Yes. All right, I got it. Someone have a family relationship? Someone in their personal life that they want to level up? Yeah, tell me. I wanted to do that with my daughter. It's not that I don't connect with her, it is that I do not understand some of the things and it will be wonderful to know that other side of her that she doesn't like to share. Yeah, fantastic, connecting with your daughter. Oh, I can't wait to hear how that goes. Is there anyone in the chat room? Who are their risers? Who do they really want to connect with?
Let's ask that question. Yeah, so while I hear from that, I want to give you the third part of my secret sauce and that is anti-boring. So I do not like boring. I know. (laughs) I know that your time is precious, right. 30 days is a lot of time. So I want to make sure that everything I do is informative. I want you to laugh, I want you to be entertained, I want you to be inspired. My greatest wish is that you can't wait to get home and to watch your hour segment or you're like ah, I gotta watch it during lunch or I gotta watch it before breakfast. I want to entertain you as well as inspire you as well as teach you. That is my goal and I also believe, and this is a great quote by Warren Bennis, that "Boredom only occurs when you fail "to make the other person interesting." So I not only want to be entertaining for you, but I also want to show you that every single person is interesting. There is something you can find out about them. It's your job to discover it. For example, I have a couple of kind of fun people facts to just convince you that people are fascinating. For example, did you know that students with names that begin with A or B have significantly higher grade point averages than those with names that begin with C or D? And by the way, this pattern stops after these first four letters. Somehow, what? Somehow in our life we are primed by the first letter of our name. People are fascinating. How about this one? What does your pet say about you? So research shows that our pets actually say quite a bit about our personality. For example, fish owners are by far the happiest pet owners. They report the highest happiness levels. Does anybody have a fish? Who's happy? Are you really happy? You're the happiest. According to the research, you're the happiest of all pet owners. Everyone at home is like well I'm really happy and I'm a dog owner. I'm really happy, I love my cat. I have you covered, I have you covered. So dog owners, statistically speaking, are the most fun to be with. Oh! (laughs) Who has a dog, who has a dog? Oh well, it's gonna be fun, right, with you here. Yeah. Cat owners are the most dependable and loyal and emotionally sensitive as well. You guys are in tune with your emotion. Who's a cat owner? You think that's true? Are you dependable? I definitely think that's true. Yeah, you guys are loyal and dependable. So that's cat owners and I actually don't have a cat, but all of my friends who are cat owners are exactly this, dependable and beautifully emotionally sensitive. Reptile owners, do we have any reptile owners? They are the most independent. So all my reptile owners, you guys statistically speaking are the most independent. So I share these statistics to prove to you that people are indeed fascinating. I hope to uncover some very interesting people stats over the next 30 days. So I want to share a little bit about why I do this work. I am a recovering awkward person. So I shared in my last course that there was a long time, especially in elementary school, high school and part of college, where people situations made me incredibly uncomfortable and because I was uncomfortable, I got really awkward and it was this terrible feedback loop where my discomfort was more awkward and then I was more uncomfortable. So I was plagued by people struggles. Looking back, I know exactly what was wrong. At the time I didn't. Looking back, I had an incredibly hard time establishing rapport with people when I first met them. I just didn't know how to connect. I had a ton of miscommunications with friends, with teachers, with parents. I did not know how to communicate effectively. I also know that I left a very bad first impression because I was so uncomfortable and so awkward. I felt uncomfortable being myself and I think that that made people uncomfortable. Now, this all came to a head for me, there was a moment where I realized I had to actually do something about it. I always knew that I was uncomfortable with people, but I didn't know exactly how to change it and there was a moment in my life, it was freshman year at college, I went to Emory University in Atlanta, fantastic school, and it was rush week. So that's the week where Greek fraternities and sororities rush people and one of the things you do during rush week is you go to parties, big parties and we're gonna talk about in this course how parties aren't really my thing. So I go to a sorority event and at this event sorority sisters like walk around and they talk to you and they see if you're a right fit for their sorority and this was one of those moments where I was trying really hard, like I so wanted to be picked, I so wanted to be liked. I felt like this was my chance to start over, right, like I'm in college, maybe if I have a group of women who I can meet, like I'll feel like I belong, which I didn't really feel like in high school. So at this party I'm trying, I'm talking to people, I'm like okay, like I'm just gonna be out of my shell, I'm gonna be really friendly, it's gonna be okay and I walk into the bathroom about maybe 2/3 of the way through the party and I go into one of the stalls and it was one of those bathrooms that has stalls like kind of around the corner and right behind me I hear two other girls walk in and I can hear that they are two girls that I was talking to earlier and I don't know if they didn't know or they didn't care that anyone else was in the bathroom, but they started to talk about other people at the party, like other girls, who they liked, who they didn't like, and like my stomach dropped, right, because I'm like oh my god, like what are they gonna say, like what are they gonna say about me, like do they like me. So they're going through people and that night I was in a blue dress and they said "How about that girl in the blue dress?" And I will never forget what they said. They said "I barely remember her at all." One of them said "How about the one in the blue dress? "I don't really remember her." They said "She didn't seem friendly. "She was so stand-offish." I was sitting there and I was like devastated 'cause my goal that night was to be friendly, right, like all I wanted was for them to like me and clearly something I was doing was not working. If you've ever had someone talk badly about you, it's one of the worst feelings that you can imagine, but it spurs change. So in that moment I decided I needed to start studying people. That is when I decided to take my first psychology class. That's when I started to turn to the research 'cause that was the only thing that I knew that could possibly fix it and I found this study and it was this study that actually started me on my path to realizing that maybe there's some science or some learning that I can do to change things. It's done by Naomi Eisenberger at UCLA. What she found was that in the brain, physical pain and social pain are the same. Meaning that when we feel left out or when someone speaks badly about us or we feel rejected, the part of the brain that lights up is the same as if we got punched in the face or kicked in the gut or cut on the arm and that was like a light bulb. I was like that is why it hurts so much. That fear of rejection is what makes me so afraid and what makes me so awkward. I also started to learn how connection nourishes us, that connection makes us better humans and so Dr. Thomas Lewis found that we rely on connections to others for our own emotional stability and happiness and when we lack closeness, when we don't have those nourishing relationships, we have lower life satisfaction, we're unhappy with all our entire life, everything, our career, our spouse, our money, our relationships. We have increased loneliness. Loneliness is a really, really hard feeling, right. There's it's a really dark place and we have decreased immune function. The fact that our connections could actually change our body, they could change our physiology. Now, we talk about that a lot in the Power of Body Language course, but I didn't know that relationships could also change us and I've been trying to explore that relationship for many years, which is what we're teaching in this course. Now, I want to bust a couple of myths here about people skills before we get too deep into the science, which is that people skills don't matter. People tell me eh, it's a soft skill, it doesn't matter. So it's my job today to convince you otherwise. The science, successful people skills make you more successful in every area of your life. This is what I've been saying. Here's the science to prove it. One Finnish study followed 292 students for 18 years. Okay, they tested them when they were in high school and college and they followed them all the way through. Here's what they found. There was a direct correlation between high people intelligence and ease of finding work as soon as they graduated, happiness levels 15 years later. So people who had high people skills in school had higher happiness levels 15 years later. They also made more income 15 years later and let me explain those numbers. So Dr. Daniel Goleman found that 90% of high performers also have high PQ. But just 20% of low performers are high in PQ. So people skills make for more success. So investing in your people skills is investing in your career growth, your financial success, and your happiness for the rest of your life. I believe the number was that people who are higher in people skills make an average of $29,000 more per year. That is a huge difference, that people skills really is the glue of success and we're gonna talk about this in three different areas. Professionally, collaboration, dealing with clients, colleagues, networking, and pitching your idea, selling yourself, selling your talent, selling your service. Socially, making awesome first impressions, friendships, small talk, memorability, and influence in social settings and of course a little bit of love. Romantically, with relationships, building attraction, finding connection and building loving, nourishing relationships. That's day 18, 19, and 20. Myth number two, my people skills are awesome. I don't need any help. So, I'm sure your people skills are awesome, but here's a finding that we found. 