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Master Your People Skills

Lesson 31 of 31

Live Check in


Master Your People Skills

Lesson 31 of 31

Live Check in


Lesson Info

Live Check in

This, if you can believe it, is the last day of this amazing course. And I know from everything that you've been sharing with us online, this has been an incredibly empowering experience for all of you. I want to say a big thank you to everyone who's contributed and everybody who's watched throughout these last 30 days. It's been wonderful having you with us. But today is the last day of this very exciting course. And we're here, before we kick of the final segment, with a live check in with Vanessa herself. And just, here she is, the wonderful lady herself, all the way from Portland, Oregon, Vanessa, welcome back, you're looking fantastic. How have these 30 days been for you? It's been incredible. I mean, I've learned as much from the students as I hope that they're learning from the course. And they really have, I mean, they've been sharing such incredible things with us. I know this has been such an amazing experience. You're looking wonderful, it's great to see you back on Creative...

Live, live. But we are definitely going to get going, 'cause we have so many questions to share today. So let's just start, by telling us a little bit about the course, and how its been so far, and what we've learned, what our journey has been. Yeah, so you know, it's interesting, its been amazing to watch people go through the course and take the content and try out their own goals and change it around and adapt it. I love it when people take the content and make it their own. And so one of the things that I did when I built the course, is I knew that when people came into the course, they would have, sort of, a thing they wanted to work on. Business, or a pitch, or dating, or socializing. So I hope that in a few months, when you want to do it for something else, you can re-watch. And so one thing that we did is, I wanted to make sure that I was offering support for you as many times as you re-watch it. And so what we did is we actually built a forum section on our website that will live forever, so that as you watch the course again, if that's in six months or two years, you can actually go to our forums with a permanent place for each day. We created a day for each day of the course. Where we have reflection questions, a little bit of a summary, as well as other people can post their questions and ideas as well. So, in that way, I hope that this will offer continued support forever. And you can always have access to me, in case you don't know where I am on Twitter, or the chats aren't working. So, we built those forums so that it will be a permanent learning for the course, which I'm really excited about. Well we're excited too. That really is an incredibly generous bonus that you've created there for this particular course. So thank you for doing that, Vanessa. And to remind everybody, you can still upgrade to anytime access for this course. Then not only do you get full access to that discussion forum forever more, you of course have the videos to watch back and watch back at your own pace. And of course, you get the course workbook. And the course workbook has all the details about the links to the chat rooms, although they're up on the screen now as well. And that course workbook is ever green as well. But we definitely wanna get in some questions here, Vanessa. So lets fire away. This question came in from a viewer, asking about reciprocity, which is not easy for an Englishman to say. So what do you think of the reciprocity effect and giving things away for free? Is there a limit to how much you should be giving away? Yes, so that's a good question. We talked about the reciprocity effect in our persuasion and sales day. So then that was day 26 and day 27 of the course. And the reciprocity effect says that when you give something to someone, they can't help but want to return the favor. It's something in our brain about comradery and always giving when you also receive. So, this is really important because if you're a photographer, or a creative entrepreneur, and you give away too much for free, that actually isn't the reciprocity effect at its best. And here's why, the reciprocity effect is about building value. So when you give something to someone, you're actually giving them a little sample of your value. You're giving them a taste test. You're also offering something for free, but you're showing them a taste test of what they can get. So if you give it all away for free, right? If you offer to work completely for free, that actually lowers your value. Because you don't show them, you know, yes I'm giving you this little taste test, but we have way more that you can upgrade to. So I want you to think about the reciprocity effect in terms of taste testing, sampling. That's a really great way to think about it. Thank you for that Vanessa. The second question came here from online, what's your favorite inspiration style? Oh goodness. So we learned about the six inspiration styles, in inspire, I think that was day 23. Hopefully on Twitter you can correct me if I'm wrong on that. And I love the six inspiration styles, 'cause they show you when and how you can lead people and make an impact, depending on the situation. My favorite inspiration style, that's like asking to pick a favorite pet or sibling. You know, I really like the affiliative inspiration style. The affiliative inspiration style is when you bring people together. You know, this course, is about learning, it's about people skills. But I also have loved bringing all kinds of people together from around the world. So I think that one's my favorite. Especially with I love to connect people, and in Portland I'm always saying, you have to meet this person and this person have to meet, and I think that the forums do that really well, is bring different people together. So I would say if I had to pick, I would pick the affiliative. (laughing) Well we've got a truly global audience joining us again for this live check, and we've got the Netherlands online and we've got people