Breakthrough Money Mindset Issues
So we've got ah, little in class exercise my yoga for the mind. Ok? And what I want to do here is I want to invite one of you to volunteer to come up here and we have two stools. So, um lisa, come on up. This is going to be about limiting beliefs and about how to get rid of them because we all have him me included me included. It was very hard to unearth mine. Okay, how are you? Excellent. As always, I promised make this as painless as possible. Good. But I do need you to tell me a little bit about when you were growing up. What were some of the beliefs around money that you heard? What were some of the statements around money that you heard? Well, both of my parents were professional people. My mother's officious shit physician. My father was a scientist, so we had a lot of money. Um, a lot of money, so there were no limits. There were no expectations, no discussion. We just spend it, and it was always more wow. So when I got my first, my mother gave me my first credit card to hudson'...
s, which was the department store in detroit, but no limits. When I was fourteen fifteen, I got my first american express card when I was sixteen and so when I graduate from high school I got a brand new car went off to college university michigan there was never any discussion about a soul I grew up, I get married and I'm just spending spending is there's no limits, no discussion, no obligation, no, no responsibility exactly. Which results later on in life in ruining your credit score ending up in bankruptcy, nearly foreclosure all this stuff and of course, it's on my parent's fault. I could do that or I can say, well, yeah, I was given a great opportunity it took me maybe a little longer to learn it. So I'm not the typical person to ask this question for because my life and people oh, my friend scott we thoughtyou leaves. We're so lucky because you guys had so much money I said, yeah, my hundreds to that my mother has never told me I love you. And every time my father looked at me with this disgusting disdain so you get the plus you get the minuses that okay? Yeah, it is what it isthe so it's it's all good. I mean, my life is wonderful. So have you been able to learn the necessary lessons and how to be responsible with money and how to manage it in a responsible manner when it isn't unlimited it's an ongoing process um there are some times that I do really well with it now the times I allow my emotions to muck it up so yes, yes, I know what are the emotions that you're feeling when you mark it up so some feelings of inadequacy that goes really, really deep feeling that I because all my life I was told you're too you're too strong u two independent you're too smart you're to open you two on your to do too much so you know that's the way you lived the most of your life trying to live to other people's expectations it took me years to finally realize I'm not too I'm just enough exactly the personal meant to be and to try to take my school my tools of my talents to transform other people's lives by helping them find their ancestry until those stories that got left behind so that they can leave a lasting legacy. So to answer your question that would be the first one the other would be menopause energy level ok bloat you know, just lots of but that it kind of goes back to kind of self esteem to stuff, but then wanting to provide more for my kids in a lot of ways that I didn't get emotionally and supporting them and in a lot of ways in my mind that translates to money how did you teach him that money did you choose them differently than what you learned? I want to believe so I want to believe so is it showing up? Yeah kind of kind of sort of kind of um yes in in that um I've been very open about the bankruptcy and about the foreclosure and all these other struggles and I haven't hid that from them I'm the kind of person though when I get into trouble financially I just burled down and I do what I have to do to fix and I don't mentioned it anybody I just go if I have to get two three more jobs, I'll do it that's your front that really is rather than making a lot of noise about it and complaining and whining and expecting everybody to rescue you know that that released here then they don't understand how they got to live in the hills where we live and like that they'll understand how much work it took to get there so may I may have done him a disservice you may want to sit down and explain that one of these days um it will make a difference to them when you do that so I want to share some lessons from this without on liners that's ok with you you know what we've learned and I relate really well to lease the story is it can be just as hard to have so much been to have what you perceive is being so little and it's all about perception, and the key is to take responsibility for money as early as you possibly can. So if you grew up with a lot or a little step in and take responsibility, no matter where you are in that continuum and look at the beliefs that you grew up with now, my growing up situation, um, contrary to what you might have thought based on what I shared in the first segment, um, I actually when a house cleaning, uh, my house clean and mother paid me five dollars an hour now I made out like a bandit because I had her convinced may five hours and it only took me to ok that the reason I did that was because my mother was when he's back to earth, granola people before granola was cool and she would hang the laundry out on the line and you get sandpaper for towels, and I wasn't up for sandpaper for tells she also had a lot of scarves, and my earliest recollection is when I was like, I don't know, six years old, we would iron scarves, my sister night for ten cents apiece, it's a very lucrative endeavor, by the way. But one of the questions I'd love to throw out and I'd love to see happening in the chat room is I'd love to have people share with us what was your very first job that you earned money at whether you were ten years old or twenty five years old and how old were you and how much did you earn? And I love my in house audience to write down those answers to because that is really telling about how we grew up I mean my first