What is Your Story?
I just want to further emphasize if you only hear one thing that I say this whole time try to make it this thing there is no value judgment attached to any of these behaviors it's all a matter of knowing yourself and knowing the people that you're dealing with that that that matters so speaking of why this matters or what does matter you know you maybe think well what good is this okay? This is an interesting theory and blah blah blah good information maybe or maybe not but how do I actually use this? Like what good will this do me besides being sort of an object of fascination perhaps what good would this do me in my everyday life? So I wanted to just share a few stories from my everyday life about how it has been helpful and as you'll see, we're going to talk about the nine personal styles of communication and one of them is yours and won the miss yours and one of them is mine and the one that happens to be minus the four is the fourth one number four so that's what you can see these...
stories all involve before because that's me and the first story that I want to tell you from my life uh called the ra later and the results oriented is for me for my kind of community communication style it's very important for me to understand what things mean and how everyone is feeling and how when we change a piece of something in a work situation for example and this is a work story, it changes things for people what does it mean to them when you change the rules of engagement or move the cheese or whatever you call it, how is everyone gonna feel about that? What how's it going affect them not everybody's like that and I'm not saying that it's a good thing or bad thing, so I happen to work for someone who was not that way and we're doing creative projects together. I worked in the music business back when they're sort of was a music business, at least how I remember it and he we were doing creative projects together like I say and I would run into difficulties because we're doing pretty innovative projects and I would walk by him in the hallway and I would say, you know, that thing that we're trying to dio I have a problem, I've run into a problem, I want to talk to you about it and he would just blow me off he would just like space out and be like, well, talk to my assistant and maybe, you know, maybe I could talk to you in like a week or something like that and I would feel miserable I would feel first I would feel angry and then I would feel ashamed like oh well I guess I shouldn't be having this problem and I'm probably a loser because I am having this problem and p s I'm also alone because I can't get the person who actually has the authority in this situation to help I like my job then I realized upon reflection what his communication style wass and his communication style was not interested in problems his communication style was the kind of person who is always gazing at the horizon attuned to possibility vision opportunity for a person like that problems are a big bummer because when you have a problem you have to pull your gaze away from the horizon to right here and now and that is no fun for that person so someone says to me I have a problem I would like to talk to you about it everything in me quiet so I'm like let me prepare myself to hear your problem I'm like I'm like interested not this person he was like I don't care so when I realized what he was interested in, I stopped saying to him I have a problem that I would like your your guidance on and I started instead saying I have an idea and I would like your feedback and he would go oh what's your idea because he's interested in ideas and then I would tell him my problem but as an idea and so there was there was always a way to tell someone a problem but contextualized as an idea and in that little tweak I got what I needed which was some engagement in some advice and some direction our relationship was strengthened and the most important point of this story is all of that b s if I don't like him he doesn't like me, we're not this is not meant to be or I can't work with someone like that and he hates me and all of that was gone that's why this information is useful because it makes all of that stuff go and you can then engage so another example that I'll share with you the second story the danger avoider and the playful creative I will be playing the role of playful creative in this scenario um also someone I happen to work within this same company and we were partners we were both had were employed to co create particular kinds of projects and we add office is right next to each other and I would sit in my office I go, we could do this we could do that because the kind of the fourth style which I call the poet it's a kind of creative thinker in general everybody's a creative thinker but this is a particular flavor of creative thinking so I would sit in my in my office and I'd be like well I wonder what happened if we did this or what we got this person to play that in that pushing to play this or what if we you know have invited so and so to produce and wouldn't that be amazing cause would make this other thing happen and so on and so forth and I would go to my partner in the office next door he was always reading the newspaper and I would say you know what do you think about blah blah blah and he would put the paper down and go it's not gonna work because this is going to happen that's gonna happen this other thing's gonna happen the paper would come back up and I leave like quite