Brain Works: Rewire, Refind, Reconnect
They might know what the intellectual too emotional change chart is, and I know what I'm talking about whenever you want to change anything in your life bigger, small, positive or negative, professional or personal, you start with something your brain called the intellectual inflection point just for your brain says I should do that. I should learn spanish or I should quit smoking there's some change. I think I really should make what usually happens. It doesn't work way fall back into the same habits. I should go to the gym every day, but I don't, and sometimes that's where it ends, and we never make the change or you may reach what's called in your brain, the emotional inflection point that's where your heart says I will and you become almost irrationally committed to the change think of any changes you've made in your life. I should I should I should never happen in something triggered and emotional, and that is where change happens. Raise your hand if you or your partner or say yea...
h, that was me online. If your reason why you want to get better is more intellectual that's good for my job, good for my career, be more effective, beam or efficient, raise your hand if you have any of those kind of answers. Is that enough to trigger the change? No, we need to get you down to here raise your hand if you or your partner had a reason that was more emotional all right, let's get to the good stuff we shared a couple of already but what are some of the emotional reasons why we want to be better connecting relationships? Strong relationships? I think a lot of people around me are very smart and have a lot of potential but can't convey it and I want to help that I think that's fantastic in a sense that's that's exactly what it is I see all these people with great knowledge and willing to chair and every though having tools to do it in a very good way and so a lot of us we want to get better so that we can help make the world a better place make the people around us better when you can make a group class I learned something feel something it's like a rushed like a little drug and I want you all have this drug whenever you want it let's get to some of the tougher reasons what are some of the not fun emotions that can be associated with public speaking fear fear fear of what fear off being laughed at which I think just laugh with them and fear is based on nervousness and I'll give you a simple cure for nervousness this may affect you are may affect people who work for you people around you, but I'll give you two choices techniques to overcome, nervous too sir fear after it happens or a shortcut to never be nervous or afraid in the first place. But it's a harsh truth. Which one do you want? The harsh truth said this too many executive ceo celebrities that we've trained around the world and many of them keep exit billet really works. When I took this one statement, I internalized it stopped being nervous. It's amazing! The harsh truth is this get over yourself forget yourself. The speaker doesn't matter it's always about the content in the audience going to say something when you think it's all about you, you put up a bear that blocks you from the audience and it's an unwinnable scenario when you let go of you, just throw yourself into your content, your ideas in your audience that's when your magic happens, that's when your greatness emerges, sometimes I get a bill that really helps me it's get over myself. It's it's it takes the pressure off me, but sometimes I still feel like when I'm speaking, especially at work that I'm being judged you want know the truth, you're being judged you want you wanna know the worst truth, nobody really cares it's not that they're not nice people not that we don't wish to speak er well we usually wish to speaker well but the audience usually isn't thinking about the speaker who were they usually thinking about themselves all the stuff I have to do with the fight ahead with this person it's all human nature when you're the speaker what do you need them to do to focus on who you have to get their attention like russ talkto you gotta grab that attention think of it like a spotlight imagine brian's whole crew is a spotlight up here when you stand up or speaking a meeting any setting you say I want that spotlight on me once you have the spotlight you khun redirected a million different ways you can put it back on the audience on the slide on the data on the question the past the present, the future you could do a million things with the spotlight but you can't do anything with a spotlight unless you have it and you can't have it unless you command it. If you're not comfortable commanding the spotlight, I have a simple solution don't speak but if you have something to say it's your job to be the star bill you know you don't know my personality I don't like to be the center of attention I don't care what you like it's not about you it's always about the audience and you're content your ideas right now we have experts on communications, some of the top public speaking experts in the whole world, but they couldn't come creative live couldn't sign them. You guys got stuck with me for the day, but some of the experts agreed to send a message via videotape as roberto and brian cue up our first public speaking experts. Hi, my name is laurie. I grown from panama, actually the city country of china, where the panama canal is welcome to the only room seminar on presentation training during good hands. My colleagues and I hope you are about to see on the screen. Are experts speaking cautious? All right, after each speaker, I want you to turn to that person and tell them one thing they did. Well, train