Money Management for Couples

Lesson 29 of 33

Commit to Each Other 100%

 

Money Management for Couples

Lesson 29 of 33

Commit to Each Other 100%

 

Lesson Info

Commit to Each Other 100%

So this is in the steppe, the key of commitment. I've talked a lot about commitment. How important it is that year totally committed. What analogy did I use? Amputate, right. Cut off all other options so you can learn to write with your left hand or your right hand of your left hand. Now, here's, what you've got to commit to each other. To a vision. And to a plan. If you're in a relationship. You've got to get you got to get to a ten. You cannot have one foot out the door. If you go, if you if you raise the level to attend, what I mean by that on scale of one to ten, how committed are you did this in the beginning? How committed are you to your money? Remember, how committed are you to your honey and some of you, warren a ten. Probably. Most people aren't a ten, because you're, you're not sure. Maybe you're totally a ten and that's not an issue for you, but my suggestion is, if you're not a ten, ask yourself that question it's in the manual. What has to happen to get me to attend if yo...

u are totally committed at a level ten to your honey two year relationship, lasting forever, no matter what they can thin, richer, poor. Then, if you give it your all and follow these steps and you're, you're following those rules. And you're being the best you and your being nurturing and loving and everything. Then, if it doesn't work out, because 00:01:57.607 --> 00:02:01. it's possible, it won't. It's, not because you didn't 00:02:01.57 --> 00:02:04. rise to the occasion is not because you didn't be 00:02:04.63 --> 00:02:07. the best you it's. Not because you didn't do everything 00:02:07.79 --> 00:02:12. you could to make it happen. And it's. Not not on 00:02:12.36 --> 00:02:13. my watch. 00:02:14.72 --> 00:02:15. It's. Not because of money. 00:02:18.32 --> 00:02:19. But you've got to be committed. 00:02:23.87 --> 00:02:24. Commit to each other. 00:02:27.58 --> 00:02:28. Remember? 00:02:30.89 --> 00:02:32. When you got married, they were not married. 00:02:34.06 --> 00:02:36. This is a big commitment. Well, what if we decide 00:02:36.56 --> 00:02:39. to get married? My husband? When he proposed me, he 00:02:39.05 --> 00:02:42. had told phoenix that he was gonna propose, and we're 00:02:42.3 --> 00:02:44. going to get married, and they would always say, we're 00:02:44.19 --> 00:02:47. we're going to get married. And so she thought we 00:02:47.09 --> 00:02:48. were all getting married, 00:02:50.07 --> 00:02:51. and she was right. We were. 00:02:54.32 --> 00:02:57. And as you can tell, this is a war under the hope 00:02:57.77 --> 00:02:58. it's, a jewish wedding 00:03:00.32 --> 00:03:03. and my husband's, not jewish. He calls himself a super 00:03:03.52 --> 00:03:06. jew because he's totally, like willing to do anything 00:03:06.59 --> 00:03:09. jewish, whatever that means, it's, like I don't even 00:03:09.31 --> 00:03:11. understand. But whatever you want me to do, all dio, 00:03:11.71 --> 00:03:14. you want to help. But you gotta hope my mom, like, 00:03:14.52 --> 00:03:18. was crying because he wore a yamaka on his head for 00:03:18.72 --> 00:03:19. our wedding, 00:03:20.52 --> 00:03:21. unconditional love, 00:03:22.92 --> 00:03:27. unconditional acceptance, understanding. I didn't 00:03:27.02 --> 00:03:30. have to convince him. We didn't have to compromise. 00:03:30.52 --> 00:03:33. Honey, this is important to me. I have a jewish wedding. 00:03:34.16 --> 00:03:35. He was like, okay, does that mean I get to go on the 00:03:35.95 --> 00:03:38. chair and they're gonna, you know, rise me of throwing 00:03:38.43 --> 00:03:40. up in the air like, yeah, he's, like I'm in. 00:03:43.42 --> 00:03:47. We signed a contract. This was our commitment. It's 00:03:47.0 --> 00:03:50. called a tuba that we will love each other forever. 00:03:53.78 --> 00:03:57. It was in hebrew. Dodi li, my beloved. I am my beloved, 00:03:57.23 --> 00:03:58. and my beloved is mine 00:04:00.34 --> 00:04:01. committed. 