96% of people rate their PQ as higher than it actually is. 96% of people, that's a lot of people. That's a lot of people that rate their PQ as higher than it actually is and I call this the boiling frog syndrome. So sometimes we get students who come to our website or come to our courses when they're already boiled. The boiling frog syndrome is that if you put a frog in a pot of water and you turn it to boil, the frog doesn't notice that it's slowly getting hotter and hotter until it's already boiling. So this happens with people skills. They come to my course when they realize they've already had a conflict, they've already had a massive miscommunication, they've a breakup that they didn't expect, it's already, things have already happened. I don't want you to be a boiling frog. I want you to come before it's too late, before you know that you need it. We don't realize how bad a situation is until it is too late. You can actually test your people skills. One of my challenges at the end of the day is going to be to go on our website. We have free tests on testing your people skills, ScienceOfPeople.com/PQ. You can rank and see how you actually do, if you're actually 96% of people or you're that little 4%. I wanted to pull a quick question from that people skills questionnaire, see how we do here in the audience. So number one, night owls are on average more, is it A creative, risky, and impulsive, is it B powerful, energetic, and charismatic, C neurotic, sensitive, and funny, or is it D logical, disciplined, and people-pleasers. This has been repeated over and over again that night owls have a certain set of characteristics. What do you think? So how many people think it's A? All right, quite a few. How many people think it's B? How many people think it's C? How many people think it's D? All right, so the answer is, you guys got it. Your people skills are so high, I love it. Now, the funny thing is D is morning people. All right, so morning people are typically known as logical, disciplined, and people-pleasers. On the personality scales, that's how they typically rank. So even just knowing that about a person can give you a little clue to at least ask some questions to verify their personality. Number two, how big can we expand our personal network without losing deep connections? Research has found that in the brain, our brain can only handle so many connections at once. It's called Dunbar's number. So is it A 25 people, B 75 people, C 150 people or D 300 people? How many think A? How many think B? C? D? Alright, we have a little bit more varied response this time and the answer is C 150 people. This is Dunbar's number. So Dunbar found that based on the size of our neocortex our brain cannot handle more than 150 different connections and by the way, 12 people is the best number for personal cliques, for those personal level on the hierarchy of relationships. I find this fascinating 'cause if you're building a community, if you're having a party, if you're throwing a wedding, if you're trying to build a group of people in a community or in an office, more than 150 people and you lose the sense of community. That is one of the reasons why a lot of dorms in colleges go for 150 people. It's because they know that's when you still have that sense of community, where you can see someone in the hallway and be like hey, what's up? After 150 people, we can't do it anymore. We lose that sense of connection. Myth number three. Are you just going to teach me how to be an extrovert? So a lot of people think, and unfortunately a lot of experts out there who teach people skills, they do just teach you how to be an extrovert. That is absolutely not what this course is about. High people skills is not about being an extrovert. I want to show you how to design your unique brand of charisma. This could be a quiet power. This could be a bubbly extrovert. This could be a strong leader. I want you to design exactly how you want to come across and that does not mean being an extrovert or being outgoing. That's a big myth that I hope we can bust in this course. Now, let me talk about a little bit of science around charisma. So, research found that what makes up charisma is two factors, that people who are high in warmth and high in competence, has to be both, also rank high in charisma. So what does that mean exactly? If we take warmth by itself, you're sweet but not powerful, you're compassionate but you're not competent, you're relatable but you're not impressive. But if you take competence by itself, you're smart but you're not approachable, you're dependable but you're not collaborative, you have difficulty in teams, you're important but you're not seen as kind. It's the perfect mix of warmth and competence that makes someone charismatic and you can do that in a way that feels natural to you. So for this course, we are going to be focusing on this level of the quadrant, right. So people who are warm but incompetent we often pity or dismiss them. People who are cold and competent cause fear and envy. People who are cold and incompetent create contempt and resentment. I want us right here where warmth and competence meet so that when you meet people, you have admiration and respect. That's what comes from true authentic charisma. Here's what you will discover in this course. So first, my ideal self. Who do I want to be on my best day? Second, my real self. So who am I? And then third, of course, is where do my ideal and real selves differ? Where are there differences between the two? And fourth, this is where we're gonna spend a lot of time on, my action steps. How do I bring my real self and my ideal self together in action steps? And then of course, how do I build relationships that help support and encourage both? That's the structure of the course. So I think we should get started. What do you think, yeah? All right. So let's get started on our first PQ skill. This is PQ skill number one, which is endeavor to discover. As an expert in people, which you will be by the end of the course, the more you uncover the more you will discover and the reason why this is number one is because we have to want to know about people and forgive me while I get corny, but I want us to be the Sherlock Holmes of people, I want us to be the Christopher Columbus of humanity. I want is to be the Nancy Drew of relationships and whichever one relates to you the best, that's the mentality I want us to harness and the reason for that is because typically we think about relationships, we think about them and our interactions like a big black box. So it's this big black box and we meet someone and we think do they like me? Do I like them? What should I say? How do I make a connection? How do I end this conversation? Right, we're like trying to figure things out the whole time we're in an interaction. We're just not sure what to say or what to do. I would love to hear what are some of the things that go through your head when you first meet someone? Right off the top of your head. Yeah, Lacy.
Do they want to talk to me? Do they want to talk to me? Right, the need, the desire to talk to me. What else? What else do we think? Yeah, Michael. What was their name again? Oh, the name! What was their name? We are gonna remember. I'm gonna teach you my trick for remembering names. Jason, I saw your hand. What do they think of me? What do they think of me, yeah. I saw more hands in the back. Yeah. Will I bore them? Will I bore them? Am I boring? Absolutely. Pratima, I think I saw your hand up, yeah. Am I disturbing them? Am I disturbing them, yeah. Am I going into their energy space in a weird way? So all of these things happen and it's kind of messy, right. Interactions, when you think about people, it's like you're both trying to judge each other and you're like what's happening. You just don't know what to do or what to think. So I started to realize that there has to be a different way. There has to be a different way. So in my studies, I was going into three different kinds of research. I was looking at brain science, relationship psychology, and communication research, which are sort of different areas and as I was collecting research, building up our database, at Science of People we have a big database of studies that we keep, I started to notice that there were patterns, that even though they were different areas of science, there were things that people were finding that were the same. There was overlap and more overlap and so I started to follow the patterns, look for what's the tie in here, how can we make sense of it and how can we use it in our interactions and that's when I made a discovery. Guys, I'm really excited about this. This took a lot of years, okay. So what I found was this pattern and it's a very different way to interact. That every human is made up of five parts. At our very core, we have two main parts. It's our intelligence and our values. Our intelligence is our talents and our skills. There are nine different kinds of intelligence that were discovered by Dr. Howard Gardner. On the other side of our core, we have our values. There are nine different value languages. The value languages are how we make decision, how we know what motivates us. They help us see what drives people at our inner core. On the next level, we have our love languages or our appreciation languages and there are five love languages. Our love languages are how we express our core. It's how we express our values and our talents to the world. It's also how we feel appreciated, how we feel our talents and our value languages have worth. On the very outer ring, we have five different personality traits and research has found that there are five different parts of our personality that we can very accurately predict. It's called the five factor model and they are openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Neuroticism is the hard one. When we know this about people, I call this the human matrix. The pretty version, the non-drawn version, is right here and like this shape when I look at it, it like kind of gives me tingles, guys, like it's like a little baby. It's really, it's we worked so hard to simplify all of the people science into something that is digestible, that can be done instantly when you first meet someone. When you are given this shape, it is like being given the formula to a really difficult math problem that you've been trying to solve your entire life. It changes the way that you interact with people and the entire course is gonna be focused