disheartened as you can imagine like but he just stomped all over my idea my idea must have been bad or I don't like camp blah blah blah the same thing then I realized again what kind of a communicator he was the sixth type which is the kind that is attuned to danger attuned to what could go wrong so whenever they hear something their mind immediately doesn't go too well that's that could be cool their mind goes to where's the danger what could go wrong what might screw this up? How could we screw it up and when you have a little baby idea when someone throws that in the mix the baby idea just basically suffocates so I learned not to tell him my ideas when they were at that baby stage but when I wanted to know what could go wrong I would tell him my idea and he was quite a genius at pointing out the pitfalls that I couldn't see so again same thing all of the I don't like you you don't like me I sort of went away but instead he was like became so and by the way we're still like great friends from this inauspicious beginning it just changed one you know just to change my expectation that he would brainstorm ideas with me two he is the go to person for pointing out the problems with this idea that helpful yes can you go a little bit more into the types that you were discussing? Yes and no yes and no yes and no absolutely and the types that were discussing by the way the four in the seven in the six and so on we're going to go so into detail about what those types are. Nine types were going to spend a tremendous amount of time looking at each one very particularly a crop for on different levels what is the talking style of this type? What is what does get the attention of that type if my my attention goes to meaning we're gonna go into this in in a moment actually and my colleagues attention went to danger well, how does a meaning in a danger person how do they connect? So they're nine of these and we're going to dive so deeply into them so thank you for asking great are there any other questions right now but right now they just you know more to come that's going to be the lion's share of the rest of our day actually our time um okay, so then the third uh the right do and the unique sensibility in this scenario I will be playing the unique sensibility person and I'm married to a right door I'm married to the type number one where the attention goes to right and wrong it's different than possibility and problem it's different than danger creative creativity this kind this person attention goes to what is right and what is wrong and it's very black and white thinking and my attention goes to a more sort of fluid, flowy kind of view of things. Well, what has this feel? What does this mean? How does this touch you? What is in your eyes right now and this person is like, is it right or is it wrong there's a really different ways of doing things so when I get in a fight with my personal husband which happens, um I would early in our relationship I would just well, maybe I just start sobbing he'll get how much this is hurting me that he's just tell me do you know that this is wrong and how which I don't care about that but he really does care and there's a powerful upside to that that will get into when we look at the types one by one but I learned that when we're in an argument if I can confess wrongdoing right away I know that this I know I did this wrong or I know what you were expecting was this and I did that instead or I know you said this and I said that and there was a disconnect I'm just a blanket I'm just using confess wrongdoing as a blanket term if I could just acknowledge what what what is wrong and my part in it everything calms down and we can have an actual conversation but until I do that he's like me I did their civic knowledge right here that right and wrong so it's very been very helpful my personal relationship and so when when we're when I'm joking with him and he's getting upset about something I want to try to joke him out of it I say well, you know you're right you know you're one hundred percent right and he's like I know I am and then he gets that I'm joking and we can kind of laugh so anyway those air three examples of how this information is actually useful it's extremely practical. It has application, so I want to ask you, do you? How does this sound to you? Do you have? Do you relate to any of these stories? I saw some nodding when I was telling some of these stories. Do you relate to any of these styles? That's they've been described so far and again, we're going to go into great detail on all of them. So don't worry if you can't. I think I'm, uh, relating to the second one. Uh, the danger avoider. Yeah. And my wife is the playful creative. So I'm very familiar with that scenario that you spoke of in that situation. Interesting. So she has no idea. Honey, what about this? And you're like, not gonna work? Actually came up with washington produce bag just messing around. Where their sewing machines, the leftover material that's. So cool. Yeah, and then I'm the one who's going well, how we gonna get the shipment out? You know, what's gonna happen if we don't do this and it doesn't get out on time and all that sounds like a good partnership. A songs you understand each other. You should have work. I always make sure I'm good friends with a danger of water. Because I come up with grand schemes and I really need to know where I can screw up that's just so I know that I'm not good at it because I had this idealistic view always gonna work it's gonna be