Money Management for Couples

Lesson 10 of 33

Conditioning Habits

 

Money Management for Couples

Lesson 10 of 33

Conditioning Habits

 

Lesson Info

Conditioning Habits

If you don't change here's what happens with pain it doesn't end you will you will you will ignore it you'll hide it you pretend it doesn't exist but it's there if you'd take a pain head on pain your mind then it will last it won't last a lifetime it'll last uh short amount of time and then you let's get some new pain like pain doesn't end but that pain that you're experiencing can definitely and get leverage use it use it for strength so that it moves you for to have what you want instead of making you know you you stop moving right okay can you do that excited yes and audiences with you here very brave of you and thank you for coming up on dh and being vulnerable and uh being an example of what that transformation can be like so deb nava says I think this is fascinating not her pain but the psychological effect that our perceptions of money have over us we don't often recognize them or acknowledge them but saying them out loud is powerful and leverage awesome thank you good comments ...

any other comments like you're welcome to like how does it feel for you you know what what is like what is your feeling about experiencing the pain or give me you know a circumstance or like wow you know I went through this pain and that's when I turned my life around because I got leverage and I I associate id teoh and that's that's when I said no more so if you have anything to add go ahead and and you can bring it bring it up so go ahead and write in your notebook on a piece of paper where ever you want write down how you're going to get leverage like I'm gonna what what pain points or you're gonna sew skate to make sure you write this down because it's very very easy to be like oh yeah robin said associate to the pain got it got it I'm 00:01:56.697 --> 00:02:00. gonna do that next thursday yeah next thursday never 00:02:00.95 --> 00:02:03. come that really want associate the pain too they 00:02:03.24 --> 00:02:05. not been getting right so you gotta make sure that 00:02:05.85 --> 00:02:08. it happens so right down what those things are and 00:02:08.48 --> 00:02:10. at least write down you know when you're going to 00:02:10.22 --> 00:02:12. make sure to I'm not saying you have to sit down associated 00:02:12.92 --> 00:02:15. the pain I just want you to be real with yourself 00:02:15.03 --> 00:02:18. and I do want you to like look at those those pain 00:02:18.13 --> 00:02:23. points and use it as as leverage and use it as a motivating 00:02:23.52 --> 00:02:26. factor to get you youto where you want to be okay 00:02:26.16 --> 00:02:27. so I'm going to give you number two 00:02:29.32 --> 00:02:33. number two is habits and rituals okay, check this 00:02:33.8 --> 00:02:38. check it check it. Um so on this money master map 00:02:38.06 --> 00:02:41. your personal money mastery road map you're gonna 00:02:41.85 --> 00:02:43. learn like throughout these next three days you're 00:02:43.81 --> 00:02:46. gonna learn this habits and rituals that you can adopt 00:02:46.15 --> 00:02:48. that have been proven like I'm not making him up. 00:02:48.37 --> 00:02:50. I mean, I've seen thousands of thousands of clients 00:02:50.94 --> 00:02:54. and red, you know, tons of books about this, about 00:02:54.02 --> 00:02:56. rich and wealthy, and all this and it's the habits 00:02:56.3 --> 00:02:58. and rituals that determine where they are financially, 00:02:58.6 --> 00:03:00. right? Wait a second, you said, believe some behaviors. 00:03:00.54 --> 00:03:04. Yeah, it all counts, right? So habits and ritual. 00:03:04.85 --> 00:03:06. So I'm going to show you an example, and this is my 00:03:06.87 --> 00:03:10. dog you saw in the first video her one of the videos, 00:03:10.69 --> 00:03:14. this's, my dog moxie. And what I want you to notice 00:03:14.53 --> 00:03:17. that some of her habits and rituals at the beginning, 00:03:18.12 --> 00:03:21. and then notice how those we conditioned new habits 00:03:21.74 --> 00:03:24. and rituals, and that we continue to do it. So it's 00:03:24.46 --> 00:03:26. stuck, so here we go. 00:03:28.12 --> 00:03:28. My honey 00:03:30.32 --> 00:03:34. no soap too slippery I said did she just p that's 00:03:34.86 --> 00:03:36. what I said earlier 00:03:38.83 --> 00:03:41. she's not that the cute thing you don't have to hear 00:03:41.27 --> 00:03:45. it how cute is that little thing this was the first 00:03:45.29 --> 00:03:49. day we got her she we picked her up we met her like 00:03:49.03 --> 00:03:52. a someone delivered her to this like kind of midpoint 00:03:52.09 --> 00:03:55. and it's kind of like a truck stop and uh trucker 00:03:55.39 --> 00:03:59. came out and he handed us this like any video q little 00:03:59.25 --> 00:04:04. dog and it was like oh my god like she smelled so badly it was terrible and the first thing we did in like a gas station we went