all over the world, so welcome to all of you. Thank you for your questions. Another question, do you recommend, Vanessa, having more than one awesome club? Okay, so we just, awesome club is one of my favorite segments. It actually may be my favorite segment of the entire course. I think so too, I think so. Yeah, and it was on day 29, so it was the last day that we did. And by the way, we still have a whole nother segment after this chat, which is, we have two more skills to still learn. So that's a pretty good one too. But the awesome club, what we learned is, the importance of asking for help. And formalizing your support. And that when you combine intelligences, you really level up. So, I love the idea of having more than one awesome club. I have three, I think I mentioned that in the course. I have a female one where it's all female business owners. I have one that's all online teachers, and online creative entrepreneurs. And then I have one that's a one on one where we sort of deep dive with each other for our businesses. I would recommend starting with one, to get your feel for how you like it. If you like having multiple or one person, figuring out a timing on it, and then I would think about different areas of your life. Do you wanna have one for help? Do you wanna have an awesome club for New Years resolutions? Do you wanna have an awesome club around productivity and motivation? And especially for my low open people, I wanna make sure that you take it slow. So start with one, do at least three or four weeks to make sure that you like it, and then think about adding a second. I do highly recommend having more than one, especially if it's fulfilling for you or it's fulfilling from your personal goals. That's great advice. Now question from Ruby, Ruby's asking, well she's saying first of all, I am loving your course, thank you for that Ruby. And then saying, I want to know if you recommend or have any favorite other Creative Live courses to supplement yours. Oh gosh, there are so many good Creative Live courses. For my creative entrepreneur's, who are watching, especially if you do hand made goods, Carey Tapeman's course, how to make a hand made business, I have a good girl crush on her, I love her. So I think she's a fantastic teacher for my crafters. If you're launching anything, for the business side, Terra Genteally has an amazing launch course, and it might be replaying soon, we broadcasting soon, maybe? I think it is, yeah, I think you're right it's in the schedule, yep. She's also a good friend of mine. I just love her, she's actually in my female awesome club. So I love, I love her course. I found her through Creative Live and through her course. And then probably Remit Saitey. His course, it was two years ago, it's an older Creative Live course, and I went on his, update show to talk about his course with a case study of my business. And our interview is actually in his course now. So, his text are timeless, which is great. So I would say those three, I could go on forever. But I'll stick with three. And then of course you yourself have an amazing body language course in the library, so let's not forget about that! Thank you Jesse, and yes, you were the host for me! I was, that's right Yes, this is a second course, yes. So yeah, power of body language was so much that was only six or seven months ago. Which I can't believe Yeah, gosh It doesn't seem that long. It has made be terribly paranoid whenever I'm around Vanessa now, I have to sort of stand rigid just in case I'm giving anything away. But we've gotten great questions coming in from Megan, Megan's saying again, have been loving your course Vanessa, but when I talk with people, I start off fine, then as I'm talking I get anxious. I heat up a bit and talk faster. Besides teaching myself to stop and breathe, and be silent, is there anything else I can do? Yes, so first, I'm so glad that the stopping and breathing is the first one, 'cause that is first. Second, so what happens is, I don't know if you remember this, it was a very small part of the course where I talked about how we have many thousands of thoughts in a day, and even if someone thinks about you ten times, that would still be .02% of how much they think about you. So the problem is, when we're talking to someone, we get very wrapped up in our own head. We're like, do they like me? Is this coming out okay? And so we end up getting into this weird fear cycle in our head. So, what I want you to do, is when you start to feel that happen, I want you to actually shift your focus. Reframe what your brain is doing, don't let it go into that negative cycle. And focus on something really specific you want to learn about them. So, when we talk about daily legs, right? Your daily mission statement, what you wanna learn. Whether that's on a date or in a network event, or in a meeting. I want you, before you go into the meeting, to think about what is the one thing that you really want to learn about them. It could be what motivates them to get up in the morning, it could be why they started their business. It could be their childhood and what shaped them. Whatever it is for you, hold that question in your mind. So that as soon as your brain starts to go into fear mode, I want you to go, what was that question? What's the one thing I have to figure out about them? That will shift you from the internal fear process into the external. That is exactly what I do when I'm with people. So when I get into my interrupt patterns, I start to speak really quickly, I get really flushed, it's because I'm literally, so psyched up in my own head, I think about, what's that one thing I want to know about them, and it gets me out of my own head and into figuring out what I need to think about for them. So that is exactly what I use. Breathing, and the one question for them. Great advice, thank you Vanessa. Now Tiny T's joining us online, Vanessa, everybody is dying to know what you're value language is. (laughing) My value language! So, I am a recovering control-aholic. (laughing) And I'm recovering of a lot of things, I think. (laughing) Still struggling, so I would say control is a big one for me. And that's something