great you know uh and they're like actually you forget about this this and this and I love that I would rather get that input from them than my boss very smart, very smart and brave I would say because often people with their ideas they don't just like this is gonna work this is good don't poke a hole in it because then I'll be really upset so it's very good that you do that when I was training for one of the accounting book keeping jobs that I last worked at I realized that during that training period I sought out problems to solve you know instead of like you know aiken ok, this is how you work this and this is how that's done and whatnot but I you know I said give me hard things to solve you know, whether it's what category does this product go in for example? You know, give me something to figure out because I had to divided up and and cost it out in certain categories and, uh, you know it's great when you're doing things right there's really not right there's really not a whole lot to learn but if you come up against things, you're not quite sure about that's when the learning comes and uh you know so well that's very interesting and that's where the learning comes for you for me, right? So that's exactly what you just said that is the value in this system is that's where the learning comes for you so people that are engaged with you and see how you work and personally and professionally can appreciate that about you when they know this is how she learned so if I'm a problem solver I don't have to go in and russian fixed that problem I can just support her as she learns you were working with it and you know, other people may or may not be that way so it's just interesting and what you're saying I completely understand you do learn a lot when things go wrong sometimes sometimes sometimes you just are like I can't function I need certain things to be set right then I can start learning so it's it's very personal I close really relate myself as the playful creative because uh I usually come up with lots of ideas means have so too many hobbies and when I think of something like new idea and people will say I don't know how that will go so means after getting the so many responses actually stop sharing the ideas when it's in the initial stage so I would like do thirty forty percent of the work and then showed them and they would think like, okay, maybe you're up to something so then they are a little more consistent they are a little more with me since wise that sounds wise and I would also caution you not don't shoes yet this is just for nine yeah, and each one is so rich and multi dimensional so good to start thinking I relate more with results and less with someone who wants to have a relationship that's good start but just hold that don't make any decisions yet don't make any decisions out there at home yet either um so what we're talking about so I want to use your example will because it's such a good one that learning comes when things go wrong because your attention is sort of awoken awakened wakes up oh this is interesting this is cool, something went wrong there's something interesting going on here but not everybody's like that so away to begin finding your personal style is trying to suss out where does your attention naturally go in a given situation? That's a big broad statement I know, but I'm going teo suggest to you that there are nine possible places that your attention could go and one of them is primary for you you do all of them but one is primary and I'm just going to make up a situation. Nine nine people the nine different styles go to a party what gets their attention. So for one person, the first person walks into ah the party and goes, why is the food this close to the door? This food is hot and it's cold out and that's that's wrong. They got to move that or oh that's interesting there's a painting above the mantle over there and it's a little crooked. I'm going to go. My tension goes right to that and I got to go fix that because they're just seeing what's, right? What's wrong what's out of place what's in place. Uh, again. We're going to tremendous detail on all of this. The second one, which is below not across is the second person walks into the party and goes, who needs what here? Does everybody have a drink? Is there? Is there an important person in the room and what did they need? So they're immediately attention goes to who is needing something. Who was satisfied, who was unhappy, who was happy, who is having a good time, a bad time and so on. And what might they need, especially if there are an important person that I want? In my life I attention doesn't go to how can I become their friend or how can I impress them with the wonderful person that I am it goes to wonder if they need a drink and kanai refreshing for them so that's one way of thinking about things the third person walks into the party sees everyone goes look uh oh my god there's a sea of people waiting to be impressed by me how fabulous and I wonder if they know that I just passed the bar on the first try and I wonder you know if there's oh the mayor's at the party I need the mayor to know that I really made a very big contribution to her campaign and she probably wouldn't be the mayor without me so who can I impress the fourth person myself what is the meaning the attention goes to there's a party here these people are invited they don't these people like each other these people don't like each other I wonder why the host chose to include all these people in the same