and washed her and then we went home and she's still stunk and we washed her again that's just funny part but what I said to him at the beginning I said did she just pee because on the way home when we first got her she was sitting in my lap I was like this is my first dog by the way is my first first I want my first pet this is my second pet so I was going to say really pet but I had a pet that was it was a pet it was a pet rat okay had that rat and the funny thing is is that it looked like a mouse it first so I actually knew they told me they have these little rats at school they're all babies and I thought they were so cute and my parents didn't want to have a pet and I wanted to have a pet and so I thought well hey I can probably like my mom would probably agree to a mouse so I was conniving there and I told my mom that there's like I want to take this little mouse home can I keep it is that ok just like fine as long as you clean the cage as long as you of course all clean the cage no problem so I take this mouse home and then a few weeks go by getting bigger months go by is getting bigger and then my mom's like I don't think you gotta malice I think it's a rat and I was like oh really I had no idea I think it was just very recently that I told her that that she was like really did you knew and you lied now like I really wanted to have a pit the odd thing is I named the rat tiger I don't know where that came from seattle and it was a white like a grayish white rat named tiger anyway so this was the first like dog I ever had that was my one pit and by the way I never clean its cage so my my poor mom was like as long as you please get down no problem I was like I don't know in sixth grade or whatever it was gross I don't want to do it my poor mom was always cleaning the cage and so so angry at me for that because I 00:05:59.615 --> 00:06:02. had promised but you know what happens anyway when 00:06:02.58 --> 00:06:06. I got when we got this dog I was excited that a little 00:06:06.18 --> 00:06:08. dog what is also kind of I had my concerns because 00:06:08.98 --> 00:06:10. you know I didn't know it would be like to have a 00:06:10.59 --> 00:06:13. dog don't know how to train it but my husband is just 00:06:13.65 --> 00:06:17. like amazing amazing at training dogs and like esso 00:06:17.33 --> 00:06:20. what at first of course like the first thing you need 00:06:20.06 --> 00:06:22. to train them to do is to go to the bathroom outside 00:06:22.68 --> 00:06:26. right? So we had like a schedule up like fire back 00:06:26.3 --> 00:06:28. door and I would look at it okay what time I should 00:06:28.71 --> 00:06:30. feed her and then like basically a feeder and then 00:06:30.75 --> 00:06:32. you let her out a feeder any letter out featuring 00:06:32.63 --> 00:06:36. letter out eventually they learned that they are conditioned 00:06:36.01 --> 00:06:39. if you do it consistently right they changed meaning 00:06:39.19 --> 00:06:42. they don't pee on you're in the house right? So we 00:06:42.59 --> 00:06:45. did that and then my husband is so so like great training 00:06:45.99 --> 00:06:48. dogs that he I mean I did a little bit but he mostly 00:06:48.64 --> 00:06:51. did it he began to train her and here's a cool video 00:06:51.63 --> 00:06:54. you'll see how his habits and rituals began to form 00:06:54.52 --> 00:06:58. where moxie at twelve weeks old is learning how to 00:06:58.24 --> 00:07:01. do some tricks. Check this out. Okay, this is moxie, 00:07:01.79 --> 00:07:04. twelve week old patter. Dale, terror. Mom, 00:07:05.76 --> 00:07:09. sit, please, you said great that's, very good. Mox 00:07:10.3 --> 00:07:11. mox, can you dance for me, please? 00:07:16.1 --> 00:07:19. This is your treat. Come right up here, come up here. 00:07:24.16 --> 00:07:26. Moxie the matter. Jill terrier. 00:07:29.16 --> 00:07:33. Hey, for moxie, okay, cool. So you can see that was 00:07:33.06 --> 00:07:36. twelve weeks, and we had trained her to do some tricks, 00:07:36.69 --> 00:07:39. and she was peeing outside, which was awesome. And 00:07:39.95 --> 00:07:43. I wanted to show you introduce you to moxie. Uh, now, 00:07:43.79 --> 00:07:46. this is just two days ago or three days, whenever 00:07:46.21 --> 00:07:48. I I left new jersey on my husband's, going to show 00:07:48.79 --> 00:07:51. you some of the same tricks, because this is how you 00:07:51.1 --> 00:07:53. train them, right over and over again, consistently 00:07:53.84 --> 00:07:56. conditioned them, and ah, and my husband also want 00:07:56.96 --> 00:07:57. to say hi. So 00:08:00.37 --> 00:08:02. here she is now, not much bigger, by the way people are like, oh, she saw a puppy, she's almost two s. So this is to you almost two years later, and, uh, that's her size, she's, fifteen pounds, and she stays that size, and we just a little of it. Okay, here she is. Here they are. Hi, crane. They allowed. Everybody created. Life marks, boxy. You're and there. Uh, well, since everybody is learning