Examining Your Beliefs

 

Money Management for Couples

 

Lesson Info

Examining Your Beliefs

Examine your beliefs what you believe to be true here's the challenge may not actually be true, so whatever the police aren't, you know, I don't even care if it's a limiting belief or not eliminate belief you're right now identifying beliefs and you could say this is limiting or this is empowering doesn't matter. But my challenge is what you believe to be true may not actually be true because every belief you have every single one of them is made up. You made it up there's no truth to it, it's all in black and white it's not like, ok, my belief is that, you know, I'm going to be a millionaire awesome that is that true knowing is it that's truce is a belief, so your beliefs are on ly beliefs and what may not be true mate may not actually be true, and your beliefs may be getting in the way of you making better choices and having what you want. So this is stuff that you could take years for you to get clear on your beliefs and all that. So if you try to get this perfect, then you will not...

be able to progress if you see some themes and you recognize those and you go through the isn't serving it, how is this serving? How is this holding you back? And the last part is what can you do to change it to serve you at a higher level that's actually in in your manual but I'm just going to write that down because I'll get to it again how is it serving you how is it holding you back what can you do to change it? This is key to serve you at a higher level because I'm not telling you by the way I'm not telling you you're wrong there's no none zip no judgment here no judgment I don't want you to judge yourself either I don't want you to be like oh man I have to believe oh that's totally holding back no wonder I'm so broke no it's to recognize it to actually appreciate this belief because it served you in a way you know it's definitely served me to look at the price first you know I'm a saver I don't want to get rid of that I like saving but holding me back if I run that pattern not only you know I'm gonna have issues and by the way I've had lots of stomach issues so I attended to in the past worry and have anxiety and not just about money as it spreads to everything right and then I had to change it I had to make one simple change that will serve me at a higher level so you can pick a few beliefs and just just you know your mark this page like to go back to because you're going to keep coming back to beliefs but I want to take a toe ask one of you to come up you want to do it perfect all right even better okay, so I'm gonna have volunteer and volunteer is here in studio like I know she actually ever give a hand for kate ok uh have we have we rehearsed this? Okay, so I just want you to know she's she she knows what I'm about to do but that's why she doesn't want anyone else to do let's just say that um kate uh do you have one? Yes. Ok get fallon to see if I have some things for you here just in case if you would put these on just in case just in case I haven't seen your swimming so I used to teach swimming and some people say they know how to swim and then before you know you're jumping in the same you better put that one on two I see that you have glasses on but you're going to need these just in case we're going well sitting up appear what is this water water bottle water and I think that's too she looked great awesome yeah good tickets it could make sure it's really water and all that so I want to use this as an exam we'll use this proper cup it's what is it like up? Amazing. So let me ask you this is it reasonable to believe the reasonable to believe that if I pour water into this cup I take water poured into this cup? Was it reasonably that if I were to hear you could put that over the farming place if I want to take this cup I mean she's got her she's got her water wings she's got her goggles she'll be fine, right? But is it recently the fine? But if I were to take this cup and pour the water out that it would actually fall on her head as a reasonable belief and report out if I poured it out yeah, we'll come out water, we need the umbrella. So, here's, what? I want you to realize that what you believe to be true may not actually be true. You can't hand you need that I won't need this. Thank you. That was great demonstration it's not interesting. So what does that mean again? I can really oh, but those of you tuning in you have to watch the first segment very important you're making this stuff up right? You're making it up will you believe to be true may not actually be true so one of you doesn't make up stuff little will actually serve you I can make a million dollars I could make ten million dollars I can save the world I don't care I'm worth it I am awesome we're going to do this we have multi millionaire self talk tomorrow that's going to be awesome incantations I'm gonna get you singing it's going to be awesome so that you get to choose your beliefs so I'm going to give you one more exercise here and this is money association so because some of you might be thinking well, I'm still I still know what my beliefs are I'm so confused or you know, maybe I didn't have all those questions, so all I want you to do is take out your manual is this page forty seven and just finished these sentences ok? And I'm going to do with you guys actually don't write because you're