Money Management for Couples

Lesson 6/33 - Money is Not a Dirty Word


Money Management for Couples


Lesson Info

Money is Not a Dirty Word

Just as a reminder I want to make sure that you remember what you learn because I may be you are thinking wow she covered a lot maybe you are thinking like what did I learn what did she cover already? You know maybe doesn't seem like much to you so whatever whatever your experiences that's fine but here's what I want to give you now imagine for a second because you're you know if you're online you're watching this free maybe about the course maybe you didn't and even if he did buy the course it's seventy nine bucks so investing seventy nine bucks would you agree is not a huge amount of money okay, awesome so what I want you to do at home and here is to imagine for a moment that you invested twenty thousand dollars to be here twenty thousand dollars toe watch this online tow have this information look if I could just give you the keys of the kingdom just like that I know for free and that you have everything you know I would but here's the thing when you pay you pay attention so if you ...

had paid twenty thousand dollars to be here, what how would your experience be different like do you think if you guys were in us are totally committed like I know it and maybe it wouldn't but like, do you feel like if you had paid twenty thousand dollars, you might have a different experience like what would you do if you had paid twenty thousand dollars like how would you act differently if you went home for example? I think for me it's a little more difficult to even fathom twenty thousand dollars paying twenty thousand dollars for anything you're right look like because I have such deep money conversations which is why I'm here so um I will let you feel like everything that I have is what it is that I'm I'm bringing right because this is all that I have awesome awesome and who who's responsible for for making making this happen in your life who's responsible for for this information working in your life I am you're right you work right you are so I want to give you that analogy maybe to you like you can't to that sorry twenty thousand it's so crazy that you can't even fathom it like it doesn't even mean anything because you know you couldn't it doesn't it wouldn't be something that you would do let's say but I just challenged you that if you had paid twenty thousand dollars with on this course that your experience would be enhanced because what you bring to the table like when my private clients pay me thousands of dollars to work with me over a six month period they've not only invested their money they've also invested their time but they've made a huge commitment like half my work is done when they write that check. So, if you imagine for a moment, you wrote a check whether it's two thousand dollars to twenty thousand dollars or five thousand was like a big amount for you that you invested, then my guess is that you would get even more out of the course, like you might see something that you already know and be like, well, wait, what can I get out of this? How can I learn and grow even more? And the reason I'm talking about this is because we're about to go into beliefs, and all this has to do with what you believe from right now, forward, what you believe to be true about this course about what's gonna happen, what's gonna work with your your significant other with your relationship with your money. All of those things are tied to your beliefs, okay? Money is not a dirty word. Many people feel that it is. This is a picture of storage all right? I mean it's not the real guy but that's exactly who he represents so charles dickens wrote dickens wrote a book and came became a film and became a play as well called called a christmas carol thank you I almost forgot for a sec christmas carol and in it was this character screws now now many of you probably know who scrooge is and if you haven't that's okay but scrooge was this very, very wealthy man and tell me what are some of the characteristics that were portrayed for screwed he was frugal he was frugal okay, great what else and you can chat online like what? What are some of the characteristics of school? G wasn't fool who's he was stingy that's very different yes, thank you. What else? What else did you do you remember about him? He was always focused on making money he's always focused on making money so let me get this down so we got stingy you said frugal but then you said stingy which is different right? But sometime I think he was frugal you said he was always focus on making on money basically, um what else? Like what did the what of the people of the town think of him when they think he's a nice, generous guy now he was a he was a cruel taskmaster, cruel task master what else was he? You know, like I said, it was. He was he generous guy was giving. No, he was, it was he was mean. The kids are all afraid of them. Ainas, well, dab, novice, says nothing was worth his money. Nothing was worth his money. What does that mean? Give. Give me a little more. Meaning, like money was most important, and nothing was more important. Or like meaning that, like, it wasn't worth it worth it. For him to spend money that they