Segment 26 - Gratitude: How Effects Us and Others
Gratitude does orifice it helps you reach your goals, it improves your health, it gives you better sleep. Imagine if you were to write a gratitude, not even a journal, but five things every night. We'll talk about that in a moment going to sleep, holding gratitude versus all the wise of what just happened in your day. It's obvious that you go to sleep better and when you sleep better guess what? You have more energy? I mean, this is not rocket science, it is science, but it's this information that we don't pay attention to that can impact every area off our life. We have a stronger love life with ourselves, without family, without partners, we are better able to be off service and support other others. We can lift others up without the me to tear people down when he worked for a place of gratitude and it increases all likability never a bad thing, but people like to be around people who are grateful. Do you have those friends? And I tried to get rid of most of my, but I actually don't ...
have any you friends and you leave them you just like they have dreamed your bucket and then you have other friends you just like, I just can't wait to see them cause I walk away just feeling so good. I guarantee it those friends are grateful that grateful see you they're grateful for that moment that they have with you. In addition to all these great things, gratitude bolsters yourself worth and self esteem massive for me personally, when I worked from place of gratitude, I get out of my head, I get out of judging myself, and I stand in service. It helps us cope with stress, and it lowers anxiety is a big one for me, shifting my anxiety to awareness and then re framing through gratitude opportunities that I used to perceive as threats and now I perceive them as opportunity changed everything for me. I am so grateful for this opportunity to be of service, and when we move into our ego it's, when we're edging that gratitude out, we're moving from that place of fear that there's not enough a place of fear that impulse is to survive where is gratitude enables us to thrive? I know you, but I just don't survive ours lived this life I wantto love this life I want to thrive in this life this is it people I feel myself getting a soap box this is it, this is all we have, you are not your job, you're not your tile you are how you live your life, we cannot contain gratitude and fear at the same time the count they cannot be held it is impossible for your body to hold a thought of gratitude and it's impossible try it right now have gratitude and try and feel fearful either it just won't come in or the fable push just impossible so one way to deal with your fear to dial down the fear is to dial up the gratitude gratitude is a great antidote for fear fight fear with gratitude instead of dwelling on what you don't have fear based thinking, focus on what you do have gratitude based thinking big difference subtle but different our emotions need to come from a thought and it can often happen so fast you've taken on anxiety you've taken on stress you've taken on shame have taken on unworthiness, but that does not happen without a thought and that thought if it triggers one of those emotions was not a gratitude based thought and there's an amazing book that I was just introduced to recent it recently by jeffrey schwartz uh called you are not your brain you are not your thoughts on we're going to go through the process pretty quickly right now, but I think it's really powerful and it's basically four steps toe unhealthy thinking and he calls it eradicating that's a really long world right now that's getting rid off deceptive false in case I forget that brain messaging eradicating deceptive brain messaging this this specific question with pineapple in the chat says I find it really difficult to find grad to do the gratitude exercises when I've been dealt a really bad hand, they seem incredibly force and it's hard to not be cynical I usually last about a week with a gratitude journal even with an accountability buddy do you have any suggestions? It's a great question gratitude does need to be heartfelt and it's interesting you know what, over these two days we're talking about all sorts of tools that work for you and sonya luba mirsky, one of the top researchers who wrote the book the how of happiness who list that gratitude so I'm gonna talk to things here lis gratitude as one of the top benefits or the top tools to use to lead a happy life admits she doesn't like gratitude journals doesn't work for her either, so not everything here is going to work for you at home just pineapple my lovely pineapple pineapple I love you so here's gonna say maybe gratitude doesn't work for you right now and that's fine, but I'd like you to do with this next piece even if we don't take it to gratitude, gratitude it's two maybe reframe and re label these this this hard hand you've been dealt, how do we take that piece and reframe it? So those thoughts off what happened to you in the past? Do not dictate your present and move you away from living the best possible future. Nothing makes sense, so it might not go as far as gratitude for you for not all of these tools on. If it doesn't, you can't sit with it, try it on for size for two minutes, and if it's not working for you that day, let it go and you might you can't force this stuff on. There are days where you're going to find I guarantee that those days when you find gratitude in the sweetest moments and there are days when