00:04:04.04 --> 00:04:05. I just want to show you that because this is such 00:04:05.51 --> 00:04:06. a great picture 00:04:07.74 --> 00:04:11. it rained on her wedding day oh no some people say 00:04:11.49 --> 00:04:13. oh yes so people say good luck and I hope it doesn't 00:04:13.52 --> 00:04:16. rain well it drizzled on our wedding day and we got 00:04:16.27 --> 00:04:19. the best picture because of it by the way this car 00:04:21.64 --> 00:04:25. is dave brags the guy that was on on google docks 00:04:25.78 --> 00:04:28. are google hangouts dave remember david ana 00:04:29.74 --> 00:04:33. he lent us her car his car for a wedding these are 00:04:33.21 --> 00:04:36. my clients I didn't have to pay me they paid me lots 00:04:36.38 --> 00:04:38. of money to help them with their money you can see 00:04:38.34 --> 00:04:41. their little grateful willing to do anything even 00:04:41.35 --> 00:04:44. though they just had a baby and just had their child 00:04:44.08 --> 00:04:46. in the hospital sure robin will help you would always 00:04:46.57 --> 00:04:48. want to help you we love you I mean that's the kind 00:04:48.73 --> 00:04:50. of relationship you have when you get this close with 00:04:50.67 --> 00:04:53. people around their money and sure you want to borrow 00:04:53.91 --> 00:04:56. a car yeah we think it looked really cool in pictures 00:04:56.53 --> 00:05:00. my dad drove me in you know when we first got there 00:05:00.07 --> 00:05:02. and my dad's driving this really cool car I don't 00:05:02.13 --> 00:05:04. know what kind because I don't remember and like my 00:05:04.27 --> 00:05:07. my husband what is it it's a ship it's a chevy okay 00:05:07.26 --> 00:05:10. I'm no idea I think it's a cool car my husband reminds 00:05:10.57 --> 00:05:14. me robin old car that's about us a specific as I get 00:05:14.38 --> 00:05:15. old and new, 00:05:16.64 --> 00:05:18. but dave's, like, sure, you wanna borrow it? Awesome. 00:05:21.24 --> 00:05:24. And then I want to get married I want to have a jewish 00:05:24.75 --> 00:05:28. wedding in california with all my friends and family 00:05:28.84 --> 00:05:31. and I pick my mom the social butterfly want to make 00:05:31.49 --> 00:05:34. sure all horror friends and family were her friends 00:05:34.25 --> 00:05:36. were there as well and then trevor wanted to get married 00:05:36.96 --> 00:05:38. on the beach in hawaii 00:05:39.79 --> 00:05:42. so we decided let's not compromise 00:05:44.14 --> 00:05:44. let's do both 00:05:46.07 --> 00:05:48. if it's this or that with my husband it's both 00:05:49.54 --> 00:05:52. and so is my daughter the same now so we're married 00:05:52.79 --> 00:05:55. we got married in hawaii we went to this house and 00:05:55.38 --> 00:05:57. the beach that's my dad right there when he had the 00:05:57.83 --> 00:06:02. caterpillar sorry mustache there's my mom in the back there happy as a clam now we got to get married on the beach and then I want to show you one more thing because this is commitment now why do you think about why I am telling you this why is she going on about this? Why should I why am I going on and on about this because you're about to commit for the rest of your life whether you're getting married or you're married or not you're committed even if you're in a relationship just partners he decided not to give me I don't care there's a commitment to your life is a commitment to each other commitment commitment to your honey and so we said we're totally committed after we got married the second time two days later, we went for it. Yeah, trash and dress. Jump on in. All in not dipping my toe in this relationship, there's meant something to us. It was analogy for how how our relationship will be if we're committed. Runa, depart toe in the water. We're gonna get dressed, look all nice and jump on in, and some people think that looks fake, so I haven't wanted. Make sure you saw that israel. So now you're going to get to renew your money vows. Okay, renew your vows. We're going to add in money. What's a money vow not to tell you this is on page one twenty five. Okay, cool. So let me tell you what it is here's an example. And you've already, by the way, made some new decisions. You already told your husband, erica, that now you're gonna look at money, that's the money that you're now. And if you just said that, by the way, just okay, yeah, I'm gonna start a few money. Is it possible that life's going to get in the way and that you're not going to do it? Because you have other things that maybe seem more important. Bye. Especially erica, from what I know about you when you when you told your husband your vows when you exchange vows at your wedding, did you take that lightly? Now? I think so. The one committed chick to that man like a man. It was not like I'm going to be with you when you have money. And then if money doesn't work out or we don't see, I I I'm I'm out of there, I d'oh. Richer or poorer, sickness and health till death do us part. Look, I'm not here to tell you, you know, don't