can expand on, that I would be great. So stingy, always focused, cruel task maker, not generous, mean, the children were afraid of him. Children were afraid of him. His money was his lover. As money was his lover mark from uk says he wasn't living in the present and didn't have many genuine friends and that he was also close to death. Your friend's not in present close to death. Thank you. Anything else you can think of? Like what happened? I forget the name of the guy who worked for him. But what happened? Hatchet? Yeah. Cratchit. Bob cratchit. Thankyou. So, bob cratchit, didn't he want to take off those christmas eve? It was christmassy home and and he wouldn't let him go home. So he wanted take off me, then let him go home. And what was going on with little timmy? He was very sick and dying little. Timmy was very sick and dying and screwed said what you can't have off right now because he's a slave driver, he's a he's, a taskmaster. And who was he like? The wealthiest man of the town? Yeah, he was known as like the wealthiest. So, here's, what I want you to notice, this is the feedback. This is our culture portraying wealth. Now, I know this wasn't written yesterday, but if you go, I was looking for doing some research for this, and I was like looking up, I just googled. I googled something like, uh, fax about the rich fax that's. What I googled facts about the rich, and what came up was like a slew of information about rich people being corrupt. Wealthy people are not generous, like all this negative negative commentary like that. They're supposedly facts about the rich and, like finding like the the one thing that the rich people do, like finding someone rich and saying, this is what they d'oh, right, why do we do that? Because we're envious partly because they're envious to remember one of those wealth files I remember exactly but it said like rich people admire the well and poor people resent well the wealthy people so this is a theme in our culture it's partly in our culture is partly coming from our parents from different different avenues but what I want you to notice is that this is what we're about to go into our are the bees of the of the a b c's is how our beliefs not on ly like do we maybe believe make maybe you believe that you don't deserve to make money maybe that's one of your limiting beliefs is that you don't deserve to make money but now on ly that like let's say you believe like now we shell she you just figured out you're like wow what what was the most important? What was most important about money to you oh remember like I I think was being close to god are being close to god so like ultimately money what was most important about money to you is being close to god now that basically suggests that if you have more money right you will be closer to god isn't that true? Yeah right that suggest that right? So check this out what what are all these conflicting beliefs? Because maybe you from watching the media and from learning from your parents and everything that you've experienced in your life you believe that to be wealthy means that you always focus on money to you, wealthy. You, you would be a cruel taskmaster, master, to be wealthy. You're not generous, but wait. But money is going to allow me to be who I really, truly am supposed to be. Notice the conflict. Shin okay, yeah, right. And so all these beliefs. So what? I want you guys to start to to notice, or what beliefs do you have? And we're about to go through that and notice what are conflicting, because how can you possibly be have the money that you want become the wealthy person you deserve to be? If you believe that, you know, you can't be spiritually if you have money. For example. Right, so the bees again, are the bull. Your beliefs, plus your behaviors, equals your bank account, right. This is part of your money. Blueprint. Your beliefs, plus your behaviors, equals your bank account. So donald trump, like, what do you think, what's one example? What do you think? It please chat, give us, give me some answers here. What do you think donald trump believes to be true about money? It's been official it's beneficial what else? The ones you always make it I can always make it cool give me one more there's more there's more where that came from perfect awesome what are some of his behaviors like you might not know but what do you think might be someone of his stature and wealth? What? What might some of his behavior's now you can write these notes down at home so that your capturing some of these things because some of what you come up with has to do with really what your beliefs are right? So what are some of the behaviours you think patterns that he runs he re invest he reinvests okay, so one thing he does reinvest perfect what else? Like one behavior? He buys property, right? Yeah, by a lot of property he grows businesses right? And how is his bank account reflected? He believes he can make money can always make money there's always enough he believes he his behaviors or he reinvests he probably saves a lot even though he has a glamorous lifestyle, he probably still has him some saving characteristics and his bank account right? You can't find if you find a wealthy person who believes they don't deserve it and they