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Master Your People Skills

Lesson 26 of 31

Motivate People to Take Action


Master Your People Skills

Lesson 26 of 31

Motivate People to Take Action


Lesson Info

Motivate People to Take Action

(audience applauding) Welcome to day 26. Today we're talking about persuasion. I think persuasion is a super sexy topic, so I'm excited about today. I'm gonna show you how to be an agent of influence, how to use the seven laws of persuasion, those are the first seven laws of persuasion, and how to motivate people to take action. Whatever that is in your business, your social life, or your romantic life. But first, we have a warm-up, just to get our juices flowing. So I want to know, how do you need more persuasion in your life? And I actually want everyone to just briefly answer this. In one area in your life, it doesn't have to be with business, what do you need to persuade people to do? This could be with products or sales. But it also could be with opinions. It could be with actions. It doesn't have to be selling something. It could be selling an idea or a behavior. So, Jason, can I start with you, and then we'll work our way down? Yes. I could use a little more persuasion in my rel...

ationship. Alright, OK, Maggie. I could use more persuasion in convincing people that they do need me, like, what I offer. Absolutely. Lace. I'm similar, but in focusing on the right people. Your perfect client, your ideal client. Yeah. Yes. Michael. For me it's sales, definitely. Sales with your ideal client. [Michael Yep. And what are they buying? My products, my trainings. Perfect, yeah, Kim. That learning to be more relaxed and present will uplevel their life in a really big way. So ideal client and teaching them that attitude. Mm-hm, yeah. Persuade my ideal client that they really can do it. Because they're on board that they want to do it, but that they can. Okay. Got it. I need to persuade more people to sign up for my classes. Getting them to take action, yes, Lee. And for me, it's sales. Sales with-- My products. Products, Tiny Toast, yes. Persuasion in offering the value that we are giving them. OK, convince them that they are getting value with you and your services, yeah. I think for me, one that's interesting right now is persuading them to think long term, and the value in that. OK, yeah. Just persuading my clients that living in fear, how damaging it is to live in fear. OK. I just need to persuade people to listen to my ideas. Paying attention, yeah. I need to persuade people that even if I'm not quite what they were expecting, I can still add value. I like that one, OK, cool. I persuade almost all the time, so I kind of think about persuading with feeling, especially when it comes to my daughter, and it's almost impossible for me to logically persuade her, so (laughs) that's kind of what I want. OK, I'm gonna give you more, feeling we're definitely gonna talk about, and I think that might be tomorrow, it might be law number eight, but I'm gonna give you more than just that. Persuading with feeling, hopefully a couple other things as well. Yeah. I need to persuade myself to follow up with all the challenges in this class. (laughing) Alright, self-persuasion, I love it. Yes. So, the reason why we talk about this is 'cause this applies to all areas of our life, and your answers were exactly what I wanted to hear, which are, it's business strategy, it's marketing, it's shopping, buying a car, a house, negotiating with your friend, daughter, parent, sibling. It's all areas. I want to start this section with a very special note. (audience laughs) Please use these powers for good and not evil. Persuasion is a funny science, it's used in some negative ways, so I only want us to be persuading to do good things, positive things. We are already well on our way. Number eight, be relentlessly curious, let me explain how this helps us be better persuaders. Great persuaders ask 2.7 more questions of their audience than average persuaders do. By the way, I just thought, I was curious about this. In the average pitch, there are usually six questions. High persuaders ask 16. 16 different questions in the average pitch. Number nine, being a master listener. Poor listening skills account for 60% of all misunderstandings, and persuasion's all about being really clear about what it is they're getting, what it is you want. Researcher Murray Raphael says that he believes that correct listening is the best way to increase your sales and persuasion, that listening is the only thing in sales or persuasion that works. Skill number 29, using the laws of persuasion, all 12 of them. That to be a highly successful people person, you have to know how to tap into motivation. Understand how to authentically and positively influence those around you. Go crazy today, guys! This is a big day, because I just wanna get your creative juices just going, right. I'm gonna give you tons of ideas. Not all of them are gonna work for you. You're gonna be like, "That won't work for me." But I want you to write it down, 'cause it might work for you later. I also want you to help each other. Even though it might not work for you, it might work for someone at home. So anything that comes to your head, I want you to say it. Right, we're gonna help each other to get new ideas. There's no such thing as a silly idea. The first law of persuasion is the reciprocity norm. So the reciprocity norm is the subconscious expectation that people will return benefits for benefits or favors for favors. So when you give something, our brains cannot help but want to give something back. It's a subconscious expectation. When you're kind to me, I wanna be kind to you. The offer mentality is one of the best ways to start to trigger the reciprocity norm. That is why I teach it in Be a Highlight. Of course it starts on a high, but offering someone something, going into a situation where you want to offer, you want to give, it starts to trigger the reciprocity norm. People cannot help but return the favor. I wanna show a couple of my favorite reciprocity norm studies. In one study, he sent Christmas cards to complete strangers. Most, over 80%, sent a card back, and kept him on their list for years. (audience laughs) Now part of this is fear that they don't know the person, but also just the reciprocity norm, we're just so trained that we get something, we better give it back. Free samples is, the reason why those work is because you are engaging the reciprocity norm. When we feel like we get a free sample, we have to try the product, but really we're like, "I should now go in there for a little bit and shop around." Or, "Wow, I got a free e-book, or I got a free offer, "I feel like I should sign up," or, "I feel like I should go back and visit the web site." In one study, they had participants come into a waiting room, and there was another participant who was actually a researcher in disguise, and the participant would sit there. And there was a free basket of sodas on the table, and the participant would look over to the other one and say, "Hey, do you want me to grab you a soda?" and then get up, walk over and grab a soda, and give it to him. The sodas were already free, it was just the act of going over, picking it up, and handing it to him, a very, very subtle reciprocity norm. And they found that when that person then asked them, "Hey, do you wanna buy raffle tickets for one dollar?" they bought way more raffle tickets from the person who'd just gone and grabbed the free soda off the table. And they have different variations of this experiment, where they made it more and more subtle. Like actually when they went to go buy them a soda right in front of them versus right next to them. Every single time, it triggered the reciprocity norm. Yeah. On web sites, when you sign up for a newsletter or e-book, would you say that the reciprocity is signing up and then getting the e-book, or is that just an exchange? The