yourself to always see the positive most of us when we see ourselves on camera the first time a couple times what we focus on negative something not having a good hair day. That's not gonna help you get better. It's, human nature, but it's not gonna help you train yourself to see the positives. Three strokes of love for one stroke of challenge is the fastest way to get better once your kids to get better once your employees to get better, positive, positive, positive and then improvement if you start with the improvements, they never hear the positives so for this time I just want you to turn to whoever the speaker was in this case lori or lorraine and we go back and forth and tell her one thing she did well, it was very reassuring when you said you're in good hands started really friendly tony was a good thing joe was saying she seems very warm and open michael so cal was saying good eye contact with virtual audience good comments have any event in she smiled and spoke slowly on dh darla photo such connected with us there's a couple people saying the connection was grateful great let's hear from our next expert hi, my name is gina we're ready to guide you on your journey to become your best speaker. You will be surprised by how much ability you have and how enjoyable it can be. All right? Tell gina what she did. Well, what we freeze jack in that position very warm, really enthusiastic. Thank you. You have terrific inflection of your voice and that's kita voice modulation which which tunes in the year very, very nice. It was matched by her facial expressions too say more about that. Well, she was saying exciting words she looked excited I mean, it looked I uh I felt very good when you harmonize gestures with words that doubles their power yeah, good athens great facial expression, barbara says you're very personable uh let's see adam, gina, great smile and gestures there's something that I'm certainly familiar with ralph are saying you don't seem to mind that you have an accent, you're very confident and I certainly share a a lot of people to do one on one coaching and offer during lunch if people want one on ones and an executive coaching, I've heard it all I feel like a priest doing confessions sometimes because they say here's what I'm excited about here's what I'm anxious about and the accent one comes up all the time all over the world will have an accent was first of all, some of your accents are so wonderful I wish I had your back since second is just well, how how do we get rid of I said you want know the truth? Nobody cares my angela's the best quote it doesn't matter what you say doesn't matter what you do, what matters is how you make people feel and when you make people feel good, as gina did make you feel connected, nobody cares about anything else always focus on the other person with your number three hi, I'm jack before learning how to speak and how to send information to other people's brains let's understand how our brain receives information from others all right tell jack when he did a lot of things well it's given what company I like that good eye contact really level your voice and there's a strength to you there's a there's a calmness it just pulls people and I trust this guy I don't even know why I trust him I already trust him it's very hard to do chris w says well spoken uh sh rooming he articulates well on tj saying jack that's great eye contact it's all of you banned cameron don't exercise even on several exercise is already getting more more comfortable each time hi accommodation you have more information bombarding you in one day than someone in the middle ages might have in a whole year all right tell protest what he did well yeah sound really honest yeah onus and fun and fresh very personable like you're my friend already thank you and it felt like you found it interesting when you when you like the content it comes across the audiences is even more likable well done british rockford fifty eight varying in tonight intonation was great and same with three eighteen media good cadence with your voice yes good voice infection from shrew me is also there on the same assumption hi my name is gary information comes in all forms of external messages e mails, texts, phone tv, radio, web signs and much more all right tell me what he did well I like the way you again you pronounce and the way you speak slowly is just your way as as bill yourself you know own it like that yeah clear articulation and what's good in your particulars you have excellent micro pauses and your micro pauses are fantastic proportion to your words well done tj said the same thing great pace and awesome pauses adam says you seem very confident uh rock writers saying very upbeat tone gary we're building up their egos nicely will bring you crashing a little while my name is jennifer equally the information that bombards us comes from our own internal lots you have a candle like the camera loves you very good what else you're also authoritative I think in your voice and how you speak I love the way you speak with your eyes too and the smile is really great county and tj both very, very confident um and read our says she was having fun and nobody seems to like your smile adam saying great smile brave planet saying I like your smile and brucie saying lovely smile thie smile is clearly working here well done keep smiling hello I'm richard winners experts suggest that an average person has an average twelve thousand internal thoughts each day tell richard what did well unbelievable yes absolutely free authoritative would say come across as an expert very calm yeah, lots of credibility in your police and for being your hard body language is credible yeah that's