one was obviously those and then from there was baby sitting at five dollars an hour but I've been in audiences where I had somebody who was ten, fifteen years older than I was they started when they were like nine baling hay for twenty five cents an hour and that really impacts where you stand on the money continuum your beliefs we're largely formed by the time you were six years old and you've got a lot of messaging after that place I do remember my mother saying things like money doesn't grow on trees occasionally we're not the rockefellers which was painfully clear to me but I also remember her instilling a very strong sense of I can earn money it's within my capacity my ability and my responsibility to do so now I have not always been particularly responsible with money not proud of that um I have got myself out of every upside down place I've ever put myself and I've done it much the same way you have working two and three jobs when I needed to and I don't talk to anybody about it but the challenge becomes that we have patterns in our lives and you I don't know what they have experienced the pattern where you've been in debt a certain amount you got yourself out and you found yourself right back in again yeah, my credit score would go from like seven, ninety two like negative twelve and then back up and it's a kind of yeah right? So the patterns become even more challenging for us as adults to break because we think we've eliminated the beliefs and we may have done a fair amount of work on this, but we haven't broken the patterns I have been in seventy thousand dollars worth of debt not once, not twice, but three times in my life that's crazy because I'm the only one who put me there nothing else put me there and each time it took less time to get into the same amount of debt that's the really frightening part of that story and I now have the opportunity to see it coming a lot faster and being able to stop it in its tracks but it's hard because the behaviors are so entrenched and there is that emotional component where that spending fills some void sitting in here and in my case, it was triggered when my mother died and I tried to fill the void of her absence. Also, my first career is a purchasing agent I love to buy ownership does nothing for me. It's very bizarre it's it's a shop shopper addiction is different because you want to own everything. I don't care what about owning? I just want to buy it so you want to pay really close attention to the tendencies in your own life look at how you feel when you're out shopping the next time you go out shopping look at how often you shot look at how much you buy with your shop look at where your money's going get a handle on it now because how you value money is how money is going to value you it's a relationship money is a tool that facilitates life and makes it smoother and easier and gives you a lot more freedom and choices. I want you to have as many choices as possible, and I know that wherever you are right now, you can change that like this about money because it is about those beliefs. So how do you feel today about where you are in the money cycle, well, mine wasn't from spending, it was really from giving. I'm a god ok? And my mother was a giver and come from a long, very generous because she had the money she could do it, and so as a result, now I've got a house full of basically unwanted kids, some of my son's friends who were literally throw away kids that are now living with us, my, my brother's going through kind of ugly divorce he's living with me now, you know, my son, because it had to take a break here from college because I couldn't afford to keep him there because my finances and so all these people in my house and as much as I would love to just push everybody way these air people in need, and I can't not help them, so how it makes me feel I'm glad that I'm able to help them in to scrape the few pennies together that we have to make it work for everybody, but it kind of motivates me to want me to do more to make me do more. What do you need? Because you're all about what they need, what you need, what do you denying yourself? Wow, unconditional love I never got that. Can you give it to yourself? Can you look in a mirror and say, lisa, you're an amazing, giving wonderful mom, you had extraordinary business, you're making such a difference and I love you some days some things I can do that how can we eat up the number of days that you could do that? Haven't we increased its a lot of old stuff that just along to keep creeping in have you ever written it all down? Some of it when you write it down to destroy it where do you hang onto it hang onto it? Uh uh we had a shredder. Yes. Ok, I want you to tonight when you go home if you've got the ability and the time to pull some of it out and shred it or burn it take your pick it's an incredibly satisfying feeling you may have to write the same stuff down several times to really feel that it's gone but keeping it up here or keeping it in a written format is hanging on to it. Okay, you got way too many other gorgeous things to have running around in that head of yours and that's with my business that's problems so much stuff upset and trying to pick one and did I pick the right one? Is this the right time and you know let go the second guessing you always pick the right one at the in the moment that you're in and it's the only one you could have selected there's no other choice you could have made I believe that so it's the right one but I also want you to get clear on now knowing what you need clearly how can you ask for that from all these wonderful people that you're taking care of because on a level that's an easy gift for them to give on another level it's a very hard gift but they don't have to buy it they don't have to have money for it they just need to tap with it's here and if they start showing up with that unconditional love for you the way they're capable of doing it's gonna open your world up in ways you never imagined and they're going to start to reap the benefits because there's a question that I asked at the very end of the workbook and I said what is the on ly question there is and it's what would love d'oh and