reciprocity is, when you sign up, I'll give you the free e-book. So the giving the email is a necessary part of the evil. But actually the reciprocity norm effect takes place after. So you get the free e-book, and then you're like, "Maybe I should buy their course. "Maybe I should go look at their book." So actually it takes place after that, so that's setting up the reciprocity norm, exactly, the perfect example for that. So reciprocity norm ideas, so one company in California, called Sees Candy, they're a chocolate company, they were like a nothing, tiny company when they first started in California. And the way that they got their product to be one of the best-selling chocolates in the United States is by offering free samples. Back in the day when they first started, this was kind of unheard of. They now have people, if you ever have been to a Sees Candy store in a mall, they almost always have someone with a tray outside offering a free sample. And what they found was that people would take one of those chocolates, and they'd be like, "Well now I should go buy a chocolate. "I took a free chocolate, I should go buy a chocolate." And so it's this weird reciprocity norm, and I wanted to, I got some Sees candies, 'cause I feel like it's really good to taste the experiment, right, to be able to remember it. (audience laughs) To be able to make sure that you really know the taste of what those Sees chocolates are. So we should buy your next course? (audience laughs) Exactly, or buy another Sees Candy box. (laughing) Other reciprocity norm ideas. Welcome and goodbye gifts, so giving gifts, especially if that's your love language, welcoming them with things. So I offer a free e-book when people first come to my web site. That is because I want to trigger the reciprocity norm. Candy at restaurants when you leave, have you noticed that when you get the bill and you get a little candy on the thing, that is because your waiter or waitress is trying to trigger the reciprocity norm. "Look, I gave you some free candy." And then you're like, "Well, they gave me free candy, "I should give more of a tip." It actually triggers that right before they sign the bill. What are some other reciprocity norm ideas that you can think of that you've seen? More importantly, how can you use the reciprocity norm in your business? What can you do, or in your relationships for that matter? I can think of some already, yeah. I was just thinking based on what Michael said, just having a blog where you're giving information, you don't have to sign up for anything, you just check it out. Yeah, absolutely, giving advice. I actually think, Fatima, you can also use the reciprocity norm, very subtly, in relationships. When you offer transparency, or you offer honesty, or you open up, that actually triggers the reciprocity norm. Have you ever been sitting with someone, and you're like, "I'm having a really stressful day," and you offer sort of an honesty, and then they come back and they're like, "Yeah, you know, I had the same thing happen." That is actually the reciprocity norm in action. You're creating a safe space, but you're showing, "I wanna tell you something that is "kinda vulnerable for me or high stress," and then they wanna tell it back to you. So when you're talking to your daughter, you can think about what you want from her, maybe you can give it first. Does that resonate with you at all? It's absolutely not my nature, but I'm definitely going to try it and see what happens, yes. The exact thing you want, share it first. What are some other reciprocity norm ideas? Yeah. I think for me, a level up of the candy at restaurants is when they come out with amuse-bouche or the appetizer, that feels like I've hit the lottery almost. (laughing) So I was gonna put, amuse-bouche is a perfect example. So amuse-bouche, if you've ever been to a really schmancy fancy restaurant, is when you first get there, the chef offers his compliments, and he brings out a little taster of something. It's usually like a little spoon, or a little cup. That is right away doing the reciprocity norm for people who come to the restaurant. Before you even get here, before you even spend any money, I wanna give yo a beautiful dish of little soup, or a little croquette for free. That makes people spend more, 'cause they're like, "Well I already got a gift when "I got there, I gotta show them back." It also, they get to taste the food and see how awesome it is. Perfect example. Other ideas for the reciprocity norm, how about how you can use it, yeah? Not necessarily how I can use it, but free training at a gym or something like that, like a free experience, a free consultation. Absolutely, that's the perfect way to do it. And then you train them up, right, so now they're at the education level, which is right at what you want, and they go, "Oh, well it would just "make sense to work with her, work with him." Yeah, I actually think, Maggie and Barbara as photographers, you guys have some definite opportunities for the reciprocity norm in your business. Is it triggering anything for you? Yeah, it's triggering something that I've always meant to do, and I just haven't implemented it, and I will from now on with my wedding clients, is when they're kinda borderline and haven't decided to book me, I do need to just say, "I'll do your engagement shoot "for free, you can decide after that." I'm sure that would hook a lot of people. I even think you could do a smaller ask. Like a smaller give, it doesn't have to be free. I know that when creatives give away for free it can not feel great for you. It might even be like a smaller ask, so it could be, "You know if you want, "send me your photo list, and I'll go over it for you." Or, "Here's a photo shot list I made for you." Right, "You told me that your wedding is "you want it to be these three words, "here's a list I have that I wanna "take pictures of," that's a gift. Yeah. Just an idea for you here, 'cause I know photographers, they know people in all of the different aspects of weddings, so you can say, "Here's my list of the very best "caterers and all these other things. "So even if you don't choose me, "here's a bunch of other folks you can check out." (audience murmuring) Whoa, that is a good one! I know you don't eat chocolate, but here's more. Yes. Just to add onto that a little bit, my wedding photographer did the same thing, and after she actually polled all of her brides for them to give input for that list, so it was nice, because the list said, this is also from other brides who had great experiences with these vendors. Which is social proof, which we're gonna learn later, which is brilliant. I love it. Any other ideas about how to use, yeah, go ahead. Well this is just like a spa example, where like if you get your hair done, and they give you a massage when you're getting it washed or that kind of thing. Perfect, I like other spa ideas. If you get your nails done now, more and more they're offering like a glass of wine. "Oh no, it's free of charge, "we just want you to have a lovely time." (audience laughs) I mean first of all it does make it a lovely time, but you're like, "Wow, so giving," right? (audience laughs) Wonderful, I saw another hand up, yeah. So this is actually something a friend did. He went to buy a bike, and when he went there he took a bottle of Coke, and as soon as he met the guy, he's like, "Oh, by the way I got a bottle of Coke for you." And because of that, he got a discount on the bike for like $300 or $400. (audience laughs) Perfect example. Perfect example. The reciprocity norm, the funny thing about it is it does not have to be equal. Right, it could be like a very small free thing, but it just triggers that in the brain that we want to collaborate. Right, we want to work together, yeah. I think this fits in the category, but every time I work out, I get points, and then when I accumulate a certain amount of points, I get a free class. I think that's definitely the reciprocity