going to be my example and I'm just going to do quick associations please don't judge it and don't try to make him really good I'm going to take him from wherever and I'm just gonna whatever comes to mind ready michelle poor people are sad, great rich people are wealthy, money is my friend money is their money is money is power well people are then wealth is a good thing wealth is powerful, money is happy, poor people are surviving great so all we did is just money associations so like for example, you said poor people are surviving so I know you didn't have that you can watch it back later but you can do this exercise yourself and this whatever comes to mind just write it write it write it which is it's like those association and you may find some beliefs that you're like wow you know what's weird I believe that wealthy people are fun but I'm not wealthy why am I not wealthy because they could have more fun generally man like you could take it and just decide ok cool I believe welcome people are fun and I believe that I deserve to be wealthy got it I'm gonna have more fun because I'm wealthy and you can use those to help you shape new beliefs does that make sense? Okay, awesome. Thank you. Ok, so where do your beliefs come from? Shouted out there chatted out three uh your beliefs come from society what else? Our parents are parents or else media media great anywhere else world put it in the waiting you guys air in the chat tab please go ahead and let us know what where do your beliefs come from? We'd love to hear from you awesome. So your beliefs come from society parents, media, culture friends let's say teachers yeah well associates associates center lips that was really bad associates what mentors, mentors, doctors, doctors like will say just authority right all through and maybe the government because you shape beliefs based on what they dio right we can go on and on and on I've got a few here yeah red balloon says my own fear red balloon you must have a super high network okay my own fear jeff o says our experiences great experience is awesome I should take handwriting class mark mark u k says our beliefs come from direct experience direct experience great man says mau says I what I surround myself with what I like I mean what eyes surround myself with nice to take responsibility there ok perfect so we can go on and on but we'll stop there and I would say that my belief and this could just be a belief it doesn't mean it's necessarily true but my belief is that most of your beliefs come from your parents or your guardians now if you didn't you know spend a lot of time with them maybe not but most of the time I've done this with thousands and thousands of people most the time your beliefs come from your parents now this doesn't mean that they're exactly the same as you her parents for example if you grew up and your parents were really really wealthy they believe that you know and it was it's important to have money so you can provide for your family and then they we're super wealthy, right? And then you grew up in this house, a ton of wealth, you were totally like you felt totally in tile titled you got all these gadgets and all these things, you got everything you wanted, and then your parents let's say we're fighting all the time. Let's say they're fighting about money. We have all this money, we'll say they were fighting about money, right? Or they got divorced, and then once they got divorced, the whole thing with money was like crazy, right? It's a totally tor your whole family apart. So even though they were wealthy and they had these beliefs to maybe support that if they kept their wealth, you may say, I never want to be like my parents, and so I'm gonna believe the exact opposite money is hell. Money will ruin your life. So it happened, right? So my might what I'm saying is you get this from your parents, mostly you get it from your parents, even if they don't directly teach it to you sometimes it's the opposite belief. So with that being said, I have some talking heads. They're not talking my parents. Ladies and gentlemen, please meet the heads of my parents my mom, hi, dad, I'm sure you're watching this now. Or someday don't worry mom it's a good picture of you my mom so I said so just so you know you know mom, dad, I'm going to just use your head because in the workbook like I made these heads out of like shapes because I was, you know, trying toe like, limit the number of pictures and so then I said, well, for the thing I'll put in pictures of my parents because these are my parents, so I get them from so I called them up and I said this two days again I said, just so you know, I'm putting your heads on this chart and don't be insulted because I know you probably watched this eventually and and like, I'm just going to talk about where my beliefs come from and there's gonna be some things that aren't necessarily good just so you know, and my mom goes well, what picture did he use this's a good picture so yeah, I said I took it from your facebook page if it's not it's your fault so so there they are, my mind out of my mom and you may have seen the video my dad, he used to have a mustache for like all his life and he just shaved his mustache and it's so funny because he's had no mustache for like I don't know six months or less or something like that and now I see him with the mustache in it looks like there's like a caterpillar on