it's a question that I have to ask myself a lot because when I get angry and frustrated and stuck on things I have to be able to say wait stop time out what would love do in this situation with this clinches a great one so when you can ask yourself that and let that be the question that is always the one that is that the last one you asked me I can't believe they're not doing this I can't believe this isn't working I don't know what to do about this and just take a deep breath and go ok what would love tale because that's the thing we all need an end I so honor you for sitting up here and you know it was no accident that you raised your hand because my mother said I love you a fair amount but she never showed it cause she was gone constantly growing up we had the weirdest can for sir so many bizarre is she working okay she's not stop okay she was married to her career that was her first love and passion and I got that but it definitely flavored the vast quantity of my life and I don't blame her for any of that when I finally understood it and it made me very independent very very young absentee father disappeared very early you know I never should've been a dad to start with sort of thing so I get exactly what you're saying and we never lack for anything right but there were those places where mom was never there in you know you're growing up you got school events with say mom you want your parents there and if she was there she got all the attention because she had a very big career and it was very young comfortable so I totally understand and appreciate where you're coming from and it's hard for me to look in the mirror and do what I asked you to dio but I do the shred process I do the burning process and each day each week each month it gets a little easier I have a cousin named lisa we were talking up in canada just a couple weeks ago and she was telling me about her father hit divorce when they were very young and for years her mother kept all the letters from her father from her she never knew that until her mother was on her death ben she told where this key was and she opened up between the ages of like twelve and sixteen her father had been writing constantly, but she never heard from him eso what she told me she went home and she opened up the suitcase and she saw all these old letters she said, you know what I did? I burned the whole damn thing and I just was amazed I said I would have been sitting there crying for months and years and trying to relive that she says no, she could do it yeah, I didn't need to go the exactly I love you so she burned. So what you're saying is just it's resonating at the burning or shredding either one whichever safe if you're brought into it over think make sure this wide on your body getting while raising at least you could make the next segment because russian hills fire right now yeah so thank you so much for sharing this I really appreciate it thank you really do thank you are there questions well we have people in the chat room who are just so thankful that lisa was sharing her story stacey says thank you lisa for being so open and honest with us it feels like you're speaking for me and I needed to hear this so pocket says yes thanks to lisa applauding over here in the chat room for you lisa thank you so much for thank you that was that was really huge anybody else willing to share different story I already work that you know this is a safe space um it is about getting free of the things that are holding you back back yeah okay you willing yeah all right come on out but I already feel like english because of lisa that's okay emotions on a bad thing oh ok so tell me a little bit about growing up and the messages around money and so my family didn't really talk about things um but I don't know if this was I don't know how I learned this but I always have the thing of I didn't want to ask for something if I thought that would make people uncomfortable so either ask a question or ask oh you know I would see a barbie doll I really liked and I would not say hey can I have this I would wait till someone asked hey would you like something and I say oh yes I really would like this so that was one thing and also I never thought being an artist was a real thing you could do for a living I always thought ok, you go to school, you get good good to go to college and you got a job in an office or whatever the various normal job you can get are so that's um that's for sure limiting belief that I had you know, so I majored in art history, which is, you know, a game thing any sudden career oh no, it was more normal but it was normal and that's you know, that's a normal thing that people do and I didn't think of what I would do afterwards I thought what and of course I love art history I live up to it was great, but you know, it is kind of ridiculous because I didn't want to work in a museum I just you know, I wanted to do our but it was safer so I did that and, you know, after a few years working in an office after that, I thought I this isn't what I wouldn't do I mean, I had kind of known it all along, but I will I just realized that it was kind of ridiculous because it wasn't safe and away because liberal arts degrees in that way, so so I started realizing, well you know why not take a risk that's that's another thing from growing up is very risk averse so I'm sort of the opposite regarding money and everything so I mean haven't you know had that or anything like that which is good but you also have to take risks to get ahead you know you have to take starting a business is a risk so that's something that it took me a long time too you know what your sources wasn't entrepreneurial at all they were safe corporate you know, my mom's a teacher my does a researcher just okay yeah, you know, safe, predictable exactly exactly and I know my mom used to say oh well, when I was growing up the only two jobs women could do were teacher and nurse and then I realized later that they're people in her generation I who we know who are not just teachers and nurses you know, I know people like even her friends and family who are women who for years yeah, that and even generations before but for her it was you know, these are the two