norm, 'cause you are earning points. They don't mean anything, but you're being gifted something. Same thing as when people gift you like a card, or something, or gift you a coupon to spend more, like that's actually the reciprocity norm 'cause they're gifting you a percent off, even though it means you spending more later. The other one that I briefly wanted to mention is, Ramit Sethi talks about the briefcase technique in a lot of his work. And what the briefcase technique is is that when you're going to an important meeting or you're pitching a client, you bring in your briefcase, or your purse, or your little folder, portfolio, a piece of paper that you've prepared ahead of time with like the outline of how you wanna work together. Some kind of piece of paper with goals, or outline, or skills. And that during the meeting, at some point you say, "Oh, I brought something for you." And you reach into your briefcase kind of dramatically, and you pull it out, and you say, "I brought this for you." That technique works fantastically, and the reason is, I don't know if Ramit knows that the scientific principle there is the reciprocity norm. Is that you're just showing, I've pre-prepared something for the meeting, and I'm giving it to you. It doesn't matter that it's a piece of paper, it doesn't matter that it's your ideas that you emailed a head of time anyway. It's that you gave your time ahead of time. You said, "I'm gonna pre-think about this meeting, "and I'm going to bring it for you "and I'm going to give it to you." That also is a subtle reciprocity norm technique, even just your ideas, your brainpower, is a way to give the reciprocity norm. Let's go to the next one. Principle number two is the scarcity principle. The scarcity principle says that perceived scarcity generates demand. When people think there's not going to be enough, they want it even more. Only one left in stock, right, whenever you see that, Amazon is pretty brilliant. They use a lot of these principles quite subtly. But whenever you're shopping on Amazon and it has that little red line underneath that says, only one left in stock, or only two left in stock, it creates, I don't know about you, but I'm like, "Well if there's only one left, I'd better order it soon!" Even if I don't really want it, I'm like, "There's only one left, I could miss it!" Now I don't even know if that's true, I don't know if there really is only one left in stock, but when there is a perceived scarcity, we think that we wanna snap it up. So Amazon does this. Also, like "the first five callers are gonna get..." Every infomercial ever, right? (audience laughs) The reason they do that is 'cause it's creating scarcity. Right, they're saying, you better be the first five. Now it could be that everyone gets that free gift, but you have to call really quickly, even if you don't know if you're gonna buy it yet, 'cause you wanna be the first five. So you call in anyway. Every infomercial ever. Before we talk about how to use the scarcity principal, I wanna talk about how to combine it with the third law, 'cause I think that they kind of go together. The third persuasion law is the paradox of choice. The paradox of choice says that the more choices we have, the less likely we are to be content with our decision. This is very, very counterintuitive. We usually want as much choice as possible. We want lots and lots of choices. But actually, that freezes our brain up. One study was done my Mark Lepper and Sheena Iyengar, and they went to a gourmet supermarket and they set up two different tables. One day they went and they had six jars of jam out on a table, and they had people try the jam and they could buy it. The next day they had 24 jams on the table where people could try them and buy them. 30% bought the six jars, three percent bought when there was 24 jam jars out. That's an astounding difference, and we think people want the orange, the red, the raspberry, the strawberry. No, actually, less choice makes people buy more. You're actually giving them a gift by offering less choice. I want to talk about are we offering, are you offering, too much or too little choice right now? In your business. Do you have too many packages? Do you have too many options? Do you have too many things on your web site? Do you have too many tabs? So those of you who have web sites and businesses, do you think you offer too much choice, the right amount of choice? I'd actually love to talk to you about choice for a second, 'cause with products it's a little bit different. Yes, I think on the too little choices side, because retail is a little bit different. I feel like people want more. So I'm having the too little choices problem. Got it. You know one way that Amazon and a lot of, Nordstrom, all the big shoppers that they deal with this choice paralysis thing, is with categories. So instead of having all of their products dumped onto one page, is all those bars along the side that lets you directly say what you want. What they're doing is they're helping you narrow down your choices. Instead of seeing a massive overwhelm page. And so once you get into more products, you can also think about splitting them up into different categories, whether that's occasions, or colors, that helps limit choices when you have broad breadth of products. Anyone else have offerings where they think they have to many choices on their web site? Specifically, too many tabs, too many buttons to click on? Who has a web site, actually, here? Oh my gosh, everyone. I love it, so how many choices do you think you have on your web site, Maggie? I'm working on it right now, so it's actually, this is an incredible question. 'Cause I'm having someone design one right now, and he sent me a mockup last night, and there's way too much going on, and I got overwhelmed by my own, I was like, "I don't even know what this is, "or why does this box look like that one." And yeah, it's interesting to go from, I'm a minimalist more, and I have five on my site right now, and it went from five to like 50. Too many choices. So what I want you to do is I want you to look on your web site, if you have a web site, and I want you to count how many choices you have. Everything from the amount of tabs that you have to click on, to the amount of links in the sidebar. I want you to count the number of choices on a page that someone has to do. 'Cause it's not just picking jam jars, or that I have 10 products, it's also about action. If there's too many actions on one page, then people are overwhelmed and they make no choice. Now I don't wanna give a rule for how many choices you should or shouldn't have, because it's so specific to your business. But I don want you to count and see how many there are, and if there are even more than five, I want you to start watching other people use your web site. So have them sit down, stand behind them and say, "What would you do when you got to this page?" And see how long it takes them to make a next choice. You'll notice that if you have two buttons to click on, they'll probably make a choice within one or two seconds. But every time you add a choice, it takes them longer. And so I want you to think about what clicks are really essential for those, that's limiting your choices. Some more choice and scarcity ideas. You know I put an asterisk on scarcity 'cause I do want us to use it authentically. I don't love creating a false sense of scarcity for people, I don't think that's good. So I really wanna use it authentically, and here's some ideas. Higher quality, less quantity. So one very easy way that you can keep really good less choices is the Etsy model, which is, you can only make so many handmade crafts per shop, and so they actually have chosen to do higher quality and less quantity. Limited spots, so at event, concerts, there's only a certain amount of tickets, and that uses the scarcity principle, also the paradox of choice. Time limits, so time limits is another way that you can use the