space is he or she trying to make this alliance or what does it mean this person's attention goes to what they think is authentic they may or may not be right so for example if someone is crying to rooms over this person will be like oh interesting someone's crying someone's feeling something let me go check that out I'm interested in that the fifth person how can I get out this is a type of person that is very focused on privacy and controlling the perimeter of their personal situation and so they would basically walk in you know how when you're on a plight on a flight the flight attendants say be sure to notice the closest exits which may be behind you this is the person that is looking for that exit and it's like always keeping it not too far you're smiling are you recognizing that or do you know someone like that or is that you yeah I have noticed me uh while being in flight that people are mean just staring at the door with a couple of times they're not aware it could be dangerous you need to know that they get closest exit could be behind you uh the sixth person is the danger avoider it's like they walk into the party and they're like uh that chandelier that this light looks a little shaky I hope this doesn't fall down and crash on someone's head I mean I'm making these things up for to make a point but there immediately going okay does everybody know that the subway stops running at midnight and it's already eleven forty five and some people seem like they've had a little bit too much to drink and maybe I should hustle them out to the train because they probably shouldn't drive and that kind of thing and then the seven percent is the person whose attention goes to how much fun can we have here? That's the person that's looking at the horizon, the person that's interested in vision and possibility they also are interested in what is fun? I mean, I see these people like I do not understand what planet you're from because they're like let's have a good time, I'm going to tell some jokes let me tell you some stories and they are amazing storytellers and they're incredibly entertaining and the second they walk into the room, the amount of fun everyone has is going to go up and there'll be more laughing and on the eighth person just their attention, they don't care about having fun, necessarily they're not interested in the meaning, they won't don't knowif someone so needs a drink there like how can I rule the situation? How can I dominate? I'm sure we've all worked with or for people like this that they take up all the air in the room the second they walk in there like whoa everything's different now this person is very strong because they are and their attention goes to I know a better party down the street, I'm gonna take everyone with me this party's nothing, I'm going to take them to that party, which is great and in the somehow seek to take control of the situation these air very broad generalizations by the way so please take them all with a giant hunk assault and then the ninth person I accidentally left out the text but when I saw it I was like oh that's actually perfect because the ninth kind of person the attention goes into space the attention goes to its very hard for that focus the attention anywhere so the person the ninth person walks into the party and goes to put their coat on the bed and the party's happening out here and all the coats are in here and they I fully intend to go back out to the party once they put their coat on the bed but they're like look at that coat that oh I think that might be alpaca I wanted I used to have a coat like that oh my god I remember so and so I was with them when I was wearing that coat and I wonder how they are going to text them and see how they are and then the party's over and they're still looking at the coats or whatever so the person is just the attention goes sort of everywhere except for to the point so are you getting any kind of a sense of I mean these are very broad strokes where does your attention go? Would you like to make a guess uh maybe towards the party won or how can I dominate our who can I impress? Well that's very interesting because you just named three seven and eight and those are three types that tend to move against in the neurotic patterns three of these move against three of them moved towards three of the move away I think you were all your earlier towards against again I guess uh earlier I was more away I thought because of like meditation practice like but sometimes I remember in the past year in different situations that would want to, uh take control of whatever situation it wass actually more and work environment it's a very powerful quality well used can change the world so interesting one person is not here that's the person that didn't go to the party right person that's stuck in the coat room looking at the coats like there's really not at the third there but they're not there anybody else? Yes, and then we'll well there I connected with the the rightness and wrongness what is the meaning in who needs work and what is the third one who needs what meaning who needs what and right and wrong. Yeah. So, uh I was just laughing through each personality that you just because I have came across all kinds of all those kinds of people and well, some of our friends are those who until your friends that make some of my friends are like obviously so like seeing the crack or like water sitting just get exactly in reaction that dimension so how is this laughing? That means they're here let