Segment 20 - The Skinny on Happiness
First, let me say thank you. You are awesome students like you learn really well and here's the thing. I feel that when we learn what we already know, this is nothing new it's stuff that's already inside of you moving toe happiness. All we're doing is reminding you of how amazing you already are and many times that gets lost with all the business of life. So today, we got a little continuum off yesterday and there was a little bit of homework or, like, not homework. But if you chose to do it fun, happiness work on one of those was your strength finders. Did you get it? You guys have that with you, and if you have that at home, maybe pull that out now because they reflect on that in a moment, and then we visit that in more detail in the last segment off today. Now, this first morning segment is the skinny on happiness and there's. An amazing quote by ralph waldo emerson, who says to be you in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else, is the greatest accomplishment to...
be you in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment, and we also recognize, as renee so well said, there is on ly one you on that is both invigorating and terrifying at the same time. So we're going to focus on the invigorating from positive psychology, focusing on all our strength and talk. Also today, how we can get through some of those fears, the terrors that plague us sometimes in our life with our thoughts. And if you were not with us here with with us here yesterday recognized, and I want us to take this with us throughout the next couple of hours, that your brain, as we said before, does not know the difference between a thought and what israel. So what we talk about is so deeply rooted in evidence based research. This is not just something thought store only become things. They also help you define your life for better or for worse. So we're going to reflect on today in this first segment as to the all this external noise, that's telling us who we maybe should be a could be would be if we lived up to these external expectations. And I always say is we all have a choir? Yes, the people that we call at two o'clock in the morning, one of the most important people you could have in your choir is yourself, because when it comes to this kind of work, no one could do it for you, which is both again exhilarating and terrifying. Before we get going, or I'll bring a couple of things that the's patra isms are coming to a tee shirt near you soon I like I meant also I have to give absolute credit to the throw the backpack over the waltz, my amazing teacher, tall ben shahar. But I upped the ante with adding your cell phone in there because I might leave the backpack, but I'm not leaving my cell phone, all right? So we're going to look at our strengths just really quickly right now, before we dive into the whole aspect of media, social media, television, media, print media and our sense of self and who we are in this world and why I tell you this right now, we're going to just look at the top five strength it's because another great teacher of mine, maria sore wa, teaches a class on resilience. And when we step out into the world, one of the greatest strength we can build on is resilience and how we build resilience is by focusing on our strength, and we're going to use different strength in different situations. So all the creatives at home right now, if you did the strength survey tests, pull it out, I'd love to hear what your top five were. And for you in the audience just have a quick look at what your top five strengths were ash share mine with you and they will change their bop about here's something also to known the various between say it one and two could be less than a fingernail so don't again don't place any judgment on these these are all strength on eva and I were talking yesterday hey, she has a great top strength I think was fairness I want to do it again to get a different top strength I didn't think it was she's not alone in her thinking because we all have that strength that we like to think his top like people often say to me, you must have vest in the top like yes, not really I'm trying to rework it I'm not going to get a vest to the number one I mean all strengths a good isn't it interesting that even in our strength wind assessed, we confined the negative so lead you reading my first five on I redid them. I did it a year ago when I first entered in this amazing course composite psychology and then I did it at the end of the year on a few things shifted and a something state rudy constant, my top five strength year ago first on this kindness leadership was all surprised by that one judgement prudence I had to look up what that word meant and humor I told you, get number five I thought that might be in the top ah year later it changed my number one was appreciation ofthe beauty and excellence creativity because guess what? When you stop moving away from your fears, your creative brain opens up, I'm gonna touch on this right now when you apply judgment remember your brain does not know the difference between a thought and what israel, when your brain hears criticism, judgment from an external source or yourself guess what the creative side does shuts down so we're sitting trying to be creative and we're judging ourselves on our work we are fighting a losing battle, so I find that really interesting and really exciting to see how creativity shot up for me maybe it's not feeling the fear and doing it anyway fairness, gratitude moved way upon the list of me honesty and then humor was a strong six everybody know at home if you missed yesterday and you want to take the test, you can go overto via me. It's vi I I a m e dot ordered to take the test yourself, but we had a great one come in actually from the chat I love that, she said nicole um said my top five strengths, our appreciation of beauty and excellence fairness, gratitude, judgment and perspective and then she says my husband wants to know where my compassionate way can't depending on the situation pull on difference dregs so I'm sure he's right thank you for sharing so can I ask you in the audience if you could share your top five strength I'm gonna tell you why in a moment beneath honesty, perspective judgment, zest and leadership none of those surprise me knowing I loved them yes and know all these strengths of good that's the interesting thing angela forgiveness kindness, love, teamwork and judgment at teamwork strong in there for you and that's wonderful with your role teaching on your goal you're why of where you want to move into this world perfect fit lovett jackie mine our creativity curiosity, honesty, love of learning and love oh, I like that loves up there that's the guy I love that she's like yeah I know yeah get saying yes jenny one of my strength is not my handwriting so hopefully I get this right a leadership bravery, honesty, kindness on teamwork which is great because my sister's a project manager so that works really well for work fantastic yeah humility, teamwork, appreciation of beauty and excellent um curiosity