scarcity principle, by saying, "I have an application deadline for this program." By saying, "Oh, this deal," the car dealers love doing this, realtors have this built into their business, "We only have three days to make a decision." You only have a certain amount of time to do it. And application period, as I was just mentioning. So we have a training program, and I offer an application deadline at the end of it, because that's not a fake scarcity, that's actually I need to know how many people are going to come to know how big of a room I need to book. That's an authentic way to create scarcity. What are some other ways that you've seen people create scarcity, or you think that you could create scarcity or limit your choices? Yes. Anything special edition, limited edition. I love it, yes, collectibles, collector's items. Beanie Baby did that really well, yeah. A lot of times with events, they have different pricing for when you sign up. So if you sign up early, it's a lesser price, and if you wait, then it goes up. Perfect example. Yeah. When I'm talking with HR or recruiters I usually let them know that my schedule is limited, and I try to say, "Oh yeah, I'm pretty open, but I'm gonna be talking to some "other people, so I may not be available. "If you could let me know sooner rather than later." Yeah, giving time brackets, right, like "Thursday afternoon I have for you, or can you do these three times?" As opposed to, "My schedule is "completely open, you pick a time and day." Right, giving three specific times. I saw some other hands up on scarcity ideas, yeah. Yeah kind of piggy-backing on that, I know the wedding season here is what, April to September or whatever it is. You only have so many weekends during that time, so kind of pre-booking, like, "Hey, I'm booked for all of April, "but I've got May, and you gotta book me now." I love it. So showing right up front that you would love to work with them, and "Just so you know, "there's 17 weekends that I could work in the summer," so putting that right up front. It doesn't have to be like a threat or anything, you're just saying, there are only 17 weekends, that's putting it into perspective. Same with, I know Lace, you work with clients much more intensely. You only have the capacity to work with certain people. That creates scarcity, you wanna talk a little bit about that, do you say that to clients? Yeah, mine's more results-based, so I don't do hourly, I do a retainer. But there's only one me. And I hire out for what I need so that I have my team built in, but yeah, I can only do so much, and I do higher-level, so it costs more but it gets done. And it's all implementation, so it's not, it's a different feel. So I think that right when you're sitting down with someone, especially 'cause you were talking about at the beginning of the course that you have a client that you really wanna snag, saying, "I only work with two people at once," or, "I only have an opening for November, one opening." Actually limiting that down, so they have expectation. A lot of them also don't even realize that. So building that into your pitch, that you wanna focus all your attention, that's also showing a great amount of expertise. "I'm gonna give you all my attention, "I only work with tow people at once," or, "I only work with one person." Building that into your pitch so they know that. Yeah, yeah. So like you can say that to the person, would you also put that on your web site? I would. I like being transparent though, so that is totally your call. I think very coach, or any service-based business should always in your pitch say, "I only work with this amount of clients. "I only have this many hours a week per client, "because I really wanna focus fully on them, "and those are the hours that I know "that I'll have enough energy for them." That's very transparent, it shows that you take great care of how you spend your time and who you work with, and it creates a real, authentic scarcity. Yeah. Number four, the yes ladder. So the yes ladder is a small yes can lead to a big yes. Let me give you an example. So Jonathan Freement did a study, this study makes me laugh, I don't know why, I just think it's so cool. So what he did was, he had people call housewives, OK, call housewives all across the United States. And they asked, "Hey, we're a bunch of researchers, "researching cleaning products. "could we come into your house and "look in all your cabinets and write down "everything that's in your cabinets?" Which is kind of a big ask, right, it's quite personal, it's strangers coming into your home and looking at things. 25% of people said yes, which kind of surprised me. 25% of people said yes, "Yeah, sure, come in my home, "look at all my cabinets, and write down "all the cleaning products that are in there." I was like, "25% of people, that's a lot." Then they said, on the phone call, "Hey, we'd like to know what's in your cabinet. "Would you mind walking around your house "and opening up your cabinets and "telling us what's in your cabinet?" They would do it, and they would say, "Now can we come in your house and look for ourselves?" This time, 50% said yes. Double. So it's the same final ask, it's just getting a small yes first. Another study that was very similar, they've repeated this over and over again, where they asked someone to put a tiny sign in their front yard that said, "Drive more slowly," and then a few weeks later they said, "Could we put a little bit bigger sign "that says drive more slowly?" And then, "Could we put like a giant," it was like a huge, like 50-foot sign in your front yard. (audience laughs) People who they asked right away for the 50-foot sign, it was like three percent said yes. But after they had done the tiny little signs, a ton of people said yes to the big one, because they had already been on the yes ladder. Their brain was already in the yes mentality. So how do we use this in our business? This comes don to permission marketing. Permission relationships. Asking for permission before you do things. When you ask for permission, you actually get people onto the yes ladder. So one of the reasons why in this course I've asked a couple times, "Can you be vulnerable with me today?" Right, and in your head you're like, "Yes, I can be vulnerable with you." I'm getting you on the yes ladder with me, so that for the big ask, when I'm like, "Now can you tell me your greatest vulnerability?" (audience laughs) Right? You're like already one little tiny baby step up on the yes ladder. So this is all about asking for permission. It's the same in personal relationships, with a spouse, Jason you were talking about, Fatima you were talking about with your child, saying, "Hey, can I talk to you about something?" Even that is getting someone on the yes ladder. "Hey, can we be transparent about "something right now just for a minute?" Right, or, "Hey, I know this is a difficult topic, "but (sighs) will you just dive into it with me?" That is getting someone on the yes ladder before you even start the interaction. How to do this, oh, this is also great for negotiations! In negotiations, where you have two totally different sides, I start all of my negotiations on the yes ladder. Always. You start with where you agree. So you come in, before you get into any of the details and the nitty gritty, start with, "OK, so I think that we agree "about timeline, is that right? "Let me just confirm." "Yes, we're totally on the same page about timeline." "And I think that we agree on the type "of training that you want, you want "human lie detection and body language, is that right?" "Yes." Right, so starting with all the things you agree with gets them on the yes ladder. You know you have a lot you already agree on, so this is just a little bit extra. So it works fantastic in negotiations. Tell me, yeah. If you were negotiating for a car price, how would you use the yes ladder for that? Very easily, and they do this to you all the time. I'm expecting