Segment 28 - Moving Through the Fear
And I just love that you know through breath through gratitude we can help take these tools toe also move us through fear as breath and mindfulness help I think sometimes though it can be a little nerve racking to slow down and sit and quiet in the mind because then the mind might choose to tell us some information but once we hear we then have to make another choice do I choose toe listen to my heart's calling michael my passion I knocking soundly at my door or do I choose to now know that I've heard that voice and ignore it? I know for many years I was busy being busy because then I didn't have to mind my mind so that's a really interesting question so for me this is web amy's work breathing into mindfulness is so powerful for me personally because again we all have things we deal with for some of us it's way all have things you'll have that stuff that we're struggling with that I would look at us self limiting beliefs on mine my self limiting beliefs should reveal themselves through...
anxiety sometimes we eat them away we whatever way all numb somehow at some point in our lives but mine started I wasn't letting these anxieties go so they built and built and built on my anxiety turned into fear andi I love these acronyms forget everything and run or face everything and rise and in the power off the paws on the awareness that allows you to move from this fight flight or freeze aura's tara braque and amazing another buddhist teacher would say to tend and befriend your fear and the difference between trying to push it away and then accepting it and making friends with it and recognizing that you are not alone in feeling afraid can make a huge difference the impact that fear has also fear false expectations appearing riel I've heard that use that a lot now this right he would talk about the negativity bias don't get locked into these three pluses and won and minus one there's some new research coming out that we used to think that you know you needed for every negative you need three parts of experiences to weigh it out with thing is not really the case but we do agree that we have that negativity bias correct that we tend to focus on what's not working versus what is working and again we talk about you know negativity, bias where we hold onto the negative like velcro and it kind of push away the positive like it's taff long so again, you know fear is a part of who we are it we need fear and all I fear is natural it is only a problem when it oversteps its boundaries when fear takes over and it is no longer used for survival in those times we need fear to survive but when our fear all the steps it's boundaries and stops us from thriving own internal identity shifts and I don't know about you but when I'm in my fair state I feel really separate I feel pretty isolated and I feel really alone and small on what helps we get out of the fight flight or freeze and into the tend and befriend is tara brack would say is what can you think of her breath and the power of pause it's when fear begins toe push on the walls of the walls of our life and makes our life smaller but I think we need to look at it and again we talk about you can't really have fear and gratitude in the same thought so again our brain doesn't know though what is the difference between a thought and what's riel on which voice are we goingto listen to the voice of our fears or the voice of confidence and gratitude and let's add more importantly which voice are we going to respond to and live a life from and what choice we make well influence dramatically the rest of our life I had never really fall about the brain in great detail in my fitness career I kind of studied from the neck down I really really now wish I'd just I find this whole thing up here this noggin as you call it in england fascinating because everything here affects what goes on here and what goes on here and I never really thought that we have three parts of the brain the plane part of the brain has been with us since evolution we call that the reptilian brain instinct survival fight fight freeze and we needed it that that was the dominant part of the brain because all those years ago what we need to do is always fighting for our food our we're running for our life what is it we need to do here to survive? We then he moved into the limbic system are emotional brain that is now triggered from the reptilian brain those thoughts electrical and then our emotions are chemical but a lot of what happens to a body starts back from our caveman years and god bless our ancestors we wouldn't be here but some of that dna is really a pain in my office and then we move into our higher thinking brain that when we're in our fight flight or freeze this is shut off I can tell you what I'm in the middle ofthe an anxiety attack that shifted into a panic attack why didn't catch it early enough home this was the first thing to disappear my logical thinking brain shut off on I worked from this the only thing I was concerned about is how do I survive this moment what my body wanted to do with flea and depending on the situation it's not always the most convenient thing my brain did not know the difference between a thought and what israel the same exact chemical response when on my end my body that would have happened to me hundreds of thousands a year ago when I was being chased chased by woolly mammoth and now it's my thought kind of the exact same thing in my body and I can tell you for sure because I have lived this my brain did not know the difference it was firing up like I was being chased by a dinosaur as before our time but you know, I mixed up my evolution but that kind of thing you know, being chased by another cave cave man group's willie, whatever my brain did not know the difference thank goodness I'm not teaching history or like science social five keep me away from the kids though, but really if you'd ever been with me, I'd be talking to you and my internal system was engaged just like I was being chased and my body had to then clean out all that adrenaline all that that that toxic stuff and it affected everything I did and after an anxiety attack that was based on the fear of not being perfect that's why anxiety came from I was depleted for like two days my whole immune system was depressed I want my favorite saying is by marianne williamson these triggers just like we have triggers for our habit we have triggers for our thoughts and sometimes those triggers are so comfortable tow us we don't even notice it so you know this before we talked about you know, the self limiting beliefs if we drop into that part of our brain again I'm really simplifying it but if you think of like the brain that doesn't serve you the negative part on the positive part that's ready to work with you if I'm feeding that subconsciously which is what often happens when we're not aware of our thoughts, our thoughts overtake us so I've been not very mindful of what I've been really my internal dialogue and I suddenly have dropped in tow other channel of negativity I am going to drop into fear so fast that I'm not gonna be able to catch it toe have the power of the pause these triggers are a cluster off self limiting repeated beliefs and if we don't pay attention to them they just grow and grow and grow and it's not until we shine a light on the self limiting beliefs and move through them that we can make friends with them and not allow those beliefs to determine our reality of today I really feel that sometimes from many with I know this is for me personally to that as the stakes get larger obviously, I need to recognize that my fear is going to get larger, too, but the