me ask you a question that may be impossible to answer but it does sort of give you a sense of okay, I know that I recognise effort that's funny it's kind of funny but it's not mean funny no what what is it? What makes you laugh when you if you can say when you think when you go oh yeah I recognize that uh actually just never part in this way means the organized means yeah, I noticed it but now as you explain like it's a pardon and that means no see have seen that kind of party so it's kind of like I'm laughing at myself that I missed it that's also that's great and there is a little late and seeing a pattern is there not there's a joy in that somehow for a particular kind of mind? Especially yes. And then yes. And then yes, uh the strongest one for may certainly is like you what's the meaning you know that I walk into any social situation it used to be how can I get out not for safety's sake but uh preconceived notions about my place but that's aside not now uh but what's the meaning for sure uh who needs what you know I like people to be comfortable but not to the point of slave mentality does it did it been there done that you thank you so you're attuned to like it might be might I put myself in a position where I'm taking being taken advantage of but I'm more attuned to that then um I should have been well I wasn't ready for it you're not ready to you're ready but it's like yeah I I know howto look for that and I can also uh this point know how to be uh cheerful instead of pissed off about it how lovely for everyone you know I mean it takes you know I might have a moment of like and then it's like well, you know, because you understand something more about the situation depth or layers of a situation why it might be that it's not really personal there is such a great example of how hold it how a bigger vision creates a sense of lightness when you see more when you understand more the dynamics of what's it play it doesn't mean you like it anymore or you like it any less but it does lighten you up somehow okay? I can hold that a little I don't have to like be so uptight about this so that's great I appreciate that um I'll have to say party uh, it's, like I had a friend once told me that she didn't like going to parties with me because once we're there, I might be hard to find because you're just like having fun. Yeah, I think that's the point of a party to have fun and meet people and enjoy yourself. So the party is for party l yeah, I'm everywhere and then I had a friend to me, you know, I really want you to come because if you're not there, then it's a little different, you know? So, um, I think I just bring a good energy to the mix, but yeah, I'm always looking to have fun and enjoy it that's awesome that's, why I would like you to come to my next party recognize people in my social circle that fit pretty much all of these types, but I find that, like, certain types can be annoying not to me, but even to other people because say, like, who can I impress? And I'm thinking of one particular person who have to flaunt their accomplishments in front of everybody all the time, and it could be very unrelated like we having drinks just talking about whatever our days and has to interject that oh, so I did this today people it is willing to die so like I hope you don't care do it like we're just having we're just trying to relax here, right? So I want to know how that plays out because I see advantage of that too if you impress the right person the right way, you can get an opportunity or a business deal and what not, but then you can anyway most of your friends at the same time well, ugly say that of all the nine types, everyone could be equally annoying. Yeah, so there's there's an equal opportunity annoyance project here? Um but yeah, when you're out to drinks with friends, you don't want to necessarily have be impressing someone like you contrive it like you're trying to get an opportunity out of them and get it certainly can be irritating and when we get to that type the third type you'll see and more dimension perhaps why they're doing that and what they are really doing it. On one hand, they're really being no fun and just dominating with their own esque stories of their own awesomeness, which is not very interesting, but on the other hand they don't know what else to do it's it's a weird effort to try to connect and if we can sort of pilar eyes away from god, this is irritating which it is and to what? Why is this the way you're trying to connect you could maybe make a little more space I'm not saying that you should be going to start enjoying it or that their right to do that but that you could just sort of go oh, well mmm. Why are they using this way to try to connect with me and that's an interesting question to start to think about is it sometimes that people don't want to connect you mean, the people that are trying to impress you, right, maybe it's more like, you know, guerilla marketing where you're just like marty planning a chick, you know, I was no, no, not in my life I put up with what I was saying, like, you know, just making the gesture of, uh, of the sort of, you know, here somebody's gonna catch this, do you know what I do? I do. So you're sort of saying, is this a way for people to is this a way for me to just somehow this might mean something to someone who if I just say it, maybe it will catch and something cool might happen, right, right, and I find that that's true the difference between the party and a networking event, I guess it's