on building this out and teaching you how to read it and I can't wait to figure out what all your human matrices are. This brings me to my people skill number two. So since today's a two-hour session, I wanted to do two different people skills. Harnessing intelligence. We each have a unique intelligence and set of talents. This is right here. So we're starting right at our core. Dr. Howard Gardner is the one who developed the theory of multiple intelligence and what he decided is that IQ is not enough. IQ doesn't say enough about us. Our SAT scores, they don't talk about real intelligence. So he started to do research on the different types of intelligence and he found that there are nine different ways that we are smart. So what I want us to do is I'm gonna teach you these nine different intelligences and what's gonna happen is as I'm teaching them you're gonna be like mm that's not me, that's not me and then you're gonna see one and you're gonna be like oh that's me, that is totally me, that's all me. So this is your primary and secondary intelligence. Each of us have a primary, a first intelligence that really feels like us and one that kinda feels like us. Now of course we have basic intelligence in all of them. Even if you're not a linguistic or verbal intelligence person, you can still speak. That just might not be the top of mind. So I want you, as I teach these, to think about what your primary and secondary intelligence is. At home, I want you to put in the chat room which one resonates for you so we can learn which is your primary and secondary right along here in the live audience. So here are our nine different intelligences. This gives us a new kind of IQ. Number one is logical-mathematical. Logical-mathematical, their skills are in reasoning, calculating and solving problems. Their awareness is that they think conceptually, abstractly and are able to see and explore patterns. They love to experiment and solve puzzles and untangle riddles and they learn through logic games, investigations, and mysteries. Who is getting a gut hit? Who is this? All right, we have a couple I see. Tell me, tell me, is this you? I think so. I mean, yes. I mean, everything. Every single thing on this slide is you? Who else raised your hand? Michael, tell me. Yeah, I'm always, I'm a problem solver, so I usually say to people I'm always looking for trouble, I'm always looking for something to fix. Yeah, you're a problem solver, I love it. So the reason why these are important to know is 'cause it helps us know our own intelligence as well as recognize intelligence in others. All right, next one, musical-auditory. So the musical-auditory intelligence, their skills are they understand rhythm, tune, and sound. They have an awareness where they love music, lyrics, rhyming, and multidimensional acoustics. They're the people who like walk into a room and they're like wow, the acoustics are so good in here. Mm, yes, I love the acoustics and I'm like what? Like it's a room, I don't see it. I'm not really a musical-auditory intelligence. Their method is they have an ear for beats. They might use musical instruments or music technology. They learn through hearing, listening, and composition. So who feels like they might be musical-auditory? Could be a secondary or primary. We don't have any musical-auditory people in here. Anyone in the chat room feel like this is them? Yes, we have a lot of people saying no, this is not me to number one, but more and more people are actually saying yes, they're saying, Menamana is saying "I'm definitely a two." Menamana! There you are. There you go. It has to be. Menamana. Has to be. Oh, I'm not supposed to sing, singing is bad. Michelle is saying this is my daughter because she sings and plays piano by ear. Yeah and usually we can recognize and spot these intelligences very, very young. All right, number three, visual-spatial. Visual-spatial, skills, geometry, visual patterns, and spatial recognition. They are very aware of their environment, shapes and physical space. They love to draw and do puzzles, they read maps, and they love engaging in visual imagery. They learn through drawings, verbal, physical imagery, and they love graphics, charts, photographs, drawings, 3D modeling, video and face-to-face interaction. I bet you we have a lot of visual-spatial people watching. Who's visual-spatial? Who feels like this is them? A lot of people. All right, Lee, tell me about that. Yes, yes, and yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Right, you're like oh yeah, that is totally, totally me. I know we have a lot of photographers watching and they have an amazing ability for composition, color and setting, right. Their brain actually thinks that way. Number four, bodily-kinesthetic. Bodily-kinesthetic, their skills are they understand how to use the body effectively, from dancers to surgeons to triathletes to chiropractors. They have a keen body awareness and they understand movement in a very different way. Their method is they like to make things touch or manipulate objects. They want hands-on experience. They also can typically communicate and read body language very well. They learn through acting out, role playing, hands-on learning and they like practice or trial and error. They always want to try it, right. You tell them something, they're like give me an action step, give me a challenge. This is one of my learning styles, which is one of the reasons why informative people skills just weren't enough for me. Reading them, even seeing pictures or videos, I needed to actually try it for myself to be able to actually know it. Does anyone feel like they're bodily-kinesthetic? Yeah, Joshua, tell me. Definitely, anything that's physical, any kind of physical activity I love doing, I love pushing the body limit and just going as far as I can with the body. I just love any physical activity. And Jason, you work with the body all day long, right? So is this your primary? Maybe my secondary, but it's definitely a big part of what I do and I find actually when I'm talking with people, I tend to kind of say oh, you know, and it's sort of like I feel that connection. Yeah, you have high body touch, which is called haptics in body language. By the way, let's say that you're watching this and you're like I am just not sure. I have no idea if these are mine. At the end of today, I'm gonna give you a challenge where I want you to take an intelligence test. So we're actually gonna confirm your intelligence. So I want you to guess at home, your best guess primary and secondary because you're gonna confirm it at the end of today.
Interestingly, four has got some very much definite no, that is not me-- Definite no! Absolutely, but we definitely got some. Chris B. says "Yes, I'm a four." Adrian B. says "Yes, four 'cause I learn only." You, yes, yeah, exactly and it's funny how when you read it you're like that is so me or that is so not me, as people said I am so not four. All right, five, linguistic. So linguistic, they use words effectively with highly developed speaking and communication skills. Their awareness is they like to read, play word games, and make up poetry or stories. Their method is they love lectures, speakers, and are typically very good at foreign languages. They learn through discussion, debate, and reteaching. What do I mean by reteaching? So people who have a high linguistic intelligence, sometimes they actually need to explain it to someone else before they themselves get it. So if you are working with clients or you're working with people and you don't understand why they're constantly regurgitating your words at you. It might be because they're trying to reteach to process. That's how they themselves get it. One of the reasons that, one of the things that makes these intelligences so powerful is it helps us communicate with people on their level. It helps to understand ah, they're a visual learner, I need to bring more diagrams, charts, and graphs. Ah, they are not mathematical even though I am. I need to tone down the science, I need to tone down the numbers and I need to do more hands-on experience. Right, it's you adapting to the way that you share and also respecting their boundaries. So it's really powerful for both sides. Who thinks they're a linguistic? All right, yeah, Kim, tell me. I love words. Ever since I was a little kid I was always making up poems and stories and that's just something that is totally me. And are you a journaler? Yeah. That's right, yes. Typically people who are high linguistic, they are big journalers. They love writing exercises, they do like brain dumps where they're like ah, I have so much in my head, I just need to write it all out or talk it all out. All right, interpersonal is number six. Hint hint, this is a big part of this course. So interpersonal. Skills, they understand and interact with others well. They typically have many friends, high levels of empathy and what's called street smarts, they're good with people. Their method is they love building relationships, teamwork and collaboration. That's how they learn best. They learn through interaction, group activities, or dialogues. So the great thing about interpersonal intelligence is if you're low in interpersonal intelligence, this course absolutely can help 'cause we're gonna cover the basics from the ground up, but if you're already very high in interpersonal intelligence, I'm gonna teach you new skills that will help you leverage the intelligence that you already have, which is so much fun. Who thinks they're interpersonal? Yeah, tell me. You're my extrovert extrovert. Yeah. Yes. I love people. As a matter of fact, this morning I walked into the group here. I knew no one and I was the first one, hey guys, hi, how are you and I went ahead and met everyone. I kind of like derive energy from people. So that is that's all me. Okay, you said something super important. You said "I derive energy from people."
Yes. A lot of what these intelligence are about is where we get our energy, what lights our spark. Right, if you share with a visual learner something about the body and it's all a hands-on experiment, you're not being able to light their spark 'cause they're like I don't get it, like I don't relate to this. One of the things I try to do in this course is do like audio, visual, logical, hands on, so that whatever intelligence you have it's hitting you so I can light your spark in one way, shape, or form. So I love that you talk about deriving energy from people. In the chat room, do we have some IP people? We do have Frugi is saying "This is definitely not me, "which is why I'm here."
