Overcome Guilt and Shame
Guilt and shame. Guilt and shame have two different antidotes, because, like we talked about earlier, the guilt is really the aligning of the beliefs. So, if we feel guilty around money, we have that dichotomy, remember? I want to believe this, but I feel like I'm supposed to believe this. So, the antidote there is aligning those beliefs. But, if there is shame, and I feel like I'm a bad person, then the antidote here is recognizing where you act honorably. Because when we're stuck in shame, we're looking at more bad than good. I recognizing all the ways in which I'm unworthy, and I'm replaying those in my head over and over again, but I'm not looking at all the things that I do well. I'm not looking at all the ways that I do help people. I'm not looking at all the ways that I am effective with money, that I do give money in a generous way, that I am a selfless person. And when we get stuck in shame, there's this imbalance between the bad and the good, and in order to raise that back, ...
you gotta bring that back into balance by looking at the ways in which you act honorably. Now, like we talked about, guilt and shame is this huge block, okay? It's like a gate comes down, and this gate says, "You shall not pass." Now what we want, is we want to say, "Well, if I just get a better marketing plan, "if I just get more clients, "if I just get more business education, "then I'm gonna make more money." But you're never gonna more money than you think you deserve. Now, if you're at a place, and you're recognizing, look, I have this block. And it's a big block. This is not a side street closure. This is like the entire freeway is shut down, and you're sitting there for six hours. You're not gonna go around it, okay? It's a core belief, and you're gonna have to work on shifting that. And, anything that you do over here, if you're doing this and not willing to work on this, then all of this is gonna keep adding more guilt. It's just gonna keep adding on more shame. I can't make the client acquisition work, I can't get enough clients, that marketing plan doesn't work, I take all this business training and it just doesn't work for me. I feel guilty, I feel ashamed that I can't make this work. Why can't I make this work? But the gate's down, until you can address the underlying beliefs under your guilt and shame and raise this gate. Once you do that then... (woosh) Success. So, what's the practice? In order to get to the place where we can get out of guilt and shame, we first have to decide what's the new belief. Because a lot of us, with the beliefs that we have up until this point, haven't even really sat down and said, "What do I actually want to believe? "Do I actually want more money? "Do I actually want to believe that rich people are generous? "Do I wanna believe that I could make a lot of money "and have a surplus to give back to foster children, "to environmental needs, to whatever the thing is for you. "Do I wanna believe there that there's enough money "for me and then some, that I can do the thing "that I'm put here to do?" But until we sit down and wrote down what that new belief actually is, then our old beliefs just keep stopping us. So, once we decide what the new belief is, the next thing is we have to look for proof. Because, remember cognitive bias. Our brain is trying to prove to us what we already believe. So, in order to get this new belief to be effective, I have to look for proof that rich people are generous. I have to start opening stories on my Facebook feed that show me that money is good. I listen to the friends that I have and talk about conversations and I don't focus on the conversations where the rich people are greedy, I try and remember and internalize now the stuff where I hear that so-and-so did this with their money. That this money helped this many people. You're gonna have to force your brain to look for proof. And the next one is hearing and hearing. Faith comes by hearing and hearing. How many times have you heard your old belief. How many times have you reinforced your old belief. How many times have you listened to what you don't want anymore. Now you have to correct that by listening to what you do want. So, we can listen to books on tape, we can listen to podcasts, Soulful Business Podcast. You can listen to anything. You can listen to YouTube videos. There is plenty of people talking about how to raise your awareness around money and how to expand yourself to have more money. But until we can hear it, until we can reprogram our brains by listening and listening and listening and listening and listening and listening, we're basically choosing to indoctrinate ourselves with this new belief. The workbook. These are a few questions from the workbook. Who taught you? And more importantly, what did you see, feel, hear, and say about money growing up? Because we all can write down, "Okay, my parents said money doesn't grow on trees." But some of us grew up in houses where they didn't even talk about money at all. But we all grew up in an environment where we can feel what was happening with money. We all had this sense that money caused anxiety in our household, or money was always seemed to be thing that tipped everything. We had this general feeling of my parents, like Sue said, didn't do the thing they wanted to do, because of money. So look at everything, not just what was said, and then write down what exactly do you feel guilty about. Because, sometimes we don't actually feel guilty about making money, and therefore we can make it, but we feel guilty about keeping it. We feel guilty about having more than the neighbors, or more than our family, or more than our parents, or more than our social circle. So where exactly are you feeling guilty around money, because that will help you decide, is that belief still serving you? Is that working for you? Do you have proof that it's working for you? Or do you want a new belief? And then you can go through that practice.