his face things like it just not used to start out of love you s o anyway, this is my beliefs come from my parents and what I want you to do in the workbook here is to write down the name of the person because it might not be your parents, it might be like someone I talked to he's very, very wealthy man, and he said that most of his beliefs about money and he was mostly influenced by his uncle, you know? So you want to right here the name like the top two people like the name the person, so I would put dad and I would put mom and I wanted to capture some of their beliefs. Now these could be beliefs that you also believe or believes that you believe that you don't believe so you could say, what is my dad believe so forget your beliefs for a second and just what is my dad believe or the people who are most influential in your life? Maybe was a teacher doesn't have to be your parents, so my dad believed that it was important to save I that believe that it was important to safe my dad believed that need to work hard I say believe he's still live and everything they probably still believe this but this is what I got growing up this is what I believe my parents believe so my dad believed that need to work hard he believed that spending time with family now a lot of these are is important so for example I showed you that picture of the menu and going out to dinner because that was what I got from them right? Safe, safe, safe don't spend a lot of money I mean mike parents, my family and I we used to go to this chinese food restaurant that's really silly because we went to this place almost not every friday night but almost every friday night we'd go have two brothers and we'd go to this restaurant and we at the time when we first started going my brother and I both didn't eat red meat so one of my brothers didn't eat red meat and my dad doesn't eat shrimp and like pork and we don't really pork in that sort of thing and so we we'd go teo this restaurant because you're sharing his chinese food we've mostly order chicken so we'd we'd go in there we get there and they knew us by now right? And my mom every time every time never failed she would be like started to order will have the chicken chow mein we'll have the you know um lemon chicken and she goes it's the chicken chicken family and I'm like mom you know where the chicken family first of all it's not an awesome name for a family anyway and you don't have to tell them every single time that we're the chicken family please stop telling them where the jacob bailey but I remember being at his restaurant and you know we order like there were five of us so we'd order five it was very specific how much we were allowed to order you know we each got to order something but we're all going to share andan sometimes sometimes if you're lucky would get like one extra dish but it be like the conversation between my parents would be like my dad would say we'll do we really need that oh he laying you know we're not going to eat all that you know we don't need that right now that's kind of thing my dad would say and my mom was the one you can have leftovers and my mom also like to save by the way but she also believes in kind of like spending money on yourself why don't you go get your hair done now that she also wants me look good cause obviously she believes it's important to look good but just spend that you have the money just go just go out and just enjoy yourself right? But she also believed in saving because she would she she loves to go to like t j maxx, you know? And so she would believe that, like, what would I say? The belief is that, like, get what you want, let's say something like this, get what you want, but get it on sale that's good, I was going to say, but don't spend too much to get it on sale and also just don't spend too much, right? Because she didn't really she didn't go to like expensive stores like she would go. She always told me about her friend who would go buy nice things to goto macy's north terms something on dh that this woman would like by a assured a blouse for, like, a hundred bucks. My mom, like she would go to mervyn's, she would go to t j maxx, and she would buy, like comeback with bags for a hundred bucks and she's like look like she would spend the same amount of money, but she felt like she was getting a better deal because she had more of it. Okay, so when I was when we were at this restaurant, what I remembered is, you know, we'd order what we're allowed to order and I remember just like wanting to order soda, but we were never allowed to order soda. Maybe not never like they're definitely times we've got to order soda, but in my head, I remember not being able to order so that, like I wanted a soda and I wasn't allowed to have it. Now this wasn't because of my parents would want me to have the sugar, which is maybe one reason people aren't, you know, kids can't have the soda my parents and want me or my dad mostly didn't want me to get a soda because he didn't think it made sense to buy a soda for a dollar when you could get a twelve pack or three fifty, that makes sense. And now my my dad gets so that, like love deals, my mom loved deals to time. They both love deals that's what's called it, keeps keeps them like a line, right? They love deal. They love saving. I love delilah save my husband loves deals, it's kind of like we're all in this whole line with this and I remember this