Overcome Over Giving
Over giving. Okay, the antidote to over giving is building your self-esteem. Because when we're stuck in over giving, it really is a cycle of low self-esteem. Because what's happening is I am giving you something to get a feeling. Remember when I'm over giving, I'm giving because I want you to think I'm important. I want you to admire me, I want you to think I'm the bigshot, I want you to think I'm a caretaker, or I want you to respect me. So we're trying to get that feeling from them. But what happens is soon as that person sees you're giving to get something from them, it's like they get to peek behind the curtain. And what they see is that you actually have low self-esteem. So you're trying to buy respect, but because they see behind the curtain, they actually respect you less. Of course, we're trying to by respect, so when their respect goes down for us, what do we do? We give them more. And then we just get stuck in the cycle. Please respect me. Oh my goodness, you're not respecti...
ng me. Let me give you more. Just round and round we go. But it really is low self-esteem. So in the practice, the first thing that we need to do is identify the feeling that we're looking for. Because that feeling, if it's a feeling of importance, where did you lose your feeling of importance? Where did you stop doing the thing that caused you to not feel important, and now you need to get it from somebody else? Tell the truth. Sue said this earlier. We lie all the time. And we think we're really honest. Like I'm a really honest person. But how are you feeling? Fine. Oh it's good, everything's good. We lie about how much money we make by driving cars we can't afford and houses we can't afford. When we can begin to tell the truth in little things, even outside of your money, that's what builds confidence. Okay? It's the lack of confidence that makes us try and get that from someone else because we couldn't provide it for ourselves. So we have to go back and figure out how can we provide this for ourselves and tell the truth about that? Tell the truth about what it is that I really want? And also tell the truth in the little things. Because when you're lying, you're just degrading your confidence. Every time. Even if they're little white lies. Because it's our confidence that helps us take care of our own yard and not be over giving to get it from somebody else because I have the confidence to provide it for myself. And that building of the confidence is what gets us out of over giving. But it starts even with the little white lies. And if you have a problem over giving, I bet you're going to find that you're really lying all the time. Maybe they're little. Maybe you're semi-okay, and you say you're great, or. But bringing that back into alignment is what builds our confidence. How can you achieve the feeling authentically if you feel you need respect? Where do you feel you lost respect or gave up? How can you get it back yourself? These are the deep questions. This is what the workbook's about. You've got to work through this. Otherwise, me telling you, just don't do that, stop over giving, is not going to work. Make a list of what you can give instead. Can you give more time if someone's always coming, and you always find yourself giving and giving and giving? Can we switch it now and maybe spend time with that person? Offer them more love, do what we can with other resources. Because people are going to protest. When they're used to you over giving all the time, and that river dries up for them, there's going to be a little backlash. So then we can say, this is what I do have to offer now. My money now is going to these other things. To a house fund. It's going to something that's important to me. I'm not able to give you this money right now, but I am able to spend time with you. And if you find that they don't want that, then they never really wanted you in the first place. If they don't want the other things that you have to offer, then they never wanted you in the first place. So, let them go.