so much creative life, like, would you like to you? Does that make you excited? What you want to dance? You know. Being rewarded, okay? And when they're learning all this amazing thing about religion, you sit for me. Is it ever possible that they and when they got to sit for me, when they finish his program, when you give them. Yeah, let's. See, what if they took this information and then just didn't do anything with what we have when I feel like they just died like your relationship with? Yeah, look, ben work. I'm looking for yes, you are every situation you might know where they are. What, like overcome? Tremendous off. Here. Last little piece here, over. Sure. Yeah. What? Who? No. Go. Yeah, well. You handle marxian. Awesome. I love at the very end when he's like this and she's like, yeah, it's like high five. Cool. So habits and rituals. So we talked about getting leverage so again make sure you write down how are you going to get leverage how can you create leverage by the way what do we do with moxie how did we create leverage because we created leverage right treat treats so that was pleasure right so he said here's a treat you know if you do this trick you get pleasure so you can also create leverage by giving pleasure you know it could be like well if you do if you d'oh if you let's say she revealed the truth and you're not hiding your failure you know and you you give you like you do that once and then you get some pleasure from it like you get a client because like like wow like until you relate to you or something now you're also reinforcing that reinforcing that change okay or you can you can make that happen teo um and then habits and rituals this is all going to be on your money mastery and matt so make sure right down like I'm going to give you a bunch but if you've thought of like what our new habits and rituals that I might want like in your financial uh when I called the financial future prediction tests this financial future prediction tested you remember this that I have ten questions here that you wrote you know you rated from one to ten and this kind of gives you some hints of some habits that you could have you know I have clarity of our income expenses and saving some maybe a habit like a new habit would be to have clarity our income expenses and savings right money mask by the way um I think making and growing money is easy that's a belief I often feel happy excited sure I regularly track my cash flow in my net worth that's a habit that's a ritual that's something you can adopt tohave ah better score on your financial future prediction test okay there's a comment that's coming in ahh the sparked interest from what you said about tracking sarah baldwin says she's a stay at home mom that works full time on building her photography business while juggling the kid's chores and clients I spend more money than I make yet my husband works all the time so I'm the one buying the groceries baby clothes diapers but every day it's the same thing how much did you spend it's exhausting and a source of conflict since I'm not working or making enough money yet so is that a habit a habit that they have when talking about about what was spent daily yeah I mean that's definitely I have it now it's okay to have that habit of talking about what you spend daily. So here's here's what came up for me when you said that what I find interesting this is now a second time has come up like with rena and what was the name uh sarah bold one sarah is that it looks like you're really looking at it's my money and his money now I'm not here to tell you that you need to put your money together that's a choice you can make it it doesn't matter but you're gonna learn this tomorrow and the next day is that what's absolutely necessary is that you have transparency of the finances you need to know how much your husband makes you need to know how much he's spending your spending because you're a unit okay you're married or you're in a partnership if you want this to last you need to think of your life as this as together as your life it's one life you're living with your partner and if you think of your lives is separate you're gonna have these things come up like he's makes them he makes the money I mean you could you could totally value say well I take care of the kids I do all the questions I do other stuff like that's work right so you probably feel like it's not really fair that you're getting judged by that and the problem is is that you're not align with your goals now if if you both want for example farina you want to make money and he wants you to make money you're aligned but you haven't really discussed that and come to a point where you're like we both want the same thing isn't this awesome now if you you know for sarah if you're thinking well what do we want we want groceries you know we want food we want clothing we want our kids taken care of honey do you want my you want me to take care of the kids and make sure they