that I'm working on making more positive, making something that works for me. I try, I think for a long time, to do, what I thought I should do. I'm ashamed to say that when I was going to college, I went to Emery University in Atlanta, and I was thinking about what to major in in college. Instead of thinking about what I wanted to major in, which was psychology and creative writing, I instead thought of what I should major in. And, that was Mandarin. I was actually a Mandarin major in college. I only took creative writing and psychology courses and sociology courses for fun. And I made so many decisions based on shoulds. And I think that's because my value language was about fitting into this perfect idea of what I thought I should be. And so, when I say I'm a recovering control-aholic, I embrace my value language as control. But making that in terms of what fits my goals, as opposed to what externally I think I should do. So I hope, that's a very personal answer, but I know that you guys have been sharing your personal stories with me. And they've been incredibly inspiring, so. They have, they have, and thank you for that answer. Now Matt H. Is asking, Vanessa, would you consider freedom to be a value language? The idea of not being tied down to anything for too long. Yeah, so I think that freedom actually is very very close to uniqueness. Breaking out of the boundaries, of not having rules. Maybe, even freedom is a better name for that value language. Because in a sense, breaking free, is also a way of being unique and being different. So absolutely, I think that freedom fits into that value language. It might even be a unique slash freedom. Tweet me about that and I'm gonna, I might write a little extra corollary on it, 'cause I really like that. Sounds good, now Art Spirit is asking, and now she's saying hello from Beaverton, Vanessa. So they must be very close to you up in the Oregon area. They're very close! Very close, so Art Spirit is saying, this class is literally life changing. What would be the best approach to a riser, that seems to be rejecting my attempts to communicate better? So, there's a couple different things you can do. First, is you can try radical honesty. So radical honesty is a concept that I have been testing in my labs and in my personal life. I haven't written a lot about this because I wanna do more research on it first. But I think this is a great forum to start talking about it. So radical honesty is this idea that you approach you conversations, your communication, your relationships with complete transparency. And that might even be hard to hear, transparency. So with a difficult riser, you can try the radical honesty approach. And that is, that you literally go to them, you show them day one of this course, or you tell them day one of this course, and you say, I was asked, in this course, to pick someone who I truly wanted to connect with on a deeper level with. And I picked you. That is a very radically, honest, direct way to approach someone, and you can see what they'll say to you. Sometimes that radical honesty of you showing that you really want them to be the person that you dive deep with, they might not even have to conscientiously have been realizing it before. So you can try radical honesty as something that might kick them into gear into realizing you are really trying to reach out to them. I'd be curious to hear how that goes. 'Cause again, I'm in that experimental phase of radical honesty, some of my friends are experimenting also with the radical honesty and it's been interesting to watch. So I'd love to hear how that goes. Yeah, that's a great approach. I love the idea radical honesty, that's something very unique for me too. Now, Rodrigo is joining us and they're saying, affectionate nicknames, do they have the same effect of saying, affectionately-- no I'm sorry, I've lost that question, I apologize for that. (laughing) That doesn't make sense now I've started reading it. So, apologies, so Carey Gurokpoi, which I think is right, that's from Greece. So they were reaching out saying, I wanted to say that I'm in the middle of a difficult divorce, with a very toxic person, and I'm also taking care of my three toddlers. Now, following your 30 day course has been an incredible experience for them, and its as though my brain has been reconnected and reestablished, and I'm able to think and feel open to people again. So, this has been a perfect showcase for you Vanessa, they really do appreciate it. And the way you talk and the way you give attention, so they really want to say a big thank you to helping them refocus. Can I just reach out to you for a second, that's incredibly inspiring that you are going through a divorce and I think that's one of the hardest things we go through as humans. And that you have decided to focus on learning, that you have taken something and decided that you're going to learn and reset. And I think that when people go through difficult times and, my goodness I've been through my share of them, the idea of taking time for yourself to reset, and re clarify your boundaries and to know that this person is toxic, but you are doing the, giving yourself the ultimate gift, of saying, I deserve better. I deserve boundaries. Kudos to you for resetting. I mean, that takes tremendous courage. So thank you for letting me even help with that process. And thank you for sharing, again as Vanessa said it takes a lot of courage just to share that openly. So thank you for sharing that with us. Now Rodrigo's clarified his question. So apologies Rodrigo, but thank you. And saying, affectionate nicknames have the same effect, do affectionate nicknames have the same effect of saying the name of the person. Oh! Now it makes sense. Goodness. I don't know if they did that in the study. That's a great question, so, Rodrigo, I think what Rodrigo's asking about, is we talked about the power of names, and that that's part of our skill of triggering dopamine, that in the brain reward center is triggered by dopamine. It's a little neurotransmitter that makes us feel pleasure, and happiness, and rewards. And that when you say someones name, it triggers that dopamine, So the