understanding what you're walking into is this a party? Is this a networking of it, right? And is it both? How do you do that exactly? That's that's totally right? Understanding the context and then living that context correctly is very great means you have a good time means everybody else will have a good time you'll connect with people on it will be cool, but when you can't tell the difference or when you think, oh, I'm here to party having fun because it's fun for me to talk about myself and all I've accomplished, then you're not quite seeing the whole thing, so yeah, it can be what I thought you're saying at first was, can it be a way of shielding yourself? Well, maybe it is too, and it can be yeah, this is part of the conversation. All of these behaviors at at the root are a way of shielding yourself from potential pain. None of them are not that some of them do come across this quite negative. For example, the how can I get out the who needs what etcetera and greg in the chat room you see joining us in the uk? Welcome, greg he's saying, are there any tips for communicating with these negative thinkers? Where a person is seeing dangers in everything uses phrases and language of negatives jumping to the worst thing that can happen in any situation yes and um yes, thank you for that question but I first want to point out that the things that you chose is negative I don't see them is negative like how can I get out? I'm like that was my interpretation okay choice b I was just trying to teach you and who needs what I can understand how how do I get out? I'm like yeah I'm like I get that I want to know that too but that's not really the question the question is how can you help someone who is negative like change the way they look at things not be so negative? B a little bit more positive and usually the way we try to do that is by scolding I'm not saying you're doing that, but by saying you know that's not the right way to do it, why you have to looking at it, why do you have to look at it in a negative way? Why can't you look at it added in this positive way it's justus possible that things could be awesome as that they could be horrible so why don't you do this instead? And the person who's listening is like you're not seeing things clearly you don't look at reality correctly there they're seeing their own through their own lens in other words and rather than trying to convince anyone which you can't do you should be positive or negative or you should be the opposite the best the most convincing strategy is to be positive is to really hold on to your own view that is positive and not let it be taken away because sometimes when people are negative we feel our own positivity start toe wayne don't let that happen keep your positivity intact don't try to hold on to it like and don't try to be a shit don't be ashamed of it don't worry about it it's yours you can be positive and that is the most convincing thing for someone else is to see you actually being positive rather more than anything you could say that is more convincing I hope that helps yes important if you're going to a party with the group that people fall into those different categories um because the person are we saved that be the designated driver of a person who likes to party too much or you know just like it's a nice medium because you have people considering different things about this party so I think that it's it's a good balance that have multiple people I love that I love that everybody has their strengths it's just when we try to make them be otherwise it doesn't it becomes a weakness so that's a really good point um so I told some stories from my life about ways I tried to communicate with someone and I noticed that I like you I assume what often run into the same communication problem over and over again like for me I guess I would say it's I haven't feel misunderstood like they don't really uh they seem to say that oh yeah, I know what you're saying but I don't really think they do so I wonder do you have any or do people out there have any communication problems that you seem to run into over and over again in any story that you might want to share and you don't have to about a time when that difficulty became clear to you, I relate your example before when you go to somebody probably a bus with some grand idea and you shut it out like, oh that's not gonna work that happens to me a lot and I always interpreted interpreted as oh, they don't care about me you know they don't like me you know they'll listen to that guy's idea but not mine so that's definitely insightful for me you know that it's I know instinctively that it's not personal but it is very hard to separate you know logic from your emotion at that time those two things actually are not separate I find there is no such thing as personal and professional it's just you and no matter how hard we try to keep our feelings out of a situation with they just go with you wherever you go. So so so when you when you want to make uh when you want to pitch another idea to your boss next time yeah, I'm not saying you need to know the answer but what kind of how how might you look at it differently now so it's hard like I get discouraged and I would try not to go to the same person but I did learn that there are people that I work with are good at identifying those pitfalls so even before me I mean they can see that and I have a second chance to fix it because my boss will ask me exact same questions interesting so I don't have the skill but I know