don't look at their money and they're still wealthy, they're probably going to lose it they won't stay wealthy because your beliefs and behaviors equals your bank account. Well, our shells like that. Yes, I have a question of question from montana, montana who asked, do you? How do you identify the limiting beliefs with regard to money? I find it really hard to get to the truth issues. Awesome. Great question you're about to get that right now. So in a couple of minutes, I'm gonna give you a serious question. That's also in your manual and it will begin to, um, help you think about what you believe. You're gonna answer some questions and I'll make it really, really easy, and I'm gonna give you another exercise. That's going to help you figure out what associations, you have the money. So I'm gonna pull it out of you. The answer is I'm gonna pull it out of you, okay? So first, let me tell you about the crazy eight, okay, this is the beliefs. Plus your behavior's equals your bank account. Okay, so what? That means I start with beliefs, but it doesn't necessarily have to start that way. Is that your beliefs? I just want to draw it. And even though I have it there, it's. Easy for me. So let's, say your beliefs. I'm doing a little different but affect your behaviours which affect your bank account ok if you change a belief will that affect your behavior according to this yes okay can you see that happening let's say you believe for example that you know you can't make money you're not good at making money well how are you going to behave are going to give up sometimes probably are you going to maybe you know not go out there to try to get that job because you're like I'm not gonna get it anyway it's going to affect the behavior in that behavior is gonna affect your bank account what if you have a behavior let's not tracking your money that's an easy one now if you don't track your money it's possible what's gonna happen to your bank account you don't know what's in it you know you won't know what's in it and my I'm suggesting that it will probably go down comparatively too if you were tracking your bank account now you might say well I don't understand because if I track my money and I have none or very very little and I'm tracking two dollars three dollars four dollars like that's not going to make my bank account go go down or up or whatever it's not good get up and I will say it you're absolutely incorrect that's how bold I'm saying that's not true because every time a work clients every time I've seen them start to track their money when they never done it before even if it's a dollar even if it's very very small and they tracked their net worth all those things like I just taught you the money mask and the network when he start to track it your bank account changes and it's because you believe your behavior's change maybe you spend less right you're tracking it you notice it maybe you believe holy cow if I don't if I keep this up I'm never gonna be able to retire your belief changes in affects your bank account and just keeps going because let's say you track your money and then you're like wow this is working I made an extra dollar I don't care if it's a girl I've been an extra dollar this month you're like wow I can do this I changed my behavior I changed my beliefs and now my bank account goes up let's say by one dollars war yes now I have a new belief wow my bank account went up by one dollars when I had a new behavior so now you're like believe I can do this I can make this happen and then when you believe you can make it happen you have a new behavior affects our bank account and boo boo boo boo boo awesome right starting to stack up this is why the system that you're going to get is so important I'm gonna give you, the system like I mentioned, if you're just logging on air just coming in, going to give you the kim joon know your money to grow your money system so you can change your behavior now the person, monta mona just online said it's really, you know, it's difficult for me to figure out what my limiting beliefs are, so you're going to figure some out now because I'm going to give you guidelines, but oftentimes you can just start focusing on those behaviors shift the behaviors or beliefs will change, I get it, but we want we want toe also uncover your limiting beliefs, so don't worry, we're going to do that as well, so I'll tell you quick story. So so what I noticed since after I started teaching this stuff, I started noticed my own beliefs and my own behaviour is my own patterns, and one of the things that I realized is that I would go to a restaurant and I would look at the menu and the right side of the page and then look at the left what's on the right side of the page, the price so let's say there is something that was twelve dollars, fifteen dollars, eighteen dollars, twenty one dollars, whatever it wass my first response was, well, what can I get for twelve bucks? Really just a salad then I would start to evaluate I'd go through this in my head like well I have this whole conversation out might have lasted thirty seconds but this whole conversation in my head like okay well do I want you know I'm going to go home about five and I could probably have a like if I have a salad