you just can't find it, don't force it and against tanya luba mirsky, one of the key authors of happiness, as you know this gratitude, think same thing, it doesn't really resonate with me like we talked about yes, they find in the right work out what you can find flow. Maybe gratitude is not something you can put on right now, but I'd like us to look or maybe have you explored pineapple? Is those thoughts that are moving into your life? Not thought because these were things that happened in your life is not these experiences, but how we're storing those right now to affect the story, the story of our past is now creeping into the story of our present and hopefully not gonna dictate the story of the future. If it's not leading toe a positive future, I hope that helps if its gratitude to work has to be heartfelt. So what I'd like you to do right now and pineapple, I want you to do this, too, but don't feel that it has to go into got it. Okay, can we just talk about something being so not perfect? Look what happened to my love bucket, my seeing my l fell off on my little dog, so this is just improvement? I'm perfectly imperfect, but okay, we'll fix that later. So what I'd like you to do right now is turn to page rex, go backtrack a little bit if you don't mind yes, please turn to page twelve and again thinking that you are not your brain, but your thoughts have immense power on you, and so I'd like you to think of an area you are struggling to improve or not even struggling, but I know you'd like to improve take the struggle out of it, and for pineapple, it might just be, you know, I want to be able to better deal with my past, so it doesn't always come with me every time I leave the house, I'm not saying you know, you're putting words into my mouth and I apologize, but whatever it is, something that you is not working, and I'd like you to write that down and just write that one it's something you would like to change or influence for the positive under you're not your brain, then I'll give you an example as you're doing this. My example is, um, the area I needed to work on is I would get really super anxious about stepping into a larger arena. Theo anxiety was was being provoked was not healthy, it wasn't realistic, but that is the thing I wanted to change and the first thing that I write about that is kind of write down. What if that was true? What would it mean for me? I mean, okay, I don't give a perfect presentation, I would bomb this is kind of my thinking everyone needs to like me for it to be put worthwhile. Who am I to be doing this anyway? Don't have initials after my name, and if this is not perfect, I will never work again, those the crazy bats and then what I'm going to ask you to do with whatever it is that you're thinking, we're going to relabel it the first rie is really label it. So what does that really mean? Look I'm looking at my thoughts on my magnifying them on my minimizing my making them up and how I'm going to re label this I'm going to go okay I'm not like these are only thoughts and re labeling these things these are only my thoughts this is my perfectionism talking I am not my thoughts doesn't have to be perfect to make a difference and not everyone collect me to be remarks have remarked upon I have to be remarkable not everyone's going to like me I kind of I don't become my first and what this does by re labeling it separates you from your thoughts does that make sense so yes if it does say no if it doesnt yes okay then the next re is to detach from your thoughts like detach re attribute step away detach these are not my thoughts these air thoughts from dancing teachers whoever and I said I had this damn if I spoke to the pilot paul this's my brain listening to other people's voices this is not this is my brain listen to other one and then I'd say pineapple I say that's my my deflected word panel this is just annoying this's just not just annoying so I re attribute whatever that is for you this is making sense I'll take that as a yes and then what do we do to refocus this might be the most important that when I find myself in those thoughts I do several things I move when I move I get out of my thoughts that's the first thing I do to refocus I listen to music when I stick music on my head I get out of those thoughts I look at my reminder bracelet this is a huge help remind a bracelet I breathe in for four and I breathe out for six and at the end of that change it by saying I am so very grateful for this opportunity I move it from a challenge and a threat to an opportunity or a challenge is a good thing but I moved from a threat to an opportunity does that make sense it's separating you from your thoughts you are not your brain, but if you take your thoughts on israel, what is one thing we've learned? The brain does not know the difference between a thought and what israel. What you think about yourself is not who you are unless you're thinking you're a rockstar rooted in reality can you have rock stars running around and I think you can yes, I just want to make sure that I'm doing it right so I got with perfect well yes, I've got a mission is perfect so I have but the thing that is kind of my fear, the thing that's holding me back. Okay, that I want to change. I have the internal messages that I know are holding me back. Ok? I'm really struggling with harm supposed to change. You want me to work through them? First thing will be awareness. Like how can you relabel them? You know that these if their thoughts, that just thoughts, ok, so that would