Money Management for Couples

Lesson 18 of 33

Old Talk vs Multi-Millionaire Self Talk

 

Money Management for Couples

Lesson 18 of 33

Old Talk vs Multi-Millionaire Self Talk

 

Lesson Info

Old Talk vs Multi-Millionaire Self Talk

So let me tell you story about this girl. Anyone under that isthe famous, totally famous. You, yeah, so families are created live. E. I want e s o that's me when I was a little girl, and the reason I brought that up is because I want you to sew all this, all this negative self docked, the negative stuff that maybe you're afraid to say out loud, are afraid to admit that you say, like I said, I'm I'm so stupid, right? I want you to imagine saying it to that little girl. You're so stupid, robin. That's. Harsh. You'll never make it. You're not smart enough, you're not good enough, you're not gonna get in the gifted program. You're gonna have to work really, really hard to prove yourself. You better get good grades, robin, stupid idiot. Coach. If you can imagine singing to a little kid, it could be. You can look at a picture of you if that helps. Like I would never treat a kid like that. Can you imagine saying that to your daughter, to your son or teo? You know a kid in preschool, can you i...

magine likes being, you know, where you're at the grocery store and then, you know, you see some, like, cute little kid he's sitting in he's sitting him a little seat there and his mom strolling, um, or whatever. And he's, just like has his big brown eyes. Looks idiot. Stupid idiot. You'll never amount to anything, but you would never even think that. So picture a little kid on when you and then you gotta catch yourself. You gotta really be conscious of it. You gotta really pay attention. Gotta become aware of it so you can catch it. Say, no, no more. Whatever. Interrupt the pattern, do something to change it. But first, we need to know why. Is it important for you to change whatever it is that you say to yourself, you know, whatever you know, that's not serving him. Make sure you write down well. Why? What will happen if you don't change? Why must you change? And what will happen if you don't change? We'll page. You got let's eighty eight, eighty nine, eighty eight, eighty nine. So take out your manual. If you don't have the manual, write it on apiece of paper, make sure you do this now, not later. Don't let that little self talk of aiken. Do it later. I don't have to do it now come up for you. So I used I mean, I used to say things like, well, I don't have enough time in one of my goals was to write a book and actually, you know, I started money parenting in two thousand ten, so I started teaching money parenting right about when I met on and dave and I said, I want to write a money parenting book like how to raise finance responsible kids, and I kept saying that I want to write a book I want to write a book on, write a book, and I kept not doing anything about it. And then finally I realize that I've been saying, I want to write a book for almost four years. That's ridiculous, no more like I will write a book this year. I got over kat overcome your money. She didn't even know it was going to write that book and stuff because I was, like, determined, and I haven't written the money parenting book, but I'm on my later writing my second book, the money menage a twat, which I know you're all excited about it. I don't have it out yet, but it's covered and that's because I changed that darn self, doc, you know, I wouldn't accept it anymore. So once you've after you've done writing down, why, you must change it. What will happen if you don't change? By the way, you're getting leverage on yourself, right? So once you have some leverage, you know, maybe you're your marriage is marriage won't last. If you don't change, maybe you'll never do. You feel like you'll never have money. If you don't change, have you think you'll be stressed all the time? If you don't change, like if I keep saying to myself, I'll do it later, it'll work out. I'll probably never do it, and it won't work out so that's. Why I must change, right, and then you want to begin to replace it. So right here, multimillionaire self talking with who and write the new stuff down here, some examples. For example, I used to say this, too. I can't afford it. When I started to tio when I became a financial advisor and I got clear about my own money and then I was able to help other people and I was teaching this kim joon stuff right no your money to grow your money and when you start monitoring and measuring and tracking your money mask what happens is you get choices you get new choices because all of a