that they do. (audience laughs) Right, "So you love this color, right? "You love this color, and you like the leather, right?" They won't even talk to you about price often until they've figured out all those little yeses, 'cause you've already got buy-in. So you can do that back with them by saying, "So, you know that it's a really busy season, "it's really hard, and I told you that "(sighs) income is a little tight, right?" So you actually get them to agree why it's hard for you to spend a lot of money, right? Or, "You know, I told you that I don't really "need a new car right now, it's kind of an extra, "you know, I'm sure that you get that a lot." "Yes." (audience laughs) Right, so you've already got them on the yes ladder. So what's your small yes? In your business or your personal life, what's the small yes that you wanna start on? Is it, if you're a blogger, newsletter, retweet, a follow, a like, a share? Right? Is it advice, so sometimes you can use the Franklin effect to do permission marketing, so you can say, "Hey, can I ask your opinion on something?" "Sure." And then you can use the Franklin effect, and then you go into whatever the ask is. That works really well with VIPs. Ideas, brainstorm, coffees, can you get them to say yes to one of those things, a small meeting, a coffee, a brainstorm, or signing up for the newsletter, or giving you a like or a share. On my web site, I ask a lot of my readers. I ask them to share my stuff, I ask them to buy my stuff, and I know that's a lot. So what I try to do is get them on the yes ladder, "Hey, will you like and tweet my stuff? "And I'll give you a ton of free content in return." Right, so it's the reciprocity effect, and it's a yes ladder all at once. Yeah. One thing I'm missing on your slides is upselling. Amazon does this really well, where you've already said yes I want this, now yes, give me this as well, and that, and that. Totally. Totally, that is the yes ladder, that's the perfect example of the yes ladder. You already have this little thing in your cart, if anyone uses a couple of those printing services, web sites, they actually automatically put things in your cart, and then ask you to take them out. Perfect example of a yes ladder, so more examples like that. What's your small yes, and what's more times you've felt like you've said yes to something small before a big ask? Yeah. I have an example of something that somebody else has done. I've signed up for like a virtual conference, and so I've signed up for it, and then comes the video of, well if you like this, then how about this other conference that we had? And then they add the scarcity, I think it is, because it's like, normally if you just bought it now, it would be $99, but if you buy it with this, it will be $79. And so then I've actually gone and done it where it's gone, I've bought the thing, they've said well how about this, I bought that, and they say well how about this? (laughing) And I didn't go to the third one, but they just kept doing it. They had you on the yes ladder, absolutely. And by the way, there's only 100 spots, just so you know, right? There's also scarcity, yeah. Free webinars, virtual conferences, YouTube videos, like, "here, I would like you to "watch my YouTube video, yes, are you in for it?" "Yeah, I'd love to watch your YouTube video." "Will you also like it after the video? "Will you add me to your channel?" Right, that's a yes ladder, yeah. So just almost everything that Apple does. I mean I used to hate Apple. (audience laughs) And then you know, they made the best iPod so you buy the iPod, and then you get the phone, and you end up with, you know, everything. Soon we're gonna be like, "Apple, Apple, Apple, Apple, Apple." (audience laughs) Like we have a watch, and a phone, and an iPod and an iPad. When I travel it's ridiculous, it's like my Mac, my iPad, my laptop, I'm assuming my watch. So yes, those are all yes. So I want you to think about what's your small yes. Right, in your business, relationships, what's the small yes you can get first, that it's not such a big ask? By the way, this is also less pressure when you go into meetings and pitches and negotiations. Yeah, there's a big yes where you hire me, where you give me more money, right, that's the big one. But start with the small yeses. I think that takes the pressure off. And it's also very polite to do permission marketing. Yeah. The thing that just came to mind is it's so much more comfortable to start building a relationship in these small things, where there's not a big commitment. Kind of like dating, like I like to start with coffee, because if it's good then you can go forward, but if it's bad, it's only 20 minutes of your time and no one's investing a lot of money in that. And so it's just this a-ha moment of, "Oh, it feels really good to have "opportunities to say yes in small ways." Small ways, it's a courtship technique. Absolutely a courtship technique. The pique technique is number five. So this is also called the disruption technique, they're called both. What this is is where you ask for something odd, or you disrupt the average to get to yes. This entire course is using the pique technique. Right, asking different killer conversation starters, treating people differently, it's not what people expect, so they remember you and they break out of boring. This entire course is, but here's how to talk about it in persuasion and business. In one study, researcher who was dressed as a homeless man asks for 37 cents versus a quarter. What happens, obviously, he makes way more money asking for 37 cents. Right, just that weird pique/disrupt technique, instead of, "Hey, can I just have a quarter, can I have money?" 37 cents is a weird amount. Study, they pitched a product costing $3 versus 300 pennies. The 300-penny one made way more sales. Just because it's different, just because we see that all the time, they use the pique and disrupt technique. So I try to use the pique and disrupt technique all over my web site, all over my branding, 'cause I know that people just wanna have that dopamine triggered, and so the pique technique triggers that dopamine. So surprising people, we talked about the science of twerking, in my campaign. The reason I did that is 'cause it just disrupted people out of their everyday. It got them thinking about something different. Offerings, you can pique and disrupt with your offerings. Either with free gifts, or as a part of your product. Doing something that other people just don't typically include. For example, Uber did a campaign where if you got into their Uber during lunch, they offered Lays potato chips and a sandwich for you as part of their campaign. It just, people were like, "What?" It's a gift, first of all, but they're also like, "This totally disrupts what I thought "I was gonna get and what normal car services do." Images, images can also pique and disrupt. This image piques and disrupts, right, it's a little bit odd, that's why I have all these kinda weird pictures of me and other things in my presentations, just 'cause it gets your brain thinking, you're like, "Oh, what a cool image, "why is that tied to this fact?" It just opens up neural pathways that are different. So for example, I think that GEICO's lizard, you know the little lizard who's walking around for GEICO, and he has like a British accent, it's the last thing you would expect for a car insurance company. You would never expect a car insurance company to have a little lizard with a British accent selling a car. (audience laughs) It isn't something that you would think of. They use the pique and disrupt technique to be able to get your attention with something that you wouldn't expect. Also, thoughtful gifts, so Simple is an online bank, they have like no fees, and one thing that they do is they buy you lunch. So for example, they just pick random people on Twitter who use their service, and they'll send them something, they'll say, "Hey, we wanna buy you lunch