be the first step we labeling them. This is just ah thought perfect. Yes, I'm just that step can be powerful, but what happens is we don't bring awareness to that, and that thought then drives us. And for me, going through this process was life changing that simple but not not so simple step of recognizing these are thoughts and then living in anxiety for seven years knowing that is no doubt I've lived it, that your brain does not know the difference between what is real and just a thought my body took upon itself. We'll talk about it after the lunch about fear it took on that anxiety as it was so riel and what is scary to me and what we all need to look at that a lot of these thoughts create stress in our body, gratitude is a great way to help deal with stress. Now whether that stress israel sometimes we need to be stressed we need to run for our lives will be in chase we need to be stressed if certain things happen but if you think the same chemical reaction surges through your body whether it's really stress on thought induce stress and now your body takes on that chemical reaction it has to go through that whole process adrenaline spike fight flight or freeze it's going through that all those chemicals released then it has to go away and recover if we live that over and over and over many, many moments in our day can imagine what it's doing time you system so it's breaking us down on a cellular level this is why we live longer when we have more gratitude when we learn how to deal with stress not not have stress so pineapple at home I should say that because I might go to word I don't know if this could move you into gratitude I'm not even asking you to do that at this point and know that gratitude is not for everybody at every moment you try something on like I said it beginning this course is not a package deal hopefully going to a couple of nuggets in here that you can take with you okay this is helpful to me today different pieces of our journey what I would ask you to do pineapple is look at your strength I might ask you to do something different here as look at those top five strengths and go in my past is bringing me down. The most useful tool for me right now is not gratitude is what strength can I use out of my top five but resonates for me in this particular situation? So that would be my inner workout invite you to do look at your strength and not all five of them are going toe it's not going to. You're going to feel that you're gonna put one on for size ago? Yeah, this is what I need toe be working with right now. Make sense remember that there's been much research on the benefits of gratitude and on the national institute on health, the way ofthe brain fires up is very different when we're thinking ofthe gratitude when we have more gratitude in our lives. They found that the brain responsible for a huge array of activities including eating, drinking and sleeping is also addressed, so we moved from place of gratitude. It has a huge influence on not only a metabolism, but your stress level gratitude changes the brain, and it becomes clear now that having an added an attitude of gratitude, we hear that, but you can't just say it, you gotta wear it, it can have such a powerful impact on your life cause what it does it brings you into an uplifting spiral versus pulling you down. It allows you to focus on the good which brings other areas off your life up your light you move up into your life into your thoughts you live up into a potential versus into where you are and again, the brain loves confirmation that it's right? Did you see that? You know this? I'm gonna find out that it's, right? You just go. I just gotta know. So when you are grateful, the brain goes seeking for more things to be grateful for to be proven. So you become a gratitude seeker, not just a gratitude finder and that's how the cycle gets recreated and recreated and his you spiral up. Guess what, you spiral others up with you. If we do not feel grateful for all we already have, what makes us think could be happy with more I'd love you to do right now is take a moment and just think about someone you are really grateful for in your life. Just write that name down and you at home. Creative and one way to bring gratitude in your life is a gratitude journal or if we don't have time for that every evening before you go to sleep, you can do this with your kids with your family, do it as a family right down five things that you're grateful for now, here's the key try and find new things. Move from a benefit finder toe a benefit seeker. So you know, every day I'm great with my family, so mix it up and then can you go reflect on your data? What happened? That was different today. Ah. Went rock climbing with denise. I'm grateful for that new expect so look, to become a seeker versus just a finder. It needs to be heartfelt. So devon doesn't work right now. That's ok? And then it works best when it is shared. So I'm going to ask you to do join this next lunch break everyone it whole and I'll do it too. And everyone here I wanted to make a phone call to that person that you are so very grateful in your life that maybe you haven't told them they're not there. Leave a message. It's a call of gratitude and not only I guarantee you're going to come back after lunch feeling energized, but you're not just only impacted their day. You've impacted your own day. So that's my call to action join the break one call not a text. Leave a message with that person and thank them that let them know that you have gratitude.