sudden you set this target let's see you said the target you know you spend a thousand dollars on your groceries and you're like you know my new target is going to be eight hundred to get out your gun and get ready to shoot right and as the month is going on you're paying attention and things all of a sudden opens up new choices you're like wait I have a choice whether or not I'm going to buy this I have a choice it's not just me bill's come and I default to it I have a choice so kim jin is all about on unleashing that choice and if nothing else one of the things my clients that all the time is that when they get clarity about their money they finally feel like they have choices and ultimately all money does let's give you more choices so in this example I can't afford it well I realized that was just not true I I had like for example when I was sitting in that restaurant I told you the story right sitting in that restaurant and we don't know how much how much is it going to be like I can't afford this I can't afford this I can't afford this and then it came this forty five dollars I could afford it totally no big deal anyway I said well it's true I can't afford it I have no money okay fine then change that belief so that 00:05:59.703 --> 00:06:03. you will have money I choose to spend my money on 00:06:03.01 --> 00:06:08. something else I have ah ah friend I don't know you 00:06:08.05 --> 00:06:11. you may know her name mel robbins and actually interviewed 00:06:11.2 --> 00:06:14. her for my money parenting book that I haven't yet 00:06:14.15 --> 00:06:18. written and she was telling me that her daughter like 00:06:18.71 --> 00:06:21. she said what she's very successful she's actually 00:06:21.84 --> 00:06:26. contribute contributor on c cnn hln nbc like she's 00:06:26.58 --> 00:06:29. done a lot of tv stuff she's great she's really really 00:06:29.06 --> 00:06:31. awesome and she teaches people about business but 00:06:31.21 --> 00:06:32. anyway we're having this conversation and she was 00:06:32.83 --> 00:06:35. like well robin like my daughter came up to me and 00:06:35.36 --> 00:06:38. she was like I need a I need a laptop I want a new 00:06:38.25 --> 00:06:40. computer you know when her mom was like we can't afford 00:06:40.46 --> 00:06:42. it you can't afford it and you look so what would 00:06:42.94 --> 00:06:45. I say because I mean we can't afford to get her laptop 00:06:45.16 --> 00:06:48. and I said well first of all you're lying you have 00:06:48.41 --> 00:06:52. the money you could not pay your mortgage you can 00:06:52.05 --> 00:06:55. not buy food, you can not buy anything else, and you 00:06:55.41 --> 00:06:58. could absolutely find the money to buy that computer. 00:06:58.86 --> 00:07:01. Isn't it true, it's like, oh, yeah, yeah, that's, 00:07:01.96 --> 00:07:03. right, that's, right, we totally could afford it, 00:07:04.06 --> 00:07:05. so it's, just you're making choices, you said, wouldn't 00:07:05.99 --> 00:07:08. think about having a choice to eat cause everybody 00:07:08.07 --> 00:07:11. needs, you know, it's a choice. You could start yourself. 00:07:11.21 --> 00:07:15. I wouldn't recommend it, but you could another another 00:07:15.19 --> 00:07:17. example, and you want to be writing this in your book, 00:07:17.13 --> 00:07:19. you have a chart, I'm worried we won't be able to 00:07:19.58 --> 00:07:20. pay our bills. 00:07:23.61 --> 00:07:25. That's. Something I've experienced in the past. 00:07:28.56 --> 00:07:32. And then the flip side instead, right, it's still 00:07:32.15 --> 00:07:33. dealing with issue, because you ask this question, 00:07:33.84 --> 00:07:35. rena, you're kind of like, well, how do I how do I 00:07:35.7 --> 00:07:39. say that, right? I'm resourceful. I will find a way 00:07:39.15 --> 00:07:42. to pay my bills. I will find a way, I'm resourceful, 00:07:42.62 --> 00:07:45. so imagine that belief, that language running in your 00:07:45.22 --> 00:07:48. head, playing that record awesome, kind of like, you 00:07:48.54 --> 00:07:50. know, the record players, record players, record plays, 00:07:50.84 --> 00:07:52. and if you scratch it, it's going to play something 00:07:52.83 --> 00:07:55. else, right? It's gonna sound very, very different. 