get the school and they leave school and they do their homework all those things right? I'm sure he's going to say yes of course I want that and you're not saying it so that he's valuing you more you're reminding each other of what's important to you as a unit right as a couple and then you can figure out what you want together and how how what is the fastest path to getting there so if you say well hey we want financial freedom or we want our kids to be taken care of to be raised in a great home where where we have a loving home and their homework gets done and they're good students whatever you're a line like you want to talk about a figure well we're in line with that so what is one of the things we need to do to get there one of the things that we need money right awesome one of the things we need someone at home if that's what you believe to take care of the kids all these things we need, we need to happen. We need these things. What does everything that we need to be in line to make it happen, right? And then if you're in line like that, it's, not like you make the money, and I take care of the kids and you do this, I do that it's, like, what can we, what can we do to create our future together, like, stop thinking that if you're married or if you're in a relationship and you want this relationship to last, you gotta thought, stop thinking of I and start thinking of week. No really I'm faye is actually sharing a success story 00:16:03.312 --> 00:16:07. on turning into so we from the eye she says or he's 00:16:08.12 --> 00:16:10. my husband and I used to keep our money separate due 00:16:10.93 --> 00:16:13. to child support issues but now that we no longer 00:16:13.59 --> 00:16:16. have the support do we've combined our money and things 00:16:16.68 --> 00:16:19. were so much easier to see where the money goes and 00:16:19.65 --> 00:16:22. what we can save awesome and I can totally relate 00:16:22.98 --> 00:16:25. to that so when my husband got married I mean we had 00:16:25.37 --> 00:16:27. a daughter I had an immediate I inherited a daughter 00:16:27.81 --> 00:16:30. immediate child you know and we we had child support 00:16:30.91 --> 00:16:33. knows I'm saying we like at first you know especially 00:16:33.73 --> 00:16:35. because of my money issues like I didn't like the 00:16:35.77 --> 00:16:38. fact that you know we were paying and it was we because 00:16:38.73 --> 00:16:40. I was making money and a lot of you know it was goes 00:16:40.99 --> 00:16:45. to child support or whatever and but it was like it 00:16:45.18 --> 00:16:47. was it came and went like that I have those thoughts 00:16:47.6 --> 00:16:50. because once we were married it was like we're in 00:16:50.73 --> 00:16:53. this together and maybe you're not married maybe just 00:16:53.3 --> 00:16:55. in a partnership but I would really recommend that 00:16:55.76 --> 00:16:59. you again think of yourself yourselves as a unit like 00:16:59.38 --> 00:17:02. you reiterated to go from ida we 00:17:04.06 --> 00:17:06. right and that like now we pay child support so that's 00:17:06.71 --> 00:17:08. how it isthe I don't care if I bring in the money 00:17:08.72 --> 00:17:10. or he brings in the money or where the money comes 00:17:10.49 --> 00:17:13. from. We have these goals. The goal is to raise our 00:17:13.21 --> 00:17:15. daughter and make sure that her mom is taken care 00:17:15.53 --> 00:17:17. of, so that, you know, our daughter has a great life. 00:17:18.62 --> 00:17:20. And if you frame it like that, by the way, it makes 00:17:20.26 --> 00:17:21. it a lot better than what I used to think. Like, oh, 00:17:21.93 --> 00:17:23. crap, we have to pay child support.

Class Description

Strong financial management skills are a must-have for a thriving, healthy relationship — but conversations about money can trigger feelings of guilt and anxiety. Simple financial discussions don't have to turn into emotional minefields. Join Robyn Crane and CreativeLive to learn the skills you need to manage your money as a couple, without letting your finances get in the way of your relationship.

This course will teach you everything you and your partner need to know to manage your finances effectively – without stress, guilt, or conflict. You’ll learn concrete tools for communicating about finances openly and honestly. You’ll also build strategies for recognizing and correcting flawed beliefs about financial management. You’ll explore why money issues are among the most common reasons for break-ups and divorce, and learn how to safeguard your relationship against the friction financial disagreements can cause. You’ll also create a concrete, easy-to-implement system that allows you to achieve financial health by playing to your and your partner’s strengths.

You’ll leave this course with strong personal finance skills and an understanding of how to collaborate with your partner to work toward a thriving financial future.

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