today, "whatever you spent on your card today for lunch, "we would like to buy it for you." That's a total pique and disrupt technique. So how can you pique and disrupt? Especially in business, or what are things that you've seen where you're like, "Wow, that took me by surprise." Any ideas, yeah. One time I was following a designer, I still follow her on Twitter, and she asked for, she just said, I love desserts, and I love it when people send me desserts. And she lives in New York, and people sent her desserts from all across the country, including I sent her something from Portland, and she put my name up, so it was an interesting interaction. Wow, so that's actually a reciprocity technique, reciprocity norm as well. You send me something, I send you something, I love it, what a cool idea. Other pique and disrupt techniques? Yeah. Someone I follow on Instagram does a giveaway, on a random day, she'll just say, "First person to post this gets my cookbook." And so to me, instead of just you're scrolling through, that's a disrupt thing, even if I've looked at it eight hours later, and there are other comments. Absolutely. So what I want you to think about is not only do I want you to think about how you can use this in your own business, but I also want you to start collecting them. Right, so other people's ideas, it helps us get a little bit more creative. Create a little folder, I collect them, people send these to me all the time, pictures of cool campaigns that people have done, or presents they've gotten, so I want you to start collecting these pique and surprise ideas, so that when you need that inspiration, you have a folder you can go to. Loss aversion, number six. We strive harder to not lose something than to gain something. OK? Here's the study to explain this idea. We derive more satisfaction from avoiding a loss than from achieving a gain. It has to be a semi-equivalent value. For example, you are more upset about losing $ than you are happy about winning $100. The emotional response to losing is way more than to actually gaining. So how do we use this in business, loss aversion ideas? Free trials, that is the technique that they're using. They give you a free trial of their service, or their card or whatever, "Yeah, use our card for free, "no fees for a whole year." At the end of the year, when you have to pay a fee, you might not actually want the card, but the idea of losing something that you already have, it feels terrible, and they know that. So they offer free trials where you're like, "Oh a free trial, yeah, I'll sign up for that." Yes ladder. No problem. But then at the end of the month when the free trial is up, you do not wanna lose it, even if you don't want it that bad, you still don't wanna lose it. Merchandising as well, so you'll notice that when you go to clothing stores and you're carrying around your item, before you try it on, you're actually kind of bonding with that item as you're carrying it around. Even before you've tried it on, that's one of the reasons why they tell shop owners not to take the clothes from you. In shops where they say, "Hey, can I hang that up "for you in the dressing room?" I'm always like, "You're missing out on "the loss aversion, sure, you can take it." But I'm actually not bonding with it. One of the reasons why trying on clothes, and you're like, "It kind of looks good, I'm not sure," is because it's actually hard to give it up afterwards, so merchandising plays this trick on you as well. And samples, right, try it, and then I want to get it back. So what's a product that gives you a free sample that you try? A lot of online, Buffer is a great example of this. Buffer is an app where they help you automate your tweets and Facebook posts. And they offer, you can do it for free for a while, and then you have to pay for it, and you really don't wanna lose it, so you end up paying for it. Same thing. Any ideas on loss aversion? I think that loss aversion is one of the hardest ones, yeah. There are a lot, to piggy-back on that, there are different companies like opt-in companies that will design your page for you, and you just input the text and you're good to go. And then you'll do a free trial, 30 days, if you want it great, most people forget they did it, and they're just being billed anyway. And then other ones where they'll present the offer, they'll record something in a video, "Hey, you want it, click here." And then the next, it's a checkout page, and when you start to leave, a little popup pops up, and it'll say, "Oh, are you sure? "Why don't you just try it for a dollar?" (audience murmuring) "For 14 days, and if you'd like to keep it, "then we'll charge you the rest." Loss aversion, perfect example of loss aversion. Another one that you just reminded me of is the shopping cart. That is a characteristic loss aversion technique, because you just add it to your shopping cart, it's like yours, it's like in your shopping cart, and they'll ask you, "Are you sure you wanna "remove this from your shopping cart?" It's actually loss aversion, you're like, "Well do I wanna lose it?" (audience laughs) "I'm not sure, do I wanna give that up?" It's the same thing, it's your shopping cart, it's a way to create ownership. Yeah. Yeah lots of home gym products, that's how they do it, like they'll just take it, use it, then they talk about-- Perfect example, we'll send you the product and you can use this home gym all you want, and we'll come pick it up for you for free, no problem. But the idea of losing it after you already have it is, our brain does not like it, yeah. Zappos is my favorite. I'll order like six different types of shoes. (laughing) Lace has a shoe addiction. And I'm like, "They don't fit perfectly, "but god they're so cute!" (audience laughs) And then they'll just sit in my closet. But like, the fact that I can send it back, they've even got my tracking information and everything, I don't have to do anything. Free shipping and free returns, brilliant. Because you're telling people there's no risk here. You get to have it in your home, in your bedroom, you can see it in your closet. So the idea of returning it is incredibly difficult for us. We wanna have it just in case. The last one that we're gonna talk about today is the power of feelings. I think we brought this up a little bit earlier. So our brain loves sensory experiences. The reason why we love sensory experiences is 'cause it uses the power of mirror neurons, so when someone else is feeling something really positive, we can't help but feel that back with them. Our brains want to, this is the basis of empathy, we wanna feel as other people feel. That makes us feel connected to them. And this is the perfect example of this, is the monkey and the ice cream. So during one study which I think I told you about during the day four on captivating, the researcher left the lab, the brain was hooked up to all the MRI machines, and the researcher came back in with an ice cream cone, and they realized the monkey's brain acted like it was eating the ice cream cone. So its brain thought it was eating the ice cream when it went through its own sensory experience. So how can you use feeling in your brand or in your relationships, yeah. Absolutely testimonials. Totally! Showing that it's working. Testimonials is the best way to use feelings and stories, which is exactly, you're hitting it, so stories and dopamine is the sweet spot for feelings. So one thing that we do on our web site is we have something called Scholarship Heroes. These are people who have received our courses for free, they've applied for a scholarship, and then if they want to, they can come in and they can film a testimonial with us, where we explain their story. So it shows how they feel, and we tell their story at the same time, so it triggers people's dopamine as they watch. Testimonials, text and videos. I really wanna encourage also if you have an online business, video testimonials are incredibly powerful. Way more than