00:07:59.06 --> 00:07:59. That was awesome I know 00:08:01.18 --> 00:08:02. old self time 00:08:03.48 --> 00:08:07. I'm broke how you heard people say I'm broke if you 00:08:07.15 --> 00:08:10. say this I can't afford it what did I say before you're 00:08:11.03 --> 00:08:13. right if you say I'm worried what we won't be able 00:08:13.84 --> 00:08:15. to pay the bill so we won't be able to pay the bills 00:08:15.32 --> 00:08:18. on your right I'm broke you're right and you're going 00:08:18.83 --> 00:08:21. to be right is your system just wants to prove that 00:08:21.32 --> 00:08:25. you are right there he likes to be right I used here's 00:08:25.15 --> 00:08:27. another option I used to not have enough money to 00:08:27.32 --> 00:08:28. buy the things I wanted 00:08:29.68 --> 00:08:30. but now 00:08:31.52 --> 00:08:35. I'm building my financial future and soon I will be 00:08:35.54 --> 00:08:36. rich 00:08:38.08 --> 00:08:40. why not you get to choose your language when I choose 00:08:40.51 --> 00:08:45. it to be that yes so when you say I soon soon I will 00:08:45.09 --> 00:08:49. I'll or I will be rich versus I so with the self talk 00:08:49.83 --> 00:08:53. is it are you speaking in the present well in the 00:08:53.34 --> 00:08:55. future chance because soon I'll be rich is a future 00:08:55.81 --> 00:08:58. tense it's not a present right it doesn't really matter 00:08:58.59 --> 00:09:01. okay um I could argue that well if I keep saying I 00:09:01.48 --> 00:09:03. will be rich I will be rich you'll always be right 00:09:03.37 --> 00:09:06. and you will be rich someday and you never will but 00:09:06.76 --> 00:09:09. I think that's you know I could say that but I will 00:09:09.84 --> 00:09:12. tell you I think the actual words that jim carey said 00:09:12.87 --> 00:09:16. was I will earn ten million dollars a year and nineteen 00:09:16.64 --> 00:09:19. ninety five not I am earning so I don't think that 00:09:19.78 --> 00:09:22. technicalities messing up your brain what happens 00:09:22.22 --> 00:09:24. with your brain is that what it hears it's kind of 00:09:24.38 --> 00:09:26. like you say you know don't think of a pink elephant 00:09:27.75 --> 00:09:30. everyone's like pink elephant right so I'll be rich 00:09:30.26 --> 00:09:32. I am rich it's it's better it's great to be in the 00:09:32.85 --> 00:09:36. present I'm rich I'm wealthy start becoming that person 00:09:36.34 --> 00:09:39. but it's ok whatever feels right to you if it's this 00:09:39.2 --> 00:09:41. kind of thing it just kind of makes it easier because 00:09:41.13 --> 00:09:43. you're you're taking what your current languages and 00:09:43.86 --> 00:09:46. you're just switching it so it could have been very 00:09:46.68 --> 00:09:50. very similar like I don't have enough money and then 00:09:50.21 --> 00:09:54. you just take it I used to not have enough money it's 00:09:54.3 --> 00:09:56. like yesterday when you didn't look at your money 00:09:57.04 --> 00:09:59. I don't look at my money no yesterday you didn't look 00:09:59.56 --> 00:10:01. at your money today you look at your money you actually 00:10:01.45 --> 00:10:04. did it get out yesterday I need my money master like 00:10:04.23 --> 00:10:08. money okay does that make sense okay cool so what 00:10:08.92 --> 00:10:10. do you got give me some examples to write some of 00:10:10.9 --> 00:10:15. your own yes uh my old self talk is I'll do it later 00:10:15.6 --> 00:10:18. my new self talk is now is a great time now is a great 00:10:18.81 --> 00:10:23. time awesome I love it I love it because you didn't 00:10:23.02 --> 00:10:25. just say I'll do it now okay? Because you could have 00:10:25.83 --> 00:10:28. easily said I'll do it later, I'll do it now, and 00:10:28.07 --> 00:10:31. you know what, that's probably not true, but what 00:10:31.15 --> 00:10:34. what an amazing statement like now is a great time, 00:10:34.9 --> 00:10:36. because that still gives you permission that if I 00:10:36.57 --> 00:10:39. don't want to use this time, if I choose to use my 00:10:39.02 --> 00:10:40. time on something else that's, okay, because now is 00:10:40.9 --> 00:10:42. a good time, so good time to do something, and then 00:10:42.65 --> 00:10:44. I'll I'll do this, you know, and you don't have to 00:10:44.98 --> 00:10:46. say I'll do it later. It's just kind of like a good 00:10:46.99 --> 00:10:49. thing for you would be if you say now's a good time, 00:10:49.32 --> 00:10:51. but you don't do it now, just a schedule it 00:10:52.9 --> 00:10:55. you can also say, you know, uh, now's a good time, 00:10:56.2 --> 00:11:01. I'm busy, so I will do it on this date at this time 00:11:01.52 --> 00:11:04. done, make sure happens. Yes, 00:11:05.1 --> 00:11:08. it makes me unhappy to look at my money, and I changed 00:11:08.77 --> 00:11:11. it to it frees me to be clear and have total knowledge 00:11:11.68 --> 00:11:12. of my financials. 