question is, do affectionate names do the same thing? I don't think they studied that in the study. I don't think they looked at nicknames. Now, I would guess, that if it's a nickname that someone has had or you've given to them with a positive connotation, like for example, a childhood nickname or a personal nickname that you've given them as a close friend, I would think, that has the same effect as dopamine, because it has the same qualities of a name. Personal care, remembering them, and uniqueness. So I would think it's the same, but the science I don't think has tested that yet. What an interesting take on that study, I like it. Yeah, me too, that's a very interesting question. Now Megan is asking, Vanessa, how often do we keep in touch with all the new people that we will meet? What is the minimum we should reach out and stay in touch with? I'm terrible at keeping in touch with people, friends, and past co-workers, and new people. I have to say, this question comes from me too, 'cause I'm exactly the same, so Vanessa, what's your advice? So perfect, so actually in this next segment, day 30, or people plan, we're gonna touch a little bit on some of the logistics of your people Rolodex. How to maintain those relationships, but let's get really specific about it, 'cause I don't think I get super specific about it in the next segment. What I do, is I have two different things that I use, one, I have a folder in my email. It's called follow up. Those are all the people who I either had a genuine connection with or I consider them VIP's. They're important people who I want to maintain the relationship with. And I make sure that their emails are always filed into that folder. Then I have a calendar alert in my calendar, where every three months I go through that folder. I look and make sure if I want to follow up with them, typically I'll go into my favorite articles, I use a bunch of different RSS feeds, and I'll pick out articles that I think they might like, and I send them to them. You know, whether it's a friend or a connection, I'll say, hey I saw this article that made me think of you. So every three months, I go through that folder. So that can be a way that you do that, I also know that people use LinkedIn for that, where every three months they have a LinkedIn alert. A Facebook or a LinkedIn alert, where they go through their LinkedIn or Facebook and they go through their connections and they see, is there anyone that I want to reestablish connection with? So those are two different ways that you can sort of think about, and by the way, that's three months for me. Maybe it's a month for you. If you're starting your business, it should be every six weeks, right? 'Cause you really wanna build those connections. If you're super busy, maybe it's every six months. Maybe it's once a year around the New Year, where you wish everyone a happy new year, and you check in with them. So it's totally up to you based on where you are in your relationships. Great advice, thank you very much. Now one last question, saying, I love the course, and I want to keep the good energy going, can I create an awesome club centered around the course? Yes! So that's actually happened three or four times. We've gotten emails of people who have decided to create their first awesome club around the course. Just in the last two days we've gotten that. So, here's how I think that you can do that, we built these forums, which, it's in your FAQ, your free downloads, I think they're also gonna put the link on the screen for you. So in those forums, what we did, is we put a brief summary of the section, and we also put a couple of discussion questions, like your a-ha moment, as well as what you need to discuss from that course. So what you can do, is instead of doing an awesome club for 30 days, you can do that either for 30 weeks, or for 30 months, where everyone has to watch one segment before you meet or talk. You can actually use the forums as a way to do that. If you are also looking for people for your awesome club, and you wanna do a digital awesome club, one of my awesome clubs is on Google Hangouts, you can also use the forums and, or our Facebook group or Twitter if you wanna find other like minded people. To go through the course together. And that's day 29 in the forums. We have that open for you to use, forever as your resources. So yes, I love the idea of that. Especially 'cause it solidifies learning and a lot of the lessons I encourage you to watch again and again. 'Cause hopefully you'll learn something different depending on what area of your life you're in to watch it. That's absolutely right, and as Vanessa said, that link will come up on the screen, but also is available in the bonus material that comes when you upgrade to anytime access. And make sure that you have the course workbook to hand, and all the FAQ's are in there as well. Now I just want to end with one last comment, Vanessa, this comes from Tony T., and Tony's saying, Vanessa, this course has been amazing. For many years I've been searching for info about people skills without much luck. You re the first one to put it all together in a simple system that is easy to learn. I have a huge business crush on you, and I love you very much. And that actually came from Tony T., and he also signs himself as Amed. Yes! (laughing) Business crush to you as well. Yes, that's my business crush. And remember that are two more skills to learn. I'm actually excited we have a really cool segment, this ending segment we talk about regret, and we talk about living a life to our fullest and being in control in your social and business life. So I'm excited, hopefully that business crush will continue. I'm sure it will. Vanessa this has been such a pleasure, it's so great to see you looking so well. I want to thank you very much, personally, for everything you've done here on Creative Live in the last 30 days. This has taught me a lot, it's been an incredibly empowering experience. I hope, this is your second course, but the second of many more. I hope so too! And I so appreciate you and I can't wait for everyone to get this last little bit in. Certainly, we're looking forward to it too.