one time my dad went to a flea market, you know, they go to flea markets, get seven by the way. My parents were, you know, very well off, you know were upper middle class. Something like that. And and I remember he came back from this flea market and you see this he's pretty happy there. This was he just we were just in europe together. And he's, like I got take my facebook pictures this good, like, so he was happy was making him laugh. But anyway, I remember he came back from this flea market and he was all, like, super super gt and like that would you get, like, what do you so excited about, he's? Like, I got this special shampoo and it's like this size, like this big and it on ly cost me four dollars, and at the store you can get, like, a size this big and it's four dollars, and he was stoked again. Like I got the best purchase I've got the best deal. I got a minute. Yeah, it was I'm like, well, he's super getty. And the funny thing was years later, when my husband came back one one day, he was he went shopping at a, um thrift store because he also likes great deals and he came back and use like, honey, look at this. Look at this. I got these shoes at the thrift store, and then I got three pairs and there were five. Box and he's like yeah, look, great things look and like, they were nice, she was like dress shoes and everything and he's like, if I had gotten the same pair for three hundred dollars, maybe ok, but I don't know five blocks like check it out and can super getting excited. I'm like, wow, I can remember I told you, my husband like didn't necessarily get giddy about, like making money when we were in hawaii, but he was getting about saving and having a good deal like getting a good deal, so your beliefs are very important to where you are very important how you feel, and I'm just giving you some examples from my parents. I want you to capture that if you don't capture it all right now go ahead and do it later from online, a couple of our viewers here dead novice says my beliefs come primarily from my parents and then my teachers and me at sami al says, my parents and then my church and then the top of that good d touch says, my mother believes that being poor is a virtue on verifying that their mother is from russia and it's kind of hard to argue because you can't there, saying the belief is you can't be moral and rich there at the same time. And that's not saying now also is agreeing that in their country it's that way too if you have too much most likely you got it the wrong way or if not you still come to become an entitled jerk wow those are some really really good example thank you so much as a great examples so let's use that poverty's of virtues that how she wrote it yes that poverty is a virtue are being pours a virtue other I don't know whether or not you believe that to be true that being poor is a virtue because you may have that similar belief is your mom and you may not but here's what I want to tell you whatever your beliefs are number one they're not really true right and number two many of them are not even yours think about that they're not even yours they're probably your parents I said some night like pretty cool beliefs about my parents and I think that's pretty cool that they like to say they were card you know, time of family all that stuff and I'm so grateful for my parents I mean they have given me such a wonderful life and help me become the person I am today shout out to you guys um and michael say but and many of their beliefs or limiting beliefs that I just I inherited right like why did I get anxiety spending money on food because I believe that it's not important to spend money on food I mean they believe it's so important to spend money on certain things if you don't value you don't buy it you don't value that you don't buy it that's fine I don't need to have that belief I can choose if your mom believes that I need a man to take care of me my mom can't believe that I don't need her life I need her belief I choose my beliefs you don't have to believe what they believe. So the last couple things here what are your behaviors with money? So we're going to get into this more because I'm going to teach you some new behaviors that you can have with money but I wanted you to recognize what you do and what you don't do because the behavior can be something you don't do. I don't look at my money right behaviors that you know I don't save money or could be I do save money or I look at my money or I track my money I measure my money all those things so and then I want you to do this for homework during the break to think about those behaviors just a few and then use the same thing we did with the beliefs how is it serving you? How is it holding you back? And it is all in your manual what can you do to change it? To serve you at the highest level so give me one but one behavior real quick one of you guys rina what's a behavior that you have around money let's say I will spend money uh to make things look the way that I want them to for my business and okay not really and hope that I will actually break even or make a profit ok perf doesn't always work right thank you for recognizing that ok that's cool so how is it serving you? That let's let's just go through and make this really really easy like all this is super simple you just have to follow the prompts here how is it serving you then you can change it how the