and forgiveness I find that fascinating I'm not surprising in the least that humility was number one which is a beautiful trait but not to the point of not recognising are magnificent you know, it's, a beautiful trade toe have beautiful gift and gretchen appreciation of beauty and excellence, humility, forgiveness, kindness and honesty. And when you saw these on red wth, um, how did it make you feel? E and then I was surprised at some of it to I hadn't really thought about those is being my strength. Yeah, I think also in general, we really don't spend much time thinking about our strength, so sometimes it really helps us tow have this online, which has been research based over and over again, that I kind of show you in writing based on these questions, here's what we see and it doesn't lock it in stone, but how lovely to focus on our strengths and start on day and on morning that way, the reason we're going just touch on it right now because resilience is built around our strength and different situations call on different strength and the reason I'm going to bring it up right now because we're gonna talk about all this external world on all the messaging that it is sharing and telling us. So how do we create resilience to the outside world, knowing that we can't change that world, but what resilience does it changes your action and interpretation off that world, so each challenge that we have in our day whether it is a moment of lack of self esteem or courage or we all bump around all of these places every day because we're perfectly human it's just human nature and depending on what your day is, what the challenges are what you need to do that day the one of the ways to get through challenging times is to take out that list keep it with you and look at your top five strength so let me give an example to you a challenge for me today might be here I'm a creative life I'm like day one I felt went really well I don't want to mess up I'm gonna like you know freak out that oh my gosh maybe I'm going to kind of go down spot and they're all tapes come in on this is not good this is not servant we do my best work so my challenge right now is to get over those old tapes of that it has to be perfect to make a difference so I go on a pole in my strike sheet most recent one not the one I want to pull on a recent one here we go and I look at my top strengths and not all strength at each time I'm going to be the right fit for that particular situation so top star appreciation of beauty, beauty and excellence not going to really help me right now okay creativity nice but in this particular situation not the best help me fairness gratitude thinking intending honesty on then actually under upon six to humor so for this particular challenge in my day gratitude and humor on my two strength that I'm going to pull on to turn that threat into an opportunity the minute I say I am so grateful to be able to be here and be off service it takes it out of the eye I could do my best work whatever that is today and then humor when all else files I pulled on humor so hope you'll have a lot of laughter around there so and again it doesn't have to be perfect to make a difference make sense a different challenge for you in your week so look at those top five strength if you know you have a challenging situation coming up and they're not always going to work for you but normally one of those top five or six are going to help you be more resilient in that situation on maria sawa who teaches this course on resilience the thing I want to remember this does not change the situation it changes how you react and move into that situation it changes your interpretation no longer do I look at this moment as a threat and spike off into my fight flight or freeze I look at it as an opportunity and I'm so grateful for that does that make sense? Perfect. All right, great. So we talk about focusing on our strengths and positive psychology focuses on what's working here's the hard news, the media cells to our weaknesses that's not going to change. And if you don't mind your mind, someone else will we need to learn howto buy into our strength and not expect the media to change it's not their responsibility to change now. These images we see all the time. Yep, and we're bombarded with them, and we don't realize that what are mind thinks is not riel, but our interpretation of this reflects how we move into this world and I just love this. The reason we struggle with our insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight reel and I think this I don't know, but I'm considering that what we see in our social media world right now may have more of an impact act on what we see on television, because this is where we tend to validate ourselves. How many likes did I get? How many shares did it get? And again, this is not riel, but our brain can kind of take it on that way, and then we think about where photo shopping now. We're taking a selfie and others and I'm guilty of this house now you put it into instagram there's a second one and I don't know what it is but you hit that this up lights on all the wrinkles are gone and then I think about this that as we kind of airbrush our way our wrinkles were also air brushing away the our uniqueness and instead of taking care of our self doubts which is kind of moving them away so I'm really reflective of that now and I'm guilty that'll take a selfie on then how many how many fitness people does it take to get one selfie because it's not the first one for sure okay move here the lighting okay who's got the longest arm we're not putting out there the whole full story and there's a reason for that it's fun to share to share just the good stuff I don't need to share everything else but recognize when you're sitting in your fluffy robe in the morning and you feel miserable and you haven't had your gratitude moment just yet you haven't have you looking forward to the day and you're kind of feeling a little crummy on looking everyone else's shiny bits it's fun but just don't use comparison someone here again we shared comparison is the thief of joy we're seeing a huge increase in anxiety in our young children right now it's coming on as early as fifteen and many of us are suffering from this perfectionism. I'm singing as a disease of this of this century, and I'd be the first to say, hi, my name is petra kolber, and I'm a recovering perfectionist because I'm certainly not there. I feel it's, a quiet epidemic that many of us are dealing with, especially when we're at home and we're having to be our own choirmaster. So how could you be more resilient in these times where we need to focus on our strength? And it is only through accepting our entire self, but we were called the dark side. If there is such a thing that we can really move into a body full of joy and meaning and a life, we can't just play attention to the good stuff it's by shining the light on to the stuff that we might think are our weaknesses that are also the things that make us so beautifully different in this world that we're gonna be able to move into an incredible body.