All right, welcome. Welcome, Frugi. Welcome, Frugi, yeah. Aaliyah Williams is saying "I'm not an introvert "to be clear, but I do think six is very much me." Yes, remember, thank you for this, people skills is not about being an extrovert. High interpersonal intelligence does not necessarily mean that you are an extrovert. So that is a myth that we are going to bust in this course. Seven, intrapersonal. Intrapersonal, their skills are they understand their own interests and goals. They're very in tune with their inner feelings, their intuition and their self-motivation. They have a strong sense of will, so big willpower, and they are very introspective. They learn best when they're independent. So they're independent learners and they like to internalize information before accepting it as truth. So they might hear something or learn something, but they need time to actually take it in, process it in their own head. Does anyone feel like this is them? Yeah, Maggie, tell me. It's definitely kind of a tie with the visual one, but the last one, how I learn is 100%. It takes me so long to internalize anything new and to like really accept it is what it is. Has that changed the way that you work with people or the way that you work with clients? Definitely, I learned very early on to not write emails or respond right away because I need to like digest what they've said and what I actually want to be able to like convey that. So that is leveraging, naturally leveraging your intrapersonal intelligence. Hopefully I can give you more skills to be able to do that so that it fits with you. Yeah. Naturalistic, so intelligence eight and nine are the most controversial. So Gardner argued that there were only seven intelligences, but there's been a lot of research that's done after his original studies and they have added, and it's still a little contentious, but I wanted to teach all nine, that naturalistic and spiritual are the last ones. So naturalistic intelligence is people who love being outside. They can read weather, earth patterns, and the natural environment. Their awareness, like trackers or botanists or wilderness guides or gardeners, they feel more at home in the natural world. They're interested in nurturing, exploring, and learning about the world around them constantly. Always they want to explore their environment. They're adventurers and they learn on location. They're the ones who like they bend down in the dirt and they're like oh, high sulfur, mm. Or like (murmurs). I'm like (moans). Right, so the naturalistic learners they love experimenting with their environment. Is anyone naturalistic here? Yes, tell me. Yeah, I pretty much just love being outside. Like if I stay in for too long, I get very anxious and just have to be outside. Even walking through the fog, I just I love just being outside in nature.
You love walking through the fog?
Yeah, I don't know, it just feels mysterious, like I can't see five feet in front of me, but I just love it. Yeah, okay, that is the perfect example of naturalistic intelligence. Is anyone in the chat room naturalistic? It's more rare? No, we haven't had too many eights, but Miss Nicki is saying "Naturalistic actually sounds really, really cool."
It's cool. And Rena is saying "I think I'm attracted to naturalists "even though I am definitely not one." Oh no, sorry. Joshua, whew whew! Yeah, there you see, absolutely.
You got some fans in the chat room. You are looking, aren't you? Absolutely. But actually Lee is our first. She's saying "Yes, I am naturalistic. All right, okay, so this resonates with her. Yes, it's much more rare. So the last one is the most rare and it is spiritual. So spiritual, they have skills with morality. They have very high morals. They are humble and they are gracious. They have so much gratitude. Their awareness is they have a higher purpose and they always put others' needs before them. They love to help people around them and they have very little self-interest. They learn through teaching, helping, and giving back. Mother Theresa I think is the ultimate spiritual intelligence, right. The humility that she had to just give back, that's the way that she contributed. That's the way that she learned was through giving. Does this resonate with anyone? Yeah, Allie, tell me. Well I felt like it resonated until you said Mother Theresa. That was a high bar, that was a high bar. We can take it down, we can't take it down a notch. Yeah, like her distant, distant cousin. But this is... (laughter) Like I just love to talk to people and know what's going on and even like the cab ride here and back every day, like I just want to know about and... See if I can help them. Like that's my gig.
And that's your job, right, that's what you're doing? Yeah and that lights me up. Yeah. How about in the chat room? Is any of this resonating with anyone? Yes, Chris P. is saying "I'd like to be a nine."
Yes, we all aspire to be a nine. But Melanie is saying, she's in the Netherlands and she's saying "Yes, that's definitely me." And other people are saying yeah, they feel they'd like to have some friends in number nine. Rena's saying that one. And Tessin is saying "I'm a nine, or at least I think I am." Yeah and so what I want you to do is in your workbook I have your blank matrix. This is waiting for you to fill up. I want you to put right at the core your primary and secondary intelligence. If you're not sure, if you want to confirm it with our intelligence test later, that's fine. Put it in pencil. You can always erase it later. I think it's fascinating to look at what you thought you were or maybe what you aspire to be and see if that's different from what actually happens on the test, right, to see the differences. The reason why this helps us, it helps us on two parts. Others. When we know other people's intelligence, we're able to search for and recognize their value. We meet someone, we want to know what is your talent. It also then helps us understand them and leverage their innate intelligence, whether that's with a client or a colleague or a child or a spouse. If you know where their skillset is, you can leverage it, for help or collaboration or teamwork. How about ourselves? So knowing our own intelligence, that helps us know our strengths, it helps us leverage our intelligence. What kind of projects do we do best on? What kind of relationships fulfill us? And lastly, that helps us build faster connections. If we know exactly what we need and how we like to do things it helps us speed up that first level of connection. So, talking about connection, we are about to talk about the path to connection. So reading the matrix, understanding our own matrix, it takes a couple of different people skills. So the way that I've decided to teach it is by breaking up the path to connection into five steps and every single step we're gonna learn the skills that we need, we're gonna slowly uncover layers of the matrix and I'll build you up to the skills you need. At the very beginning is our hook. Our hook is our first impression. This is the first few seconds of meeting someone. Let me give you some hook science. So Frank Bernieri found that we instantly judge someone's likability, self-assurance, and competence immediately within the first few seconds and this happens before we open our mouths. A lot of people, they think and we tell ourselves this, is that when we walk into a room our first impression isn't made until we start speaking. Actually our first impression happens the moment we walk through the door. That's when people start to say how likable are they, how competent are they, how warm are they, how charismatic are they. What they found is that we are 76% accurate with our first impressions. That's pretty incredible that we actually can accurately speed read people and now we're gonna be talking about speed reading and I want to teach you how to hone that first impression, to trust that first impression, but intuitively already when we meet someone we are very accurate with our judgment of someone. The crazy part is even when we're wrong, we rarely change our minds. So even with that other small percent of wrong, if we find out later that someone maybe they were having a bad day, unfortunately we make a rule in our heads for how we think someone is and things only become the exception to that rule, the rule rarely changes. So we have to make sure our first impression is awesome and that's what step one is all about with the hook. Here is what we're gonna learn in the hook. So day two, we're gonna pave the way, detox your life. Day two is about resetting and rebooting. Before I come in and teach you a ton of new people skills, I wanted to clear the way, make space for connection. So I'm gonna teach you how to say no and how to set boundaries. I'm gonna show you how to deal with toxic people so you can replace toxic relationships with nourishing ones and then I want to make space for you to be your best self, which is exactly what we want for the rest of the course. Day three is about harnessing charisma. So harnessing charisma, we talked a lot about charisma also in our body language course. In this course it's going to be about mastering your presence. I'm going to go into the science of charisma, what makes someone charismatic and my favorite part is we're gonna develop our personal mission statements, which is a huge part of charisma and living with intention. Four, day four we're gonna talk about captivating your audience, making that awesome first impression, captivating a room and commanding authentic attention. Not all attention is created equal. So I want us to know how to create authentic attention that we design, that we're in control of. So, moving right along. After our hook and our first impression, we go into the deposit part of connection. So what do I mean by deposit? Stephen Covey came up with the idea of emotional bank accounts, that as humans it's like we're walking around with these little emotional bank accounts, it's like we're like an ATM and all day long we make deposits in other people's emotional bank accounts and we want deposits back in ours. So in this level of connection, it's about building rapport, it's about exchanging of emotional deposits. That's what gets someone to be like huh, I want to connect with this person. So what makes them oh, oh yeah, I want to give you some deposit science from the National Science Foundation. So our brains process 500 words per minute. Okay, that's the max. Our process can process that many words per minute. The problem is at the fastest we speak at 150 words per minute, right. It'd be really hard for someone to speak that quickly. So how do we positively fill that other space? When someone's speaking or you're speaking to them, their brain is doing a