Tightfisted. My category. The antidote to tightfistedness is saying yes with generosity.
Can I have a hundred bucks? (crowd laughs) Yes! 'Cause I love you. Creation versus competition and I think I said this earlier that the book The Science of Getting Rich opened my eyes to this. The difference between creation versus competition because when I'm stuck and tightfisted in my pool off stagnant water it's all about competing. I don't want if I have it you can't have it, if you have it I can't have it. Ultimately there isn't enough to go around that's why we are actually holding onto it, allowing it to go stagnant before we'll share it with somebody else, before we'll buy the thing that we need, before we'll do the thing that we need to do to create that business or get the new job. And this is like the parable of the talents which I'm sure many of you have heard. Where the rich man comes to his workers and says I'm gonna go out of town, I want you to manage my money. So to the first wo...
rker, he gives him 20,000 dollars. The second 40,000 dollars and the third 100,000 dollars. He goes off, comes back and says what'd you do with my money? The third worker says you gave me 100,000 dollars and I went out there and I put it into action and did what I could and I made 100,000 dollars so here's your 200,000 dollars back. He said awesome, well done. The second worker, same thing. I took your 40,000 dollars and I turned it into 80,000 dollars but the first one said I was scared. I was scared that I was gonna lose it, I was scared I was gonna make a mistake, I was scared that people would take it from me and so I held onto it and I buried it and he said you wicked servant. Instead of taking what I gave you and making more, instead of putting it in the river and creating, you buried it, you put it in your stagnant pond. Ultimately it comes down to scarcity versus abundance. Can we bring ourselves to the point of letting go of this idea that there isn't enough? Can we create more? Can we do the thing that we really want to do and create the income? Forget about if somebody takes it. If somebody's hot on my trail and about to get me and gonna get my money, I'll just go create more. There's plenty to go around. Do you use money as a tool or a trap? Because money is meant to be the tool it's meant to be the tool that gets you to where you wanna go. It's meant to be the tool that allows you to develop your gifts and talents, to be the person that you were created to be, and to give that to the world. It's just a currency. It's not connected to love. It's not connected to time. It's not connected to any of the things that we have said oh I can't do that because it's too much time, I can't do that it's too much money, It's just a tool, it doesn't really care what you think about it. Are you using money as an excuse to do what you hate? Is it a trap? 'Cause when we're stuck in tightfisted, we're using money as a trap. I have to keep doing this because there's not enough. So what's the practice? Until we get to the point of gratitude, we're gonna have a very difficult time getting out of tightfistedness. Because gratitude is the thing that allows us to say look I am grateful for this, I am grateful for this, and as I continue to see all of the things that I'm grateful for I raise my eyes and all the sudden I see that there's more. Instead of ignoring it, just trying to keep on keeping on, I'm grateful for what I have and where your focus goes it grows. Where your energy goes it expands. So when we're focused on the gratitude of what we have and expanding what we have that focus allows it to grow, that gratitude allows us to expand ourselves and really when we're stuck in tightfisted, at least for me, I had a very difficult time in saying what I want. Guess who's really good at saying what she wants? (low laughter) So Sue really helped me with this. And as she always says, you always know what you want I mean I think it's this, I think maybe it's that, don't really know. But in order to get out of tightfistedness we have to look at what we want but we don't allow ourselves to do that because we're so focused on what we have. And when I was younger, my family and I would go biking a lot and I lived in Seattle and there was this really long trail called the Burke-Gilman Trail. And we would go biking on the weekends a lot and so as we're biking, periodically across this path, is a crossing for cars and when we came up to this crossing there's two posts in the middle of the road and I don't even know what they're for, I assume to file bikers into a single file line so there's no blindspots and when I was younger, as I'm biking, I'm looking at this post and I'm like oh my god the post is coming, the post is coming, the post and I'd hit it every time. (audience laughter) Every time, until finally my dad said Tiffany, you have to look between the posts at where you wanna go and stop looking at the post because when you look at the post you'll hit it every time. When you look at what you don't want, you'll hit it every time. (audience member speaks) There you go, I'd hate to fall off a horse instead of a bike but when you, the space between the posts forget what it is that you don't want, what do you want? When you look at what you want, just like what Sue was saying, you write the number on the board and whoa you get it. What do you want? And you might need somebody to talk through about that if you have tightfistedness because, heaven knows, we've had hundreds of conversations about it. And lastly, say yes. It's interesting because no boundaries is working on saying no and that's directly opposite of tightfistedness which is working on saying yes. And this is why you can get advice and think you know, Shonda Rhimes I think wrote a book on saying yes recently and other people will tell you you just have to say no and you gravitate towards the one that you agree with right like of course I think you should say no 'cause no boundaries isn't my problem but saying yes that's my problem, she's got a book with the word yes on it. (group laughs softly) You gravitate towards the one that isn't really your issue because it makes you feel good like oh yeah of course, of course you should say no but I have a problem saying yes. So the thing is about tightfisted is there is this river and what we're missing is what we can create, what we're missing is what we want but the money only comes for your mission. The money is for your mission, if you don't know what you want you don't need any money to get it. If you don't know what you want you don't need any money to get it. Workbook Does it feel painful for you to release money? And this is a good way to know if you're tightfisted. Some of you are looking at me a little bit funny, you're not tightfisted. If it feels painful to release money you know you're in this category and why do you grip money so tightly? For me it was security. I had this idea that somehow the money was gonna provide me the security instead of developing my gifts and talents and doing the thing that I was created to do. I thought somehow if I stayed small and kept my stagnant water that it would make me secure. And where can you create abundance instead of being so focused on pinching pennies? Now, what I wanna tell you is that as we've gone through the wheel and we've looked at what the antidotes are I know that it can be overwhelming but remember we're looking for the one that's gonna be the domino. But it isn't that you have all of this stuff to fix because the good news is this wheel is universal. So if you can focus on the place that's causing you the most pain with your money you're gonna start to see it in other areas of your life. This is why the big three that everybody talks about money, health, love. We're all talking about that and trying to read the article that tells you the five ways to get it but the reason everybody's talking about it is because those are the big three ways that you get to see this portal into your own life. No bandaid that I could give you in a better budget or telling you how to make a better margin on your product is going to help you long term. This money wheel is a long term solution, this is a make you rich solution because if you can continue to work at it, then you'll continue to make money and keep money. So it is the only thing that I can tell you if you wanna make more money. At the end of the day, your desire to make more money is a good thing. My hope and prayer for all of you is that you'll go out and make more money. Because it isn't about the money. It's that that money allows you to develop the skills, it gives you the ability to buy the resources so that you can continue to develop your talent, it gives you the money so that you can create some time to develop the thing that you're good at and that thing is what's gonna help the world. That's why the desire to have more money is a good thing. If we're not growing we're dying, a plant that is no longer growing is dying. It is just you wanting to grow, it's just that these eight things get you stopped up, these are mucking up your money but they're really mucking up what you want to be. And this is why I'm so passionate and I love talking about money, because it really just is a portal so that we can be our best selves if we can have the courage to work on these and when you have the courage to work on these your success is unlimited.