00:11:15.7 --> 00:11:17. That's great can you do one more time it makes me 00:11:17.8 --> 00:11:20. uncomfortable look at my money and give me the new 00:11:20.2 --> 00:11:23. one it frees me to be clear and have total knowledge 00:11:23.55 --> 00:11:27. of my financial it's free that's beautiful it frees 00:11:27.03 --> 00:11:32. me to be clear and have total knowledge of my finances 00:11:32.85 --> 00:11:38. holy moly wow how's that feel last night when I said 00:11:38.11 --> 00:11:42. and did it yeah I thought I I thought my networks 00:11:42.28 --> 00:11:46. was like negative lots of money and I know you were 00:11:46.95 --> 00:11:49. very specific about that native lots of money huh 00:11:50.4 --> 00:11:54. it didn't turn out to be that way while I was shot 00:11:55.0 --> 00:11:59. so what by playing ostrich I was really doing myself 00:11:59.47 --> 00:12:03. a disservice ah that's beautiful oh that is so awesome thank you for sharing that and I think most people experience I mean all my clients who were avoiders you know avoid her out so I talked about earlier they then look at their money they stopped being the australia's you beautifully put and it's just not as stressful because typically ostriches you know avoider hours they dig their head in the sand because they feel like it's way too bad to look at and then typically it's not as bad as it it's not as bad as it is right as you thought it would be right makes sense he has won at something teacher my old self talk was I spend too much money my multimillionaire self talk is I am a saver and when I say if I have more choices who love it let's just get this all this good stuff we're doing this simultaneously you're already reconditioning I mean just by being here just by tuning in the changes you've already made like in your mind you're like sometimes he believed these seminars and they're just like so exhausted like right it's not because you're not sleeping I mean that might be part of it but you're just your body your mind you're just like whoa I'm like you could try to talk to someone and you're like but uh you don't even know what to say I think it was going to come out right what's going on is your mind has been doing this right playing this record like this for so long and now it's like well it's like you're this roller coaster is going on in your head and you're like uh because your beliefs are changing and your beliefs have determined your life your behavior has determined your life and all of a sudden you're shifting that and that's going to change your what the bees believe supposed behaviors equals your bank account the ends up affecting your money and that cool so you're already doing this you're reconditioning and then what do you have to do remember the seas you condition you condition it how how often you have to condition it consistently continually right to get that change great so I talked about e t the other day and he's a great speaker says a motivational speaker and he he like used to just have be struggling you know with money and he he actually took I believe twelve year he dropped out uh sorry he dropped out of high school to tell you the story well he dropped out of high school he was homeless for two years he left hey left his parents kicked him out and he was on the street and going from couch to couch with some friends and then he decided like put a line in the sand you made a decision that he was going to graduate I was going to graduate high school and going to graduate college and he graduated high school and it took him twelve years get a four year college degree but he did it he did it and now he's getting his phd and the reason the why because we keep going back why must you change? Why is this so important? He realized has been generation after generation his father didn't graduate high school his grandfather didn't graduate high school and going on and on and on no one is a family had graduated high school and just like you're talking about your mom is like this and her mom is like this and her mom is like this it's time for you to stop that cycle he said I am stopping that cycle my son will graduate high school but how can I tell him to graduate if I haven't graduated so what are the odds if I get a phd that my son will graduate high school pretty high right so he did that so he would be an example for a son to guarantee that the next generation we'll graduate high school michael I think that's you know for me it's particularly important as I am in my marriage with my husband who really wants to have kids and I'm very resistant to that because I have not yet achieved my success in a career that I am pash shit about and that's what brings me so much fear in my relationship because I know that's what he wants and it is