text. Not only are they more believable, when we see someone's face, we see their emotions, we feel with them. It just triggers way more. Sensory descriptions. So I went to a restaurant recently, and she said, (chuckles) she said, "What can I get you to drink?" And I was expecting her to say, "Would you like the house red?" I said, "What kind of wine do you have?" And she said, "Oh, our house red wine "is wine from ocean wind-kissed grapes." (audience laughs) I was like, "Well I'll take that, obviously." Like, I need to try a wine that's that. And so I actually wrote that down, 'cause I collect really interesting persuasion pique ideas. Instead of just saying the house red, she used a pique and disruption, as well as a sensory experience. I wasn't in the Mediterranean. I didn't feel that warm breeze on my face. But I'm telling you, the way she described it, she was like, "Oh, our house red tonight is lovely. "It's made from a winery on the Mediterranean, and the ocean wind comes and warms the grapes "as they grow on the vine, and we take the wine. "This bottle is a vintage that's gorgeous." I was like, my brain was there, my brain was in that winery, like feeling the warm wind on my body and my face. And the wine was great, the wine was great, yeah. One which I find particularly nasty is, "Imagine how great it would be if." "How would it feel to have the product?" Absolutely, you're tapping into sensory experience. Absolutely. Handcrafted, seaweed harvested face cream is another way that they do this. Handcrafted is like a big one that we're seeing everywhere. The reason that they're doing that is because first of all it's pique and disrupt, it'll only be that way for a few more months until we see it everywhere. But we don't usually think of a handcrafted sandwich. Yes, it is handcrafted always, but now you're seeing that more and more. Handcrafted face cream, because it's a pique and disrupt, as well as we think of someone sitting back there in the kitchen, handcrafting it. Right, we think of that sensory experience. Yeah, Jason. So one of the ideas is, not only just how it's going to feel to do this thing or buy this thing, but how it's gonna feel to not do it. Or how you feel now, is a great way to sort of describe it, so imagine yourself, like with a gym, imagine yourself going to a crowded gym, you can't find parking, you know, people are eyeballing you and you don't know what to do. And now imagine this amazing other experience. Perfect, you took me on a story. Right, you took me on my journey to the gym, it's crowded, I can't find parking, no one pays attention to me, it smells really bad. And then you went, "But there's another option." And you took me on a totally another story. So you actually used both, and sensory experiences usually are both. The important thing with feeling ideas is to use power words. It embraces the pique and disrupt technique in your stories. You can give sensory experiences that are still boring. Right, what really makes sensory experiences powerful is using words that draw emotion. Right, so I want you to go look at whatever you're trying to sell or persuade someone on, and think about, are your words boring? Are the words the same as what everyone else uses? And then I want you to sit with a thesaurus, and start subbing out words. I don't care if the words are even crazy. Right, just try it. See what happens if you put one crazy word in there. See if people actually pay attention, click on it, remember it more. Just that pique and disrupt technique, and bringing out sensory feelings is important. We are going to learn the rest of our persuasion laws tomorrow, in 27: Supercharge Your Sales. I grouped the last few laws specifically around selling and pitching. OK, we're gonna get into the scripting of what to say to someone when you wanna motivate them to do something. Winning every deal, getting buy in, and selling like a superhero. And then we're gonna talk about digital people skills. Everything we've talked about can be used in the digital world, but there's some really special, cool science projects that I wanna share with you for online communication skills, phone communication skills, and how to be a social media powerhouse. The challenge for today, I want you to brainstorm, and get crazy with this, don't limit yourself. How can you use each persuasion law? Just one way, what would you do if you had to use each persuasion law in one area of your life? And second, how can you implement one persuasion law into your social media web site or materials? I want you to actually do it. Change something and see if people notice, see how it feels, take that experimental mindset. I wanna know what the most important thing you learned today was. What was your a-ha moment? At home I want you to share it with me on Twitter, or write it down in your workbook. Remember that the more that you write, and solidify that learning, the more you'll remember it. @vvanedwards and #peopleskills. And definitely if you haven't had a chance to get the workbook yet, definitely get that. It's a purchase bonus, and there's some really wonderful things in here that Vanessa's not necessarily covering while we're live, so there's a lot more exercises here in the workbook. Do you guys have ideas, do you have ideas about how to use these, or a-ha moments, yeah. So I always feel a little bit just icky using the scarcity principle. But you know when we were talking about it, it just made me think, you know, if you're honest about it, and you honestly can only take on this many people, then you really do need to get that across to people. Yeah, they don't know that you only have so many spots in your classes. You can only work with so many people. That is an authentic way to use the scarcity idea, absolutely, yes. Yes. I like the laws of persuasion, it held my interest a lot more than if you would have titled it something with marketing in it. I don't think I would have been as interested. Yeah, so I used a pique and disrupt technique 'cause I used a more powerful word. Marketing, meh. Persuasion, much more powerful. Yeah. Yeah. I have a client who, to your point about scarcity, who said, "Oh, so you're pretty busy right now?" And I said, "Yeah yeah, but," and he was like, "Oh, so when's your availability?" 'Cause I got scared that if I seemed unavailable, I would lose the client. So he ended up changing things around, we worked together later, but yeah, he hired me and moved his own dates, for launching things, to accommodate my schedule, 'cause he wanted to hire me, he just needed to know when. So hopefully this can help you own that. When you say that, you're saying, "Yeah, you know right now it's really busy, "but, I definitely have space here." "I have space for one client, I would love that to be you." And that demographic wants that, they want to be one of the two people, so it's perfect. Perfect, it fits your ideal client's needs. One more a-ha moment or interesting thing, yeah. I love using the power of feelings, and then how you specifically talked about using the power words, because I think as I'm writing different copy and such, I can just get into sort of hum-drum. And I think I'm you know, telling a story, but it's a hum-drum story, so keeping the power words and to be able to pique and disrupt is gonna be really important. Yeah, I can't wait to see your new copy. Show me before and afters, I love before and afters. Cool, thank you guys for sharing, I can't wait to hear yours at home, and show me examples of how you use some of these techniques in action. I like the befores and afters. Definitely, we definitely wanna hear from you on Twitter as well, use the hashtag peopleskills, and you've got a special prize for Twitter. Yes, people who do it for all 30 days, the best answers are going to win my dating course and my entrepreneur course. We've seen some great answers so far. That's it for now, we hope you'll join us back for the next segment, we'll see you then. (clapping)