lot of other things. It's crunching all those things in that black box. How do we fill that positive space with emotional deposits? How do we captivate them and spark them so they feel like yeah, I like the way this feels, I like the way this connection is going. So here are the days for the deposits. Number five, create spark. In create spark, I'm gonna show you how to unleash your inner rockstar or your inner diva, whatever it is that you like. Whatever's inside that's awesome, I want to bring it out. I'm gonna show you how to elevate your confidence. So spark is all about contagious confidence and I'm gonna show you how to increase your impact around the people who you meet. Number six, the art of conversation. So I want to teach you how to be a master conversationalist. Right, the art and science of small talk and this is gonna take your conversations to the next level because it's all about how to engage, creating a deep level of engagement. That's what fills our emotional bank accounts the most when we feel like we're engaged and then I have a surprise day. So day seven, I'm not gonna tell you, but I want to teach you the best kept secret of socially successful people. That's surprise day seven. It's a good one. It's gonna be a party. All right, are you excited? Is that like a lot of anticipation? Yes. So next comes fracking, emotional fracking, not the other kind of fracking. We are going to dig deep into people. Fracking is all about cracking the surface, going below and finding all that goodness that's below the surface and that's what fracking is all about. So some fracking science for you. MIT Media Lab does some wonderful research on relationships and what they've found is that people rarely remember our name. They usually don't remember what we wore or what we said. They remember what it feels like to be with you. They don't remember what was said. They remember the feeling that you gave them in their guts and in their brain and so fracking is all about making them feel good, making that memory of what it was like to be with you as positive as possible and this is all about meeting people's needs. So I want to teach you Maslow's hierarchy of needs and we're gonna be referring to this throughout the course. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is what we need as humans to survive. On the very basic level, we have our physiological needs, so food, water, shelter, right, what we need to survive. Once we have our physiological needs met, we look for security, lack of danger, minimizing threats. Then comes relational needs. So we search for belonging, intimacy and friendships. The way that I like to think about Maslow's hierarchy of needs is has anyone ever seen The Walking Dead? Right, or any kind of zombie or survival show. What's happening in that show and in movies like that is characters are constantly moving up and down the hierarchy of needs, right. So what happens in The Walking Dead or any zombie show is they get attacked by zombies, they lose everything, right. The first thing they try to do always is find food, water, and shelter, basic needs. Once those are met, the characters are like okay, secure the premises and they like get out their weapons and they make a wall and they're like how can we make it more secure. They're meeting their second level of needs. After that is when the romance starts to bloom. They're like oh wow, I think I have a little crush on her, they start to develop friendships. They've climbed up one more level on the hierarchy of needs. Then comes esteem needs, confidence, accomplishment, success. It's our feeling that we are doing what we need to be doing to accomplish and achieve. In zombie shows, this is when they start running for mayor. Right? This is when they're like we need to have a board of directors and we need to vote on who's in charge here, right. They've met one, two, three, they're on the fourth and they're like yeah, okay, now I want to have achievement and success. We can't help it, we can't help but go up these needs and the very top one is self-actualization. This is legacy fulfillment, creativity, living to potential, exploring all of our creative juices, using our imagination, feeling like we're here for a reason. Some people spend their entire lives trying to get to the top. This course is about getting all the way up there. We're talking about the top three needs, relational needs, esteem needs, and self-actualization and that's in the show, the zombie show when they're like why am I here? Whenever you see a character on one of those shows who's like what's the meaning of life, why am I here, they're about to lose everything, right. A bunch of zombies are about to come and they're gonna go right back down to the bottom of the hierarchy. Not to be a plot spoiler, but that's exactly how they write those shows. You always know a big attack is coming when they're starting to do that. So fracking is all about those levels, starting to climb those levels and meet people's needs. Day eight and nine, how to be memorable. This is your social superpower. I want to increase your likability on a likability spectrum and I want to start to fight your nerves. So I know that interactions can sometimes be nerve wracking and this is where I want to start giving you tools to take anxiety and nerves out of interactions. Number nine, be the highlight. This is actually one of my favorite days, be the highlight. I love talking about highlighters. I'm gonna teach you how to light up the room. You know those people who walk into a room and just everyone wants to know them? That's what I want to teach you how to do. I'm gonna teach you the art of genuine charm. Charm kinda gets a bad rap, right. Charmed people are like oh, charm, it's kinda skeezy and I'm not sure. So I want to teach you how to be genuinely charming in your own way and then I want to teach you how to be socially attractive, how to attract people to you socially to want to build relationships with you. Moving up, all right, the path to connection. Next is bonding. Bonding is when we finally start to get into the personality matrix. So that's the five different factors of personality, openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness and neuroticism. So here's what we're gonna learn for that. We're gonna talk about the new golden rule. So the golden rule, what's the golden rule? Someone tell me what the golden rule is. Yes. Treat others as you want to be treated. Yeah, I like the golden rule, I do like it, but I think that we can do better. I think we can do better than the golden rule. I think we can do the platinum rule. The platinum rule is much better than the golden rule. The platinum rule says treat others as they would treat themselves. This course is not about putting your needs into others' needs. It's about meeting their needs. Now, you come first, right? It's like putting an oxygen mask on a plane. You want to make sure that your oxygen mask comes on first, which is exactly what detox is all about, but then it's about respecting other people's boundaries, how they communicate and their intelligence types. So you're treating them as they would treat themselves, not as you would like to be treated, which is a slight different and it really elevates, levels up our game. Here's how we do it. Three days. The personality matrix. We're gonna find out how others see you. We're gonna understand how people work and I'm gonna teach you the secrets of personality, which is really fun and sexy science. 11, optimizing interaction. This is where I'm gonna teach you what makes people tick. I also want to show you how to design your personality. This is where we really design, optimize who you are and we're gonna reinforce our strengths and lessen our limits. We want to leverage our limits. Day 12 is about speed reading people. So trusting your first impression. Remember how I talked about how first impressions are super accurate. I want to teach how to A make them more accurate, so I want your first impressions to be 100% accurate, and I want to teach you how to trust your gut when you first meet someone. I want to show you how to bond quickly and the art and science of speed reading people and we are gonna come back to intelligence obviously a lot through the course, that's just the foundation of the course. Yeah, go ahead. So as someone who was part of the body language course, and I'm sure people who are watching are wondering too, how is this different to that and how does this like complement that? Perfect, thank you. So we are not doing any of the same material from the body language course. In fact, and this was a fun and big challenge, is I made them like sister courses. So the body language course and this course can stand completely separately, but if you want to they do fit perfectly together. So in your free bonuses I have a worksheet where I list all 20 laws of body language and the 33 people skills and I show how they work together. So combining non-verbal and verbal, we're doing a lot of verbal techniques, relational techniques, combining them it elevates the game, but they absolutely can live separately. So there's not gonna be any duplicate. They should perfectly match. All right, back to the path to connection. So we talked about hook, deposit, fracking, bonding, and lastly connecting. So before I start this section, one of the questions that we talk a lot about in this section is answering this. When I interact with people I am afraid that? So at home, I want you to get deep. If you're willing to share with me, I would love to hear. When you interact with people, what are you afraid will happen? What are you afraid they'll find out or you will do? And this course I make everyone sort of dig deep into that, but I would love it if someone was willing to share what are they afraid will happen when they're interacting with people? What's your deep fear? Yeah, Maggie. My biggest fear is that what I'm coming into the conversation wanting to convey or wanting to hear won't happen and that it'll just kinda default to like easy, simple conversation and then be a waste of time for both people. Disconnect down to nothing. Yeah, shallow interactions, absolutely. I'm afraid of both sides of that. Who else wants to share something that they are afraid of or afraid will come out. Yeah, Lace. I'm afraid of looking stupid, of saying the wrong thing, of not picking up on something obvious and just wishing I didn't engage in the conversation at all.
Who feels like that? Yeah, raise of hands. Absolutely, absolutely. Any other fears that happen? Yeah, Lee.
My biggest is rejection, that they'll reject me. Yeah, how many people feel like that? As soon as you said that, Sarah K. in the chat room said exactly the same thing, rejection, yeah.