now and you know I have a light lunch that's okay because then I could save three dollars you know I don't have to get the chicken with it right right so you know what I'm thinking I I was speaking once and I told this story and someone in the audience like I know I know what that's like because I'm exactly the opposite right so somewhere you exactly opposite you're like well I'm not going to get us much value if I get the thing with told bucks I'm sure this thing for twenty one is like way more delicious right or maybe you just don't even look at the right side you're like I want salmon I don't care if I have money or not I'm gonna buy what I want I'm gonna eat what I want maybe do it snap right that is me there you go I'm in for the flavor all the way here in for the flavor see for me I don't I don't really value it that much so for me like some people need like they love food I mean your your chef right so it's like really important to them so by the way I'm not telling you to teo shift anything I want you to start to notice these things to decide whether or not you want to shift them so this is fine okay when I realized that I was like okay well had asked myself these questions I said well how is this serving me okay because you on lee where you are today whether you're broke you have nothing you've gone through bankruptcy whatever it isthe it is serving us some level or you wouldn't be there and I was yeah I was gonna say we're getting feedback deb novice says I don't think I've ever not done that looked at the price mers and uh emily holmes says on the same way and that they're also glad they logged on because money is a hard topic for them awesome well thank you thank you thank you guys great yes it's I mean it's it's this is pretty common people look at the price and it's very common in people don't you know which is very really interesting so whatever you're doing wherever you are it is serving you at some level whatever behavior whatever belief or you wouldn't have it ok and it maybe now are enough I can share you're telling me a break that you sometimes feel shame it comes to money that right yeah so we're going to get into your stories in a little bit but I want to just I want to use that example that you you feel shame sometimes and what I said to you at the break I said well that's serving you at some level there's a reason you're feeling shame maybe it's comfort you know you feel comfort if you feel certainty like your mom you talked about your parents your mom felt shame so maybe it makes you have more report with her like I'm like my mom and like I love my mom even if you have issues about your yeah but I would like to do something opposite of what I'm talking about unconscious right unconsciously obviously you don't want that that's why you're here girl bossa so it's serving at some level so I had to look at well how is it serving me and so I said well it's serving me because typically if my behavior is to spend less money on food my bank account does what those up right now I'm saving more but what I realized is that ask the second question this is in your manual but I'm going to get to it again so I'm not gonna point to it yet the second question was how is it holding me back so then I had to say well wait a second wait a second by always being like focused on the price like first of all, it gives me a lot of anxiety so forget the bank account gives me a lot of anxiety but it may be affecting my bank account on the low end because my money mask meaning how much I make spend and keep how much I make is not as high potentially because I'm living in scarcity instead of abundance and if I had more abundance then I would have more money in my bank account get it so here's the challenge it went even further I had so much anxiety about it when I you know you know I was singer song writer so I don't know some people might make money off of it but I sure wasn't so I didn't have a lot of money but I was very resourceful and I was really good about saving and so I would actually like even though I was a singer song er songwriter during the year that I would go back to my parents house during the summer and I started my own business teaching swimming lessons and I would I would actually like make a good chunk of money like five to ten thousand dollars teaching my parent's backyard very little overhead it was awesome and I would kind of like have a stash but I never really felt like that was like money to spend because it was kind of like money teo to save that I wanted for some goal so my point is that I never really felt like I had money, and that was a belief. And so I would go out to dinner like I remember this one time when I went to dinner with some friends in san francisco. Actually, I'm from the bay area originally. So I was here in san francisco, and it was like, fifteen, maybe, you know, fifteen or twenty people there. It was, like some friends from high school, and their friends and whatnot is kind of like a few years after high school, and it was it was a mexican restaurant, and everyone just started, like ordering, like margaritas and and ordering appetizers and their entrees. And I, this was made. What's going to happen when the bill comes, we're gonna have to split it. I know