Class Description

Short on time? This class is available HERE as a Fast Class, exclusively for Creator Pass subscribers.

Learn how to inspire, influence, and engage people in this life-changing program with Vanessa Van Edwards.

If you want to succeed in business, life, and love you need to master the science of interpersonal intelligence. Master Your People Skills will show you how to effectively communicate with partners, clients, and colleagues so you can flourish in all aspects of your life.

In Master Your People Skills, Vanessa will teach you the communication methods and relationship-building strategies that will transform your interactions. You will learn how to increase your likability, deal with difficult people, be a master conversationalist, and quickly identify personality types.

This is class has 30 lessons each 45-60 minutes that are comprehensive lessons, activities, and challenges to assess and improve your people skills.

You’ll also develop techniques for overcoming awkward interactions, avoiding toxic people, and building rewarding relationships. Not only will Vanessa show you how to be proud of your in-person interactions, but you will also learn how to communicate more effectively online — via email, text, and social media.

Here’s how Vanessa will help you increase your impact:

  • You will be able to command respect and supercharge your first impression.
  • You will know exactly how to win more deals and attract more clients.By the end of week three you will have learned the art of speed-reading people.
  • You will have mastered your presence to be more persuasive, likable and influential.

Vanessa transformed lives in her previous CreativeLive class, The Power of Body Language. In Master Your People Skills, Vanessa will go beyond non-verbal communication, showing you how to boost your emotional and social intelligence.  



This is the best course I have ever taken on anything, anywhere, ever. As an adult with Asperger’s, I have been studying social skills and nonverbal communication for a long time. All the books I’ve read and other courses like these I’ve watched prior to this one, didn’t even teach me half of what Vanessa has taught me in this course. Master Your People Skills has provided me with literally everything I have ever wanted to learn from inner confidence, charisma, making conversation, making a great first impression, being memorable, etc. Vanessa is such a charismatic, passionate, and knowledgable mentor, who has a real gift of taking her many years of research and hard work, and teaching it in a way that is easy and fun to learn. This course is the real deal, you will be a master after you are finished with it, and I would recommend it to anyone.


I have just finished day 13 and so far the course has been amazing every single day. Vanessa is a great teacher and I love how her work is down-to-earth, practical, very applicable and rooted in scientific research. It's not the usual "ra ra ra, I can turn you into a master people schmoozer-type courses" found elsewhere. Anyone that wants to improve themselves and have better relationships in all aspects of their lives, both professional and personal, should get this course. There is so much quality material in this course, I look forward to going over the videos and the workbook more than once in order to improve my own people skills. The course is worth every penny and much more! Thank you Vanessa!