Rejection in one word. Were you raising your hand? Oh yeah, Erica, sorry, yes. That my discomfort can come off as stand-offish. Oof, you're speaking my language, yes. My discomfort, my awkwardness always comes off as stand-offish. So I am with you. Does anyone feel like that? Does anyone relate to that? Kind of that they're afraid they're coming off as like mm really guarded. Thanks for sharing that. Made me feel less alone with mine. I saw another hand in the back, yeah. Of being ignored. Mm hmm, being ignored and being forgotten for me. I'm afraid that I'm gonna be ignored and not take into account and that they're gonna forget me and forget why I'm there. Does anyone else feel like ignored is a big one? Or forgotten is one? Yeah, I saw, is there anyone else in the chat room? I saw some other hands. Actually Rena J. is saying she's afraid of failure and success. Oh, wow. Interesting. Does anyone feel like that's true where maybe success will get in your way? I want to hear about that a little bit. Michael, when you raise your hand, what do you mean by that? When I'm getting success, I think that all of that comes down to luck. Like I don't really deserve it. I feel like a fraud sometimes, like I can do body language, but who am I to teach it because I've never actually used it. I know the theory, but not the practice. Well you use it every day. You use it absolutely ever day and we're gonna get that confidence up. What you're talking about is something that's called the imposter syndrome and we are gonna talk about that in depth in our day 13 conquer your fears, which I think is actually coming up, because worth, having inner worth makes us feel like we're worthy of connection, like we're worthy of knowing. Thank you for that chat room. Well interesting, one also from LL Dude who's saying "I'm afraid that if I get success, "I'll be alone at the top." Now that's really interesting. Wow, yeah, that success could possibly alienate you from people, make you different or cause you to be alone. What a terrifying thought, yes. I saw another hand up. Yeah, Jason. Yeah, along the same lines. It's like you're afraid of failure 'cause you don't want to be broke and lonely and you're a little bit afraid of success 'cause it's like are you going to be able to handle it and are you gonna be alone and maybe not broke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's this horrible like awful cycle that just keeps tumbling down and down. So the reason why I have us share these fears and the reason why I'm so grateful for you at home sharing them is because it makes us feel less alone. When we're able to express our fear out loud, and we're gonna talk about that when we talk about fearvana, we feel like we're not the only one with those fears and those anxieties and then when you're interacting with people, the iceberg allusion is that there's so much below the surface that's happening. They probably feel just as afraid as you do. They're just as worried as you are. That black box is gonna happen, do you like them, do they like you and so this is a course where we can realize that you are not the only one feeling it. Let's talk about connection, so what happens. As I just mentioned, day 13 is a big one, conquer your fears. I want to show you how to be socially fearless. I want to teach you how to stop feeling like a fraud, as we talked about with Michael. That's where I talk about the imposter syndrome and I want to show you how to make love to your fear, right, I want you to take your fear out on a date, wine and dine it and just make love all night long, right. We're gonna make love to our fears. Is that rated R? Is that allowed? That's not good, all right. (laughter) Actually before we move on, I have a question from myself actually. Please, yes. Is I get very irritated about things, like being forgotten, being ignored, all of things you mentioned. Is that the same as being, having the fear of it? Okay, fabulous question. So fear is kind of a funny thing. Fear is a crossdresser. Fear likes to dress up as other emotions and other things. So sometimes our fear is dressed up as irritation or anger or people-pleasing or superiority or as narcissism. We're gonna talk about narcissists in day and we're gonna learn that a lot of narcissism is about fear. It's about fear of crossdressing as something else. So that's a very good question and we're gonna address it in both day 13 as well as day 25. We're also going to talk about creating value on day 14. This is where I'm gonna teach you the nine value languages. So right here on the matrix this is the other half of our core, the things that motivate us, creating deeper bonds. When we understand this, all of the sudden a lot of miscommunications that's been happening in our life makes sense. I call that an aha day, where people are like aha. That is why that happened, right. Things start making connection about your values versus other people's values. So, in the middle we're gonna have the halftime show. Halftime show is actually gonna be all about you. Then we're gonna spend day 16 and day putting everything we learned together. So people hacks, this is applying your people skills, acing an interview, public speaking, cold contacting. We're gonna talk about negotiation, we're gonna talk about dealing with conflict effectively using all of our people skills in those situations. Then I'm gonna teach you the wow formula. The wow formula is my formula for wowing anyone, anytime, anywhere and this is how you own the room, right, you go in with confidence and you own it. This is also my tricks for networking for awkward people. As a recovering awkward person, I use the wow formula every single time I interact with someone. So I can't wait to share those tricks with you. By now in the course, so by halfway through, by day 17, you should be able to express yourself clearly, right, you know exactly how to communicate your needs with people. You'll be able to understand people quickly from our speed reading. You'll have less anxiety with interacting with people. You'll have tools to use at your disposal and you'll have supercharged communication, right, just taking your communication one or two or three levels up. Next we're gonna go into our business and love section. So the first half of the course is all about connecting in relationships, but I want specific sections on business and love and here's what they're gonna look like. So our romance days, we have three romance days, days 18, 19, and 20. Day 18 is the psychology of attraction. This is the three secrets to attraction, the seven attraction murderers, I wanted to be really strong, they kill attraction and any kind of connection and the science of men versus women. Now, I want to be clear about something for the romance section. This is not just for singles or people who have partners. Whether you're single, whether you're dating, whether you have a spouse, it doesn't matter. Everyone needs to understand the fundamentals of romance, building connection and attraction in your life. In fact, our attraction day is not just about romantic attraction. It's about business crushes and social crushes and creating attraction with clients in all areas of your life. Attraction is about wanting to spend time with people and that's what we're gonna try to harness in day 18. Day 19 is about building connection. So common connection obstacles, what typically gets in our way. We're gonna talk about the attachment theory, so how we attach to others and lastly we're gonna talk about the three relationship builders, so what builds those relationships. Are people excited for the love and romance? They're very excited about it and they've got, I mean the questions that are coming in are really, really strong and powerful, but Vanessa's answering you right now because she's explaining what's coming up. People are gonna say are you gonna cover this, are you gonna cover that, are you gonna. So it's really exciting that you're doing this right now. So thank you, perfect timing. I'm gonna cover it, I'm gonna cover it. So number day 20 is finding love. I'm gonna do it! I have some people-pleasing problems. Yeah, we're gonna talk about those. So 20, finding love. So this is the top of the love days. I'm gonna talk about the three elements of love, what makes love. I want to show you how to be the best possible partner 'cause love is not only about them, it's also about you and being the best possible partner helps you create the best possible connection. I'm also gonna teach you the five love languages. So we are going to learn another dimension to our matrix. It will be the last dimension to our matrix that finishes us off, the five love languages, how we receive love and how we like to show love and how this makes us a better partner. After the romance section, we go into the business section, which is the success section. This is all about interviews and meetings and clients and it doesn't matter whether you're an entrepreneur and you run your own business or you work with colleagues in someone else's business. These are skills that are universally applied across the success spectrum of people skills. In day 21 we're gonna talk about successful communication. This is what to say to get your way. I'm gonna catapult your communication skills. I wanted to think of an alliteration there and I liked catapult, so we're gonna catapult your communication skills, or supercharge, however you prefer, and more importantly I want to teach you how to successfully deal with anyone. Communication is about expressing your needs clearly and so that's what we're gonna practice in day 21. Day 22, which is my favorite business day, we're gonna talk about brand personality. This is how to reach your ideal customer, or colleague, or boss, or an employee, or client. Right, it's how to reach your ideal person, your perfect fit in your business relationships. It's the psychology of branding, how our personal and professional brand work and it's how to create avid fans, your tribe. I want you to have a tribe of avid fans, whether that's two people in your office, whether that's your mom and your brother and your boyfriend, whatever it is I want you to create avid fans. I love this quote by Richard Branson and he says "The absolute key thing in business "is to be good with people." Right, that's the number one thing he says. Not technical skills, not getting trainings, it's people skills. That is what the glue to success is. I wanted to share a very brief study 'cause I'm about to talk about the leadership section and this is on a leader's brain. So researchers have found that leaders have different brain patterns, which this is a very interesting way to think about people skills, that it actually changes the way that our brain works. Here's what they found. Leaders who are rated as being highly transformational, highly transformational leaders are inspirational, visionary and charismatic. They have different brain patterns. These brain patterns are so accurate that with 92% accuracy they can look at someone's brain and predict their transformational rating. So people who have these special patterns that we're gonna teach in leadership section, they can match up as being highly transformational. So I want to teach you what those patterns are and then I want to teach you how we can implement them, in our own lives, in our own brains. It's gonna be good, it's gonna be good. Okay. That is how to inspire and the science of leadership. We have two leadership days and I want you to be a leader in all areas of your life, whether that's the PTA or your business or your home. When we inspire people, when we're transformational, visionary, and inspirational and charismatic, we impact those around us in a positive way. So how to inspire. I'm gonna show you how to increase your influence. I'm gonna teach you the six different inspiration styles. There are six different ways that we inspire and I want to show you how to use those whenever you need them. I'm also gonna teach you about the art of infecting others with your ideas and that's not as malicious as it sounds, I swear. And on day 24 I'm gonna teach you the science of leadership. So this is how to earn respect, how to build your tribe, and how to find your inner greatness, whatever that is. For the leadership section, where do you want to lead in your life? I would love to hear. At home, where do you want to lead? Is it professional, social, romantic? Is it in one-on-one relationships, groups? And I also want to ask you guys where do you want to lead in your life? Yes. I want to lead professionally, but also I want to lead without being bossy or without being... I mean, I'm a warm person, as I call it. Yeah, being assertive without being aggressive. Right, being direct without creating resentment. I love it, yes. Who else wants, yes, Erica. Being new in my career, I'm a little timid in it and I have a little anxiety to step up and lead, but that's truly what I want because I really want to be able to inspire and help others who have gone through my struggles. So I'm really looking forward to this because I have that little nervousness to get there. Yeah, the timid, yeah, we're gonna get. Yeah, we're gonna get your inner greatness. We're gonna get your inner greatness. We're gonna unleash it, yes. I saw a bunch of other hands. I want to hear how you want to lead. Michael. I want to be one of the body language leaders in the Netherlands. Yes and we are working on it. Michael and I have been working together and I'm so honored that you're here to work on it. Yes, we will get you there. I saw you raise your hand, yeah, Jason.