get divorced, like if you're not a great relationship and it's not working out fine. But then you're having all this stuff that you're learning it's, a foundation for your life, not just your money, so that the next relationship you're in, if it doesn't work out, that it, that it does stick cause I don't care what what you tell me about wanting to be single. Eventually you're gonna want someone to share your life with, so make his money about here. Is that here's an example. I vow to talk to you about money, toe, look at our money together and to tell the truth. Even if I'm scared, you can take mine. You can write your own, so go to page one twenty five and write your own or use some of mine. What do you got? What do you about to write a show? I'm going to say? I promise. I will always tell you the truth about my money, no matter if it scares me to death or not. Awesome, perfect. Write that down, it's, beautiful, serena, what do you what do you about, too, right? That I will be totally transparent about everything that I am. Everything that I have invested, everything that I've spent. Awesome. Are you committed to him? Yeah, yeah, at a ten. There's a part of me that's scared to actually be a ten. Great thank you, because I asked you that by the way, that was for all of you at home, because I have this conversation with you and I didn't know if it changed, by the way because it very well could have been a ten by now, lots of change, a lot of change, but you may be at home going. Well, I'm not sure I'm not sure if I'm totally committed, so if you're in eight or your nine, I would again, I would I would encourage you to figure out what has to happen to get you to attend, right? Because if you have just your toe in the water and not totally jumping in it's never going to be where you want it to be, to know if it's right or not. So make sure you write that his homework that you know to toe finish that question. What what? What do I need to do to make it a ten? Ok, but for now, those are perfect, like anything you come up with thousand money about erica, what do you got? I've got a plan, something fun, and prepare the spreadsheet for a money date, everyone cool. Fun I love it did you get anything off of it yeah I got a couple things um I will commit to reduce my monthly spending until we're more stable wow okay well could even be you can add to that is like whatever it means to be more stable just because that's big and then it's like well if you're committing to something you got to make sure you know what you're committed to even you erica you might want to be careful about saying every month because I never want you to feel like you failed this you know make it easy if you say I'm committed to doing the spreadsheet every single month like I'm stoked worked awesome but there's it's possible that one month you're not going to do it maybe he's going to do it or maybe you guys mess up and you're two months late on big deal right so if you don't you don't have to commit like this because this is like I want you to feel like this is my commitment like I committed too for richer poorer sickness and health this's a vow right so I want you to commit to this and really believe that like know what that means and make sure it's achievable make it easy like all I have to do is talk to you about money check easy do that all the time. I've got a look at her money together easy do that all the time even if he does something I do something having that transparency to tell you the truth for some people that's not easy for me like I don't know how to lie even if I'm scared I get scared all the time but I never I never hold back the truth that's easy for me might not be easy for you pick things so raise yourself to a higher standard but that air totally achievable that you know you could live by do you want out something just going to say that but I was just gonna add one another one to please you are yes bliss that when we have a roommate that I promise that I will save a minimum of two hundred fifty dollars a month okay great and that I think are bit is that really important to you that she commits to that yeah it's very important like that what's happened in your relationship is it part of it is kind of what I was talking about rina's that there's there's a little part of you that doesn't believe it because you haven't seen it no that's exactly accurate doesn't that come up sometimes that part of you the scared part doesn't really believe because maybe haven't seen it. So even if it wasn't two hundred fifty by the way even it was