options. Yeah, she chose teacher because she liked oh, no, she didn't want to see blood or whatever it wass and, you know, so so there definitely limiting beliefs that go way back in that sense of just, you know, do the normal thing do the normal middle class thing and what were your parents thoughts about your leaping out into being an artist? At first, it was just sort of really, I mean, they've always known I was, you know, in my mind and artist artistic, and they've always thought I was good, right? But as far as pursuing it as something I can make money out of, uh, I mean, I've basically said I wanted to do it, you know, since I went to most excellent was, like, eight years ago, and after that, I realized, ok, I really could probably do this there's a market and california really think I could do this and, of course, it's a long, you know, it's been a long time coming, but, um, yeah, at first when I said it, I think I was like, huh? That's a tough response. Yeah. And and then, you know, I would get positive feedback from other people. And, you know, I sort of learned, tio ignore that because, you know, that's that's just so she is she's. Very risk averse. I mean, my sister's starting a business too, right now. Yeah. She's, uh, you know, she has an mba and it was just like a marvel business with like employees and all those things like you know does this just israel is hers is don't ever dad right that's a different a different idea that uh I don't think it happened I mean both of it was situation but it just happened to be at the same time and you know what? So ever everyone so how about around like so what's to say that you're with it's just like yeah she she doesn't really understand she you know should or shouldn't say to me about my sister since yeah I have no idea what what she's doing there how that's going and I don't really want even find out yeah no she doesn't want to find out and so it starts okay you know, making money and essential be happy I mean she's not saying bad things but she's not saying yeah I mean I'm not getting so much encouragement from other people like you no other family members are er friends or family way talked yesterday and it to me it's kind of no brainer you get amazing talent, you get a skill set you've trained in this you're passionate about it and it's not something that's on every corner so I think it's just really makes a lot of sense yeah, I think it isn't over and I mean especially and in a way doing the music is you know it's it's not like painting in the sense that there's so many more people who do paintings and but even if there were I would never discourage that because each artist is completely unique I mean unless they're copycatting somebody else right right and that's really important to notice and it was how we framed it when you when you frame your business you're especially a creative business in a way that takes you out of being like everybody else so catherine I spoke a bit yesterday and we discussed instead of being a mosaic artist which the challenges when you put the word mosaic into a google search you get a lot of hobbyist pieces that come up with what you're beautiful and that's great but that's not what katherine's doing catherine for may is a fine artist whose medium is marble and stone a very different description than a mosaic artist now she happens to create mosaics but these air in a classical vein they're very european in flavor often inspired by mosaics that would have been found in rome or in pompeii and that's entirely different than the hobbyist mosaics that air colorful reign bows and glass that you khun d I y so we have to frame it in a way that really elevates it to the status it isthe and it is exquisite and that's really what I want to encourage um you in the eye online audience listening in is frame what you're doing, not the way everybody else has always done it frame it in a way that you're going to stand out and you can step into your unique talent and this specialness that you offer and that you're bringing to the world and only you can bring that value. Nobody else could do that for you. So the idea that you may or may not be supported by family turn to friends turned a mentors turned to people who will support you if you're not getting support the traditional channels and we don't always you've got to create your own support network and find that place where you can feel good about what you're doing good about following your dreams and your bliss, because I really do advocate follow your bliss and the money happens, it's happened with me, and it happens with thousands of creative's across the world when you're really willing to step in and take those risks and it is risky, there is nothing safe about starting your own business, it's an incredible risk, it's also the most exhilarating thing you'll ever do dye her life. You will work harder for yourself then you ever worked for anyone else because your standards are inevitably higher and you're the one reaping the rewards at the end of the day. And that makes an enormous enormous difference all right, so what were some of the money discussions was there anything said about money? Where there any statements made? Did they ever say you know, money doesn't grow on trees? Um no I mean, I know when I got my first credit card it was you know, a credit card that the bill went to my mother something just to start the office getting credit and it was told ok, this isn't just for your money that you can spend all the time this is money that will get the bill and then you'll pay for the bill so I did you know, I did have some basics in that sense, you know? I have friends it happens so often to people who don't get the basics and you know that the credit card you khun I get e was we know it's super easy to get into trouble so that was good but yeah in general like him is really you know, not communicative so that's hard it's it's sort of just picking up uh just picking up what was your what was your catalyst moment for being willing to go for the mosaic training and start to realize your dream? What was that catalyst um well, I have been working so I have already been living in italy at this point uh but I have been even