that these how these things work, like I don't have a lot of money, I don't want to spend that much money on food. I don't value it so important to me. I couldn't look at the right side of the menu, decide what I really want it, because I was like, every desist ordering stuff, anyway, and I want to order the cheapest thing on the menu, but it's not really going to help me, because we're going to split the check. I spent the whole dinner worried, anxious, not enjoying my friends, not enjoying the time I was spending. Is that a way to live? I don't care if my bank account goes up by a dollar twenty dollars I realized by the end of the that this is exactly what happened the check came and we all split it my my worst nightmare came true I had to split the bill big deal right and it was like forty five dollars a person and I was like jaw dropped but something I didn't have the money it's not like it was that big of a deal and I realized like most of time I would have just spent twenty bucks like to me that's appropriate twenty bucks so in that case I would have maybe had twenty five dollars more in my bank account and I realized then that was a turning point I realize that this is ridiculous I'm not going to let money number one rule my life rule how I feel and secondly like it's important like one of my values is spending time with people I love what's most important about money it's a spend time with people I love so the fact that is affecting me so I wouldn't even want to go out or hang out or go out to a bar because I don't want spend money on alcohol whatever is ridiculous and I told you I had money issues like I'm not lying was an issue as major major money issues like feeling that much anxiety and where does that come from my beliefs now yeah that came in from mark you case now it's really more of a comment and he's saying he really wishes that it was a simple as limiting beliefs he loves your passion and enthusiasm but he's hinting that it's not about limiting beliefs for everyone is there something to that? Maybe a clarification well what's cool is there there three things here right so it's your beliefs cluster behaviors equals or been count you could say your behavior's plus your beliefs people's your bank account doesn't matter so first of all mark was it uh yeah mark uk mark mark you can't he's from the u k yeah I figured that wasn't his last name that would be weird. So mark you kay thank you for joining us. Um so I would I would challenge you and you're about to get the beliefs but I would challenge you that that you have limiting beliefs I mean, everybody has limiting beliefs if you have a high standard you know you raise the bar there's something that's holding you back and maybe it's just use this term at a higher level okay? Because I'm not saying it's not serving and I'm not saying you know that that you need to change everything for me I didn't want to change this to a certain degree I mean, I still do this but what I did the way I changed my behavior is that it decided that I'm not going to let it stop me and not going to let it make me feel bad, and so what I did to practice abundance, I used to go into restaurants, I don't have to do it anymore cause I don't have that issue anymore. I still look, but it doesn't like make me anxious. I went into restaurants three times a month, make it really small, chunk a bull, and I just covered the rights of the menu. I looked at the minutes and what I want to eat, what I want to eat, and maybe I spend a few extra bucks because of it, and I lived in abundance, right? So beliefs it could be your beliefs that could be your behaviors, but I would challenge you that whatever you believe to be true, first of all, may not actually be true and that there's something. The reason you don't have the money that you want is because of some belief I'll say that again. The reason you don't have the money that you want is because of one of these beliefs, not these I'm these are just examples, but one of your beliefs.

Class Description

Strong financial management skills are a must-have for a thriving, healthy relationship — but conversations about money can trigger feelings of guilt and anxiety. Simple financial discussions don't have to turn into emotional minefields. Join Robyn Crane and CreativeLive to learn the skills you need to manage your money as a couple, without letting your finances get in the way of your relationship.

This course will teach you everything you and your partner need to know to manage your finances effectively – without stress, guilt, or conflict. You’ll learn concrete tools for communicating about finances openly and honestly. You’ll also build strategies for recognizing and correcting flawed beliefs about financial management. You’ll explore why money issues are among the most common reasons for break-ups and divorce, and learn how to safeguard your relationship against the friction financial disagreements can cause. You’ll also create a concrete, easy-to-implement system that allows you to achieve financial health by playing to your and your partner’s strengths.

You’ll leave this course with strong personal finance skills and an understanding of how to collaborate with your partner to work toward a thriving financial future.