people who do so you got we want you could be prepared. Yeah, anticipate I find that kind of problem solving really boring. I would rather live in the fantasy of something really grand, huh? Excellent. Please do and be smart like you are just related to that example so, um recent company worked out I was go ahead of product and so that meant that I was often interacting with the cto his background had been in running servers for huge companies like hate aunty so he's always longing to make sure the trains run on time and that if anything we do it could just break everything so you know, any time I would propose something and again that was my role was to create something oh no, that would cross all this kind of havoc let's not do that and so you know and I would initially just get frustrated and you know where you you know so negative and then I realized ok, this is this is his background that's how he thinks of things so then I had to take a different approach which is more exiting more confidence and this is making sure that the ceo is first you know, onboard with us and then you know, he would have to kind of get in line with that more so so you're saying instead of going to the cto with your idea you had first tried to enlist the support of the ceo so basically initially I would you know, maybe I would mention it to both the ceo and the cto this is, you know, that's what I'm thinking about um you know that okay, great, you know, we'd get everyone important for first, but then I realized that just doesn't work I have to make sure ceo is you know, because he's gonna he's gonna have the veto rights maur though not always though but it and then there's at least a little buffer and it's not me you know trying to convince because again if there's two people kind of on the same level of authority um you know, the cto and I are any kind of product management you really have no authority actually but you're trying to convince all these people this the this is the party we're gonna you know be at and so has that worked out it works better yeah it works better but it's there it's not it doesn't work one hundred percent because of um that you know if they want to run that train a certain way to get them to kind of reroute it it's still you know it's still difficult I understand and and what? Well the first thing that comes to my mind is what would it be like? And I'm not suggesting you do this if you went to the cto and said before or after you talk to the ceo, whatever you judges is right and say forsyte after you talk to the ceo so you know the ceo is for it and then you have to get the cto too do it be with me on board not just physically but just see actually why this is a good thing to dio what if you said something like this is going to change the way the trains run and I totally know that that could create you know, I don't know what word you would use difficulty your stress or problems for you so when we talk about this idea which we're going to dio let's also pay attention to this shifts and how the trains run so we can make sure to include a way to compensate for that something like that uh what I'm pointing it is acknowledging what this person is thinking about, right? And actually as you were talking earlier about your uh when your colleagues that would always kind of see the problem is I was thinking okay, one thing I could dio was he again first you know, with when the ceo is on board and said okay, this is this is what we're gonna do I want to check with you what are the problems that we're going to run into? Because right then he's going to feel like haha genius that's awesome that's great and you know what else? It's kind it's a kindness not like a patronizing kindness but it's it's a relationship it's a relational thing to do so cool that you have a comment yeah in general you know, I I also came across this saying uh the other day too maybe you've heard of it it says something like, uh those who say something can't be done should not interrupt those who are doing it you know and you know, it's we're not talking exactly about that, but it does lend itself to creativity if you're that's part of the job or the agreement that you're working with er because there are uh you know, a lot of people who are either the right wrong er's or you know, I know where all the potholes are in this project or whatever it is it never means necessarily that it can't be done it certainly mean there might be another yet to be invented way of doing it but it's so important to recognize the value of what other people's experiences and to be able to use that which is, you know, everything that we've been talking about yeah ever being able to utilize every body strength together, I'm a little confused by what you're saying are you saying that the people who say things can't be done shouldn't get in the way of people who are doing it? Oh no are you saying they also have value? It was simply a quote uh, maura addressing the naysayers of the world, you know, whether it's in a job or whether it's just you know, so you know, we're looking at something together on the street, all of this people uh you know, there's some people say, oh, you can't do that anyway while somebody is actually doing it you know, eventually, something might be invented. You know what, whether it's a lightbulb or there never was one before, you know, or an automobile that khun b propelled on petroleum, or, you know, whatever it might be what's, something that's never been written. You can't write about that watch.