one hundred bucks like it wouldn't matter right it's that you want to see that there's money coming in from something that it wasn't coming in before and now instead of taking that money and just spending it on beautiful things like she usually does you see that she's shifted her pattern that whether she got an extra hundred bucks from you know this will whomever and then took that money you see that there's a pattern that it wasn't like you just ran the same pattern even though you said you wouldn't that is going to shift the way he sees you and he already sees you in such a beautiful lights just gonna make it better and better that's very important that you do that not just say it cause if you say it and you don't do it by the way any of this stuff right especially if you don't have your your partner totally on the same page then you're going to lose him I don't mean losing like divorce I mean you're going to lose the buy in in order to get the buy and you need to prove yourself first and that is that then I'm out of integrity with myself and that's the most important thing yes and that's just like what erica said if it has to do with your identity and who you are and being honest you said you said the same thing I said I can't lie I don't lie I'm a hundred percent honest and so if you don't do that now it's not an integrity with who you are so that's awesome to parent like that because then you have to do it if you don't have a great relationship, you don't treat your money well that's not who you are so will always pull you back to be a better has similarly, like I pride myself on being partners with my husband. Yes and so also for me sort of when you look at like the partner versus the lead and support ah, I don't like that I'm not his partner and that so I have a bow that's like I'll be your partner and money matters ok because I like I want to be his partner and everything and like in my mind and vowed that but this is a specific case where I haven't so I understand you correctly so you I'm so like thinking it's already in the past that I got confused so he has been the leader and you have been a supporter, right? Like I pride myself on being his partner always got it okay and this class's come to my attention that I'm not his partner and money and I want a vow got it to be his partner a lot of specifically and that's huge and that's really easy really, really easy he's already made the decision you and then you want to add there's a part of me that that questions my my affair with my business. Mmm mmm. Good husbands affair with his money and how we don't communicate about either one of those things with each other, right and so. Just like envisioning what that would look like. If my husband accepted me and my business, and I could accept him and his money, like how that would little meaning. How is it gonna happen? Like you're concerned about the how I'm concerned? I don't want a decision. I can't envision it. So, as so I see, like I see you write with your husband and your daughter, who is not your daughter by blood. But is your daughter? And it came from before. I knew totally. We're accepting off that, you know, I feel like for me, my business is, like, but like a child that I've been, you know, nurturing and growing and feeding, yes, by myself that I had even actually, you know, after my husband, I were married because I didn't pull it together until a couple years after we were married, that I decided this is what my life's work was going to be. Um, but then to, like, have it be a situation where? Okay? Because I remember getting married and what was said to me? What was promised? And yet with what it is that I'm doing it's, like, okay, well, that's, your thing, what was said to you? The well, if you're going to go into business, then that's going to be your own deal. So what you're saying is what he said to you, you're afraid that it's true, meaning that you, you got into this relationship, knowing that he was not going accept or have apart. No, I didn't know that. I didn't know that he wasn't good. What did he say? What, what I meant, right was, what did he say to you when you got married, that I'm assuming you feel it's not true any longer, that, um that he would stand by me no matter what with what, whatever choices that I decide to make with my life. Okay, now, I understand so, he said, I will stand by you no matter what, and you feel like he's, not standing by correct. Can I ask you something? Sure. If I were talking to him right now, huh? What would he say about the promises that he feels