Class Description

Short on time? This class is available HERE as a Fast Class, exclusively for Creator Pass subscribers.

Learn how to inspire, influence, and engage people in this life-changing program with Vanessa Van Edwards.

If you want to succeed in business, life, and love you need to master the science of interpersonal intelligence. Master Your People Skills will show you how to effectively communicate with partners, clients, and colleagues so you can flourish in all aspects of your life.

In Master Your People Skills, Vanessa will teach you the communication methods and relationship-building strategies that will transform your interactions. You will learn how to increase your likability, deal with difficult people, be a master conversationalist, and quickly identify personality types.

This is class has 30 lessons each 45-60 minutes that are comprehensive lessons, activities, and challenges to assess and improve your people skills.

You’ll also develop techniques for overcoming awkward interactions, avoiding toxic people, and building rewarding relationships. Not only will Vanessa show you how to be proud of your in-person interactions, but you will also learn how to communicate more effectively online — via email, text, and social media.

Here’s how Vanessa will help you increase your impact:

  • You will be able to command respect and supercharge your first impression.
  • You will know exactly how to win more deals and attract more clients.By the end of week three you will have learned the art of speed-reading people.
  • You will have mastered your presence to be more persuasive, likable and influential.

Vanessa transformed lives in her previous CreativeLive class, The Power of Body Language. In Master Your People Skills, Vanessa will go beyond non-verbal communication, showing you how to boost your emotional and social intelligence.  



This is the best course I have ever taken on anything, anywhere, ever. As an adult with Asperger’s, I have been studying social skills and nonverbal communication for a long time. All the books I’ve read and other courses like these I’ve watched prior to this one, didn’t even teach me half of what Vanessa has taught me in this course. Master Your People Skills has provided me with literally everything I have ever wanted to learn from inner confidence, charisma, making conversation, making a great first impression, being memorable, etc. Vanessa is such a charismatic, passionate, and knowledgable mentor, who has a real gift of taking her many years of research and hard work, and teaching it in a way that is easy and fun to learn. This course is the real deal, you will be a master after you are finished with it, and I would recommend it to anyone.


I have just finished day 13 and so far the course has been amazing every single day. Vanessa is a great teacher and I love how her work is down-to-earth, practical, very applicable and rooted in scientific research. It's not the usual "ra ra ra, I can turn you into a master people schmoozer-type courses" found elsewhere. Anyone that wants to improve themselves and have better relationships in all aspects of their lives, both professional and personal, should get this course. There is so much quality material in this course, I look forward to going over the videos and the workbook more than once in order to improve my own people skills. The course is worth every penny and much more! Thank you Vanessa!