something that I want to but or not but but and I also want to have a career and my own business and create generate my own wealth because that will prove not only to me but any future generations that the women in my family I have that capacity we have that power and by the way just so you know if you don't have a kid it's okay you can still change it's true you don't have to you know have to be concerned about the next generation to have the leverage to change but it's a great point so what you have to you and your husband you to figure out and get a line about some of these issues many of these issues looking at your money together deciding whether you want to have kids and you know this happens like sometimes people they won wants have a kid and one doesn't and it's this if this person who wants to have a kid it's much much stronger so strong that they cannot accept that this person is not it it may not work out it may be I mean one of my best friends she was like adamant about about not wanting to have a kid this is like five six years ago and she had been married probably five years something like that and her husband really wanna have a kid and he was in his late thirties and he won't have a kid and she she would get anxious about she would tell me and robin I don't think I ever wanna have kids and I'm very worried because my husband you know he definitely wants to have kids and like I don't see how that's gonna work out if I don't and I said you know sarah just let it go like you don't need to decide now and her husband is so amazing and so you know accepting every like he's just tell me that you'll work it out like you don't have to focus on everything that's not gonna work out but that's what it that's just how she felt at the moment and guess what a year later she was like I wanna have a baby and she didn't get pregnant the first month I could kill the girl didn't get pregnant the first month but she got pregnant like the second month like so fast in the first month she was like well I'm not getting right and heavily I'm not pregnant and then she got pregnant like so fast and back then I wasn't trying to get pregnant I don't know it's a big deal but I was like are you seriously complaining that you're not pregnant yet like you just started trying like it probably hadn't even been a month I don't know but she was like I don't know point the point is that we're going to talk about this getting a line with your partner and you need to understand what you want he needs to understand or she needs to understand what they want and then figuring out how to make it work together especially since you're committed to making it happen right? Okay, so this is on page ninety one multimillionaire self talk is just giving you a way to recondition this so what you could dio is you could just taken index card or several rather take several index cards and just right on the top there, multimillionaire self talk and then what you want to do you want to write each one on card so let's say they're ten things like just imagine how your life would be different if you just wrote down give me one year's again anyone here now is a great now is a great time so you're like now's a great time and that's just reconditioning you always believe now is a good time which is cool it's kind of like it's like seize the day you know that's great so imagine like every night you're like now is the right time awesome right time to sleep I guess okay cool you know and then what's ah what's another one rina I'm a billionaire I'm a billionaire awesome so you're reading this at night you have it right by your nightstand and you're just flipping through and you have ten of them you stack all the things that you want in your life and you're like I'm a billionaire now's a great time or show was the money is flowing like rain from the sky the money is flowing like rain from the sky money is flowing like rain from the sky I'm a billionaire now is a great time just have it next to your nice on your nightstand when you go to bed and you'll start to dream about it have you heard that before that if you read something or if you if you if you have something going over and over in your head before you go to bed that you end up dreaming of it so you can remember things better it was kind of same thing you're like this is what I'm going to play on my record, let me go to sleep, sleep on it and it's, like all of a sudden, you know, after doing conditioning it consistently over time, you get change, okay, great. So here's an example. This is a long one, but it could be sure it could be long doesn't matter, but I just pulled one