serving all the quality of what I produced and what I put out there is nice great that's awesome how is it holding you back? I mean the red the perfect I'm in the red ok, so here's the kicker right? This is where change happens and by the way, next we did the bees the next see if you remember that the end of the sea is change and that's why you're here that's why you're here is because you want to change you want something different in your life so rina, what can you do to change it that pattern to serve you and at the highest level or at least in the higher level well, I can think of two ways that I grade do it I could either, um simplify the quality um, of what it is and producing or I could wait until I have enough, uh, response an engagement to then so basically make some money and then spending spending it like so that same guy keep cunningham not spend money to make money, but like make money they spend money got so keep, cunningham said that most people in their business are pimping their ride yeah, right by fancy computers you're like, ok, I'm starting even if you're just starting your like growing your business, I'm going to grow my business so I buy all these cool things that I can use for my business and even spend cool things on promotion and cool things on this and whatever fancy computers and fancy office and have a screen. When people walk in the people see that, you know, you look like you're professional and fancy clothes and all these things and you're pimping your ride, you're pimping your business when you want to look at instead of creating liabilities, I owe this for buying this I owe this for buying this term, spending money on this you instead you want to invest and things that are going to grow your business that are actually going to grow your business. So what I would encourage you to do is look good stuff that really matters that's going to give you a better our ally, a better return on your investment, like wearing this dress this from, you know, macy's or whatever, I don't even know, like super fancy stores that's how much I don't shop there, you invest in things like that instead of a dress from a super expensive place, you go to t, j maxx or whatever to get something there like I can look professional, I don't need you to get the best the best I can print this, like flyer out doesn't need to be the best the best, or do I need to print the flyer? Do you know what I mean? Like what is going to give you the our ally? Because people are spending money on their business and in their life that they don't either either they don't value or that's not producing the result that they want, and if you keep spending money and it doesn't produce the results on making you money, then you're absolutely throwing money away, right? But like he said, you can do the second option, but just tow to make sure you know what you're going to do, one of those two things. So you're either going to tell me one more time and tell me what you're going to choose. Uh, well, I think that for me, the best thing to do would be to, um, build up a higher level of client, you know, higher. Okay, so basically more make money first, then spend you make more money first. Okay? And I love that I love it. I love it. I love it because I used to teach sales and teach businesses and all that stuff. And I would so often find, like, you know, people who spend money, like on even their fancy website and things like that when you can go out like I created something called money parenting that's why this? This whole thing is really, really interesting to me. The money parenting is how to raise finance responsible kids by leading by example. And so so many people go, they want to make more money, and they're buying all these fancy things for their business, and I think you can make money. I did this whole money parenting I hit one hundred thousand dollars a year plus by not having a website. But I did talks by calling, hitting the phones. And I made it happen. Had clients paying me thousands of dollars because I went out there and made it happen. You don't need to pimp your ride.

Class Description

Strong financial management skills are a must-have for a thriving, healthy relationship — but conversations about money can trigger feelings of guilt and anxiety. Simple financial discussions don't have to turn into emotional minefields. Join Robyn Crane and CreativeLive to learn the skills you need to manage your money as a couple, without letting your finances get in the way of your relationship.

This course will teach you everything you and your partner need to know to manage your finances effectively – without stress, guilt, or conflict. You’ll learn concrete tools for communicating about finances openly and honestly. You’ll also build strategies for recognizing and correcting flawed beliefs about financial management. You’ll explore why money issues are among the most common reasons for break-ups and divorce, and learn how to safeguard your relationship against the friction financial disagreements can cause. You’ll also create a concrete, easy-to-implement system that allows you to achieve financial health by playing to your and your partner’s strengths.

You’ll leave this course with strong personal finance skills and an understanding of how to collaborate with your partner to work toward a thriving financial future.

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