eligible easygoing relaxed, calm, authoritative great pauses seems to be that online audience is getting very similar vibe from the studio here I like his brave planet richard I am interested in your voice sucked me in according to plan we'll photo land is saying you do come across but let's step on the style into the content for us it was everybody said and I remember what anybody said so far no we're bombarded with too much information we have mohr in one day than someone the middle ages had in a whole year hitting us messages everything too much for the plus you have twelve thousand thoughts inside your head every day where's the brain do when it gets overloaded with too much information can't shut down ever not even when we're sleeping your brains a computer you can never shut down if you're if you can never shut down and you're being overwhelmed how would you protect yourself filter out let's find out from the experts hi, I'm shawna so what does the brain do when it gets overloaded when it receives more information externally and internally than it can handle? Tell tiana what she did well and you need to hire her for creative live that great intonation on paul saying speed, I don't know what you're talking about you don't speak too fast yeah heidi says you have a prediction and three eighteen media very confident and great pacing. Yes, very nice flowing presenter is what even the rave is saying so I could get out there and conversational so let's switch back in this concept of filters so the brain's too much we can't handle so when in an average meeting their presentation filters can be as high as ninety percent imagine a filter in your mind is like a plastic shield like a shower door that's opaque or some like and get through but not very much in an average meeting the filters khun b as high as ninety percent it looks like everybody's listening if I say jennifer she says yes bill but for one nanosecond she's thinking about something else it's healthy it's natural to normal we all do it if the filters air at ninety percent how much communication is getting through? Ten percent ten percent how long how long is an average meeting in your world? Ours ours for two hours our funny hours yeah let's taken our for easy math what's ten percent times sixty minutes I think six minutes of productive communication most people try to ram information above the filter to get it through we've all seen it somebody has fifty two slides in their power point there's ten minutes left in the median there on slide twenty four what do they do and give me a number where the filters go when someone starts doing that? Well, give me a number. How high? Ninety five percent ninety five year hundreds almost completely inefficient. It's instead of teaching you how to get more information above, the filter will teach you how to get the filters down. Once you know how to get the builders down, you increase your communication by a huge amount of skilled presenter can keep the filters at twenty to thirty percent but let's give an example of how the filters work. Who is the football? All right, richard, I'm gonna ask shauna to hold the football. And when I say go, I want you to hold it nice and high but not till I say go I want everybody else and everybody in the studio to join me in a test of mental strength. How long can each of us go without allowing any thought to enter our head except the football? So when she puts it up, we're going to think about the football and nothing but the football. If anything else pops into your mind, everybody online, same thing you quietly raise your hand if any thought enters your head even a tiny one except the football but your goals to see how long you can go without letting it happen everyone understand the challenge one hee don't know how I'm going to stop thinking about everything else and focus on the bus all give it a try funders find your focus one, two, three go okay retention jennifer the closest thing we have designed buddhists and what is that silly exercise teaches about filters what we deduce about filters gloria, we need to quiet them down. We need to work on them because they come up all the time. Good. What else? What I notice for myself is that as soon as somebody else's hand went up, that was when I was like, okay, I noticed that and then I was like, oh, I wonder what they were thinking about and but that wasn't good we'll hear from our online friends gina, just everyone has quite short attention spans and we need to be more engaging were all similar, so when you're the speaker, where do you want to filter to go down where's the filter want to go on its own? Uh, everybody's filters always generally coming out when you're the speaker, you've gotta push it down with a never ending battle you push the filters down, they get float back up, you push him down, they're gonna float back up, you have to keep doing lots of different things to keep them in the low range anything we're hearing from the folks online it seems like a few people got interrupted because ball movement saying my wife started talking so he lost it there authorities are in the right order, I guess that's to trevor saying he also got distracted he kept saying football to help everyone get their hands up, but it distracted him with the hands going up. So to get that focus, you it's a battle with you in the filter of what you imagine how these filters work in the mine and you have to get them down so skilled presenter keeps him in the twenty to thirty percent range, but for easy math let's take fifty percent. How long do you think meetings should be? Anybody really time? So an hour still keeping our and what would you have? You'd have twenty five minutes of productive