off. I used to not have enough money to buy the things I wanted, but now I'm building my financial future, and soon all the rich me, right? Okay, I mentioned this pattern interrupts so some of the examples that I gave were the push ups, but I can't do that and get on the blower new three d d oh, right? And my daughter does these push up? They're kind of like this like he here bus in the air, you know, but she's doing him she'll get you out of right. Boring pushups, that's a pattern interrupt you sitting at the computer, you see something come up you want to buy no, whatever you want to do, right? My husband, he he decided that he was going to replace try with fail, so what he noticed was that he would be late somewhere and he's like, oh, I'm so sorry I tried to make it on time and like he was always using that excuse hey, give me a call later. Yeah, I'll try and he realized it and he didn't want to always be trying and he realized it was just a softener is just a way to make him feel better that he's not failing all the time and so he's a no more. Any time I say try instead, I'm going to say failed, I failed to be there on time and then he didn't want to do it as much I don't want to fail so much right when I mentioned breathe, great pattern interrupt, like especially when things were going on your head, like few weeks ago, I was feeling nervous about this course. I was like, you like stress. I'm feeling nervous, and I talked two friends who was really, really great. She helped me, and she was, like, first of all, just breathe. And so I was like, I noticed there's, something going on my head. Why am I nervous? Cause I think, you know, I don't know enough. That old pattern still comes up sometimes, and so I would be like thanks for sharing. It's like a separate entity your brain right now you know I don't know enough thanks for sharing awesome like I can't believe how much it helped me I would never have thought it helped me that much and then things come up I'm stressed I'm worried you know I'm I'm not going to remember the material or something like that is totally illogical this is what I do I'm like this how I live this is my life like just telling me about my life or just having a conversation but that stuff comes up all my fear right and so I said to say thank you for sharing works amazing another way to break teo to interrupt your pattern is to start ranting about why what you just said was b s so one of the things that I've done in other programs I talk about like we have you write down a belief so I had a belief that it's hard to make money and this would come up for me like recently in the last few years it's hard to make money and I would be like that's so illogical and so I'd started to rant and I'd be like that's total b s like that's not true there's no way this true I speak and I coach and I love and that's so easy because I love what I do and so easy to make money what was that thing you know I'm just like go off. I don't even know what I'm saying, right? Are you kidding me? I get passive income on a certified financial planner, that's, what I do, I don't have to do much, and I get paid, oh, my gosh, awesome, I get paid helping people, and, in fact, money is so easy to make because my eyes, that makes it two. And then I just looked at a bank account and it goes up.

Class Description

Strong financial management skills are a must-have for a thriving, healthy relationship — but conversations about money can trigger feelings of guilt and anxiety. Simple financial discussions don't have to turn into emotional minefields. Join Robyn Crane and CreativeLive to learn the skills you need to manage your money as a couple, without letting your finances get in the way of your relationship.

This course will teach you everything you and your partner need to know to manage your finances effectively – without stress, guilt, or conflict. You’ll learn concrete tools for communicating about finances openly and honestly. You’ll also build strategies for recognizing and correcting flawed beliefs about financial management. You’ll explore why money issues are among the most common reasons for break-ups and divorce, and learn how to safeguard your relationship against the friction financial disagreements can cause. You’ll also create a concrete, easy-to-implement system that allows you to achieve financial health by playing to your and your partner’s strengths.

You’ll leave this course with strong personal finance skills and an understanding of how to collaborate with your partner to work toward a thriving financial future.

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