like you made and you haven't kept. That I would do whatever it takes for us to be happy. And he would feel like you're not doing that. Yeah, okay, great. So why'd I ask you that question? Because because it's it's the responsible my responsible version of how I'm showing up that's not working partly yeah not that it's not working but that you have a bit of control and influencing him to go back to what his core is core is that he wants to stand by you no matter what he wasn't lying that's that's truly how he felt and how he feels under all those layers of fear he absolutely wants to stand by you no matter what all right that's good news yeah he got married he said I thought what you meant was that he said well if you do your bit when you got married I thought you said he was like well if you do your business you do your thing that's a lot different so aren't you glad that he said I will stand by you no matter what so I asked you what about you because you're focused on him again ok yeah do you feel like he's let you down I get it but you got to see that you've also let him down from 00:20:03.753 --> 00:20:09. his perspective right? Okay so if you think that he 00:20:09.31 --> 00:20:12. thought he might feel that that vow that you made 00:20:12.19 --> 00:20:14. that I will do whatever it takes if he feels that 00:20:14.49 --> 00:20:18. you've let him down first you got to show him that 00:20:18.53 --> 00:20:22. you will do whatever it takes and then remember you 00:20:22.28 --> 00:20:26. rise up to be the best you do whatever it takes and 00:20:26.1 --> 00:20:27. that means showing him that you can make money from 00:20:27.97 --> 00:20:30. your business, because if you that's all, he needs 00:20:30.93 --> 00:20:33. to see that what you've been talking about all these 00:20:33.33 --> 00:20:35. years is true and it's gonna happen because I will 00:20:35.86 --> 00:20:38. stand by you no matter what. He will stand by you, 00:20:38.48 --> 00:20:42. no matter what. He's still around, right? Just fears, 00:20:42.65 --> 00:20:46. okay, he's, a dude. He doesn't talk about it, right? 00:20:46.56 --> 00:20:49. But he's scared, and that part of it is because he 00:20:49.71 --> 00:20:51. thinks you said you'd do something, and then you didn't, 00:20:51.92 --> 00:20:53. and he feels like you let him down. 00:20:54.87 --> 00:20:57. You're both right, and you're both wrong, because 00:20:57.81 --> 00:21:00. in your court, you will do whatever it takes 00:21:01.96 --> 00:21:04. in his core. He will stand by you no matter what, 00:21:06.16 --> 00:21:07. and he still believes that. 00:21:08.41 --> 00:21:10. How do you take all the layers of fear off? 00:21:13.93 --> 00:21:16. Talk about it. Talk about it. What else? Yeah. Oh. 00:21:19.26 --> 00:21:22. Step forward, continuing. Just just to step forward. 00:21:22.76 --> 00:21:25. Just me continuing to. 00:21:27.76 --> 00:21:31. To keep the that, those goals in mind, tiu, have that 00:21:31.74 --> 00:21:34. target in mind. Stay focused, stay focused, get the 00:21:34.25 --> 00:21:37. target in mind and make it happen. Do whatever it 00:21:37.67 --> 00:21:39. takes, cut off, 00:21:40.69 --> 00:21:41. amputate, 00:21:42.7 --> 00:21:46. write anything getting in your way. Focus. Make it 00:21:46.1 --> 00:21:49. happen. You will anyone have a doubt that this woman 00:21:49.04 --> 00:21:51. will be successful? It's obvious. You're just getting 00:21:51.49 --> 00:21:54. in your own way, right? And he knows that. And part 00:21:54.28 --> 00:21:57. of why he's portraying this feeling that I don't stand 00:21:57.76 --> 00:22:01. by you no matter what, is because part of him feels 00:22:01.16 --> 00:22:04. like you're not being true to yourself, that you could 00:22:04.44 --> 00:22:08. be so much more and step into your greatness, and 00:22:08.66 --> 00:22:10. then he will stand by you no matter what. 00:22:12.28 --> 00:22:12. Okay, 00:22:14.28 --> 00:22:15. there's. Two more steps to this. 00:22:17.68 --> 00:22:18. I just want to make sure you get it. 00:22:22.88 --> 00:22:25. For the shake your money maker system. Or get what 00:22:25.65 --> 00:22:26. you want. 00:22:28.33 --> 00:22:30. Is bea accountable. 00:22:36.28 --> 00:22:38. Okay, that's. Really, really simple. I'm gonna talk 00:22:38.89 --> 00:22:41. about how you need a coach. Make sure it's the right 00:22:41.54 --> 00:22:41. coach. 00:22:43.68 --> 00:22:46. Maybe your partner can hold you accountable if we 00:22:46.19 --> 00:22:48. put it on the schedule to have our money day that's 00:22:48.92 --> 00:22:50. going to hold you accountable. 