difference now is making friends with that in the old well, the other part of me, not the old me, is all me. The other part of me would look att that fear and just go that's, why wouldn't it wouldn't make friends with it? Well, that's, just a weakness. Why you're feeling that no one else is feeling that way when reality, we all have these fears, it's just what we choose to do with them, that makes a difference when we full first notice, my fear is now I don't try and push him away, I shine a light on them, because when I pushed things away, I never accept them. It doesn't allow me to move through them, and for me, that was a big wake up call I used to with my anxiety, my panic attacks, I used, like, push away, not talk about them have judgement on myself about having them really at about lack of compassion and empathy really had another one because of why? Because it was in my dna, and that channel had become so strong that I need to make friends with that channel and kind of not feed it for a while, and then move into my more emotional part of my brain we have to shine a light on it to be able to move through it when we share a light on our fears and recognize that we are not fair it's just a part of the package that we were born with we can begin to unravel some of the thoughts, those self debilitating beliefs that trigger that emotion and stop judging yourself and move to the other side. I think many of us I could be wrong this is not research proven it's just research for my twenty five years of teaching around the world that many of us are carrying ah false burden and a mis understood sense of responsibility of having to be perfect off having to be fearless of having to know everything of having to have everything dialed in button up sewn up. I don't think any of us feel that way because then that would be perfect and that would be perfectly boring. You can have, we can have our beliefs, we can have our beliefs, but do our beliefs have us? We have our thoughts but do our thoughts have us and it's when were hijacked by our thoughts, our fears but we really I encourage you to take action and three easy I'm not easy steps is gratitude, gratitude for the moment power of mindfulness breathing into the moment meditating on that moment, accepting the moment powerful tools so we can make sure that as we have our beliefs, if they're positive have at it and we're going to use those to move into the world but if those self limiting beliefs we're gonna make sure that they don't hijack us and our life we are war with ourselves and our potential when we let the voice of fear take over it's not always easy to catch it my big woolly mammal is am I good enough for this next speech? I am I going to be perfect enough the next speech? What happens if I make a mistake? Hey, I dropped my microphone down the toilet I mean, you know, it was it was playing again. Those thoughts have the same power as being chased down the street and they hijack my life, my potential and again, when we're listening with those thoughts who were taking them on as true, we're putting you on like a warm blanket like I said yes, because they're so comfortable and familiar to us. Ah life on our potential is becoming smaller. I think a big part of this fear and why were so stressed out and holding on so tight is what we talked about yesterday on a little bit today the fear of failure and again, like I said before, tall ben shaha says, you know, learned to fail fail tto learn I have talked about over and over again these past two days is you could only grow by making mistakes, and no, that is in our mistakes. We are human were perfectly imperfectly and that we are not alone again. I like tara bracha said that there are two pieces off working through fear the two wings off being present. One wing is the gift of mindful awareness. Just tow see it to recognize that we have fear and then the other wing is on acceptance and the presence just to be with it, to see it and to be with it and that's kind of what meditation does. It allows us to stop fixing it and just be with it. And I tell you this from seven years of living with chronic anxiety, the movement I trot stop trying to fix my anxiety, and I decided to be with my anxiety and not service for everyone. It changed like that again. I tell you this not toe like burden you, but with I like I've lived it. I've lived with the terror off standing here, not even here. My tear arose in social situations. I stopped going out for dinners I stopped going for like, if I did a conference, I would go straight to my room afterwards because my fear of being at a table and all of a sudden the attention being on me when I wasn't kind of asking for the attention was overwhelming to me on a little piece of this we talked about this yesterday but I'm an introvert and when I wasn't realizing that as an introvert I had just been in my extroverted mode for probably a day two days, three days depending on what the convention wass and I was allowing myself to recover and tend to myself that I would then step out and have to be on again so my resilience was a little bit lower pi was low on sleep and so it's just prime feeding ground for my fears like oh yummy she's tired she's not very resilient right now let's jump in on it can it was like that is a little gremlin over here like icy opportunity petrus tired she's self doubts that coming in and so my fare is never going to go away I brought I have not done again I am not there's no judgment here medication new medication exercise and medication medicaid exercise only medication on ly whatever works for you and your life I wish you well and I want you have the best life ever but I for many years I took medication because this pathway was so ingrained my trigger was so powerful that I couldn't break that trigger without help I could I could have meditated on it that channel is an ocean my ocean of fear and triggers was like I could have swum across the world with that there was been fed back thirty years thirty years of this learned response I said share this with you because I'm thinking as twenty ten, five a year off something going on that is a self limiting belief has become so strong your brain takes it on israel and what a person perceives first the person believes is the exact same thing but if if you want to said to me five years ago you're going to be up in creative life could be life for two days anything girl wrong go wrong at any point there's a clicker there's an in studio audience there's the online orders from around the world I love you guys as my desk gets the discus the camera crew they're online conversation about me love her I mean if you had stacked all of that up my other self would have gone into threat judgement doubt anxiety fear I'm getting the hell out of here and this would never have happened so I'm not saying this for any other reason that when your life become smaller you could not be of service in this world and that's what these things can do and that's the power of meditation that's the power of breath because it allows you to be in your power and your power and their power and our power to really do the best work that we can doing, the things that we love, pursuing our passions with the risks, feeling the fair. And I am convinced, the more that we look at these uninvited guests, right in the eye with friendly curiosity, whatever your guest iss, maybe it shame, maybe it's. I'm not good enough, whatever it isthe when we look at them in the eye and kind of invite them into the house. Take a seat, have a cup of tea that that's when we can move through them. Once you've accepted them and into our best purpose driven life, love that say.