I remember in college, so I had studied abroad in italy and we've seen music's stuff and I remember right before graduation I haven't been I didn't have any idea what I wanted to dio I was so lost, I wasn't looking for jobs, it was just like, I don't know I'll figure it out later, but a professor asked me what I wanted to dio and I said, and this was not history professor so the other people are saying, oh, I want to kind of museum or gallery or this or that I was like, I like clearing mosaics, you know, I had already had that spot you did, but it was, you know, for me it wasn't even it was like I just got out of college I have to get a job it's not an option to even go back to school right now, okay? And which was good to prove to myself that I could have toe oven make that work. So so I had been living for a few years in italy working in this basically proof reading editing job, which was fine, it was one of those things where you taking that excellence instead of genius genius? Yeah, it's got a really good at it, yeah, um but I just saw this kind of long black tunnel live it wasn't moving up to anything not that I wouldn't I would have wanted to be in management anyway but you know when you're really good at something and kind of this nature there not there were people moving two minutes middle management but I was really good at the editing parts I was going to do really good they're gonna keep you there yeah so is this and that and I wasn't going to be too good at managing todo uh because of my introvert level I don't really want tio, you know, interacting with people like all the time. So anyway, I just thought I saw I could do this obviously khun support myself and do this and live it will just be the exact same thing for the rest of my life that I won't be fulfilled and this fulfillment factors huge yeah, emily huge and when it actually happened was on a vacation I was on a vacation in greece where there were some beautiful music sjust I'm a grand just on floors, right even outside their you know pebble musics and think this's what I've got to dio so that's you know, that's really me a lot of times I think you have these fifties on vacation, right? You're away because you because you're relaxed, your mind is much more open yeah and you don't have the daily stressors yeah, so right after that I went back I looked up what courses they had and there was one starting and you know, a month in a different city and I said, ok, I'm doing all right I'm going yeah it's neat yeah and really and since son I've known what I wanted to d'oh that is but you also knew the cost of not doing it because you know what the alternative is which is that zone of excellence you're bored out of your tree you're really good at it you're getting good money and the challenge becomes you're not fulfilled so this really is about building that business in a way that fuels and feeds the whole of your life and provides that fulfillment on a daily basis, right? Right I mean even when I was you know, do in the school than doing the penta a ship and you know, not able to earn much money because it was not you know, you were still loving what you really feel happy and I was, you know, broke and I was so so happy I understand that place because when I started my business I was upside down seventy thousand dollars and was still absolutely lit up I was on fire with passion I was working fifteen hour days because I will wanted teo and when I've been in design school I was pulling all nighters just because I could you know, for everyone project they assigned me in school I'd turn in for my classmates hated may they thought I was just awful but I have trouble making decisions so it's easier for me to do for projects than one and torture myself with the decisions but yeah it's it is that being able to step out there and take the risk but watching how you light up when you talk about music's is priceless it truly is it truly is and I don't actually think you're going to have a lot of difficulty valuing yourself because you haven't had a struggle with that so far I think you may be a little low starting out because of that place thinking well I'm a beginner at this but you're not you're far more serious than most and you've already done some checking about alleged competition out there and found there isn't much right right exactly I mean yeah I don't I think I have to think maybe a lot of artistic people have this I have either really high really low self esteem depending on the hour right like sometimes I'm like I so I'm like ok not related you get to price based on your mood no no yeah you got to get that established first and then stick to your guns but the real reality is you are providing a one of a kind original completely custom or we talked about doing the three tiers and how you can make that work so I don't think money is gonna be a huge issue for you. I think that the bigger issues you already addressed it, you stepped out, you taken risks that your family never talked about, never allowed you to consider, and you've been willing to find your own support to do that. So I think that's absolutely awesome s o so much, thank you really appreciate it and glad that you're with us, meteo. All right, so again, great lessons here and great learning about developing your own support network and being willing to take those risks even when everybody else says it won't work, you can't do it, you can't make a living that way, believe me, we've all heard that at one time or another, and you have a choice about whether you listen to it or not. I I actually thought of writing a little bitty book about the worst advice I've ever gotten because over the last five years I have paid attention, unfortunately to some incredibly poor advice that came from some very well intentioned people, and the reason it was poor advice is because it wasn't the right advice for me, so whenever you're getting advice, don't just consider the source consider that it's your life, not theirs. Your value system, not there's. Your goals and dreams, not theirs. And what may have worked for them may not work at all for you, despite their best intentions and that's something you really want to pay close attention to.