I'd like to just become one of the leaders in my particular industry, which is health and fitness. Absolutely, with colleagues as well as your clients. Yeah, Maggie. Since I'm looking forward to making online courses and like just me in front of the video camera, I want to learn how to like be confident alone but feel like I'm still getting the message across to anonymous people. Yeah, Terry, I would love to know. How about you, do you have a place in your life that you want to lead? Well, actually I don't feel like I want to lead like people. I do artwork and things like that, so I feel like I want to lead by demonstration. Yeah, I love that. Thank you for that. That's a different kind of leadership. It's a different kind of inspiration style. I love it. Arianna, how about you? Would you mind sharing with us on leading? I would really like to lead in terms of how people approach like innovation in biomedical engineering, like new, how they go about finding new devices or using different skillsets to come up with those solutions. Well, we have a very intelligent audience, right, we have like art and body and like biomed, I mean this is great, yes, let's lead. I love it. Who else had their hand raised? Yes, Joshua, tell me. Yeah, I just want to be able to lead the people to want to change, to motivate them and maybe someday be a speaker and speak in TED maybe someday. I mean, you're a very, very eloquent speaker. So I have no doubt. I cannot wait to see how you do in leadership.
Thank you. Babar, I saw that you raised your hand. Yeah, I want to use the skillset for the leadership because already owning a business, I already have people, but then down the road I ended up learning some bad habits, which I need to unlearn them so I don't end up being bossy and connect with them better and be a better listener also because lot of time I'm like hey, I've already figured it out, I know what you need. So it's some of those aspects that's gonna be helping this course me fit. So you definitely tapped into something that unlearning is actually one of the qualities of a leader. So I love that. We're gonna talk about unlearning and I also want to point out, let's say that you're watching and you're like I'm not sure if I'm ready to lead yet, like I'm not sure if I'm there yet. The reason why I built this course like a people encyclopedia is so that if you're not ready for this section, that's fine, you can come back to it and rewatch it when you are ready. Pull it out and be like yeah, I have an idea, I have something I want to share, now I'm ready to lead, right. You can use that whenever you're ready. I'd love to hear what some people at home have to say. Yeah, I mean leading is something that people really are looking for. The clever one is saying "I want to be a leader "in my professional field." Others are saying "I want to lead through inspiration." Memina is saying that and mad panda's saying "Definitely professionally. "I want to be a film director, "so I have to be a strong leader and a clear communicator."
Yeah, absolutely. I would say you're right on that one. Definitely. I wanted to get everyone who wanted to answer that question. Yeah. I think that leading is a central part of this course, yeah. This is actually more of a question. Because what I want for my clients is their own best self, I'm always trying to balance leadership with really bringing out their own. How does that, how do you see that? Perfect, so one of the inspiration styles is inspiring others to be a leader, right. One of the inspirational styles is that one.
Now I'm in! Right, right. Whew, one down, 15 more to go, okay. So yes, I love that question because that is a different kind of inspiration, different kind of leadership. Inspiring someone else to want to be a leader, leveling up their impact. Exactly. Yeah, I like it. I saw, I think there was one other hand. Did I get everyone? Perfect, okay. So after leadership we do human vampires. Human vampires, day 25. These are the people who just suck the life out of us. I'm gonna show you how to deal with the four difficult people. You'll notice in this course every day is about positive sides of people. We only have one day that is the negative side of people and that is because it does happen and so I want to give you the skills to deal with it, but most importantly we are looking for the good in people. When it happens, we have to know how to get along with anyone and we have to be able to prevent toxicity. So not only getting rid of toxicity, but preventing it from happening in the future, right, skills to protect our business, our relationships, and ourselves from toxicity later. Then we're gonna go into two sales days. Sales. So you don't actually have to be a salesman to get benefit from these days. We sell everything. We sell ourselves, we sell our ideas, we sell our words. We sell our pitch, our business, our service, our product. Selling, understanding the concepts and the fundamentals of selling is important for any area and it also helps us, helps me teach you some interesting aspects of people. Understanding how people buy, what persuades them, they fit into these lectures under sales. 26 is about persuasion, how to be an agent of influence, the psychology of persuasion, what's the science and psychology behind what persuades people and how to motivate people to take action. So the science of motivation. Then we're gonna talk about supercharging your sales, winning deals, getting buy-in and selling like a superhero. That's what we're gonna talk about that and we're gonna actually practice with some interesting sales techniques on that day. Should be getting us out of our comfort zone quite a bit. I wanted to share some interesting facts about selling actually. I promised always to keep it non-boring. So did you know that people prefer and buy more products if they view them vertically? Think about this. What they found, very clearly, is that if someone's on their computer or they're looking at products and they're looking up and down, they're nodding yes, yes, yes. By the way, this is only in American cultures. They're nodding yes, yes, yes. So if they scroll through products, they typically buy more, spend more, and click more if you align products on your website vertically. Horizontally, what are you doing? Right, scrolling like this is actually you're shaking your head no and it puts you into the no mentality. So you actually end up buying less, clicking less, and selling less. A super simple thing, but when we know these kinds of behaviors about people that we're not even consciously aware of, we're able to optimize for them. What annoys Americans most? So one of the things that happens in sales, people will say oh I hate salesmen, they're so irritating. So I thought we would talk a little bit about what annoys Americans most. Yes. Number one, hidden fees. Number one is hidden fees. So when we're designing our business, or our product or our service, hidden fees of any kind, that's the number one thing that builds mistrust in people, any kind of hidden fee. Number two, not getting someone on the phone. That is the second thing that irritates Americans most. I was surprised by that. Not getting someone on the phone is one of the hardest things. So in your business, customer service is a huge aspect of sales. If they can't get you on the phone, that piques their cortisol levels, that piques their stress levels. That's actually a really bad anti-trust building technique with sales. Third, incomprehensible bills. All three of these things are things that we can address. These are all solvable things. So when you bill your client or in your business, any kind of billing that happens, do people know what they're all about? Are they able to decode them and understand them? It's a very simple aspect of sales. So just a couple of facts that I wanted to teach you about how we can update our sales, leverage our sales techniques by understanding the psychology of people. Oh yeah, by the way, four is dog poop left on the ground, but I don't think that's super relevant for us. So I'm not gonna be talking about that in the course. Okay. Number 28, day 28 is digital people skills. Now, one of the myths I should have addressed earlier is that people skills doesn't apply to me because I have an online business, I talk a lot on the phone or I'm doing a lot of email. That is absolutely not the case. Every single one of our 33 people skills can be applied on the phone and on email, every single one. Day 28, I'm just giving you a couple of really hard-hitting tactics for digital people skills. So I'm gonna make you a social media powerhouse. We're gonna talk about the psychology of what happens with people on social media. I'm also gonna give you online and phone communication skills, special communication skills for both of those mediums. But again, every single skill we learn can be applied in email and phone and the good news is I give a lot of examples with email and phone throughout the course, so you can see how those work in action. It's also a safe way to practice people skills, actually starting on the phone or online. The last two days are all about goals. So on day 29, I'm gonna teach you about awesome club. Yeah. Awesome club is about upping your personal power, it's about building a support team for yourself, and it's about starting to achieve your goals. That's the next 30 days, the next 30 days, the next 30 years. Right, this is setting the foundation for what happens after the course and lastly is your people plan. Day 30 is the next phase. It's building compassion, it's magnifying your success, it's what happens after we leave each other. The course never really ends, right, you can keep using it. So what day, I want to hear, what day are you most excited about? What's one that you're like oh I can't wait for that one? Which one resonates with you? Yeah, Lacy. I'm interested in the psychology of relationships and attraction. Mm hmm, yeah and that works in every area, right, business and romance. Right. Yeah.