00:22:51.28 --> 00:22:53. What can you do to make sure that you're accountable, 00:22:53.12 --> 00:22:57. so that you actually do it really, really simple? 00:23:00.68 --> 00:23:04. Number five. Last one. This is very important. 00:23:08.26 --> 00:23:08. Be grateful. 00:23:11.98 --> 00:23:13. Be grateful about where you are, 00:23:15.53 --> 00:23:17. even though you want more, 00:23:18.98 --> 00:23:23. say that again. Be grateful for where you are, 00:23:25.68 --> 00:23:26. even though you want more, 00:23:28.38 --> 00:23:32. keep striving, you know you could be better, and you 00:23:32.42 --> 00:23:33. know what? Rina, 00:23:35.08 --> 00:23:36. you're amazing right now. 00:23:37.48 --> 00:23:42. Music. You don't have to change nothing, nothing, 00:23:42.02 --> 00:23:43. nothing about you has to change. 00:23:45.18 --> 00:23:50. All you have to do is change your beliefs or change 00:23:50.03 --> 00:23:52. your behaviours. Those things don't own you. Your 00:23:52.97 --> 00:23:55. thoughts don't own you. Your beliefs, your behaviour, 00:23:55.31 --> 00:23:58. patterns. Those aren't that's, not who you are, just 00:23:58.79 --> 00:24:01. things you do. Someone else gave them to you anyway, 00:24:03.58 --> 00:24:06. right? But still be grateful for who you are, for 00:24:06.67 --> 00:24:08. where you are, celebrate. 00:24:11.3 --> 00:24:12. Celebrate 00:24:13.7 --> 00:24:16. progress equal success every time you do something 00:24:16.03 --> 00:24:18. little oh man this happens all the time this I told 00:24:18.9 --> 00:24:21. you about deborah if you remember she was the one 00:24:21.2 --> 00:24:23. she looked at the spreadsheets she was the one that 00:24:23.0 --> 00:24:25. her her net worth went up thirty thousand dollars 00:24:25.75 --> 00:24:28. in like a day right because her her aunt said she 00:24:28.63 --> 00:24:32. would pay off her loans and did right when she was 00:24:32.57 --> 00:24:35. looking at that spreadsheet she was totally overwhelmed 00:24:35.0 --> 00:24:38. totally freaking out and she sent it to me she sent 00:24:38.41 --> 00:24:40. me like an excel spreadsheet er sure google dr whatever 00:24:40.83 --> 00:24:44. it wass and then five minutes later she shot me attacks 00:24:44.05 --> 00:24:47. and she goes oh man I totally messed it up I forgot 00:24:47.21 --> 00:24:50. to put this one other loan in or something and I was 00:24:50.85 --> 00:24:52. like are you serious girl 00:24:54.0 --> 00:24:56. it was like the first time she ever put her money 00:24:56.35 --> 00:24:59. on paper and start to look at it to pay attention 00:24:59.51 --> 00:25:00. to a despite 00:25:02.0 --> 00:25:06. the anxiety that she was feeling and what did her 00:25:06.17 --> 00:25:10. system d'oh still beat her down you're not good enough 00:25:11.4 --> 00:25:12. you didn't do it totally right 00:25:14.7 --> 00:25:17. she did it I was like are you kidding? I called her 00:25:17.4 --> 00:25:20. and I was like you are crazy girl you're doing amazing 00:25:21.87 --> 00:25:24. sometimes you need a coach to tell you that that's 00:25:24.45 --> 00:25:26. just a hold you accountable to tell you how amazing 00:25:26.54 --> 00:25:27. you are 00:25:28.5 --> 00:25:31. but be grateful for where you are where you are and celebrate

Class Description

Strong financial management skills are a must-have for a thriving, healthy relationship — but conversations about money can trigger feelings of guilt and anxiety. Simple financial discussions don't have to turn into emotional minefields. Join Robyn Crane and CreativeLive to learn the skills you need to manage your money as a couple, without letting your finances get in the way of your relationship.

This course will teach you everything you and your partner need to know to manage your finances effectively – without stress, guilt, or conflict. You’ll learn concrete tools for communicating about finances openly and honestly. You’ll also build strategies for recognizing and correcting flawed beliefs about financial management. You’ll explore why money issues are among the most common reasons for break-ups and divorce, and learn how to safeguard your relationship against the friction financial disagreements can cause. You’ll also create a concrete, easy-to-implement system that allows you to achieve financial health by playing to your and your partner’s strengths.

You’ll leave this course with strong personal finance skills and an understanding of how to collaborate with your partner to work toward a thriving financial future.

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