communication in the same period of time, so all of these techniques aren't just about being clever. Owning the room, showing off it's about math, you could get a lot more done and a lot of information through in a lot less time as you employed these techniques, but first you have to picture the filter where is it? Are they down? If you don't get to filter down, you're just balancing information off the shields, your first priorities always to get them down think of it this way, show me the two fingers and online type in a number how much have you traveled in the last sixty days? How many hotel night have you had in the last sixty days showed me their fingers at the jazz hands going over there let's say rape before you get on a flight your boss's boss calls you and says I have a big problem with customer we need a five page report from you it's urgent you're like I'm on it and on the plane you write this beautiful five page report it's all done but there's no wifi as you land you go to your hotel and your cell phone's blowing up where's that report where's that report you get in hurry up to your room you open your laptop can you hit? Send email or do you have to do something first if they connect to the wifi? What happens if you hit? Send email before you connect to the wifi? Nothing, nothing doesn't go anywhere it's the same way with all communication all audiences until you connect to the audience ain't nothing going anywhere connect first send second so everything you've talked about that creates a connection smiles I contact your personality anything that creates the connection makes the filters drop which creates the conduit think of it like a cellphone you want a four five bar signal with your cell phone when you're four five bars it's gonna be a really good conversation when it's zero or one bars and the average speakers below two it takes a lot longer for much to get through your first priority is to create that connection second, we don't think in words and numbers it's not how our brain processes information you hear words and numbers in your brain as you're hearing them right now is translating them super fast into two things anybody know what they are for communication standpoint? Boil it down to two things what do we think in any guesses, emotions, good emotions and cultures so when you hear the words, your brain translates them super fast into pictures and emotions like a movie so you can think when you want to speak you translate back into words and numbers it feels instantaneous but actually took us eleven or twelve months when we were little toe learn how to use this one tool called language to give an example of how this works I need everybody to stand up, pick a new partner and faced me and one group I need to come on up stage with me everybody stand up pick a partner and shauna and jennifer come on up here with me all right now when I say go, you're gonna turn your partner and you're going to say a famous line from any movie tv show our song so you're each gonna turn to your partner and say a famous life go decide who goes first doesn't matter but you're gonna see a famous line from any movie tv show or saw folks online you can type it in and uses much gestures you can't that's the easy part now this raised the price of poker I want you to deliver that line with same emotion body language energy and volume as it was done in the scene if they were sitting in the scene use it if they're screaming the sp seen you screen so you could do that famous line from the movie tv shore song the exact same way it was done everyone understand ready let's see what you got go get him tiger four for you glenn cocco ugo mean girls yeah okay would you notice it was fun? Why was it fun because people were engaged in people where you say expressing their emotions on their feelings I want to understand what causes what everybody show me with your thumb where the energy in the room go I went up to go up okay salem or why words um body language volume is words boy's body language is the pole package but energy has to come from somewhere love dynamics came from inside but what triggered it I think also the content it's a memory I can relate it to yourself watching that movie good talk about that memory raise your hand if your line had any emotion attached to it that's, why you remember it? Raise your hand if there's anything you can picture in your mind when you hear that line, all of our memories, our pictures and emotions what's your head for dinner last night. What happened? It was a child's all picture. You can't remember anything without pictures and emotions. Half of the brain does nothing more than process visual images. The pictures are very important way that we remember and emotions are triggers that release energy I want I want to put energy into my audience. It doesn't work that way. You don't put energy into an audience, you release energy from an audience through participation. So each of you I've done this exercise a million times. If the first couple people are like this, I'll be back, the energy never goes up, why not? Because you're bringing the emotion out very good, but if the first couple of people are crazy into it, then everybody else starts to get crazy into it. I'll give you guys about a bee on that one you were into it released energy, but you keep well, much more so than a lot of different ones, but the trigger is when you go to that emotional place, then the audience can go with you, communication is about leadership and leadership is always about courage. When you have the courage to go to a place for your topic, for your audience, they will go with you. When you hold back, they hold back. Have a seat, let's. Find out why.