I'm interested in the leadership. Really excited about that. Yeah, two whole days about different leadership inspiration. Yeah, Van.
The human vampire day. Difficult people, yeah. You know, it's a fun day, it's a fun day. It's we're talking about something hard, but it's a fun day. I think that's one the online audience are particularly looking forward to as well. They all were naming their vampires. I won't tell if you don't. Well, people's mothers seem to be the most prevalent ones. Is that scary? My mom is watching, so my mom is not a human vampire, no. That and exes and I think exes can drain you enormously. Can't they? Yes, yes. Absolute draining and toxicity, yeah. I'm really interested in learning how to inspire and also attract. So the charisma, but then specifically the inspiration. Yeah, charisma and inspiration go hand in hand. Yeah. I was interested the non answering the phone thing. I didn't know that people actually call people anymore and so that kind of made me more interested in the sort of digital and phone one, number 28 I think it was. Yeah, yeah, the specific skills that we need for digital strategy. So let's move on to so at the end of the course, I want you to envision yourself at the end of 30 days 'cause it's a lot of time, right. You're investing time, you're investing energy, you're investing money. What will it feel like at the end of the 30 days? So I want you to think about what would it feel like if you knew how to build deep, respectful, and fulfilling relationships? How would it feel if you could impact the world around you in an authentic and powerful way? How would it feel if you could set up the exact right kind of business relationships to increase your impact? And how would it feel to interact with confidence and ease? That is the ultimate challenge of this course. I want you to keep the end in mind because interacting with that level of skill brings tremendous ease. You actually look forward to your day. You look forward to your calendar because you know that you're in control of exactly how you want to spend your time and who you spend it with. So at the end of every segment, I am going to give you a challenge. This is a big part of what makes this course actionable. So here is your challenge for today. I'm gonna give you two. I want you to take your PQ test. Test your current people skills. See how they rank. I also want you to confirm your intelligence type. So the meat part of today, the nutrition that we had today was learning the nine different kinds of intelligence and I love that we were guessing and thinking what's our primary and what's our secondary. I want you to go and I want you to confirm it with our test. All the tests are for free on ScienceOfPeople.com/PQ and I have them outlined by the day 'cause we have a bunch of tests and quizzes you have coming up. Once you confirm your intelligence, I want you to write it into your matrix, primary and secondary. The last thing that we're gonna end on every day after our challenge is that I want to solidify your learning. So one of the things that takes our learning to the next level, making it really solid in our head, is taking just a few minutes to write it down. So science has found that writing accesses a different area of our brain. So committing what we learn to writing for even 30 seconds increases retention. So in your workbook what I've done is at the end of every section, I have your challenges for the day as well as a section for you to write what was the most important thing I learned today. So with this what you can do is not only write about it in your workbook, but I also want you to tweet me what you learned. Since we're not live for the whole 30 days, I'm gonna be watching online every day when the segments air. I want you to tweet me using the hashtag people skills. You can @Vvanedwards and I want to hear what was the most important thing you learned that day. What was your aha moment? At the end of the 30 days, people who do it for all 30 days and have awesome answers, you are going to win my dating course and my entrepreneur course and a secret for you guys is that everyone in the audience here wins those courses 'cause you guys are here for all 30 days. Yes. Can I get it too? Yes, of course! Actually some of students were saying when they arrived today, Joshua, I think that's a big goal of this course for you is relationships and-- Relationships and dating, done, done. Yes, we got you covered. So I want to know what is the most important thing you learned today from our audience. Yeah. You know, I've really forgotten or ignored just how much people skills permeates every part of your life and it's not just like one thing, like people skills, there are a lot of nuances and a lot of different things and I think that having the matrix to have as a touchpoint to go back and think okay, this is what I've built for this other person and these are their individual values and such that make them up, that's gonna be really like life changing and a reminder that things aren't as simple as you think they are sometimes. Well I am grateful of that answer 'cause my goal today for this live session was to show you and try to impart that people skills is so nuanced and such a big topic. So that just made me very happy. I'm so glad I was able to get that across. Yeah, Jason. I've always looked at people skills as just a little bit like a hobby. It's like oh, you know, I can kinda read people or whatever. It's really cool to see how that sort of interest is going to actually connect to things that matter in my life. Yeah, absolutely, the soft skill mentality of like yeah, it's just kind fun, but actually it elevates everything. Ah, yes, yes! Yes, Michael. I realized it's a skill I can learn. I used to consider it an art. I really look up to my grandad in that respect. I once remarked you can have a 15-minute conversation with a streetlight if you wanted to, you're that good.
Wow! And I realized I can get there if I just follow these steps. Yeah, there absolutely is. There's an art, but there is a science to it. There's steps, which is also the way that I learned. I found that people skills a lot is taught as kind of this fluffy art, as just be nice, just be really likable, just smile all the time. Right, that was sort of like the people skills that you would hear and that just did not work for me. Right, I was like. (laughter) Like no one's gonna make friends with me if I look that. Yeah, we're not doing that. Yeah, Van. I love that it's not about manipulating people or situations, but it's really making connections and plussing up your own life and making everything else a little bit better. Yeah, can't wait. Oh yes, go ahead. I was gonna say I loved going through the intelligences. That made so much sense and all the sudden I realized oh this is why I have a really hard time communicating with these people because they're oriented in a really different way. What are you, what's your primary and secondary again? My primary is verbal-linguistic and my secondary I think is spiritual. Yeah, yeah, with the work you do especially and if you're talking to someone who is--
The analytical, the math, it's like oh of course. Right and it's not bad, it's not negative, it's just okay, they have different needs than I do and I hope that I can keep doing that with the platinum rule. It's not bad or worse, it's just different and we can treat someone with respect on their level. I can't believe we got off to such an amazing start. Yeah, it's good. Very interesting what you and Jason were saying and Michael as well because it's the science behind this, which is what really has fascinated you and has brought you here to Creative Live today. Yeah, it's our secret sauce, but I won't use the Italian accent for that one. Yeah, I promise no more. But thank you, we hope to see you back. Thanks so much. (applause)